As I stared at the ceiling, (Patreon)

I remembered Vernier telling me how every time she tried to help someone it always ended in disaster. I recalled what I said to her then, that she had only focused on the negative and forgot about all the times she had successfully helped people. If she could see me right now, she would probably repeat my advice back to me. As much as I would have liked to stay in bed and wallow in self-pity, I could in fact recall plenty of times when I tried to help someone and it didn’t spiral into disaster. Most of those were trivial and small in scope, but it proved I wasn't as cursed as my moping mind would like to believe.

The argument outside began to increase in volume - or was that just my head starting to clear? Either way, I needed to intervene. I had caused this problem (abetted by Burnside being too excited to give me a chance to object) so it was up to me to set things right. Plus, now that a potential love triangle had been established, I had to make sure that Burnside wouldn’t do something typically Burnside-esque involving knives and her romantic rival. I took a deep breath and sat up in the bed.

"Your Lordthip!" Basil objected. "Thould you be getting out of bed tho thoon? It’th only been an hour and you looked like you were nearly mauled to death by a wild animal."

"You were also mumbling in your sleep," Harriet added, "about things that sounded very distressing."

"I’ve survived worse than this," I rasped, my voice still raw. "And you needn't worry about my nightmares. Elves do not need to sleep often. When we do, the subconscious runs rampant. I must get out there and calm those two down before something bad happens. You youngsters had best stay in here until you hear the All Clear."

I stumbled to the door and opened it to see Rebecca and Burnside in the midst of a shouting match.

"He was screaming his head off the entire time," Rebecca bellowed, "and you never once thought to stop and make sure he was okay??"

"That’s normal!" Burnside insisted. "Every mel I ever treated to my super-special brand o' Wiles an venery has screamed with pure unbridled ecstasy!"

"Ecstasy or terror?" Rebecca demanded.

"Is there a difference?"

"Who on Earth uses a dagger for venery?? Did you even once ask him if he was okay with it?"

"He’s a grownup! If he wanted to stop he coulda said so!"

"How was he supposed to do that when there was a knife at his throat??"

"It was only there half the time!"

"Yeah, and the other half you were using it to -"

I tried to firmly clear my throat to get their attention, but only managed to produce a thin, wheezing cough. Both femmes turned to look at me in surprise.

“My lord!" Rebecca exclaimed. "Are you sure you should be out of bed so soon? You sounded delirious when we tucked you in.”

"I’ll be fine," I assured her. "Let me say right off that although it may look bad that I had venery with Burnside right after you left, it was in no way reflective of my feelings toward you, nor a deliberate spurning of your affections."

"Well, yes," Rebecca interjected before I could continue. "I was a little upset about that, but what infuriates me more is the fact that Burnside nearly mauled you to death."

"Your concern is appreciated," I affirmed, "but that is something I must discuss with Burnside myself. Now that she is officially in the employ of the Imperial crown, there are codes of conduct she must adhere to."

I gave Burnside a stern look, and was surprised to see her flatten her ears against her head and look remorseful. I only recalled seeing her like that when she was under the influence of some Unseelie narcotic, and when I threatened her with fearsome punishments.

"She told me that you made her your concubine," Rebecca continued. "Does that mean-?"

"As High King, what I have decreed stands. I find you quite attractive, Rebecca, but for the time being it would be a gross abuse of my position as your teacher and mentor to act upon my baser impulses. What has happened today was just unfortunate timing. We shall discuss it further when everyone’s temper has cooled."

I could feel the tension lift after I said that. Why then didn't I feel any better? Rebecca still looked unhappy, but she wasn't angry anymore. Burnside looked embarrassed and mildly ashamed. I would need to spend time with each of them one-on-one later. How did my predecessors keep up with whole harems of Floozies? Just these two were difficult enough! But somehow, surprisingly it seems I actually managed to calm them both down. We had a long journey ahead of us, and hopefully there would be time on the road to have a good talk with each of them.

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