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STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM! (Patreon)

Published:
2026-01-21 17:05:03
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

You violated the law! A royal guard confronts you, suggested by Dan "bigchallenges" Silva!

Files

Comments

MrFleagal

I'm picking flirt every time

Delta Hawk

Lol Love the flirt option! Also... I love the Elder Scrolls games. Just wish they'd come out with one with the Khajiit homeland.

zincze

4 <3

RemyHindle

*The gaurd will remember that* lol I would flirt ;3

TheAnomaly16

Flirt, and smack on head to knock them out. It's everyone's go-to method.

Denizen Blue

Fuck it, we ball *chooses flirt*

Drazgon

Am I able to identify guard's gender by their voice, DM?

Daniel Gates

Easy follow up. Flirt: “Oh no! My ankle wraps have snapped! Please sir, won’t you help me?”

Sapph Wolf

There is only one real option here. Flirt like your life depends on it! And because it's fun.

SCN-3_<NULL>

Aight, which one of you installed the Animated Prostitution mod?

VGR

Gonna be honest: when I saw the title, I figured it was going to be an Officer Victoria piece.

Ranbowshep

Even more if you show a little ankle

Nerflo

Flirt and make them flustered

AlaricLives87

Flirt, obviously. Wait until I take off my socks commenting on how hot outside it is

Kapłan Sekty Pieczarek

If you pick a flirt option and go all the way, you will unlock a side quest in which you help him to confess his love to the King! WE NEED THAT TO BE NEXT!

wjd1206

Hmmm.... not sure what I'd do personally, but I have quite a few friends who would default to flirting! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

.

Whoops, my bad😅

MX-11

Flirt HAHAHA

Stephen Gilberg

Not sure whether the spelling "affective" was deliberate or serendipitous.

Stephen Gilberg

You might say the guard is a bastion of law and order.

wjd1206

I'm hoping @willthefish's response was a misspell! But honestly, even funnier if it wasn't! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

wjd1206

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Anonymous1988

Adelaide: "He's shouting at a statue. Is this normal?" Tallen Tillius: "We really need to change the design on those helmets..."

T- Wolf

This suggestion is so based. I love it.

J. N. Squire

> "Rub ears" BASITIN IS FLUSTERED 😳

Linxan

I might actually pay a bit for decent mods to Elder Scrolls games that add "flirt" as, say, a subset of "persuade".

Abstract Indigo

It's been years since I played Oblivion and I can still hear the line in my head as if I played it yesterday.

weylyn1

Flirt, but given my luck, it's the same as "go to jail".

Linxan

"I'm *watching* you ... Scum."

Linxan

I'm suddenly realizing just how differently the phrase "knock your socks off" would come across among Eastern Basitins ... 😏

DarthKeidran

Why do I have the feeling that flirting is going to be the follow-up to this. XD

Xhan

Not if your charisma points are high.

weylyn1

It's near zero and my luck is heavily in the negative

Aaron Peterson

"STOP RIGHT THERE, criminal scum! No one breaks the law on my watch! I'm confiscating your stolen goods. Now pay your fine or it's off to jail!"

Skye Stardreamer

OK, the additional fourth option there got a proper *snerk* out of me :D ...also, am I the only one who can't help but hear this in that classic TES "Oblivion"/"Skyrim" 'guard voice'...?

okami-zero

No, you are not. I believe that is the intent here. It is a deeply embedded memory. XD

AlaricLives87

Me: Talk dirty to me. Basitin: um….uh….er, show me your ankles? Me: KIIIIIINKY! I had a feeling about you, Mister Royal Guard 😊

Skye Stardreamer

Heh :3 well, I readily admit I've no idea how to flirt (experience meter's never lifted off the peg ;3 and autism doesn't help... relationships are hard, even with close relatives and *regular* friends...!) but I'll gladly give him headscritchies :D

CerberusClaw

"This is the part where you fall down and bleed to dea... My ears are... Pretty? Really? Well..."

Kapłan Sekty Pieczarek

Pro tip: Sneak and steal the guards' ankle wraps. That way, you can blackmail them to say or do embareassing stuff like... Hand holding *gasp!*

AstroChaos

I'd be very disappointed otherwise

AstroChaos

I mean... it DOES have beds available usually 😏

Isenlyn

I see someone installed some mods to Oblivion. ^^

Asura

"Is that an arrow to the knee or are you just happy to see me?"

