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SO. I'm writing a song that's entirely for me, for the first time in quite a while. What do you think? Too long?Still gotta add a lotta layers but we're getting there ^^----------I hate it when you talk like that

Chorus:

I hate it when you talk like thatLike everybody else is bad

Reciprocal the time the feel the

take the all around us

I hate it when it goes like that

I’m tryin not to get too madBelievable the rhyme the give the

ache somebody found us

Verse 1

What did he mean when he said that?

how do I read another call back?

here living with the lies, the reek

repeat until its all ya know

I’m not here to write songs about revenge

see another get beat on

can we push em to the

Edge callin’ for coffins

son of a gosh darn waste are these

empty calories

but ya gotta keep feeding

yeah ya gotta keep eating

ohintelect is receding

but tell me are they still breathing?

Verse 2

Open with auto-tuned riffs on an ooh

I stand surrounded by the people

shake hands, and knowing we are equal asking

hey my friend on the ground

in a hole, in a pit, in a bog down in the valley-o

can I help you conquer it?

And if I can get real here for a minute (wa oh)treating a human soul like it’s disposable

No, it’ll never sit right with me it’ll never sit right with me

but ya gotta keep feeding

yeah ya gotta keep eating

ohintelect is receding

but tell me are they still breathing?

Comments

Hachi Shibaru

Heck pepper! I got this as an email notification saying "From PepperCoyote I hate it when you talk like that" and I nearly got a heart attack thinking "Wh-what did I say? Pepper emailed me? Why is pepper mad at me? ;3;" before seeing it's a patreon thing >3< Songs great! >3< I love the mellow sound, the synths and the drum beat are chill and catchy. That long instrumental section at the end seems perfect for a lot of soloing and noodling. The hard stop is kinda jarring to me tbh. I think maybe holding that final chord a little longer before fully releasing could ease you into that hard stop and make it feel less sudden, if that makes sense.

Autumn Nemora

I guess continuing from my comments on twitter, and echoing Hachi, I think the long, relaxed instrumental really provides a decent amount of space for mentally processing the socially constructive lyrical content, like I feel is one of the main characteristic approaches that made Pink Floyd's constructive music so effective in the 70s. And yeah also echoing Hachi my perception of the ending was more of "This is where I'm currently at in the production", rather than "This is the way the song is meant to end" x3 Also as kind of a side note, I'm a little worried if my comment about the autotune might have been taken a bit too strongly, I hadn't been trying to imply it being removed almost entirely 😖 Like I'd tried to invoke Daft Punk to give an example of how it does actually have a valid artistic role with enough consideration :P

Leona Maltz

I think striving to replace the "me" part in verse 2 in "sit right with me" so it sounds less preachy is the only feedback i got, like if I wanted to connect with folx the greatest I would try to disconnect myself wherever possible. alternatively changing the "if I can get real for a minute," maybe... but i don't fucking know whatever you end up with is gonna be perfect because it's your work maybe some replacement for intellect would be more powerful, intellect could be the core word/phrase you're trying to spread in the song. maybe ju-dg-ment or rea-son-ing or changing to rea-son-ing... I also think if you look at kendrick's music, changing the tempo abruptly, changing lyrics to include filler words could add a lot of power to this track. like Autumn said, the empty instrumental is great and I love it, and I love to see more of that in the pacing of the song to provide folx to digest the lyrics they just ate I'm sure it's gonna be excellent, even as is it is as any art is perfect because you made it.

Apocalypticat

Hello Pepper Coyote, Amazing song as usual! I can't wait until its done. I was working towards a poem that isnt quite done yet but I feel like it shares somewhat of the same kind of sentiment as this song. A section I would like to add is "We have a difficult time comprehending large numbers (infinity) (exemple: guessing candies in a jar). So how can we even begin to comprehend the boundlessness of anothers' soul." After a couple of listens, of this song it feels to me that thats the sentiment youre getting across. Please correct me if I am wrong. Misinterpretations happen online all the time yet we forget that there's another behind the words we read. We all still need to learn how to convey the sentiment we TRULY wish to give. I dont know how much more you're planning on working on this song, but this was my interpretation up to now. Just putting my two scents out in the great beyond. Limerantly yours, Apocalypticat