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Rum Reads Erotica [April Fool's joke] (Patreon)

Published:
2024-04-01 18:00:07
Edited:
2024-04-05 22:47:51
Imported:
2026-06

Downloads

Content

I wanted to read a spicy story to you guys 😏

Comments

Vee Zed

I can’t focus at work with words like this 🫠🫠🫠💙

taeebaee

ooooh happy monday to meeee, as i’m all cozy on the couch. perfect timing rummy 🤍

J.A.M

What's the name of the spice?

rae

i’ve been bamboozled

taeebaee

now rummy 🤣 argan oil is from the argan tree… happy april fools silly

VampAmanda

Got by the April Fool's brat.

Phillie

😂You’re goofy.. but cute 🥰 Please do more of these

Courtney Hooven

I realize this was an april fools joke but I legitimately could listen to you read ingredients lists for the rest of my life and be completely fine with that.

RaeofMoonlight

This is the best audiobook! Can you read a cookbook next?

Lindsay P

stop making it so easy to adore you ITS QUITE OVERWHELMING 😮‍💨

Adriana

Okay but why did I still like this, am I okay?

MoonKnight

😂😂..... funny boy! (You actually made argania spinosa sound sexy as hell!)

Rose

LMFAO

☆Mother☆

You're doing great sweetie lol

Fiona

RUM 💀 I literally wake up on April first like “don’t trust anyone” and I STILL get got EVERY YEAR 🤣😭

leeks

This is so hot 😩😩😩😩💖💖👌👌👌👌 The spice is off the CHARTS with this one OOF muy calienteeeee 🥵🥵🥵😩😩😩

Jheni B.

Omg!! You are so adorable 😍 You can read anything to us and it would sound erotic!!

KRZachariah

Did anyone else get some slight Patrick Bateman talking about business cards vibes or am I crazy?????

Andrea

Hahaha I forgot what day it was so I got thrown off and was just giggling for a solid 30 secs. Also when you pronounced it like argOn instead of argAn (I think the a is pronounced like in cardigan?) I was like wtf kinda shampoo does Rum use until I realized lol

Elle Noir

"Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" finished me offff 🤤😂

Viv

This was incredible 😂🫶🏼

Brooke in Bloom

I can’t believe you did this to me on my birthday… 😖 the perfect gift😃

Jenn

I heard penetrate and shaft in the first 60 seconds. Still counts.

Rachael

I mean, we all keep saying we will listen to Rum reading the back of a shampoo bottle (I believe I requested the back of a cereal box, but maybe next year, I guess).

Fay Teixeira

I laughed out loud when he started saying the Avatar the last airbender opening 🤣

Morgan556

Welp. We got Rum-rolled. Lol

🦖

Why I oughta… (lather rinse repeat)

🦖

I’ll help, lock em up

J.A.M

I just finally listened to this and nigga

J.A.M

Oh it's April fools- lmfaoo

Ifera Morganna 👑

Ahahahahaha...loved it 🤣🤣🤣 "Argon oil helps to penetrate the hair shaft" Oh sweetie, you're the absolute best!!! 🤩🤩🤩

littlemiss14

Rum baby I’m so glad to hear you don’t use the 18 in 1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash/shaving cream/brake fluid/bbq sauce/diesel fuel/paint stripper 😝

KatB

Not me literally just coming back from a vacation to Morocco where I did buy argan oil 😂 too real

Rum

OH LOL. did I not even pronounce it right?! I guess I've only ever read it and haven't heard how it's supposed to be pronounced 😅

Rum

YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE

Rum

Haha it actually does say that on there lol 😆

Rum

Happy birthday!!!! 😘 🎁

Rum

That's what I was saying! I felt like it was using very erotic vocabulary lol. I wonder if all shampoo does that

Rum

That is exactly where I got the idea from haha

Mrs.Sickler

Oooh my, the INGREDIENTS 🫠✨ lol April Fools Day is easily my favorite unofficial holiday

🦖

Hands behind your back mister!

🦖

Rum uses the exclusive LOTR shampoo conditioner combo enhanced with Aragorn oil

aroundthegarden

WHAT IF WE ASK NICELY? Jail, please? 🥺👉👈

Rum

It's the good cop, bad cop routine!! I guess I can't resist after all... Just don't be too rough with me 🥺

Rum

haha I do love the absolute ridiculousness of that scene. So I can kinda see the similarities here with try taking something so dumb so seriously lol

🦖

I’m the bad cop in this situation? Oh hell yeah 😈 We’ll play nice…ish… 😏

ErisArachne

Oooooooh I HAZ HANDCUFFS -eeeveel cackle-

Andrea

Ok to be fair I don't use the word in conversation a lot so I could be wrong. But don't feel bad, I've done that too lol 😆 nothing will be worse than my mispronunciation of "Europe" in front of my whole class as a kid bc I'd only ever read it lol

Brooke in Bloom

Thank you 🩵 gonna celebrate with some rum and coke… literally.

Lew4182

I’m 💀. Love your sense of humor. 🤣

Cool Bean

it was suspicious from the start

Angelie⁷

The avatar of ingredients 😂😂😂

Em

It said spicy and I was ready for a dramatic reading of an ingredient list like "dash of paprika, turmeric, black pepper" Good to know my sense of humour wasn't far off😅

Rachael

Joke's on you though. Still made me shiver when I listened.

MissMidnight

Oh gods YES! Read shampoo bottles to me! 🫠 Also, we interrupt this broadcast for a message from a fellow ingredient nerd: argan oil is magical stuff! Comes from argan nuts and generally made in Morocco. Disclaimer: do NOT google how they get the oil from the nuts. Or even how they get the nuts. It’s gross.

Green_Eyed_Dani

Definitely should not have tried to listen to this at nearly 1am thinking it was going to relax me. I completely lost when you got to the ingredients! Joke’s on me!

sibel

Can’t understand those words only your HOT voice

Kotawawa

Oh my gosh Rum I don’t know if anyone’s said this but your voice is so soothing I think you should do a straight ASMR audio or something 😸! I could fall asleep listening to you.

Stacey Lee

OMG, this was hilarious! 🤣 But...why is there potato starch in it? 🤔 Bizarre. Oh, but also potentially of interest: Red, orange, and yellow dyes (especially Red 40) are known to cause an increase in ADHD symptoms for some people (usually when ingested, but some people say to avoid them entirely).