Dungeons Just Want to Have Fun - Part One (Patreon)

Anton was having a bad day. The worst, perhaps, in his relatively short life so far. Now he was injured, and running for his life. Arguably, things were looking up.

If I can just make it to the cave, he thought desperately. He could faintly hear the sound of clashing blades ahead of him. With luck, the laughter and jeers from the men following him would prevent them from hearing the same.

He almost blacked out before reaching the threshold. His vision wasn’t working properly, and the cave opening wasn’t lit. He stumbled as he entered the first room.

Tall for a natural cave, the ceiling was about twenty feet high, dimly lit by a glow that came from the walls. Revealed by the light was a large smooth platform raised about two feet from the ground. Behind it was his goal, a dark entrance further into the dungeon.

On the platform were two animated skeletons fighting frenziedly with sword and shield. They did not react to his entrance, continuing their eternal fight. For his part, he ignored them as well, stumbling around the platform to get to the entrance. However, the rough ground betrayed him and he fell with a grunt.

Scrabbling at the ground trying to get up, he heard to his horror the sound of voices behind him.

“So ‘dis is where ya got ta,” sneered an unfamiliar voice in a thick accent. Anton managed to turn himself over. At least he’d see the ones who killed him.

The courl who had spoken was distracted though, looking at the skeletons. He said something to the others in their own language, and they laughed. The other two were human, with lighter skin than Anton’s own.

Is this a chance? Anton wondered. He might as well try. If he could get further into the dungeon, they might get caught on a trap that he could evade with his knowledge of the place. The skeletons were of no use, he knew. They were just level one, and decorations besides. They never left their platform, or ceased from their combat.

The courl leaped up on the platform in a single bound, to the hoots and jeers of his fellows. Anton started crawling towards the exit, so he didn’t see what happened next, but he heard a strangled gurgle that made him turn to take a look.

Gurgle? He thought. Skeletons don’t gurgle.

Behind him, everything had frozen for a moment. The skeleton’s rusty blade was somehow stuck in the cat-man’s throat, and everyone’s eyes were on it. Then the skeleton stepped back and withdrew his weapon, allowing the corpse to fall to the ground.

Recovering from their surprise, the other two solders leapt to the attack. Anton was still frozen.

That couldn’t have happened! Those men are level twenty at least!

The rumour was that the Elitran Empire required its soldiers to have reached level twenty before they could join a raiding party, and there had been enough people with a long range Identify skill to confirm it. And yet as Anton watched, the skeletons calmly dodged the wild swings of the humans and thrust their swords with unerring accuracy into the narrow gaps between the raiders partial plate mail.

Anton gaped at the sight for a moment more, frozen as the skeletons turned to him. Something about the smooth deliberateness of their movement made their fixed grins all the more terrifying.

Well, I guess I’ll die to the dungeon after all, he thought, feeling consciousness slipping away from him. Better that than being killed by a raider, was his last thought as he slipped into the gentle darkness.

* * *

“Hey! Wake up, asshole!”

It was the incongruity of the voice that woke him, as much as anything else. Why was he hearing a woman’s voice? He pried his eyes open to see something else that defied explanation.

Standing over him was a beautiful young woman, dressed in strange garment. Something like a silk doublet, but not. The material was shiny like silk, but Anton had never seen a doublet like that. Paired with the loose pants made of the same material, Anton’s first thought was that it was entirely inappropriate gear for being in a dungeon.

The girl herself had shockingly white skin and brilliant blue eyes, contrasting with her midnight black hair. She was short and looked quite frail, with a delicate face that looked like it might have been moulded out of porcelain. There was nothing delicate about her expression though, as she was sneering with disdain.

“Come on! You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here,” she said.

“What? Who?” He managed to croak out. Looking around he saw that the skeletons were still here, having taken a seat on the edge of the platform. Eyeless faces grinned down at him.

“I’m the landlord, that’s who!” the girl exclaimed. “I’m kicking you out!”

Anton shook his head and immediately regretted it. “You can’t own a dungeon, everyone knows that.”

“I am the dungeon, fool! Who else would I be?” Despite her disdainful words, Anton was getting the feeling that she was enjoying this.

“I think that you’re a very confused young woman,” he said firmly. “Dungeon’s can’t talk, and they aren’t cute girls.”

At that, the girl smiled, then she looked to the side into empty space. “No, I’m not going to kick him.” There was a pause, then she continued. “I think I’m above petty violence.” Another pause. “Yes, but I have people to do that. Speaking of which.”

She glanced over at the skeletons. “Lazybones, get over here and show this guy who he’s talking to.”

With a shrug — A shrug? Anton thought in disbelief — the skeletons slid off the platform and stood behind the girl as she faced Anton. Flanking her to each side, they fell into an unusual pose, tilting their shoulders and raising their elbows high. Their hands — hand-bones — pointed at the girl from each side, as she crossed her arms and tilted her head.

“The name’s Kelsey, asshole. I’m the dungeon of these here parts.”

“Anton,” he replied automatically, before shaking his head again. “The dungeon can’t be called Kelsey.”

“Why not? You know a lot of dungeons?”

“Uh…” There was a name for this dungeon, but with only one local dungeon, they’d always just called it ‘the dungeon’. Anton racked his failing brain for the name, but came up blank. Well, not entirely blank. “I think there’s a dungeon down south that’s called the Ravening Dark.”

The girl scowled. “Well you can call me the Hungering Abyss, if you really want, but Kelsey rolls of the tongue a lot better, let me tell you.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “You’re Kelsey.” He glanced again at the skeletons, still in their pose. If she could really control them, didn’t she have to be the dungeon? Or a necromancer? He’d never heard of one outside of stories, but magic did exist…

“Great, pleased to meetcha. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, how about you get out.”

“I can’t even get up! And even if I could, if I go outside, I’m sure to get slaughtered.”

“Oh, yeah, I was going to ask you about that. No delvers for three days, and then you start killing each other on my doorstep? What’s up with that?”

Anton goggled at the woman before realising that if she was the dungeon, or even if she had just been squatting in it for a few days, she would have no idea of what was going on.

“It’s… it’s a raid,” he finally said. “Or an invasion. The Empire’s raided us before, but never with the sort of numbers that could breach our walls.”

“An invasion huh? All new management, same as the old lot? How does this Empire treat dungeons?”

“I don’t know?” he answered, but she wasn’t listening to him.

“Ugh, sounds gross. We should do something about it.” There was another pause.

