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Spicy Question of the Week: What's the weirdest thing someone has said to you during Sex? (Patreon)

Published:
2021-06-21 00:21:47
Edited:
2025-08-16 13:53:11
Imported:
2026-06
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Joyce♡

Omg this was hilarious 😂 🤣

つかさ

It was hilarious I was dying😂Also I've realized that I can refuse my partner does to me if it'd be too much. I should say "sorry but no" if I really don't wanna get, for me also for them. Thanks!

Star✨

I swear it was one of the funniest stories about sex I’ve ever heard.🤣

It'sMeSam

How do you always get these weird sex experiences together? 😅

Monica Ariesta

I can't believe I'm early... and if i convert my timezone to (hypothetically) yours.. it's late Noah rest! But thank you for posting 😌

Diamond Smith

It was after and he said “you kinda look like my mom” I left immediately 😀

Marceline

You got my name right the first time 😂 and im gald you liked my question 😎

charlotte

IM EARLY 🤤🤤

DolliMunster

I don’t think anyone has ever said anything weird to me…

Marceline

How old are you noah? I thought u were like 21-23

Marceline

Whats the most embarrassing thing that has Happened to you or ur parter during, before or after the "act"?

Monica Ariesta

Also... I was driving home while listening to this and I almost choked on my coffee when you said "you see what happens??" 😅😅

CherriBerri96

I shouldn't be listening to this at work. Now I'm hiding in the bathroom and crying from laughing

ky

Hm. Your experience reminds me of the time I was in a hotel in Vegas and the guy wanted me to rub my foot on his crotch among other foot stuff (not kinkshaming but uh.. isn't for me LMAO) while Lord of the Rings was playing in the background. Remember when Gollum said "my precious"? Yeah.. now I cant look at that scene the same again. 🧍‍♂️

moonx ☾

Omg I laughed so hard at this. Btw I love that you always start telling some random parts of the story that doesn't really make a difference to it but I like to hear them lol

Noahs Haven

wait! but his kink didn't include Lord of the Rings or Gollum, did it? 🤔

AltDiem

Hahaha. Definitely awkward. I may have offended someone when I asked “is it already in?”.

Marisol

When you said “you see what happens” I just started laughing so hard lol 😂😂 okay so some questions I have are, weirdest places you’ve had sex? Which position is your favorite? Your biggest sexual fantasy?

Kim Lemonade

xD omg I like to hear these stories because I don't have any, but man, at least was a good laugh, sexuality can be so different that's the importance that you get a partner who are compatible in different areas.

Diamond Smith

I have never recovered from that shit 😂

LilacW

"See what happens?!" 😂😂 That was gold honestly...lmao. If she was cool, she'd have laughed it off with ya. But the again she was sexually frustrated so maybe she wasn't in the mood to laugh. Abso-fucking-lutely especially when you want something extra, you gotta talk to your partner abt both your boundaries. Nothing weird that was said comes to mind but cramping up in the middle of a complicated position can be very comical. 😅 Just some light massaging and encouragement, plus a quick position change helps reduce embarrassment. 👍

Rebecca

"You see what happens" 😂 How about a time you were introduced to something new during sex and liked it?

ky

lmaoo now that i think of it- its a good hobbit joke opportunity x____x i was just thinking to myself "well HE'S not coming back for a second breakfast..."

LilacW

Noah, how abt the strangest/riskiest place you've done the deed? 😏 For your next minipodcast hehe.

sunflower Babe

Hahahaha i’ve never laugh that hard 😂😂 you see what happens 😂😂😂

ky

Ooh, I was thinking of asking the first one too.

Naomi

My weirdest thing was this guy complimenting (???) my eyes (their really dark) and saying they look like shark eyes 👀?!?!! Like soulless black eyes or hungry I'm going to eat you eyes? Like the latter could work in his favor but 🤷‍♀️

Erin Chao

LMAO! I can imagine her rolling her eyes inside when she heard that.

Khalidah M

Noah just going “see what happens?” is priceless. I just lost it😂😂 I can’t imagine the look on her face after that comment though.

