Re: on home and loneliness. (Patreon)

I’m excited to introduce a new series of reflections. Anytime you see “Re:” before a post, it will signal thoughts on things I wish I’d included in a recent audio or changes I’d make to enrich the content. The purpose is simple: to spark meaningful conversations with you all. Your insights are invaluable, and I hope this space becomes a welcoming, judgment-free environment where we can connect and grow together.

Lately, something has been on my mind. I feel like I missed an important opportunity in the BOSS series—a theme that could have added more depth to the story: home versus loneliness.

To me, the opposite of loneliness isn’t just connection; it’s home—a place where you feel deeply understood, where you can simply be. I often dream of finding that home one day. In his book Hygge, Mike Wiking describes coziness as the act of inviting others into your circle of comfort. To me, that’s what home feels like: stepping through the door after a long, hard day and being greeted by warm faces, a fire already crackling, dinner in the making, and a sense of being welcomed back.

But here’s the truth: I haven’t found this yet. I’m still navigating the winter of loneliness, spending my days imagining that warm home waiting for me. And then, it dawned on me—this vision, beautiful as it is, is also a fantasy. Life isn’t so black and white.

Even if I find this “home,” there will still be moments of loneliness. Maybe my future partner won’t understand a joke I make. Maybe there will be silences that feel colder than the world outside. Loneliness, like a distant wind, will creep back in.

But this isn’t a bad thing. Loneliness is not the enemy—it’s a teacher. We cannot truly experience “home” without understanding its counterpart. Deep connection with others makes moments of disconnection all the more significant, all the more valuable to resolve.

Life is a pilgrimage, a slow trudge through the snow toward a home we hope to find. Yet even when we arrive at that glowing cabin in the woods, loneliness will still visit us from time to time. The beauty is in realizing this: loneliness is not something to fear. It’s a tool. It shows us where we need to grow, where we need to heal.

The balance of life lies in this duality: loneliness and home, misunderstanding and understanding. One gives meaning to the other. Each step you take toward understanding yourself and your needs, no matter how small, is progress.

Even when you are wrapped in the arms of a lover, there will be moments of disconnect. Those moments are opportunities to build a stronger, warmer home within yourself and with others. They’re reminders that the journey toward understanding—toward home—never truly ends.

It’s tempting to imagine that finding a partner, starting a family, or reaching some idealized milestone will erase all pain. But pain is what guides us, urging us forward. Life is not static, and it never will be. The real gift lies in learning to love the process—the journey of self-discovery and connection.

When you embrace loneliness as a guide rather than an adversary, it becomes a tool to help you create a better life, a deeper understanding of yourself, and a more authentic connection with others.

So let’s keep moving forward, together.