AA228 - Demon in the Classroom (Patreon)

The next day, Kana arrived at lunch with a frown and an entourage.

“I may have misjudged a social situation,” she said when she sat down.

“Hey there,” Harue said, slipping into the seat next to her. That was normal. What wasn’t normal was the gaggle of male students hanging back behind Kana, looking as if they wanted to speak with her. “Kuroda isn’t with you?”

James looked at the fox spirit’s innocent-looking face. “He’s doing the rounds, getting to know the other students,” he said. “Why?”

“Oh, no reason.” Harue made an annoyed-sounding click with her tongue. “I just wanted to watch the fireworks.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” James asked, looking over the boys behind Kana. She had ignored them and had commenced eating without ceremony. The boys all looked familiar. James had seen them in class, in hallways or in the dining hall. One of them was different, though.

James stiffened as the recognition hit him. He jumped out of his chair and grabbed the offending student.

“Come with me,” he said.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, fellow minion!” the student said. “I don’t have to—oh, you’re pretty big—and stronger than you look!”

James ignored his protests and dragged him over to a quiet section of the cafeteria. A few of the other boys went to follow them, but a glare from James sent them scurrying.

“You’re the oni,” he growled. “The one that we handed over to the student council.”

“You don’t have to be that specific,” the demon complained. “My kind is quite rare now, I’m told, so I’m quite certain I am the only oni that you have ever encountered or would need to refer to.  Just say ‘the great and powerful oni’. Or you could use my name.”

“You have a name?” James asked.

“Shugen Akira,” the demon said. “Of course, the Akira is just a part of my cover.”

“Cover?”

Shugen laughed, slowly and deliberately. “Ha, ha, ha! It makes me seem quite the normal schoolboy, does it not?”

James felt a sinking sensation as he put the pieces together. “The Student Council released you into the school.”

“Indeed, on the orders of some Administration. Since I declared a wish to serve the Great Dragon-lady Kana, they said I could be her responsibility.”

James groaned. He was starting to wonder how many of the inscrutable orders coming from the Administration were about protecting the world from calamities, and how many were for the lols. Some treacherous part of his brain pointed out that if he was cooped up in a dark ritual room for most of the day, he might start looking for amusement where he could.

If that was how the Administration spent their days. James imagined they did, but he didn’t know. Maybe there was a secret compound with a pool where they lazed around and sipped pina coladas.

Right now, though, he had to deal with Shugen. “You can’t call her a dragon-lady, though, you know that, right?”

“Never fear, fellow minion! I am well aware of who is trusted with the Dragon-lady’s secrets!”

“You know that the minion part is a secret as well, right?” James asked. He knew when to pick his battles.

“Of course! Rest assured, I will not use the term when the unelect are about.”

“Great,” James said flatly. “So the Student Council sealed your powers, right?”

“Oh… well… they removed my horns.” Shugen parted his black hair and tilted his head so that James could see a pale oval, flush with Shugen’s scalp. “That eliminates some of my powers… but I can still serve the Great Dragon-lady with my sorcery!”

He chuckled and put one hand over his face, peering at James through his fingers. “The only thing that can restrain my power… is my indomitable will!”

Definitely for the lols, James thought.

“Let’s get back to the table, and you can explain the rest of this nonsense,” he said aloud.

He led Shugen back to the table, where Mitsue and the Ayakashi had been joined by Suki and Junko.

“This is Shugen-kun,” he told the table. “He’s a new transfer student, I guess.”

Suki looked at the new boy with suspicious eyes, then glanced at Junko and shrugged. James would have to give her the story later.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Harue said, completely failing to conceal her amusement. “He showed up in our homeroom class.”

She sighed dramatically. “Ah, poor Kuroda-san, his reign as the mysterious transfer student only lasted one day!”

“Don’t you start, I get enough of that from Masahiro-kun and Taro-kun,” James complained.

“What’s that voice, coming from the wilderness?” Harue kept up her dramatic performance. “Could it be the previous, previous ruler of this land? Alas, it has been so long, even his name has been forgotten.”

“Shut up,” James said, sitting down. Shugen slipped into the seat next to Kana, ignoring Junko’s frown. “And someone tell me about whatever it was that resulted in this.”