Su~

Well mine was weird and kind of disrespectful lets say. I was going to be intimate with my partner back then for the first time. Obviously i was a virgin. And when we ended he called me a liar and said he was dissapointed that he didnt make me bleed. In other words "pop my cherry" like Who says and uses that type of context seriously? Now when i think about it i laugh it off. Btw Noah, i just wanted to say that i think is amazing that you dont pay attention to age when going out with older women. Kudos to that 👍🏻👍🏻

koki

no no this was very entertaining thank u for sharing 👩‍💻

LilacW

I'm glad you're able to laugh it off now, Su. It's his loss that he couldn't recognize the privilege of being your first. Also, I agree with you. Noah gets more brownie points for being open to mature women. Tbh, I think there's a unique appeal to being with older women, who are likely to be more decisive, confident, and, mostly able to navigate awkward situations. 😏

Audra Gilbert

Unfortunately I can’t think of anything. Which is strange considering how disappointing all of my experiences have been. If I think of something I’ll come back to this comment.

LilacW

Haha...I asked strangest/riskiest place, too. Hmm so Marisol and Ky, does this mean we have some interesting places to share? Hahahahhaha

Rachel

That wouldn't be fun for either person to hear lol

Natalie Nandahar

Omg Noah it was so precious that I laughed out loud 😂 I’m polish and I like some choking stuff but definitely not so extreme😉 The way you’re telling about it and you’re sense of humor are priceless.

LilacW

☺️👍 I don't mind a little bit of it, on occassion. But not to the extent that I'm passing out, either. And definitely TRUST is central for me. So I wouldn't add it to the mix for the first time. I gotta trust that my partner knows our limits and have to make sure they're okay with it too, of course. It's not the only thing that gets me there, anyway. 😏 I think it would have been a good experience if she had been clearer about what she wanted before anything happened. And not screaming and demanding like a petulant brat. 😅 No matter what, I will always imagine Noah with his arms flailing about, incredulous, turning to the woman and saying "SEE WHAT HAPPENS?!" It's still making me laugh....priceless 😂😂😂😂

Nikki

idk why but this is exactly the kind of story I would expect if I asked a German for a weird sex story 🤷‍♀️ Also, Moonlight was good! but I can see how it's kind of a bummer for you now

AltDiem

Nope, not at all fun especially when he asked post-coitus “did you really not feel it go in?”. I mean, how does anyone explain that without adding to the awkwardness, right? I still cringe at myself many years later. Apparently, you shouldn’t turn off your filter while doing it. 😅

Jaded Jane

This story is so funny! I can imagine it so clearly. I hate it when people can't laugh at themselves and have fun during sex.

LilacW

Idk why these two things just popped into my head: $50/night for a 5-star hotel. Damn. That's a steal. And...a hook up with a random during a pandemic? A risky frisky. 😅

Su~

Couldnt agree more with everything you just said 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Jaded Jane

Unfortunately, I have had a lot of weird things said to me during sex. One that comes to mind is the following: I hooked-up with an older guy that I met at a party were we both drank too much wine and started making out. I was really horny. The party was in a hotel lounge and he was staying at that hotel. We went up to his room. - (side note: I always use condoms and tell my partners how important it is for me, because I don't want kids or STDs. And most of the time I need to make it clear that it's not happening without a condom, that's how much the guys I encountered hate wearing one. Sometimes it's an actual deal breaker.) - Back to that guy, the minute after we started fucking he says "I'm gonna put a baby in you. I really want you to have my baby. I hope it's a girl that looks just like you, cause I already have 2 fair-haired boys." He was whispering this in my ear like words that were meant to turn me on. I thought it was a joke at first and told him it wasn't funny. When he said he was serious, I froze and then eventually managed to push him off me, only to discover that he had taken his condom out and was actually trying to get me pregnant. - He then started telling me that he was rich and that if I would have his girl I would be set for life. Really trying to sell me on this idea. It was insane. I left, stopped at a 24/7 pharmacy and took a morning after pill just to be safe since he was so fertile. - What he did, removing the condom after agreeing to wear one, is called stealthing and is a form of sexual abuse. I know that now. But at that time, just a few years ago, before the Me Too movement, nobody cared or talked about it.

Nezenelah

Oh my god. What he said was weird, what he did was rape. It is VERY wrong. I'm so sorry you had to live that, sex is all about consent, intimacy and vulnerability, this kind of behaviour is dangerous and deserve to be punished. I hope you're not traumatised cause you have all the reasons to be, so sorry you fell on this monster.

Rach

Lmmmmaaaaaaoooooooooo I had one experience where everything was going so well and he then said “oh wow you look like my cousin from this angle” 😳 I was like are you KIDDING ME so I then proceeded to get up pack my things and leave

Lin ✿

Okay this was too funny you just made my night 😂😂

miléna

Noah! I absolutely LOVE the way you tell your stories. I literally can't stop laughing!!!!

