DF214 - Five Minutes Of Funk (Elara) (Patreon)

Elara’s eyes were just clearing from whatever that witch had done to her when her captor dragged her to a halt. She heard Anton and some others shouting, and then it all stopped.

She blinked the tears out of her eyes and stared at the dark-skinned figure that walked out of the darkness. She’d only met Samira bint Kareth once, but the woman had made an impression on her.

Lit up by some strange, magical light, unbothered by its blinding glare, she looked calmly around at all the combatants.

“No one’s running?” she asked. “I guess you have all chosen death, then.”

Elara wasn’t sure why her gaze was drawn away from the woman promising death to Kelsey’s pallid figure. Perhaps it was because the dungeon avatar was the most visible of all the gathered fighters. Not only was she holding the brightest light source in the area, but her pale flesh practically shone against the dark background of the forest at night.

Or it might have been the look of manic glee on her face. It was hard to look away from something so terrifying.

“Just give me one minute,” she said, holding up her hand. There was something in it. Something that looked like one of Aris’s guns but… different. Bigger for one thing, but also…

She didn’t bother aiming it at Samira, who hadn’t moved. The Tier Four Tiatian just watched Kelsey with a puzzled expression. Instead, Kelsey just pointed it at the forest canopy.

It didn’t sound like a gun when she fired it, either. It just made a hollow, metallic sound. Tunck! Like a broken drum. Elara thought she saw a glint from a projectile flying from the barrel, but Kelsey had already moved her aim to another spot in the canopy.

Tunck! Tunck! Tunck!

“Kelsey, what are you doing?” Anton asked with alarm.

“Just preparing the ground!” she said innocently. She fired a few more shots. The earlier projectiles were dropping back to the ground after bouncing randomly off tree trunks and branches. Smoke was coming from them. Not fire, but thick, grey smoke. Wherever it spread, visibility went from bad to absolute zero.

“Damnit to all the hells!” Calis shouted. She clutched Elara tighter. “Lancers! To me! I still have your princess!”

Kelsey laughed. Elara couldn’t see her anymore, but her light was a bright blade, slicing through the smoke.

“For my next trick, a bit of fire! Can’t have a fire fight without it!”

“No.”

Samira’s figure was a blurred movement through the smoke.

Crack!

That sounded like a gun firing. Elara heard Samira curse, and then, “That was what hurt me the other day? You think your little toy is going to stop me?”

“No,” Kelsey’s voice came, mockingly. Elara noted it wasn’t coming from where the torch was. “I think my little Anton is going to stop you. Wait.”

She paused.

“To be clear, I was riffing off your line and not making a comment about the size of his—”

Two blades clashed, hard enough to throw sparks. Samira snarled with frustration.

“—sword,” Kelsey finished. “I have no complaints!”

More lights sprang up all around, as the soldiers tried to overcome the smoke with whatever lightsources they had. Lightstones from the Tiatian troops, simple torches from the Lancers. From the shots that rang out, it only made them targets. The melee fight going on amidst the smoke only intensified.

“Damnit, Kelsey! Where did you go! I can’t see anything!” Aris called out. “Tyla, can you do something about this?”

Elara didn’t hear Tyla’s reply because she was distracted by the sudden appearance of Kelsey. She just stepped out of the smoke, pointing a gun past Elara, right at Calis’s head.

“You know what this is, right?” Kelsey said. Elara didn’t think the question was directed at her. She wasn’t sure she did know, anyway. This gun was sleeker and more deadly-looking than Aris’s guns.

“Y-yes,” Calis stammered. Her grip on Elara loosened.

“Do you know, I don’t get any experience if I kill someone outside my dungeon?” Kelsey asked. “A bag of points like you, just wasted if I kill you out here. Is that what you want to be? A waste?”

“N-no,” Calis managed to say.

“Then, get.”

Calis got. Releasing her grip on Elara, she stumbled away into the smoke.

“Great!” Kelsey declared. She turned to a shocked Elara. “Hi! I’m Kelsey. We’ve met, but I’m not sure you remember me.”

“I know who you are,” Elara said, only just managing to hold on to her composure.

“Great! Um, I apologise for the indignity, and whatever but—Wait.”

Kelsey paused, then snapped her fingers.

“I forgot about stage two! Hold on a minute.”

The gun-like device appeared again. This time, Kelsey aimed lower and took more care. The projectile flew off through a gap in the trees… and exploded.

A huge burst of fire billowed out from where she’d placed her shot. It was vaguely in the direction of the Tiatian fighters. Kelsey grinned and took aim in the direction the Lancers were coming from.

“Kelsey!” Anton yelled. “Stop that!”

“In a minute, Dad!” Kelsey yelled back. She fired again.

“Didn’t Calis go in that direction? I thought killing her would be a waste.”

“Eh, she wasn’t near where I aimed. Nobody was.”

“How could you tell?”

“Oh, I can see through this type of smoke,” Kelsey said with a grin. “I have so many kinds, you don’t even know!”

She looked around, clearly contemplating firing another shot. Flames were licking up the trunks of the trees near where her previous shots had gone.

“I guess that will do,” Kelsey said reluctantly. “We should get out of here, which brings us back to the indignities.”

“Can you untie my wrists first?” Elara asked, holding them out.

Kelsey shrugged and materialised a sharp knife. A single slash weakened the ropes enough that Elara could force her wrists apart.