“Um, who are you talking to?” he asked. Kelsey held up one finger.

“That’s Mel,” she said, after a pause. “She’s my dungeon fairy, so I guess only I can see or hear her.”

“What’s… a dungeon fairy?”

“Why shouldn’t I tell him?” Another pause. “Well, it’s not my sacred charge. I bet you could unlock something that would let you see him, and then you could tell him that yourself.”

Kelsey’s eyes tracked something invisible moving away. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” She returned her gaze to Anton. “I don’t think she likes humans very much.”

“Why not?”

“If I had to guess, it's because humans killed all her friends?”

“We did?”

Kelsey shrugged. “When a dungeon dies, its fairy lives on, to guide the next dungeon to get created. She won’t say how long she’s been doing this for, but I get the impression that she had a long list of dungeons that she helped before me.”

“Oh.” Anton had never thought of a dungeon as something that could be a friend, but now he was feeling bad on behalf of his race. No one he knew had killed a dungeon, but he knew that humans did destroy them when they were inconveniently placed, or got too dangerous to be near human settlements. “I’m sorry.”

Kelsey snorted. “Apologise for your own crimes, worry about your own life. Speaking of which…”

She crouched down over him, looking directly down at his face. “You seem to be having a bit of a dying problem.”

“Yeah,” Anton admitted. He wasn’t sure how bad his wounds were, but now that he’d stopped moving, tiredness was crashing over him.

She winked, and waved a bottle in front of his face. A healing potion. A potion that had just appeared out of nowhere. He tried to reach for it, but his arms were too weak.

“Uh uh, nothing in this world comes for free.”

“You’re not going to help out of common human decency?” he asked weakly.

“Not a human, remember?”

“What do you want then? It’s not like I’ve got gold to tempt a dungeon.”

“It’s pretty simple really. I want to go out and see what’s going on, maybe do something about it.”

“You’ll help us?” Even as he said it, his hope faded. She’d just said that she didn’t help for free.

“Helping is more of Mel’s thing,” Kelsey said, giving a little chuckle. “It’s never been one of my core competencies.”

Anton decided to save his strength and not respond. Kelsey frowned, and started speaking more seriously.

“I need a guide,” she said. “So here’s my deal. You’ll take me where I want to go, advise me on what I need to know. And I’ll save you.”

“Not like I have much of a choice,” Anton sighed.

“One thing you should know, though. I count as an Otherworldly entity, like a demon or fae. So bargains made with me are enforced, for both sides of the deal.”

That made him pause. “You’re a demon?” He would have reacted more strongly at the thought, but moving was far too difficult at the moment.

“No. No! We just share a few similarities. Just that one, as far as I’m aware.”

Anton sighed. “I still don’t have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice, kid.” The phrase sounded incongruous coming from that face, but for the first time Anton started to think that she actually might be the dungeon that had stood outside of town for longer than he’d been alive. “If all the other choices suck, blame your life decisions, not me.”

“I guess. But I still agree. Do we shake hands or something?” Then he groaned, as something took hold of him, an immaterial force that bound his entire body for just a moment.

Kelsey snorted, and started feeding him the potion. “You feel it that way too, huh? Yeah, the bargain is struck. Enjoy your recovery.”

She said it without laughing, but Anton was pretty sure it was a joke. He was aware of the pain that forced healing caused, but he’d never recovered from such grievous wounds before. He hissed between clenched teeth as the pain started to build.

“Well, no need for you to stay on the floor,” Kelsey said. Somehow pulling a stretcher out of nowhere, she called over to her minions. “Get this guy on the stretcher and take him down to the fifth level.”

Once again the eerily grinning skeletons approached. Anton would have flinched, but the pain was all encompassing and it was all he could do to lie still as they manhandled him onto the canvas and started lugging him further back into the dungeon.

The really bad thing about potions was that they kept the patient fully alert and aware as part of the full healing process. Anton would have given anything to fall back into blissful unconsciousness, but it was denied to him by the same magic that was knitting his flesh back together.

“You’re not screaming,” Kelsey said, walking alongside him. “I appreciate that. There should be an hours worth of healing in that. When you’re done, we’ll get some food into you and then you can get some rest. We’ll leave in the morning.”

Anton wanted to glare at her, but this really was helping him. An hour-long potion was as powerful as Anton had ever heard a potion of being. It should restore him completely, no matter how bad his injuries had been. Eventually.

* * *

“What is this stuff? It looks like food but…” Anton trailed off, at a loss to describe what he was tasting.

Kelsey grimaced at her own, mostly untouched, bowl of what was supposed to be stew. “It’s reprocessed mushrooms, basically. We don’t have a lot of use for food around here.”

Anton supposed that was true. The skeletons on this level certainly didn’t need any. “Does ‘reprocessed’ mean take all the taste out? Because I’ve eaten mushrooms before.”

“Not dungeon ones, you haven’t.” Anton blanched, and started to gag. Kelsey waved reassuringly in response. “Don’t worry it's perfectly safe. Reprocessing in this case means, first, taking out the poison. After that, it means making them look like food.”

She paused, considering. “I suspect the taste was removed along with the poison, but the rest of it didn’t help. Eat up anyway. It’s filling and healthy, and even hot.”

Anton looked at her suspiciously, but continued with his meal. He was hungry — healing demanded a lot from a person’s reserves. Dungeon fungi — in this dungeon anyway — were renowned for their quick acting and painful poisons. If he had taken one of them, he’d be dead already.

“Um,” he said after a few mouthfuls, another question in mind. “I’ve been to Level Five before, but…”

“It wasn’t like this?” Kelsey asked. He nodded and looked around again. Level Five was skeletons, but not maid skeletons. He’d just been waited on by a pair of them. They curtseyed, they had maid uniforms — right down to the little bonnets tied to their creepily grinning skulls. He’d caught glimpses of cook skeletons working in the kitchen as the meals came out. He’d seen other uniforms on his way in, but he’d been too distracted by the pain to identify them.

Skeletons didn’t normally come with clothes. There were some that had armour, which made for a nasty fight, but a good loot drop. He’d never heard of ordinary clothes being worn.

Kelsey shrugged. “Don’t assume that you’ve seen all of a level, just because you’ve found the way down.”

“I thought the Guild had mapped out all the secret doors, at least down to level 12.”

“They found most of the secret doors,” Kelsey said with a grin. “They haven’t found any of the super secret doors.”

“I see,” Anton lied.