He gestured at the gaggle of boys watching them intently just out of earshot.

“I’m sorry,” Junko interjected. “Before that, can we address why he’s sitting at this table?”

Shugen’s eyes flashed dangerously. “My place is at my—I mean Kana-sama’s side.”

Junko sniffed. “As if a commoner has any business—”

“Hold that thought, Junko,” Harue said quickly. “You made an exception yesterday; another one can’t hurt. And some of this story is Idol Club business.”

“The problem with repeated exceptions is that they become the rule,” Junko muttered. “But if there’s club business, I suppose it’s fine.”

“So,” James said, pointing at the gaggle again. “What’s their deal?”

“Oh, them,” Harue said, giggling. “It’s simple enough. When Shugen-kun introduced himself, he declared his undying loyalty to Kana-sama, here.”

“Okay…” James said cautiously. He supposed that counted as normal, for here.

“So that encouraged a bunch of Kana’s fans—” Harue gestured at the group of boys, “—to declare their eternal love.”

“As fans, right? Right?” James looked at Kana, who had expressed no interest. She was on her second plate and might deign to respond when she finished her third.

“It’s hard to be sure,” Harue said, “Because Shugen-kun immediately declared that as he was the first to swear undying loyalty, the others were all inferior and subordinate to him.”

“During homeroom,” James said. Harue nodded confirmation.

“It almost came to blows,” she said. “The PMC students had to stand up, and for a second I thought they were gonna draw.”

James looked at Kana again. “I don’t suppose you did anything to de-escalate the situation.”

Addressed directly, Kana paused and considered her answer.

“Of course I did,” she said calmly. “The argument was becoming disruptive to classroom activity, and I was the source of it. Duty compelled me to clarify the matter.”

“She told them that her highest-ranking minion was obviously her boyfriend and that all of them were subordinate to him.”

“What?” Junko cut in. “But we’d decided not to release that information!”

“Circumstances required it,” Kana said. “I didn’t tell them who he was, though.”

“They’ll figure it out eventually,” Junko said. “Especially if you go on another date with him.”

“Wait,” James said. “The way you phrased it… did you say that you had a boyfriend who was your number-one minion, or that your number-one minion would be your boyfriend?”

“I left it vague, of course,” Kana said haughtily. “I didn’t want to give out any more information than I had to.”

James looked warily at the gang of boys. “Have you started a death-match?” he asked. “Are they going to fight each other for the position of boyfriend?”

“Maybe,” Harue said lightly. “But I think they want to gang up on the leading contender.

“I welcome the challenge,” Shugen stated. “Though I am not worthy of standing beside Kana-sama as her consort, the position of first minion is an honour worth fighting for.”

“No, no, no,” Junko said. “This is why idols can’t have boyfriends! If the fans start fighting over Kana, then she’s just…” she trailed off, too horrified to finish the sentence.

“It hasn’t gone that far,” Harue said confidently. “I’m pretty sure that these guys just want to beat up Shugen for overstepping his bounds.”

“They are welcome to try,” Shugen snorted.

“No fighting on school grounds,” James snapped. Then, reluctantly, he added, “Except for authorised duels.”

Shugen nodded appreciatively. “That seems both wise and fair.”

James kept his groans supressed and looked suspiciously at Harue.

“What makes you say that?” he asked.

“Well,” Harue said innocently, “There might already be a rumour that she has a boyfriend, and it’s Kuroda.”

Kana looked at Harue suspiciously. “I haven’t heard such a rumour,” she said.

“It’s been going around,” Harue assured her. “That’s why—oh, there he is!”

She pointed out Akitsugu, entering the lunch hall with a few other students. Engrossed in his conversation, he didn’t notice him pointing at her.

The gang of students following Kana did.

“That’s him! The new guy!” one of them said. They started walking briskly over to the unsuspecting transfer student.

“He’s got good instincts,” Harue commented, as Akitsugu spotted the incoming delegation. He took off at a brisk walk, which turned into a run as the gang chased after him.

“Harue, did you just set Kuroda up to get beaten up?” James asked.

“Wow, that’s quite the accusation! Don’t worry, though, he’s an adult trained in taiho-jutsu, and they’re just kids. He’ll be fine.”

