Power (Patreon)

Hey, you listen to me here, my name is Power! That’s right, Power, and I’m the strongest devil ever! Not a single devil in the entire everything ever is as strong as me, and I’ll prove it! You ready to get your fucking MIND blown by some incredible shit?! Yeah, I already know you are, it’s why you’re here! You’re here to confirm just how powerful that I, Power, truly am! I won’t have any problem showing off just how amazing I am, try not to get your socks knocked off! Socks that will blow right out of your feet and out of this world! So like, imagine me being me! Which ya can’t, cause I’m totally too awesome for anyone to even try to be me! It’s actually illegal to be me when you’re not me, so don’t even try or I’ll arrest you! I can do that, cause I was told I was an honorary cop.

Which makes me better than regular cops cause I’m honorary! I was just marching across the streets, protecting the world from its greatest threats! Threats like yapping dogs, annoying old ladies, and cars that honk too hard. As I challenged them all by throwing trash at them from a local trash can, I heard a loud explosion! I bravely hid behind a baby carriage, knowing it would protect me from any shrapnel, and I saw what caused the explosion. It was a bunch of men, carrying around a lot of guns, and being lead by a devil! I instantly recognized the devil, and didn’t need anyone to tell me later about it, I am the smartest woman alive. The kind of woman who knew every single thing ever, and that’s a fact! The devil was massive, and had a bunch of guns on its dozen of arms and had a ski mask on, as it screamed for the cash! It was clearly, as I gathered from my genius IQ, that it was the bank robbery devil! I knew that because of how smart I am! Surrounding him was obviously his servants, who made deals with him. It’s why their guns were not really gun, but super large weapons that looked like guns, and fired explosions instead of bullets.

Most men, (DENJI), would be running away and crying for a hero to save them. That hero, of course, being me! I put my fists on my hips and knew that taking down these problems would be easy! So easy, that I decided to hold myself back. If I went all out, I’d do way more damage than any stupid devil with a bunch of gun. So, I took the blanket from that crying baby, who was obviously on the side of the bank robbers cause he didn’t want me taking his blanket, and tied it around my eyes. I made myself blind, because if they saw my eyes of fury, the robbers would all surrender instantly. I ran right into the bank, and began my epic hero speech.

“I’M GONNA KICK ALL OF YOUR ASSES!”

I could already hear the men cry out in fear of me. Every single one of them knew who I was, cause I was the most famous devil hunter in the whole world. It’s why when you look up Power in the dictionary, you see me doing a sick kick flip. That’s just how awesome I am, but they still tried to fight me while begging me not to kick their asses. It must have happened for one reason, that these guys are just too stupid to even know not to fight me! I’m clearly so awesome that bad guys know fighting me has to happen. One of the men aimed one of those strange guns at me, and started screaming that I was going to be ‘hamburger meat’. Which was more than odd for Power to hear. Where was the hamburger buns for her to sleep in between? The gun instantly fired, and coming out of it was a large pellet that was already shaking and ready to explode just being in the air. The pellet hit my stomach and instantly exploded against it.

Had I been anyone super weak, like the person who is reading this story, than I would be dead at this moment. Too bad for this guy, that I was just TOO POWERFUL! Why would something that could kill you, could kill me?! I’m just too cool to die like you would. Instead of exploding into like,  bajillion super tiny pieces all over the place, instead, I wasn’t even moved. I didn’t even had my cute sweater explode on impact, cause like, I lifted my sweater up. The pellet hit my washboard abs, that I got from doing crunches all the time, and the pellet didn’t even damage me once! How could it, when my abs are just so awesome?! I stood right then and there, and pointed my finger at them. The finger of AUTHORITY! The shock and terror as they witnessed the legendary finger of AUTHORITY made them all buckle and sob in fear. That’s cause I’m everyone’s bosses, even Makima’s! I just let her sit her fat ass on the chair so she can keep it warm for me.

I like it toasted, and like toast, these guys are it! I decided to make these cowards cry like baby so I charged right at them! I let out a power roar, and the terror they felt would make even terror get scared! I pressed my legs down and than with a great amount of force, leaped in the air over them! I leaped so high over them, I was practically in outer space! I was practically leaping over the sun, as I looked down and put on my sunglasses, and said the coolest thing ever.

“Damn, even up here, I can still see the ugly.”