“This area is for hospitality,” Kelsey explained. “I thought I might have a use for it, and eventually I was right, even if it did take forty years.”

“Is that why they’re not attacking me?”

“Well, partly that. Also you’re with me, and also also you’re bonded to me. I doubt the monsters see you as an outsider anymore.”

Turning away from him, she addressed the empty air. “No we’re not going now, he needs to rest first. We’ll go in the morning.”

“I know I said it was important.”

“Well, we got the important details of what was going on, right?” She glanced at Anton again. “If it’s a raid, they’ll have gone by morning, and if it's something more serious, we can address it during daylight hours.”

Anton slumped, suddenly remembering that this meal hadn’t been the worst part of his day. Going back? I guess I have to, don’t I? He thought to himself.

Kelsey seemed to notice his sudden melancholy. “Girls, I think Anton’s eaten all that he’s going to. Can you get him to bed?”

Anton’s strength seemed to have left him, so the skeleton maids assisted him to his feet, one of them supporting him as he left.

“Oh, don’t let them get into bed with you,” Kelsey called as she left. “They can’t actually have sex, but they find the idea that someone might try hilarious.”

Anton looked over his shoulder, and then incredulously at the maids. The one in front waggled her hips suggestively. The motion made him realise that skeleton bones wouldn’t support a dress that way, so she must have some sort of rigid frame underneath… just to let the dress hang properly.

Too weak to run away screaming, he let them lead him to his room. This part of the level, in contrast to the dusty stone halls that he remembered from Level Five, was lined with wooden floorboards and panels. The maids led him to a room with a bed, and just as Kelsey had predicted they tried to get into it with him. After he pushed them away, they left. Like all skeletons, they were incapable of speaking, but he had the impression they were giggling.

Who knew this dungeon was so strange, was his last thought, before slipping into sleep.

* * *

The next morning found Anton, after a breakfast that looked like bacon and eggs, but tasted like a saltier version of last night’s stew, headed back to town. Kelsey accompanied him, of course, still dressed in that impractical costume. She had added a pair of of equally improbable short red boots to the ensemble — Anton wasn’t sure, but he thought that she’d been barefoot last night.

“I’m not sure this is a good idea,” he protested as they headed down the path. “You don’t look like a Zamaran.”

“That’s fine isn’t it? I can be a traveller from the North,” Kelsey replied. “It’s not like anyone is going to mistake me for an Elitran.”

That was true enough, Anton supposed. Elitran’s humans had a lighter skin colour than the darker brown shades of Zamarans, but Kelsey’s skin was so pale it looked like the colour had been drained out of her.

“Do you know any countries to the North? You’ll need to give a name when people ask.”

“Mel probably does.” There was a pause, before she said “Chela. That should do.”

Anton shrugged. He hadn’t heard of it, but travellers from the north were rare. “Is Mel coming with us?” he asked instead.

“Nah, she has to stay in the dungeon,” Kelsey said.

“Then how are you talking to her?”

Kelsey smiled. “I am the dungeon, remember? I’m in two places at once, so — Whoa!”

The reason for Kelsey’s exclamation was that they had moved out the copse of trees that shielded the dungeons entrance from sight. Or from their perspective, the trees that had concealed the town that lay a short distance down the steep slope.

“It’s so big!” Kelsey exclaimed. “It was just a village fifty years ago!”

“You visited back then?”

“No, the trees weren’t here back then, I could see it from my entrance. Wow, things sure have changed.”

“That they have,” Anton said grimly. He was noting the breaks in the wall, the razed buildings and the fires that were still going. “Things can change a lot in a day.”

“I guess,” Kelsey said, watching him closely. “You’ve got friends, family, down there?”

He sighed. “My family was on the wall. So was I, but I…” his voice trailed off, but he completed the sentence in his head. Ran.

“You survived,” Kelsey said softly. “Something good is sure to come of that.”

Rather than respond to that, Anton chose to change the subject. “So, you never explained about the skeletons.”

“The skeletons? Which ones?”

“I think you called them the Lazybones?” he clarified.

“Oh right.” Kelsey paused for a bit as they walked downslope. “This is actually a bit embarrassing.”

“Back when I was just a level one dungeon, those guys were my first monsters, guarding my first room. But… it took a while before anyone found me, so I went a long time before my first encounter. Those guys… they were supposed to be patrolling around the room, but they kept skiving off, finding ways out of my orders or outright ignoring them.”

“Monsters can do that?”

“In the early days, I didn’t have quite so tight a hold on things,” Kelsey admitted. “Its easy enough to order monsters around when you’re watching them, but making sure they stick, and that they get interpreted in the right way when you’re not watching is something you have to learn.”

“I see.”

“So eventually I got fed up with them. I told them to fight each other, and not stop under any circumstances.” She kicked at a small pebble on the path, avoiding looking at Anton, who was looking at her in disbelief.

“A while after that, we got a first invader. The first I knew about it was when they entered, of course, but that meant I couldn’t change the orders while they were on that level. They were pretty surprised when they came in and got ignored. They poked at them a bit, but just left them alone and walked straight into the dungeon.”

“I guess they passed the word around, because the next group just gawked at them and walked on by. I’d adjusted the orders by then so that they’d stop if attacked, but no one ever did.”

“They were a bit of a talking point,” Anton said. “People thought that it made our dungeon a bit unique.” There had been a lot of speculation that they weren’t monsters at all, but some kind of animated feature.

“But wait,” he said. “That wasn’t what I meant. How did the skeletons kill those level twenty soldiers? They would have been elites, and the skeletons were level one!”

“Oh that,” Kelsey said dismissively. “Stats aren’t everything.” At his confused look, she explained further. “Levels are based on kills, but skills are based on actual practice.”

“Wait, monsters can get experience too?”

“Oh yeah, it just doesn’t come up much since they lose it when they respawn. It's easier to just pay the cost for the base level you want.”

“I’m still lost,” Anton admitted.

Kelsey shrugged. “So those guys never got killed! They’ve been fighting against an evenly matched opponent, non-stop, for close on fifty years.

“Fifty years…” Anton said, trying to get his head around it.

“Humans get tired and need food and sleep. I doubt they average more than four hours a day training. Those boys are as good as a human that’s been training for 300 years. Those ‘elites’ never stood a chance.”

“I… skeletons… that’s,” Anton stuttered, trying to get his thoughts under control. Another thought occurred to him, something he should have remarked on at the time. “They weren’t in their usual spot when we came out.”

