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May 2022 - $1 Apology Email (Patreon)

Published:
2022-06-01 17:30:01
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Hello [YOUR NAME],

We couldn’t think of anything to use your borrowed $1 bill on this month, so instead of purchasing something we merely placed it under our computer. Now, we can’t find it. Our officemate Beatrice watched as we overturned the entire padded cell where we work throughout the day and eventually got so annoyed at us that she suggested we look underneath our computer. There’s no way it could be there, taped to the base of the laptop, and we think the suggestion is insulting, frankly. We refuse to look.

We think Beatrice took it. Do you have any ideas where your $1 could be? In the meantime, we’ve debited your card on file for one more dollar to spite Beatrice.

Hope all is well and sorry to hear about your [RECENT INCONVENIENCE].

Thanks again for all your support, [CORDIAL, NON-PATRONIZING NICKNAME FOR RECIPIENT OF THIS LETTER].

Comments

Lanyard09

THE NICKNAME IS ‘LOVELY’ THANK YOU VERY MUCH CUZ WE ALL LOVELY

Mr. A (Barracius)

I appreciate your apology and that it came in a timely manner. I would like to know - when can we expect the next round of the Game Grumps tour? I was supposed to come to this one but due to family emergency I have to miss the show (which, wow, you even non-specifically address it!)

Matt Monaco

I don't think it was Beatrice.. perhaps a portal to another space-time opened and sucked it right off into infinity?

lilbabymanz

We can’t let this keep happening, guys. It keeps getting away from you. The bank needs to know TODAY if you can pay the minimum or else we’re gonna have to repossess you squirrel fingers. This is your final warning.

Antje Dros

Hmm, starting to think I'll never get my dollars back... But, no, that's crazy.

Raphtor

Have you tried turning the computer off and on again?

Mattari

Have you tried looking UNDER the dollar that’s taped to your laptop? Just a thought.

ben barnett

look under beatrice's laptop its gotta be there!

miguel cantu

Let’s step outside of the bit here. Give me my F****** DOLLAR BACK, I’M TALKING SPECIFICALLY TO YOU ARIN!

Christopher Day

Unplug the router, scream at it for 30 seconds, plug it back in, fart in a corner, and your dollar will fall out from behind Beatrice's ear. I specify your dollar, because my dollar is taped to the bottom of your laptop. Idiots.