My words brought tears and destroyed hope to all the villains of earth, as I headed back to earth, faster than any shooting star. Something that I do often, when I want to head somewhere, as I crashed back into the bank at super speed! I practically knocked out all of the bad guys, and the bank was saved by what I had done! I was about to celebrate when an epic solo electric guitar riff, which was easy because the bank had one in case for anyone who saves it, when I felt the earth crumble under me. At first, I thought was cause of Kobeni’s fat butt was jiggling as she was near, but it was something even worse than her fat butt! Instead, my epic actions have caused the MOST POWERFUL DEVIL EVER to attack the earth! One that arose in fear of what I am, cause it knew I was too dangerous and powerful for its evil plans to even do anything! That’s right, it was the EVIL DEVIL!

The kind of devil that Makima warned us all that no one could ever defeat, but me, POWER! What did the evil devil look like, you ask? Uh, duh, a giant naked muscle guy, like a really giant, really muscular, REALLY NAKED GUY! That’s just pure evil, ya know? He told me he was the reason I had to wear pants at work, and couldn’t go all natural, cause he was just that evil! I was so enraged, that I let out a womanly roar that put fear in the heart of all evil, and charged right at the Evil Devil! The Evil Devil heard my womanly roar, and for the first time in its existence, it knew true fear! It’s own, not mine! I don’t want to tell you how the fight went, cause it’s just too scary for you! If you were to hear what happened in this fight, you would lose your shit at the greatest tragedy in human memory! The tragedy, of how badly I WHOOPED THE EVIL DEVILS ASS!

It wasn’t even a close fight, not that I would ever allow that! Why would I, when I was fighting the Evil Devil! I was doing things like twisting his dick like it was a wet rag and I was trying to twist it right off! I twirled the Evil Devil overhead, spinning him around as I twirled with him! Except I was laughing and cheering while he was screaming like a little baby girl, cause of how scary I was! I was his worst nightmare, as I gave him a really nasty wedgie! How did I give him a wedgie when he was naked? That was easy, I put my panties on him and I was able to give the guy a fucking wedgie with my own panties! I pulled so far that I could see how I was squishing his super tiny testicles, that everyone laughed at how small they were! The guy was screaming, and I had so many horrible more things planned for the most Evil Devil of all time!

Like when I pulled on his hair and put my foot on his back, nearly ripping him in half! Or when I speedbagged his face with my P-Cup breasts, the biggest and best breasts in the whole world! I threw him into outed space and sent him back to earth with a stomp from my bare feet! I let him throw his evil fist at me just to see what would happen; and the guy broke his, well, everything! His entire body shook like a leaf in a thunderstorm while I stood so firm that my body didn’t even move a nano jiggle, despite how huge my boobs are! From his fingers to his toes, the guy broke on impact when he struck me in my perfect 18 pack abs! As he dropped to his knees and whined that he broke, I just lifted my fist, and blew some air on it! The pressure from my mouth blowing on my hand sent the Evil Devil flying into the sky, unable to even reach the ground. I saw him flying like a kite in the wind, and I knew how to reach him!

I leaped after him, cocking my fist right back, as I watched the devil flail in the air and screaming harder and harder. I pulled my fist back as hard as I could, as I felt the pressure form from my arm being pulled back so hard. The air vacuum created by my fist being pulled actually dragged the Evil Devil back to me, as he had no idea what was going on. What a stupid devil, not like me and my 3,000 IQ that let me perfectly do this! I smirked in delight as I saw how scared the devil was, and I said the coolest thing ever to the terrified baby evil devil.

“You’re a loser!”

That utterly destroyed all of his spirit, as he was hurtling right towards me. I could see him praying for someone to save him. But he was praying to the wrong spirit. If he wanted to live, he should have prayed to ME! For I am his creator, the ultimate one! I threw my fist right at him, and all of the color in the universe just exploded right then and there. It was a flash so great, that it was greater than the shine from the sun itself! My punch caused the loudest sound in all of space, that’s just how strong it was! The noise was a big massive BABABOOM and than the guy was sent hurtling away from here! He was no longer in our universe, and was now in a universe far worse than ours! A universe where all the rice meals are full of veggies!

I dropped back to earth instantly, and put my foot on top of the statue that they had built of me! A statue that was taller than any gigantic tower in all of earth, of me putting my foot down on a billion devils! Everyone celebrating how awesome I am, and because I saved the world, I was told that I would never have to pay for ramen, ever. So that’s why YOU have to give me ramen for free, Aki! Everything I just told you totally happened, so now you have to give me Ramen! You get that, Aki?! If you don’t do that, I’ll punch you right into that dimension where I punched the Evil Devil! GOT IT?!

Aki stared at Power, sighed… and pulled out his wallet. Not from fear, but he was certain that Power would try to pee on him if he didn’t.