Exposed, Vulnerable, Trying, Doing (Patreon)

Dancing in front of people taps straight  into the VULNERABLE center of my brain.

I can do my go-to bounces and  hip wiggles when I dance at home alone or in the few times I've gone out  with friends to a club, but Actual, 4 Reals, Capital D Dancing? The  kind where you move deliberately and you adjust your speed and you make  shapes with your body? My brain doesn't work like that and my body isn't  trained to move like that. 

But then I drop into the Choreo and Flow  classes at Ecdysiast every so often with an Actual 4 Reals Dancer teaching us the steps  they've arranged to a specific song and for one hour I'm completely  outside my comfort zone and... I do it. 

I do something new. I do  something foreign. I do something I'm embarrassed to do where others can  compare my inexperience and deficiencies right next to people who  practice every day, who live and breathe for this. 

I miss beats and I  can be too robotic and jerky but then for a few seconds my movements  sync up with the music close enough and I'm Dancing. Capital D Dancing.  

It only lasts a few seconds. And god only knows my best attempts don't  even approach the seemingly effortless elegance of our instructor. But,  I'm doing it. I'm doing it as well as I can. 

I'm exposed, I'm  vulnerable, I'm flawed, I'm trying, I'm doing. 

I'm Capital D Dancing.

Choreography by Shannon Gee
Music is Cruelty by Kosheen