July 2022 - $1 Apology Email (Patreon)

Hey [YOUR NAME],

This month we had planned on giving you your dollar bill straightaway. However, we experienced a bit of a snafu. Some serendipitous circumstances have occurred. They’re humorous and quirky and ultimately very strange. But unfortunately we signed an NDA (non-disclosure agreement) at the request of [REDACTED]. So at this moment we cannot discuss how we lost the dollar, and this NDA binds us until [SOMETIME IN THE FAR FUTURE, LIKE 100 YEARS OR WHATEVER, I’LL FILL IN THIS PART LATER]. We hope you understand, and we’re hoping that [REDACTED] returns your dollar to us soon, so we can in turn return it to you.

We’ve gone ahead and debited your card on file for another dollar.

Thanks for not prying.