“No,” Kelsey pouted. “I can’t have them do that just now. Since there were three soldiers, the experience was divided unevenly. Now ones level three, and the other is level four. They’re not matched.”

You could always respawn them, came the involuntary thought. He didn’t waste breath speaking though. Kelsey was odd in many ways, for a person and for a dungeon, but he doubted she’d throw away such a terrifying pair of monsters.

“After we left, I spawned some new skeletons and set them fighting,” Kelsey continued. “They’re pretty crap though, I didn’t want you looking at them. Hopefully they’ll get better before somebody actually looks at them.”

“You can still do things in the Dungeon when you’re not… there?” Anton asked.

“I am there,” Kelsey explained. “And I’m here as well. Don’t worry too much about it, I get that it’s hard for humans to grasp.”

Anton wanted to object, but they had reached the gate to the city, which meant that they were in earshot of the guards. The gate was open. Yesterday, it had been opened by townsfolk fleeing, so it hadn’t been destroyed like the gate to the west.

“Hey, Anton,” one of the guards said. He knew them, of course, Jasper and Gerald. “You’re looking… well?” Jasper continued.

Anton opened his mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. He knew these two had seen fighting yesterday. Given that they weren’t heavily injured, they’d probably been on the inner walls, but still. They hadn’t run.

“Healing potion,” he eventually managed to mumble. It wasn’t just that though. He had been given new clothes this morning, replacing his blood-soaked rags, and his leathers had been patched up with methodical and precise stitching.

“Lucky,” Jasper said. “Who’s your friend?”

“I’m Kelsey!” Kelsey said brightly. “I’m a traveller from Chela, and I’m afraid I’ve found myself in your mess! Anton here was good enough to help me escape some raiders.”

The guards looked surprised. “You picked a bad time to come south ma’am. Were you travelling on foot all this way?”

“I wasn’t but… raiders.” Kelsey said with a shrug. “They spoiled everyone’s day yesterday.”

“That they did.” Jasper looked embarrassed. “Uh, Anton’s a resident, so he’s good to enter, but it's a silver to enter for travellers on foot.”

“No problem, I have funds,” Kelsey said, displaying a silver coin. Jasper took it, and examined it curiously

“Local currency?” he asked. “Did you get that off Anton?”

“No, it’s quite common in… that town just north of here.”

“Cataca,” Anton supplied, finally finding his tongue. Kelsey smiled at him.

“That’s the one,” she said. “I hear that they’re made by a dungeon around here somewhere.”

“You can talk to Anton about that, he knows it as well as anybody,” the guard observed. “Well, welcome to Kirido. Sorry it’s not looking its best.”

Entering the town, they could see that the cleanup efforts had already begun. There were no sign of bodies in the streets, though cries coming from some ruined buildings suggested that the grisly task was not completed. The smell of smoke was still everywhere, but there weren’t any fires visible.

“Where to first?” Kalsey asked. “Should we try to find your family?”

“What?” Anton exclaimed, startled. He’d been staring at the burned buildings. “No… I know… my family are adventurers, so we were all on the wall. I — know what happened to them.”

Kelsey gave him a long look. “Alright,” she said. “We can leave that until later. You’ll want to check out your house then?”

“I thought I was taking you to places you want to see,” he replied with some bitterness.

“Well it’s going to be a while before this place is ready for me to eat croissants on the boardwalk, so let's hold off on the tourist experience for now, OK? Show me your home.”

“Sure.” Anton started walking.

“Oh! Wait, there is something we need to do first.” At her words, Anton turned around and looked at her expectantly. “We need to test out how the geas is going to function.”

“Huh?” Anton said.

“Don’t worry, it will be really simple.” Kelsey said reassuringly. “You just stay here, and I’ll go…” she looked around. “To that shop that still has a sign. You see it? I’ll go there, stop for a moment, and then come back. You just need to stay here. Understand?”

“Yeah… but what’s this going to test?”

“You’ll see. Just remember, I’m going to come back. You just stay here.” She patted him on the shoulder and started walking off.

Anton watched her go, puzzled. When she’d gotten about ten yards away, the thought bubbled up.

Is she going to leave me?

The idea was ridiculous in more than one way. Why would he care if she did? And didn’t she say that she would be right back? Nevertheless, as she continued to walk away, the feeling grew.

I’m going to be left all alone.

To die.

I’ll die.

Before he knew it, he was running after her, catching up just as she reached the sign. “I’m here!” he gasped breathlessly. As soon as he caught up to her, he felt the fear fade away, to be replaced with embarrassment.

“What was that?” He asked, still gasping from his sprint. To her credit, Kelsey didn’t laugh at him. A few passersby were looking at him curiously, and he flushed.

“It’s hard to explain,” Kelsey said, “And I wasn’t sure it would work that way anyway. But now you’ve experienced it. You agreed to stay with me, right? That’s how the agreement is enforced.”

“I can’t go more than ten yards from you?”

“Now that you know about it, you’ll be able to resist it, to an extent.”

Anton didn’t know that he would. The geas had tapped into his fear, sending him back to last night… “How long?” He asked.

“Having trouble remembering what you agreed to?” Kelsey asked.

“I— No. I don’t.” While a lot of last night was blurred, their agreement was absolutely clear in his memory. Probably part of the enforcement.

You’ll take me where I want to go, advise me on what I need to know. And I’ll save you.

“But that doesn’t tell me how long the deal lasts for.”

“Yeah, it does.” Kelsey grinned sheepishly. “Lets get moving, I want to be off main street when you figure it out.”

Anton started walking, mulling it over in his head.

“It doesn’t say when it ends… so it doesn’t end? Is that it?”

“That’s about the size of it.”

Anton’s hand went for his sword, before he remembered he lost it last night. “I made a deal that put me in eternal slavery?”

“Whoa there, kid! Let’s have this discussion somewhere a bit more private.” She dragged him into an empty building, gutted by fire. Anton let her, he didn’t want people to see him beat up what was apparently a young girl. Once they had some privacy, she turned and poked him in the chest.

“First of all. I can see you thinking that the deal ends if you kill me. And it does… but this body isn’t all of me. If you kill me, all that will happen is you’ll go running back to dungeon-me in a panic. Assuming I don’t kill you because you pissed me off, you’ll never get to leave.”

Anton grimaced. That was probably correct. He wasn’t going to get out of this easily. Killing the dungeon… wasn’t feasible, not without another forty levels. Or an army.