James shook his head. “I’ve got to put a stop to this,” he said and got up from his chair.

“But our lunch break!” Suki complained.

“Sorry, Suki, duty calls. I’ll try and get back soon.”

Suddenly feeling like he was cosplaying a married cop, James headed out after the gang.

“Take care!” Suki called out behind him, not diminishing the feeling one bit. He waved back and set out at a jog. Running was prohibited on school grounds—except for the athletic field—but PMC officers were allowed to carefully jog if they deemed it necessary to carry out their duties. They could also sprint, but only in emergencies.

The group had been running, but they hadn’t gone far. Akitsugu must be the type to stand and fight once he knew they weren’t going to give up easily.

The kids had surrounded him, but it hadn’t come to blows yet, at least as far as James could see. Akitsugu had assumed a martial stance, but his tormenters were working their way up to a physical assault.

“What’s going on here?” James asked, projecting his voice and putting his hand on his katana’s hilt. They all froze.

Then the students with their backs to him slowly turned around.

“Ah, nothing!” One of them said. “We were just…”

“Scatter!” another one yelled, and they all fled like running water. James let them go.

“Are you alright?” he asked Akitsugu, who was breathing heavily.

“Yeah,” Akitsugu replied. “Never been so glad to see an anachronistically armed hall monitor.”

“I told you it comes in handy.” James looked in the direction most of them had run off to. “There seems to be a rumour that you’re dating Kana…san. You might get some trouble from jealous fans.”

It had taken some thought to come up with that honorific. He didn’t want to leave one off and appear to close, but he would be damned if he used her preferred -sama. Akitsugu was more concerned with the rest of the sentence, however.

“That’s… not true, though,” he said.

“Rumours often aren’t,” James agreed. “If you spread the word that you’re not, it might help.”

“Might? Oh, right, they’re not gonna believe it if it comes from me.” Akitsugu groaned. “What if she said something?”

“Maybe… the problem there is that it runs into the Idol Club’s unwillingness to talk about boyfriends and, well, Kana.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“She adds another level of difficulty to… whatever she’s involved in,” James told him. “It’s not always deliberate, but trust me—you don’t want her making any public statements about you that haven’t been scripted and vetted. That’s what started this mess.”

“She said that I was her boyfriend?”

“No, she just declared that she had one, and refused to say who it was.” James sighed. “Talk to Junko-san. She’s got the best ideas about how to handle the Idol Club image. I’ll get Suki to help as well.”

“Man,” Akitsugu said as they headed back to the cafeteria. “I thought a new school would solve my problems, but they’ve come right back with different faces.”

James thought about following up on that, but decided it was better not to get involved. He left Akitsugu to rejoin his group and returned to sit next to Suki. Harue was talking.

“That’s why I think he’d be perfect for it.”

“Hmm, he does look like an otaku,” Junko admitted. “But should we be involved at all with our own fan club?”

“Absolutely,” Harue replied. “As long as we control the president, he can make sure that no inappropriate tendencies start to form in the group.”

“And… we control him, do we?” Junko asked doubtfully.

“Absolutely, Ogasawara-sama,” Shugen assured her. “I am Kana-sama’s eternal slave.”

“I am in favour of it,” Kana declared. “He should have something to do.”

“I don’t entirely understand what it is I am to do,” Shugen said, “But I will not disappoint you, Kana-sama.”

Kana nodded graciously. “I know that you won’t.”

“I’ll get you some pamphlets on the paperwork you’ll have to fill out for the Student Council,” Harue promised. “And some documentation on what you’ll be expected to do.”

“I hadn’t thought you were someone who did paperwork,” Mitsue said.

Harue shrugged. “Bureaucracy is a trick, we’re good at those,” she said. “Other people have jumped through the hoops; you just have to copy what they did.”

Mitsue frowned. “So when my homework went missing for three days…”

“You have such neat handwriting! And you get it done so early! The real crime would have been not copying it.”

*

The sun was setting by the time Mitsue and James finished their PMC training. Humouring Harue’s cloak-and-dagger antics was the last thing James wanted to do. But when she hissed at him from a dark corner, he knew that avoiding her would just be more trouble. Exchanging a long-suffering glance with Mitsue, he walked over to her.