AFrickinDwarf

“I don’t have an arrow in my-” *FTANNNNNNNNNG*

Lurking Fox

Make this a RPG over time. Definitely make some small amount of money off this. :P

Rook Prime

Speech 100: "Don't look now, officer, but your left ankle wrap just came undone..."

Dan

Oh! It got drawn!

Verkins

Lol nice!

Sir Reginald Lee IV

Now I just wanna see what happens when we choose "Flirt". A quick eyelash flutter and a peek of cleavage and he's down with a nosebleed? It is the ultimate Basitin weakness.

Kendov

Flirt: "THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD!"

Jordan Dean Ezekude

I have insufficient gold for the “Pay Gold” option, so “Go to Jail” it is for me.

Swendle

Rolling… Nat20: He blushed deeply, his nose started to bleed, steam came out of his ears, his heart explodes, and dies.

Edtropolis

Go to jail Resist arrest Pay gold >Flirt

Nai'Zasz

Nah nah nah, tease some ankle and wink with a sultry smile. That's how you get a Basitin flustered.

Atelier Magra

*Choses Flirt* Hey look, Mr. Guard, bare ankles~

Nai'Zasz

Go to jail Resist arrest Pay gold Flirt >Touch fluffy ears

AFrickinDwarf

Game ends with an epilogue going on about how you were so overcome with the fluffiness of the ears that you pet them until you die

Aucere

*every bastian on the island stands frozen as the words *quicksave* apear over my head and i start eating 300 cheese wheels*

Ordithus

Imma assault those ears

DrawingFyreFox

I'm just going to assume we're all going to flirt, right?

Osteen Michael

quick, tell him his ankles are showing

etopsirhc

>flirt "that's not the only thing i'd violate... if you'd be down for some cardio" guard: dies from severe nose bleed "dammit not again!"

eddi_TBH

Everyone figured out "flirt" is the secret weapon.

SCD

Me: Your shoelaces are untied. The Royal Guard: Huh? (looks down) (I ran like hell) The Royal Guard: Dammit! Not again!

Artemis Vulpes

Those sure are some cute ears, officer.

JeKeBe

Travel Advisory: When traveling to the Basitin territory in Tamriel be aware that, while flirting is an option if accosted by the law, displaying anything below the knee will be considered an aggravation to any infraction and be cause for harsher sentencing.

Caesar_dd

i played too much Oblivion so the voice immediately jumped in

DarthKeidran

Dang it. You know. I think I know what to do with the suggestion. “Bonk! Straight to horny jail.” Later: “sorry I hit you over the head. You know. I… I just get so flustered.”

Nai'Zasz

Exactly the reference I was going for, Dwarf. Heheh.

K_D Lawrence

Does the flirt still means I lose all of this gear that "I found"?

Onyx Dragon 388

But what if i get them to show their ankles? Do I still go to jail?

Onyx Dragon 388

Even better. “Sir your ankles are showing”

Onyx Dragon 388

Knowing how obtuse they can be. He would probably think you’re asking to go on a run. 50/50

Onyx Dragon 388

He would also be slapped for committing an intimate act in public. But that’s just part of the experience lol

Onyx Dragon 388

And then you choose flirt. Tell him he can call you mommy. 😂

Onyx Dragon 388

Karen needs to do a lesson on making Basitins blush lol

Onyx Dragon 388

“Not again, why does this keep happening to me”

Kinipshun

So what you’re telling me is: there will be a part 2 to this

HunterIce Ice

Truthfully, I would love to see follow up on this one of every reaction to all of those things that are up above, especially the flirt

ElderScrollsMekkan

[Resist Arrest] Guard: *Grimaces in anger* Then pay with your blood! *Draws bow at target right in front of him, backs away, falls into canal, swims back up to you* Why... won't... you... die!"

DragonLord8459

Like a true member of the 18th legion (The Salamanders), I pull out my Heavy Flamer Rifle and point it at his face and say, "In Vulkan's name, I stand ready! INTO THE FIRES OF BATTLE, UNTO THE ANVIL OF WAR!" EDIT: this is a Warhammer 40k reference