“Second. You’re still free to do what you want, just restricted in a few significant ways. This deal could have been a lot worse for you.”

“Why didn’t you trick more out of me, then?” Anton asked. The rage was fading, replaced by a now familiar feeling of despair.

“I dealt for what I wanted,” Kelsey said firmly. “And thirdly, part of the enforcement is that the deal has to be fair. Or it doesn’t get made.”

“How is eternal servitude fair?” Anton exclaimed.

“What did you trade it for?” Kelsey asked with a wry grin.

“My…” Anton groaned. “My life.”

“Exactly. Now show me your home.”

* * *

Anton’s home still stood, but it wasn’t habitable. The door had been smashed in, and the place ransacked. The upper floor was a complete ruin, as the roof had caught fire. Like most of the houses in this district, the house had been brick and tile, but the roof timbers were still flammable. Collapsing the roof seemed to have put out the fire, so the house wasn’t completely burned down, but it was ruined.

Anton picked through the rubble for a bit before giving up and collapsing against a wall. Kelsey let him mope.

“If it’s alright with you,” she said. “I can store all this stuff away somewhere safe, give it back to you when there’s somewhere for you to put it.”

Anton didn’t object, so she started going through the house. Everything she touched disappeared. Burned beams, busted furniture, and all his remaining possessions. Anton watched them go and wondered if he would ever ask for them back.

“Whoops! Company.” Kelsey stopped what she was doing, and turned around, just as a familiar face came through the doorway.

“Anton?” Aris said when she saw him. “Anton! You’re alive!”

She started to run towards him, but stopped when she saw Kelsey. “Um, who…?”

“Hi, I’m Kelsey,” Kelsey said, sticking out her hand. Aris looked confused, but held out her own in response. Kelsey grabbed it, and started shaking it up and down.

“I’m very pleased to meet you! Are you a friend of Anton’s?”

“Uh,” Anton interrupted. “Here, we hold our hands palm out to greet someone. It’s a… northern custom,” he said to Aris.

“Oh?” Kelsey said, letting go of Aris’s hand.

“Yeah, like this.” He held out his hand, and Aris matched the gesture. “If you know them, you can touch the palms, otherwise, you just want to hold them apart.” They touched palms, and he smiled involuntarily at the contact. “Are you alright, Aris?” he asked.

Her face fell. “My parents came through alright, but… they took my little sister.”

“Oh no, not Cheia.” He reached out and pulled her into an embrace. She put her face against his chest and started sobbing.

Kelsey didn’t interrupt, but she did take a few steps to put herself in his line of sight and gave him a quizzical look.

“Slavery,” he said flatly. “They take the younger women as slaves.”

Kelsey pursed her lips and frowned. She didn’t say anything as she watched Aris cry for a while. The young woman was quite pretty, Kelsey supposed, though she wasn’t really familiar with local beauty standards. Her hair was shoulder-length and quite richly curled. Like most of the locals, she had quite dark brown skin, but her eyes were a quite brilliant green.

“So…” Kelsey eventually said, once Aris had quieted. “Are you two together or…”

The two jumped apart, Aris apparently remembering that Kelsey was there. Anton was the one to answer while Aris stayed silent.

“Uh, well, we have an understanding,” he said, embarrassed. “I’m still paying off my parents loan for my adventuring equipment, and getting money saved up for a home…” he trailed off, realising that his plans had been overturned by recent events.

Aris spoke up suddenly. “Your parents! I was looking for you because of…” she stopped choking up, and tried again. “Your family is in the Temple. They… recovered them, and they’re waiting for you before doing the final rites.”

Anton staggered back from her. “No… I’m not ready, I’m not…”

“They can’t wait forever,” Aris said reproachfully. “There are so many waiting.”

“I think we’re going to have to drag him,” Kelsey said thoughtfully. “C’mon Anton, you know you’ll regret it if you don’t say goodbye.”

She grabbed him by the arm. He tried to pull away, but her seemingly casual grip was surprisingly strong. Aris grabbed his other arm, clinging on to him like she had before.

“Show me your family, Anton,” Kelsey said, and he felt his resistance fade away.

* * *

“Now this is more like it,” Kelsey said, sinking her teeth into a leg of cold roasted chicken. “Better than breakfast, right?”

Anton agreed, but picked at his own meal without much enthusiasm. They were eating in Kirido’s best inn. Anton’s family had been fairly well off, but this inn catered to the rich merchants that passed through. Few locals could afford to eat here except on very special occasions.

Stout walls and hired help had kept the inn relatively intact. There was damage to the exterior, but inside the biggest difference was the lack of customers. According to the innkeeper, the merchants that had been trapped there during the raid had left with haste as soon as they were able. Many of them had lost their cargo, but as long as they had their lives, they could start again when they got back to their home towns.

Kelsey had dragged him away from Aris after the funeral rites were done. She’d said that she needed him as a guide for some errands she had in town.

“So what do you think, should we stay here for the time being?” she asked. “I don’t think your house is going to be habitable soon.”

Anton surpassed the pang he felt when she said ‘his house’ and focussed on the real issue. He looked around and lowered his voice.

“We’re… going to have to sleep in the same room, aren’t we?” he asked. They had experimented with the geas while waiting for things in the Temple. It wasn’t just distance that triggered his anxiety. Walls, doors, anything that separated them would cause the fear to build.

“I guess so, unless you’ve got a better idea.” Kelsey dug into her meal, far more concerned with flavours than the conversation.

“It’s just… a man and a woman, sharing the same room… it gives a certain impression.”

Kelsey shrugged. “If it’s sex that you’re talking about, sure we can do that. It’s on my to-do list.”

“That’s not-” Anton checked himself before he attracted everyone’s attention by yelling. He could feel his cheeks getting warm as he continued, more quietly.

“I already have… someone special. What am I supposed to tell Aris?”

Kelsey looked at him calmly. “Well, you’re going to have to decide that for yourself.” She held up a hand to forestall a response and continued. “I’m not about telling you how to live your life. So far, you’ve decided to keep my nature to yourself. I guess you figure spilling the beans would end badly for everyone - and you’d end up back in the dungeon.”

Anton nodded glumly. Starting a fight between Kelsey and…. everyone else, probably ended with Kelsey’s body dead. The other possibility was worse.

“Well that’s convenient for me, and I appreciate it. But… you have to tell Aris something, and it may as well be the truth. You can probably convince her of the necessity to keep quiet.”

