oops, sorry for falling off the face of the earth! chatting about burnout, anxiety, and real life 💖 (Patreon)

Hi! I've felt really off lately and as a result, have been really inconsistent with audios in the past few months, and it would feel weird to just start posting regularly again without acknowledging that. When life feels overwhelming and it feels impossible to be productive, I tend to be very negative toward myself and spiral, which doesn't help. I want to apologize for the lack of communication and general inactivity. This is something I love doing and am very grateful to have an audience that enjoys my work. I am literally able to provide for my kid as a single parent only because of your support, and that is something I'll always appreciate!

The part that makes me feel silly is that there's really nothing major going on as to why I've been so emotionally unsettled and anxious! I think I've just had so much stress with everyday life stuff for the last few years that when I finally took a step back to breathe and relax, I realized that I hadn't really done that in... a long time. And then, after being away for a bit, it's so difficult for me to get back into the same mindset and create again, even when I want to!

Executive dysfunction is something I struggle with, and sometimes basic tasks feel like trying to climb a mountain. It's like I can make myself sit down and record an audio, but then getting through the process of actually editing and posting seems tedious and I have little motivation to finish even simple tasks.

When I look at what I had planned for this month, and the tiers that promise a certain amount of exclusive/early access audios per month, I feel stressed and overwhelmed because I know I'm letting you down. Stupidly, my brain wants to shut down and say "well if I just ignore the stressful thing and pretend it doesn't exist, it'll go away!" Which definitely doesn't help, lol.

So this is me saying hi, I'm overcoming the anxiety of posting again, and I'm going to actually start taking care of myself so I can be the best I can be (as a creator and as a mom!) Also, new audio tonight 💖

rough timestamps:

3:00 - difficulty keeping up with things, low motivation

5:00 - life was really hard and now it's better, but I've spent so long not taking a break or processing any of the hard parts

7:00 - single parenting 24/7 during the summer and trying to work at night... oof

10:00 - I love this job :3 and goals for the future, getting emotional

12:00 - financial stress over the last 2 years, things are getting better, setting goals for the future

13:00 - more yapping about random life stuff, need to get my car fixed, life is a sitcom, my washing machine broke right after I got my dryer fixed??

17:00 - I want to get better!! I'm going to get better!!