“Where are you?” (Patreon)

Recently I was talking to a guy who comes into silver often. He tends to ask big questions and sometimes I don’t have the brain power to answer stuff or I go into nihilist mode regarding anything art related. He was asking about wanting to really think of the meaning of his work before making it and I said that composing some rehearsed explanation for a piece is so common in art that it can feel kinda pointless. By that I meant that so often people over complicate something beyond its actuality and it’s best to just make a piece first and the meaning will dawn on you after. Not always obviously, there’s lots of art where someone thought up a thesis statement and every step in their process is a step towards their ultimate goal. Often though, I’ve found, there’s always meaning in what you make based on your raw emotions it’s just sometimes the meaning doesn’t become clear until you see it in the rear view mirror.

This piece came up (funny enough it’s been 3 years as of a few days ago ) as an example, in terms of making something without having a 5 paragraph essay on its meaning to explain it beforehand.

I made this at a time when I found myself at a bit of a crossroads, and completely alone where I stood . I had cut ties with some of my closest friends the year before, people I thought I would have by my side until my old age. Just a few months prior I had also just gone through a breakup, and the year before I had gone through a quasi breakup with someone I thought would be “my person”(more on them another time) All in all I was stuck with this constant sense of longing and missing, but who did I miss? What relationship or friendship was I mourning? Was it my best friend since high school? The best friend i made in college? My love at first sight? More importantly where do I go from here? With no idea of what to build on.

I made this because I didn’t know what I was feeling or for who or even why, I just knew I missed.

This wasn’t the first or last time I felt a longing and mourning, 2020 did happen after all, and some lessons were only fully realized until then. This always felt like a fixed point though and this short comic felt like a small attempt to put into words the lack clarity in my head.

I made this, not with any idea of what it meant but ultimately full of meaning looking back.