Anton nodded slowly. Aris would probably understand?

“Plus this way, you can also explain why I have to be there when you have sex,” Kelsey continued blithely.

Anton groaned and shrank back into his chair. “Why… why would you even say things like that?”

“Hey, who knows? Maybe she’s into it.” Kelsey gave him a speculative look. “Maybe you are.”

“How do you even know about sex?” Anton complained.

“Oh, adventurers do it in the dungeon all time,” Kelsey said with amusement. “There are a few alcoves where the monsters don’t wander, so they find one of those and…”

“Stop! I don’t want to hear it.” Anton exclaimed.

“Fine, fine,” Kelsey conceded. “Can you do me a favour and get us a room?”

“Why me?” Anton asked suspiciously. He was still resisting the obvious necessity of them rooming together.

“Because if I do it, he’ll be bound to the contract. Which wouldn’t be bad, exactly, but he’d feel it, and I don’t want to get a reputation.” She slid three coins across the table. Gold coins.

“Are you crazy?” Anton whispered urgently. “That’s three hundred silver… even the best room here wouldn’t cost more than three!”

“That’s actually useful information,” Kelsey said thoughtfully. “I thought it’d be, like, thirty. But I want you to establish a tab with the guy.”

“Why? And why so much?”

“Look. Times are tough for you guys right now. The innkeeper has lost patrons, staff and the place has gotten damaged. How is he going to provide a good experience to me if he’s worried about his cash flow?”

“This is about… you getting a good meal?”

“Lot’s of good meals, hopefully. I haven’t had a body to experience life in for — forever, basically, so I want to get as much good stuff in as possible.”

“This much though… it could take you a year to run through this much of an advance.”

“Wanna bet?” Kelsey asked, grinning. “I’ve got a lot of extravagant demands to make.”

* * *

Anton followed Kelsey glumly towards the docks. The room key he’d just received was occupying his thoughts, or more accurately the look the innkeeper had given him. A local boy, rooming with a mysterious, rich stranger. Anton could have dealt with a judging look, but instead the innkeeper’s eyes had been approving. And more than a little jealous.

It wasn’t the first such look he got as they went around town. Kelsey had him deal with the merchants they interacted with. Even without the enforcement to worry about, it was probably for the best. With exotic skin and flamboyant clothes, Kelsey would have been given short shrift in most of the businesses around town. They much preferred dealing with him and ignoring the bizarre foreigner.

Kelsey’s errands seemed trade related, as she started throwing more money around than Anton had ever seen in one day before. First, she had leased an empty warehouse from a recently widowed owner. Makasa had been glad for the money She was in the position of having to take over the business or sell it, and the income would help her out either way.

Anton was glad he could help someone he knew, but he was suspicious. “Why did you pay so much?” he asked as they moved on to the next errand.

“It’s not like I’m short of funds.” Kelsey shrugged. “I don’t have unlimited gold, but I have enough that my main worry is setting off inflation.”

“What’s inflation?”

Kelsey stopped and turned to look him dead in the eyes. “There are some secrets held by Dungeons, young man, that are too terrible for you to know.” Then she smirked, and went back to walking.

Their next stop was an actual ship. The raiders had come by ship, but had actually landed down the coast a way and attacked on foot. The ships in the harbour had pulled out of the docks, but stayed in the safety of the harbour. Now that the raiders had left, it should be safe for them to sail out, but there was still a lot of fear of piracy. At least that was how Captain Baker had explained it.

“No one wants to lose good money, when they think we’re going to be sunk!” The Kabiman exclaimed.

“That’s a shame, the town is in need of a lot of things,” Kelsey said sympathetically.

“And we have a need to sail!” Baker agreed. “But we have no money to be buying cargo.”

Kelsey nodded thoughtfully. “We're actually looking to ship some things in… do you think you could get some of the things on this list — fairly quickly?”

She produced a sheet of paper, which the captain carefully clasped in his tripartite claw and brought up to his face.

“Most of this, maybe all of this, three or four days,” he replied. “Expensive though.” He looked at Anton. “We?”

Kelsey smiled. “We’re partners. Let’s talk details.”

Anton wanted to tune out the resulting discussion, but Kelsey kept him as part of it, maintaining the fiction that he was part of the deal. Fortunately, smiling and nodding was all that was required from him.

“I’m surprised you could read a Kabiman’s colours,” he said as they walked back into the town. “I thought it was a local skill.” With their exoskeletons, Kabimen couldn’t make facial expressions, but if you knew what to look for, the colour of their shell changed to match their emotions.

“Kabimen came to the dungeon like anyone else,” Kelsey replied. “Though one thing I didn’t see was people like that.” She pointed at another Kabiman.

It took Anton a second to see what she was talking about. The person she was pointing at seemed normal to him. “Oh, right. There’s a variation they call the war form, which is probably what you’re used to seeing. Like the Captain, their shell is reinforced with ridges, and one claw gets bigger. They tend to take warrior type paths.”

“Huh.” Kelsey said thoughtfully. “So anyway, Kabimen came to the Dungeon, so learning their colours came at around the same time that I learned your language.”

Something about that statement seemed wrong to Anton, but before he could articulate why, Kelsey looked around and decided on a new destination.

“Lets check out the Adventurers guild. I want to see how they’ve been managing the local dungeon.”

“Sure thing,” Anton said, and started leading them in the right direction. “Are you sure though? Aren’t adventurers… your natural enemy?”

“Mm, maybe. It’s a risk.” What does your Identify skill say about me?”

“My skill?” Anton asked, taken aback. It was a bit rude to use Identify on someone you knew… but he had to admit to being curious.

“Kelsey” Level ?? Class: Necropolis (Rare)

That was surprisingly normal, all things considered. Not being able to see her level meant that she was at least twice his. So Tier Three or more. He’d never heard of her Class before, but that was probably to be expected. He passed on what he saw.

“I guess the gig is up if they Identify me then,” Kelsey said, scowling. “My understanding, though, is that only Adventurers get an Identify that works on everything.”

“Delver’s Discernment isn’t the only such skill, but it’s the most common,” Anton agreed. “Maybe it's different for other classes, but Adventurers tend not to use Discernment on other people.”

Anton paused. “But… I have used it on a few people, and I’ve never seen anyone’s name in quotes like that before.”

Kelsey’s eyes narrowed. “Someone’s being an asshole,” she said flatly. “I’ve an idea who, but there’s not much we can do about it.”

