“Didja miss me?” (Patreon)

Burnside cooed, with a flutter of her eyelashes. (At least I think that's what she was doing.)

“Uhhhh…” I stalled. In the early years of my banishment, I often took solace in the thought that at least I didn’t have to deal with Burnside anymore. As time wore on, I got so lonely I would have been happy to speak to anyone, even her. “Sssssure…” I admitted cautiously.

"Ah knew it!" She cackled with obvious delight. "Ah just KNEW it! You couldn’t live without me! You was prob'ly countin down the days til you could see me again! Bwah, you is plum crazy bout me!"

"That’s not what I said!" I protested.

Burnside tackled me and latched on like an amorous leech.

"It all makes sense!" she mumbled as she nuzzled her face against my coat. "Yore one o the only people to not send me away, the others bein Rebecca an the Duchess, an they is femmes so they don't count. You musta been secretly harborin feelins for me. All ma courtin methods by offerin to kill for ya musta worked big time! Everbody else said ma brand o Wiles was off-puttin and fright'nin. Even other Antgladers thought ah took thangs too far! But not you, Adler honey! Sure, you act shocked sometimes, but you must secretly like ma violence. Either that, or the bond between the two of us is so strong you can see past all that!"

Actually, she brought up a good point. Why did I keep her around and put up with her shenanigans?

"An now," she continued, looking up at me, "now that the two of us is together again, our hearts can be whole oncet more."

"What??" I blurted in alarm.

"I been readin Rebecca’s poetry books," Burnside admitted bashfully. "It sounded a lot more romantic on paper than out loud."

What was going on right now? Was she being serious, or was this some convoluted way of asking for venery? No, that couldn’t be it. Burnside was blunt enough, if she wanted venery she’s just ask (or more likely, demand it.) Was this violent, murderous psychopath actually confessing to having feelings for me? This was probably not good. Casual venery was one thing, but having an Unseelie homicidal maniac becoming obsessed with me could only spell trouble. I had read enough true-crime scrolls to know how this ended!

I squinted at Burnside's face, looking for the glint of her beady eyes in the midst of her dark eyespots. Seen this way she almost looked harmless, like any smitten maiden. But I knew she had at least three-dozen knives concealed on her person right now. What could I say? What should I do? This situation could turn dangerous if I upset her.

.....

Well, readers, I'll challenge you again: What does your secret source say that I did here? How did I navigate this minefield? Or if you truly are just guessing, what would you do if you found out a crazy femme had a crush on you? Not cute-crazy either! We're talking skin-you-and-wear-you-as-a-suit crazy.

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