Sakiski

You should consider making a podcast! I would like to hear you dicuss about intresting topics like movies or societal problems etc... You have the perfect voice for that !

Caterina Marie

I had a whole reply ready and just...can't. Not publicly. But if you wanna know I'll tell you privately. 😏

Jaded Jane

Thank you so much, Nelliama! You are so right! I wasn't traumatized by this. Thankfully, there were no consequences. Otherwise I wouldn't have shared it on this topic. As I said, I keep rethinking a lot of my sexual interactions after Me Too happened and women were more vocal about what's ok or not. I thought he was just being a crazy asshole at the time. My friends weren't more appaled either. Unfortunately, I had worse experiences with men. You live and learn how to spot red flags, I guess.

Jaded Jane

Maybe a cousin he was into, so he meant it as a compliment? 😂😂Horrible!

Noahs Haven

Must be a common kink amongst the polish people 🤔 interesting 😅

Noahs Haven

Maybe I’ll watch it still and just skip that scene…😬

Noahs Haven

50 EUROS but still a steal 😁 weeeeell, it was right in the beginning of it when a lot of people (including me 🙈) didn’t take it seriously yet

Nezenelah

I'm sorry you had worse experiences... i wanted to share something nicely weird i guess, like something you just end up laughing about but i had the chance to have very thoughtful partners. I know it's not what women usually experience, and it makes me sad. Anyway, i hope we can learn from each other and be supportive among this community ! It would be very cool

Nezenelah

I've never had some weird experience, unfortunately for this post, fortunately for my mental state, so i'll just propose a question for the next one : what did you wish someone would have told you before being sexually active and discover sex ?

bobbi

oh god i’ll never forget my ex taking my high school nickname that my friend gave me years ago (sock lol) and using it as dirty talk, ruined being called sock for a year bc it just felt so nasty

Chacchi

Was smiling the whole time while listening to this. ^ ^ And yes, you should definitely NOT choke someone for more than 4 minutes (the brain does need its O2). Any more than 4 minutes and you’ll be unconscious.

LilacW

Psst...Mr. Haven, I'm not Polish. 😬 Maybe it's more common than you think. 😅 Most of us just know how to handle it better. Lol. I heard your voice say "iiiinteresting 🤔" in the cheekieest tone. Haha.

LilacW

Tsk tsk...well, we're all glad that all you got out of it is a funny sex story. 👍

LilacW

No wonder you've given yourself the Jaded moniker. I'm glad you didn't suffer any consequences from this incident. There's a lot our minds/memories may not register as trauma but our bodies do. More than anything, it's so much better that we (all genders) are able to be more open about sharing these experiences without fear judgment. It's a way to gain understanding about ourselves and respect each other. Sending you good vibes!

Noahs Haven

Thought about it...you guys will be the first to know :D

tessa gray

plss that joke was actually HILARIOUS

Rachel

Am I the only one who interpreted "You see what happens?" as caring instead of funny? Maybe it's the nurse in me-I don't want to see anyone unconscious.

tessa gray

fun fact: ive been following you for months and only after joining patreon did i realize it's noah's HAVEN and not HEAVEN 😳😳

Jaded Jane

Thank you, LilacW! Sending good vibes back and all around! I do think it's better to talk about these things so other people know it's not something you should be ashamed of or try to brush off. And, yes, all genders!

Lauryn Mani

Okay so basically I'm the one who says the weird stuff most of the time. My ex and I were having sex and i was on top. And for some reason I kept thinking about some movie I had watched. Basically a woman would have sex with guys and murder them during their orgasm. Like slash their throat with a knife she hid under the pillow. And for some reason I was thinking about it, so I said out loud while looking at my boyfriend in the eyes " you know that I could kill right? “ I've never seen him so frightened in his life. I didn't mean it in a weird way 🙃🙃it was just on my mind.

Noahs Haven

are you sure it was a knife and not an ice pick? sounds like Basic Instinct.

Rach

PLS hahaha hahaha doesn't that make it 10x more awkward lmaoooo😭😭😭

Kaylee Bower

A boyfriend at the time after sex, "what my aunt to make you some coffee before we head to work?" I think we maybe had a 2 hour nap before needing to be at work... but with my husband I was on the edge of passing out, "I need you to tickle my butthole" became alert and that was definitely a weird conversation... 🤔

deanna

before i subscribed i don’t know why i thought you were an innocent guy 🥴😂

Liberty Bella

Damn. That definitely would be a signal to evacuate lol

Rachel

Spicy question: does your mastery of English come naturally at this point or are you trying? You seem to have the best grammar and pronunciation and choose the most appropriate words.