Anton stared at her for a few moments. Was she talking about a God? It was generally supposed that the gods were responsible, in some way, for how Traits worked… and for dungeons as well.

“So did you still want to go to the Guild?” Anton asked. They had rounded a corner and the building was right in front of them. The big ‘Adventurer's Guild’ sign was a big giveaway.

“Sure, why not? Let’s live dangerously.” Kelsey said, and entered the building.

Anton explained the main areas as Kelsey paused at the entryway to look around.

“The main counter is on the right,” he said pointing. “That’s for registration, banking and general Guild business. Right in front of us the guild store.”

The store was separated from the main open area by a large, wide counter, and a half-height gate. Sellers went to the counter, while buyers could go through and browse the merchandise under the watchful eye of the on-duty shopkeeper.

“They buy dungeon stuff, and they sell equipment,” he said. Kelsey grinned at him.

“I’m familiar with the stuff,” she said brightly.

“Right,” he said awkwardly. “Over on the left is the job board and the bar.”

It was a little early in the afternoon for drinking, especially with how the town was right now, but there were a few determined drinkers sitting at tables. Kelsey glanced at them, but turned her attention to the other side.

“You can introduce us, right?” she asked Anton, indicating the woman behind the registration desk.

“Sure,” Anton said warily and they made their way over. “Ms Mal, this is Kelsey. She’s… a traveller from the north.”

The woman smiled at Anton. She looked to be in her late thirties, and had dark hair bound in a tight bun. “Come on Anton, you’re not a kid any more. It’s just Liat.”

“Uh, sure,” Anton said, “Kelsey, this is Liat Mal, the Administrator that runs this place.”

“Pleased to meetcha,” Kelsey said, remembering to hold out her hand properly.

Liat returned the greeting and then said “You picked an interesting time to visit our town, Kelsey. Will you be staying long?”

“Oh, a few weeks at least, I think,” Kelsey replied. “I had some questions about how your guild operates.”

“Were you thinking of signing up?” As she spoke, Liat pulled some papers from below the desk and placed them on the desk.

“Maybe. What would be involved with that?”

“There are no real requirements for signing, but if you want access to the dungeon, you’ll need to be tested to make sure you’re capable.”

“Oh, you control access to the dungeon? I didn’t think it was a fenced off.”

Liat grimaced. “Well, perhaps control is a bit strong. Under the laws of the Kingdom, dungeons belong to the crown, and while they can be administrated by the local nobility, they can’t be owned by anyone. If we were to build something to control access, it would be seen as encroaching on the King’s privileges.”

“Ah, I see.” Kelsey said, nodding.

“Nevertheless, since the guild exists to manage the risks posed by the dungeon, the Baron has granted us certain rights with regard to it. The gate-guards on that side won’t let you out if they think you’re going to the dungeon without a pass, and under normal circumstances there are patrols that pick up people trying to sneak in.”

She frowned at Anton. “Anton should have been able to tell you all this,” she said.

“Well, I wanted a second source,” Kelsey explained. “I mean, he didn’t even know the name of the dungeon.”

“I know it!” Anton protested. “It just slipped my memory at the time,”

“We call it the Dungeon of the Endless Battle, after the fighting skeletons at the entrance,” Liat said. She looked at Anton. “I hope you’ll forgive his lapse, he’s had a hard time recently. We all have.”

“Of course,” Kelsey said. “So you test people for competence?”

“We evaluate applicants based on their Path and Level, and test their skill in fighting, evasion and trap detection.”

“I see,” Kelsey said evenly. “And are there any other benefits to joining?”

“The dungeon is the main one,” Liat admitted. “There’s the shop and the bar, which are only available to members. We try to make the prices a bit better than what you’d get on the street.”

“Oh yeah! Mind if I check out what dungeon loot sells for?”

“Be my guest,” Liat said, gesturing towards the shop counter. “Oh, Anton?” She called, as he was about to follow Kandis. “We’ve actually got something to discuss.”

“Yes ma’am,” Anton said, glancing over his shoulder at Kandis.

“Your parents,” Liat said heavily. Anton looked stricken, and turned back to face her. “They had an account here with us. Naturally, you were listed as one of the beneficiaries. The only beneficiary, now.”

“Right. I… uh… I should…” Anton looked lost.

“You don’t have to do anything now,” Liat reassured him. “It’s all been handled, the money has been transferred to your account already. You’ll have inherited the house as well.”

“What’s left of it…” Anton muttered.

“Well there’s plenty of funds now to get it repaired. You and Aris can—” She broke off, as Anton just looked more upset. She glanced over at Kelsey, carefully examining a sheet of prices across the room. “Whatever you decide. I know your parents would have wanted this to be the start of something new for you.”

“Thanks,” Anton said. “Really, I — I just can’t… Thanks.” He turned away and went over to Kelsey.

“I can’t believe this! They’re buying bones at 5 copper for ten pounds!”

“Makes good fertiliser,” the shopkeeper said, unamused by Kelsey’s antics. “Already dried out and cleaned.”

“Can we go now?” Anton asked wearily. Kelsey looked at him closely.

“Yeah sure. Can I keep this?” she asked the shopkeeper, who nodded dourly. “C’mon, let’s go.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent wandering around the few shops that were open for business. Kelsey bought a few things, each of which disappeared into nothingness as soon as they found a place where they were unobserved.

“Buying things is fine,” she explained. “After the deals done, I’ve got the thing, they’ve got the money, there’s nothing to be enforced. It’s only when there’s a continuing obligation that I need to worry.”

“Is that the reason I’m here? You need me to make deals for you?”

Kelsey stopped him and put both hands on his shoulders so he was forced to look down at her. “You’ve been a big help today, Anton, I don’t want you to think any differently. Everyone treats me better because you’re around.”

She looked down. “I’m sorry about your family. I’d change that if I could. But I’m really glad it was you that staggered into my cave last night. I’m glad you chose to live.”

“I…” Anton didn’t know what to say. At that moment, he had wanted to live. Just for an hour or even a minute more. Saying he regretted it now seemed churlish.

“And now,” Kelsey said. “I think we should invite your girlfriend to dinner at the inn.”

Anton definitely regretted it.

* * *

Dinner was in their private room. Anton hadn’t known that the White Selkie had private dining rooms, but rich merchants apparently liked to conduct some of their business in private. Kelsey — technically Anton — had asked for the best suite, so it came with the additional room.