“Is there a reason we’re doing this outside, and not in our rooms?” he asked.

“Haven’t you noticed Junko’s hanging around the group a lot lately?” she said. “I mean, for Idol Club, sure, but she’s not read in on all the spooky stuff.”

“Spooky is rich, coming from you. And shouldn’t she be? We haven’t really talked about her becoming a cyborg assassin. I’m sure she has questions.”

“Suki’s talked to her,” Harue said. “And she made me promise not to. Matsuri’s doing scans… I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

James sighed. “This is about Kuroda, isn’t it? I really don’t think he’s a cop—and why would it matter if he was? Between Professor Toei and the Student Council, aren’t the police taken care of?”

Am I in the Mafia now? James wondered. Or… part of a secret government conspiracy?

“It doesn’t work like that,” Harue told him. “Professor Toei and Asako-senpai have their contacts, but there is no ‘Police’. It’s dozens of different organisations, sometimes cooperating, sometimes competing. Aki could be looking for dirt to embarrass the cops who are on our side.”

“Aki?” Mitsue repeated. “Does Kuroda-san know what you’re doing to his name?”

“He’s not around to object,” Harue said. “The other thing is, he could be looking for Kaguya-chan. Professor Toei isn’t going to lift a finger for her.”

“I’m not sure we should be protecting her either,” James said.

“How ungrateful! After all that she’s done for us!” Harue smiled slyly, well aware that James knew her outrage was a performance. “Suki will be so sad.”

“Suki doesn’t condone Kaguya-san’s terrorism,” James said. “And every time she’s helped us, it’s been for her own reasons.”

“But she’s so cute!” Harue squealed. “So she’s killed a few—”

“—dozen—,” Mitsue interjected. Harue stuck out her tongue at him.

“Okay, fine, a few dozen people. Does that make her a bad person?”

“Yes! Some of those people might have been soldiers trying to kill her, but a lot of them were innocent. Regardless!”

James took a deep breath. “I don’t think he’s a cop.”

“Well, he’s got you fooled,” Harue said disapprovingly. “But anyway, this isn’t about Aki. It’s about Aki.”

“What?” James asked. He didn’t have the energy to say more.

“Shugen Akira,” Harue clarified.

James groaned. “It’s not even his name,” he said. “And given that Kuroda-san was going through the system at the same time, I wonder if they spent even a second coming up with it.”

“Probably not,” Harue agreed. “But, the thing I wanted to tell you is that Shugen Akira is coming with us on this weekend’s temple visit.”

“Why?”

Harue rolled her eyes. “Because Eldest Sister said so, of course.”

“But how does she even know he’s been released?”

“Are you dense, James St John?” Harue managed to keep her voice down, but her tone went higher. “Do you not understand that Kuzahana Kaede-sama knows everything that she wants to know about you?”

“Everything?” James said weakly.

“Everything,” Harue repeated. “Should she desire it, she can get reports on how much you poop every night.”

“Why would she—”

“Maybe she has a fetish,” Harue smirked. “A fetish for white boy poop. She’s turned on by your massive volume and rugged consistency.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not a thing—”

“I’ll tell you one thing for sure,” Harue said. “She definitely knows whether you’re turned on by that thought.”

“I’m not turned on—” James caught himself. “Aren’t you the one sending her those reports?”

“Some of them, but never assume I’m her only source.”

“Are you sending her reports on our toilet use?” Mitsue asked, with an extremely uncomfortable look on his face.

“That sort of thing is better handled with a bog spirit,” Harue said. “You can’t see them, and—if sufficiently motivated—they can provide real-time, twenty-four-hour toilet surveillance.

Mitsue looked a little sick. “That’s not a no,” he said carefully.

Harue smirked. “Obviously, I can’t confirm or deny any observations I make on Eldest Sister’s behalf. Anyway, I’ve got to dash. I’ve got to steal the right forms to get Aki off the island for the weekend. Bye!”

She disappeared right in front of them.

“Was that—” James tried. “Do you think—”

“I don’t know,” Mitsue said softly. “But I’m not sure that I want to use the same toilet as you from now on.”