“Okey dokey!” Kelsey said, and hefted Elara over her shoulder.

“Not again,” Elara groaned.

“Well, sorry, but only one of us can see through the smoke, and we need to move fast,” Kelsey replied. “Also, your feet are bleeding.”

Elara had forgotten about that, and she winced as the pain made itself felt once more.

“We’re going to take a little detour to avoid… that,” Kelsey said, pointing at the clash of blades that they could hear through the smoke. She looked around, and the device appeared in her hand again.

“Maybe just a little bit more chaos,” she said, firing.

“Kelsey!” Anton roared.

“Sheesh,” Kelsey complained. “The way he goes on, you’d think this was his forest!”

“It… is?” Elara managed. “I’m not sure where we are, exactly, but I think we’re still in the boundaries of his barony. He owns all the unimproved land.”

“Huh. Oh, well, I’m sure all of it won’t burn down.” Kelsey put her gun away. “We should get going.”

Kelsey was stronger and more sure-footed than Calis, Elara judged. Calis hadn’t even tried carrying her through the forest. While Elara didn’t appreciate the indignity of it, her feet certainly appreciated the break.

“So, I hear you’re looking to join the harem,” Kelsey said, ramping the indignity up to unheard of levels. The blood that rushed to Elara’s head wasn’t entirely due to her inverted position.

“That was… a foolish notion,” she confessed. “I sought to take advantage of Lord Nos’s generosity, and Lady Suliel was correct to immediately disabuse me of my presumption.”

“Hey now, I don’t think it was that crazy an idea,” Kelsey said. “And I want to reiterate that my calling him little before was a poor choice of phrase and not at all a comment on—”

“Please! This is mortifying enough!” Elara buried her face in the back of Kelsey’s shoulder, desperately hiding her shame. It didn’t help at all, though.

“Look, I just think that there are advantages to the idea that Anton hasn’t considered,” Kelsey said.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Elara moaned.

“That’s a good question, I guess. I suppose—oh, we’re here.”

Here was a nook between the roots of one of the larger trees. A few Zamarrans were huddled in the shelter of the trunk. Aris and Zaphar were there, the former keeping watch and aiming her gun into the firelit smokey darkness.

The entire collection of people had just shimmered into view when they got close.

“Neat trick!” Kelsey exclaimed. “I assume that’s Tyla’s doing?” She let Elara drop to the ground.

“That is correct,” came a voice from above. Elara looked up to see Tyla in the branches. “We are attempting to support Anton in his fight, but…”

“They move too fast, and we can barely see anything,” Aris put in, glaring at Kelsey.

“Sure, but neither can the other guys!” Kelsey said.

Aris’s glare intensified.

“Look! Comfortable shoes and a coat for the prisoner!” Kelsey said, making the garments appear in her hands. Aris snorted and returned her attention to the fight outside.

Tyla dropped down from the tree.

“My apologies, princess. You have had an extended interaction with Lady Kelsey, and that rarely goes well.”

“Hey!” Kelsey objected.

Elara would have laughed, but she was limp with relief, and her feet were hurting now that they were on the ground again. It was all she could do to stand.

“I can hardly complain about being rescued,” she said. “But… that coat?”

“Please, be seated,” Tyla said, easing her down to a protruding root. “Let me have a look at your feet.”

Kelsey threw a warm coat around Elara’s shoulders as Tyla examined Elara’s feet and made tsk noises.

“The damage is superficial,” she announced. “A salve and some bandages are all that you need. A potion would be quicker, but—”

“No, thank you,” Elara interjected. “I’d rather limp for a few days. Unless we need to move quickly?”

“I can just carry you for as long as we need,” Kelsey said. “Dungeon strong, oorah!”

“She does that,” Tyla commented dryly as Elara looked up in puzzlement. “You’ll get used to it.”

“You’ve changed, Tyla,” Kelsey said with what had to be mock sadness. “You used to be cool. Good thing I’ve got a new friend to focus on!”

“My commiserations,” Tyla snorted as she bandaged Elara’s feet.

“What? Why pay attention to me?” Elara asked nervously. “I’m hardly an important figure.”

“You’re more important than you know,” Kelsey said. “Green-bean took an interest in you, in your inheritance. That means something.”

“He tried to make a deal with me,” Elara said, “But he gave up rather easily. What did that mean?”

“Who knows? Figuring out the motivations of a Fae is mostly wasted effort. Maybe he realised that he didn’t have what he needed to offer. Maybe he was pointing you out to me.”

“To you?” Elara asked. “Why?”

“We’re working together on this, you know! We’re not rivals, not exactly. It’s like a reverse betrayal situation.”

“What?”

Kelsey hummed. “You know, when two untrustworthy companions travel together, and one of them eventually betrays the other. The reverse of that.”

“Which is…” Elara tried.

“Um… so the two companions are actually trustworthy, but they don’t know that. And they start with each other's daggers in their backs. But… one of them unbetrays the other!”

Kelsey looked down at them triumphantly.

“That makes no sense,” Elara said.

“None at all,” Tyla agreed.

“Ah, you mortals with your pitifully limited minds,” Kelsey said dismissively. “Just believe me when I say you are important, Elara.”

She flung her arms wide and gestured at the smoke and flame-filled forest around them. The sounds of Lancers fighting Tiatians came through, overpowered by the noise of Anton and Samira’s fight.

“Look at this! This glorious chaos and destruction! You think I’d do this for just anybody?”