Kelsey had expressed a preference for the common area — she liked people watching, she said — but for this meal she had opted for the private room.

“This is going to get ugly,” she said, just before Avis was due to arrive.

“This was your idea,” Anton said glumly.

“Leaving it until later would just make it worse. We’ll give her a good meal, good wine — not too much wine — and put her in a good mood before you drop the — before you tell her.”

“Right.” Anton said. Was this what it felt like before the execution?

The first part did go well. The food and wine were as excellent as advertised. Neither Kelsey nor Anton could really detect any sign of Aris’s mood improving though. Finally, Aris took the initiative to say something.

“So is this where you tell me you’re leaving me for some rich outlander?” she asked challengingly.

“No! Well…” Anton trailed off. Despite rehearsing for this, he couldn’t find the words he needed.

Kelsey saw him struggling, and decided to step in. “Let’s start with this. I’m a dungeon.”

Aris blinked. “What?”

“The dungeon in fact, the one up the hill. Circumstances aligned, and I was able to form a Dungeon Avatar, which is a body that I can wander around with while still remaining a dungeon.”

Aris blinked again, and then looked at Anton. “What is she talking about?”

Anton waved vaguely at Kandis. “It’s… true.”

“I’ve never heard of our dungeon… or any dungeon having an Avatar thing,” Aris said suspiciously.

“Well it’s not easy to do let me tell you. You need to be a fairly high level, and you need to convince… well let’s just say it’s hard. I didn’t have one until last night.”

“And Anton had something to do with it.” Avis said. It wasn’t a question.

“Not directly, but he was involved in the circumstances. What he needs to tell you is that I saved his life.”

“What? But he’s fine!” She looked at Anton for confirmation, but he just sighed.

“I got injured on the wall. Lost my sword, saw my parents… I ran. The Elitrans… that damned Courl… they found me. Chased me through the town, out into the hills. I thought I might lose them in the dungeon, but…”

“He’d lost a lot of blood,” Kelsey continued for him. “Stopped moving and they caught him up.”

“But you saved him.” Aris said. “A dungeon, saving people.”

“Oh, well, killing the Elitrans, that was all in a days work,” Kelsey said lightly. “But then I was left with this guy. He might have been dying, but there was no telling how long that was going to take. He wasn’t going to be wandering into any traps, and I couldn’t give orders to my monsters as long as there was someone alive on the floor.”

“Wait, but you—” Anton said remembering her orders to the Lazybones.

“An Avatar is an exception,” Kelsey said, grinning. “I can give orders to any monsters my Avatar can see, regardless of whether the level is locked or they’re outside of the dungeon.”

Kelsey’s grin grew wider. “And there was a mystery! No delvers for a while, and then these guys… Someone wanted to know what was going on. Someone with the key that let me unlock this little feature which would solve the problem!”

“So why didn’t you kill him?” Aris asked. “Isn’t that what a dungeon would do?”

“I needed a guide.” Kelsey shrugged. “So I healed him, but not for free.”

“When I agreed,” Anton said slowly. “It put a geas on me. I have to stay with her, take her where she wants to go.” He’d planned to leave it at that, but to his surprise, the rest of his contract forced its way out of his mouth. “Advise her on what she needs to know.”

“I don’t understand,” Aris said.

Kelsey started to speak, but Anton stopped her. He owed it to Aris to explain. “The geas means that I can’t stay for more than a minute in a different room from Kelsey. I’m going to be following her around for the rest of my life.”

“No,” Aris breathed, horrified. “This can’t be happening.” She turned to Kelsey. “Why did you do this to us?”

“Would you prefer him to be dead? Because that was his other choice.”

“You could have saved him! You didn’t have to take him!”

She got up and took a swing at Kelsey, who took the clumsy blow without flinching.

“And why should I?” Kelsey replied coldly, standing as well. “I’m a dungeon. Killing people is what I do every day.”

“I… you…” Aris fought for words. Then she glanced at Anton and burst into tears. “Why don’t you kill me then?” she cried, and started to run from the room.

Kelsey was in the way, suddenly. Moving quickly, she intercepted Aris before she got to the door, gripping her by the shoulders.

“Is that it then?” Kelsey asked, keeping her voice quiet, but speaking with intensity. “You’re just going to give up on him?”

“No! I can’t… I—” Aris struggled, but Kelsey’s grip was unbreakable.

“You kids…” she said, half exasperated, half amused. “You love him, don’t you? I know he loves you.”

Aris just broke down into unintelligible sobs. “Here,” Kelsey said. Without apparent effort, she moved Aris over to Anton. “Give your girlfriend a hug.”

Anton did as instructed and enfolded Aris in his arms. She clung to him, still crying. He gave Kelsey a frustrated glare from over his girlfriend’s head.

“Here’s what we’re going to do.” Kelsey stated firmly. “You two are going to sleep in that bed tonight. You’re just going to sleep, because you’re such shy prudes, but that’s a start.”

“But—”

“Don’t even start. Aris’s parent’s aren’t going to be expecting her back tonight, and I’ve seen far more intimate moments than two people hugging.”

Anton tried to come up with an argument, but all he could find was “Where are you going to sleep?”

“Oh, I don’t sleep. I’ll just sit this body and focus on my other projects until morning. Now get on that bed before I put you there.”

“Aris?” He looked down at her. She’d stopped sobbing, and had moved on to looking embarrassed. “Is this alright?” he asked.

“My parents did say something about us being almost married already,” she admitted.

“I knew this whole country couldn’t be as uptight as you two,” Kelsey muttered, loud enough to be clearly heard. “Place would have died out.”

Aris turned around to glare at Kelsey again. “And you’re just going to stare at us all night?” she asked.

“Not at you. I can’t turn off the perceptions of this body, but I can focus on other things.”

“What sort of projects were you talking about?” Anton asked curiously.

“Right now, it’s mostly semiconductors,” Kelsey replied airily. Aris and Anton looked at each other.

“What’s a semiconductor?” Anton asked.

“That is the question isn’t it?” Kelsey said, suddenly more animated. “I mean, knowing it’s silicon doped with impurities is all very well. But what impurities? How do you dope it? The whole thing has been a right pain, let me tell you.”

“I didn’t understand anything you just said,” Anton said cautiously.

Kelsey waved in dismissal. “Yeah, it would take too long to explain. Years. You two focus on your own problems.”

“Alright,” Anton said. “Goodnight then.”

“Goodnight.”