Shell

I died at the "see what can happen??" part 🤣

LilacW

Hmm interesting question Rachel. Actually, I wonder if Noah speaks other languages. European countries are so connected. I think it's a great place to find polyglots.

Lauryn Mani

Okay I went on YouTube and I think it was basic instinct indeed!

Jesse

Why is that something that would happen to me?!😂 mine was the movie Scott pilgrim vs. the world was playing in the background. He started quoting the movie in the middle of doing things which made me laugh. I could tell he felt embarrassed so I started quoting it too and we both laughed.

LilacW

Ok. This is so adorable. You're very sweet to put your partner at ease like that.

hunnie_bonnie

Bruuh lmao she has no sense of humor if she didn't laugh at that joke RIGHT after that scene 😂 would've married you on the spot at bc of the joke 🤣🤣🤣

Betty Boop ❤️‍🔥

Hey Noah, do you have a posting schedule/ plan for Patreon, to know how many posts we can expect per month... specifically NSFW audios. Thanks ☺️ x

Noahs Haven

Not at this moment but for now it is 2 times a week. A nsfw roleplay and the spicy question of the week. :D

Sasha!

oh shit lmaoooo that was hilarious!

Mina Zelda

Dude, The weirdest thing someone has ever done to me during the deed is… he was inside me, we were moaning, everything went great. And before that I told him that I kinda liked daddy-stuff. And this mutherfucker started singing happy birthday into my ear because he thought I wanted to be treated like a CHILD ON HER BIRTHDAY. Needles to say, I did not cum that night hahah

Tiff

I'll just say, I would gladly guide your hand. An happy your mind thought about safety! For some, it's about placement not pressure ;*

SaraJSweetheart

As someone who is getting on in years, Im just happy to know there are guys out there that go for much older women (considering the stereotype is the other way around)

SaraJSweetheart

I think this question is more difficult for (straight) women to answer, as guys tend not to be big talkers in bed (which is a crying shame tbh)

SaraJSweetheart

I know a guy with BDP, and cause of that he has ZERO filter, and one time, when he was meeting his then -girlfriends parents for the FIRST time, he turned to the dad after the mum had left and went "Your wife is very fuck-able" (one again, FIRST time meeting the parents. Unsurprisingly, they weren't upset when she broke up with him XD)

Emily Watts

I had a guy make out with my belly button. We didn’t have sex or anything just awkward part lol

Pyksoy

Sangwoo vibes

Foxy kitty

So what I got from this is you don’t mind older women right? Lmao 🤣

alex

some guy straight up said “this is why i think of you instead of my family” and i just stayed silent until he said something better lol

Kenzie Karebear

The last guy that I decided to date and I went to a hotel for my birthday. We were in the middle of doing the deed and he asked me if I would punch him in the face. Which don't get me wrong, is nothing new I'm sure. But then when I proceeded to tell him I wasn't comfortable, he decked himself right in the face.

Oliwia Łącka

"So i was in Poland" - I screamed dude, greetings from Poland 😂

Theo

I love it hahaha

Wren

Very late but um, the first person I'd ever had sex with was in a band, and he played guitar and he made it a very known point that "guitarists really know how to finger(music pun)"and as if that wasnt awkward enough during my first time he then finished the act by saying that I "tasted sweet enough to bottle my.. juices.. to drink with his supper". 😭🤣

Valyria_

Same girl ehe🤣

Crys.rys

Never had sex before even now i'm gonna be 21 in 1 month, sooo... Yeah

Crys.rys

I couldn't imagine it 🤣 I might laugh at how he started singing happy birthday

S.N.P

I would’ve made a joke like that too, bc it’s the perfect joke🤣 I remember calling my ex “papa” instead of Daddy during the deed and my bestie still laughs at me for it 💀

Snuggies Boo

I could NOT STOP CACKLING 🤣 just joined your Patreon and listening to your old spicy question audios and I’m dying at this one, just like that girl from the movie 👀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Snuggies Boo

So was that girl 👀👀👀👀

Thessa

holy shit 😭

Kenzie Karebear

Girl I wish I was making it up. The woman was too stunned to speak😂