"Your Majesty," (Patreon)

 Ash said with an oily grin. "It's so nice to finally meet you in person. I must say, I'm impressed. You managed to free yourself on your own terms, and it only took you a few hundred years. You also dealt with that town of rabbits very handily! Have you been reading that book I gave you, perchance? Considering how much time you've spent here, I can't imagine you doing much else."

Of all my old allies, why did it have to be this guy I saw first?

"No," I snapped. "I have not spent all my time in isolation reading your demon enchanted book of villainy. I freed myself on my own terms, and I tried doing it the Seelie way."

"Tried?" Ash repeated drily. "Does that mean the smoldering ruins of Bunkirk and the mountain of charred dead bodies are evidence of another of your plans spiraling hopelessly out of control? I must say, you managed to turn your wife into your sworn enemy in what might be record time. I'd have to consult the record book to be sure. Did you at least manage to hide your heir in a safe place?"

"I don't have time to play twenty questions with a BACK-STABBING TRAITOR," I snarled. "I've already set in motion my plans for securing my rule and rescuing Faerie without your help. Now, if you don't mind, I have old friends I need to speak to."

"You think I'm a traitor and yet you still saw fit to release me from my banishment, or did you forget?"

"I gave my word," I scowled. "And the Seelie keep their promises."

"As do the Unseelie," he pointed out meaningfully. "By the by, I didn't betray you. I carried out your instructions to the best of my ability. The crux of your plan was rescuing the deranged granny-child and the pie woman, which I did with great difficulty. You probably believe I didn't do anything to help you over the last two centuries, but remember: You never gave me a backup plan and your specifically stated goal was that you wanted to free yourself under your own power. After the courtroom fiasco, I fell back on your previous orders and continued to spread artfully embellished stories of your elfly deeds throughout the land. I also built a well-functioning intelligence network for your benefit. Those Ixies of yours are a delight to work with."

"HE is part of your amazing spy network???" I demanded of the Ixie hovering nervously near me.

"Ash showed us the best ways to operate," she shrugged sheepishly, "and helped us kick our sugar habit."

"I have also been busy reestablishing myself in Faerie," Ash continued before I could yell at him. "You left our homeland in quite a sorry state, I wish to point out."

"Don't pin all of this on me!" I yelled. "You assured me that rabbit cult leader was under your thumb! What happened there??"

"I underestimated how confident he would be with an angry mob at his back," Ash admitted, almost with a note of embarrassment. "A secret as shameful as his would have brought any sane man to heel. The Parson's zealotry combined with his own personal army made him bolder than any rational person would be. Despite that unforeseen difficulty, I still rescued the granny-child and the baker. Reverend O'Hoppity only cared about going after me, as I was the only one who knew his secret. Once the melee began, no one cared about the girl or the baker anymore. I even took the liberty of escorting your student out of harm's way. No, I didn't kidnap her! I even tried to fill the role of teacher for her in your absence, and attempted to fix the damage your ridiculous Seelie poppycock did to her developing mind."

"What did you do to Rebecca?" I bellowed. "If you harmed one hair on my student's head, I swear to Fuma I'll-!"

"Your Highness, please," Ash protested soothingly. "Calm yourself. I discovered, much to my dismay, that the damage you did to her mind seems to be permanent. She was belligerent and insolent the entire time she was my pupil. I confess it was a tremendous relief to hand her off to your murderous raccoon midget when she finally caught up to us."

"Not all that murderous, since you seem to have survived meeting her."

"She thought I had turned traitor and kidnapped or harmed Rebecca," Ash shrugged. "When she realized that none of those assumptions were true, we were able to make peace."

"Huh," I grunted, frankly surprised to hear that Burnside could be reasoned with. "Well, what happened to the Parson?"

"I got to him in due time," Ash chuckled. "Revenge, after all, is my specialty."

"What did you do?" I asked hesitantly, not liking his tone at all.

"Someone with your delicate sensibilities is better off not knowing."

"Well, what do you want?" I demanded. "Surely you didn't walk all this way just to admire the stones and brag about your accomplishments."

"Why not?" Ash grinned briefly, then became serious. "But you are correct, there is another purpose to my visit. I must inform you that Queen Edessa has ensconced herself in the Persoc Tor palace library, and has permitted lowfolk to trespass there and ..." he almost choked on his own outrage, "... STUDY MAGICK! This cannot be allowed to continue. You - being the only elf with any jurisdiction over her and the space she is occupying - are going to have to do something about it."

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