“Mister Hoardblemish," (Patreon)

I replied, not wanting to seem too eager to confront Edessa. "I am very interested in your operation here and I may consider granting your school my patronage if your curriculum meets my standards. I have a deep interest in the occult myself. Any discoveries you, your faculty, or students make may be of great import to me.”

“Well sir, as I mentioned," Hoardblemish explained, "we are only just starting out. Any suggestions and donations you are willing to provide would help us greatly.”

“We should continue this discussion in private," I declared decisively. "Meanwhile I'm sure my companions would love nothing more than a tour of this facility with your peers. While they do that, let us retire to your office. You do have an office?”

“Well…” he shrugged sheepishly. “There’s a room I would like to be my office.”

“But-” Burnside started to object.

“Edessa is nearby," I thought at her with Elfmind. "She is a dangerous and unknown element here. At this moment, she poses more of a threat to Rebecca and the students than to me. Keep them safe. That’s an order!”

Burnside nodded reluctantly and stepped toward the group of witches.

“I say, Mr. Young?" Hoardblemish exclaimed. "Are you quite all right? You look as though you've suddenly come down with a splitting headache.”

“Oh .. no, I’m fine. Just thinking very intently," I explained.

“Hoot, lassies!" MacMath declared enthusiastically. "Will ye coome wi' me an' Staircrawly? I’ll shoow ye all me favorite meditation spots!”

"He means all the dark corners where he goes to sip whiskey," Staircawly muttered quietly.

"Just a wee drappie!" MacMath declared indignantly. "It helps me tae meditate!"

“May we have some?” Harriet asked.

“You most certainly may not, young lady!” Rebecca retorted sternly.

“I’ll have a drank,” Burnside piped up.

“Burnside," Rebecca scolded. "You are a terrible role model!”

“Ain't nothin wrong with a drank or twenty.”

"I hoop ye've brought yer oown then," MacMath stated, quite seriously. "We've not the boodget tae be supplyin' drinks fer one an' all."

While the rest of the group followed MacMath, Hoardblemish lead me to a door at the end of a broad hallway where it met the landing at the top of a staircase.

"I intend to clear this out so that one day it can become my office," he informed me. "Currently, however, it is dusty and filled with junk. Did you know elves had junk?"

"It stands to reason that they would," I answered cautiously.

"Well it was a surprise to us. We expected treasures and wondrous artifacts but instead we found crates full of dishes and cutlery, broken furniture, piles upon piles of ladies' lingerie and items of an extremely .. personal nature. And boxes upon boxes of scrolls."

"Anything good?" I asked.

"I was excited at first, but to my amazement (and disappointment) the main bulk of it turned out to be elvish editions of Jane the Foolish Femme!  Can you believe elves read such rubbish? My opinion of the Fair Folk was greatly diminished after that discovery."

"That tallies with my own findings," I said through gritted teeth. "Elvish society consisted of all personality types, just like lowf- er, I mean regular people. It is said that a few of their kings were great lechers who filled the palace with Floozies. That would account for the saucy scrolls and the mountains of lingerie. Persoc Tor here was the winter palace, where they came to escape from the Kringle."

"You are knowledgeable on the subject," Hoardblemish stated with a note of admiration. "Of course some of my disappointment was relieved when we found the library. Just one of the erudite tomes in there would outweigh a whole stack of Jane. But to get back to the matter at hand, even though most of what we've found has been junk, we still have to carefully check every piece - in case it might be something valuable - and then carry it to a more suitable storage site. We've not thrown anything away, you see, because we are Her Majesty's guests and none of this stuff actually belongs to us. But it means that my future office is not yet cleared out, and I cannot offer you the degree of comfort that I would like."

"I've endured hardships far greater than a messy room," I assured him. "Let us go in and continue our business conference."

"Very well," Hoardblemish agreed as he opened the door. "Just give me a moment to light the lamp."

"Allow me," I said, stepping in behind him and using a silent Gramarye to ignite the wick of an oil lamp sitting on a small stand beside the door.

"My word," Hoardblemish exclaimed. "You did that so quickly and with such ease. Mr. Young, have you ever given any thought to teaching?"

"I'm afraid I haven't the time," I sighed. "Too many responsibilities calling me elsewhere .. but I could put my financial and moral support behind your school. Tell me of your plans."

Hoardblemish clambered atop a large barrel, and I perched on a small footstool.

"I began dabbling in alchemy while I was at University," he began, "and found that I was able to progress easily where so many others had met with insurmountable difficulties. Sir, I do not boast when I tell you that I discovered the Stone and prepared the Elixir. How old would you guess that I am?" I shrugged vaguely and he continued. "NINETY! And fit as man half my age! The secrets of alchemy cannot be told; they have to be discovered by each student over the course of the Great Work - but I propose to coach interested persons on that journey."

"Alchemy is not my forte," I admitted. "I only know that one should not steam gunpowder."

"Once again, Mr. Young, you show yourself to be humble and far more knowledgeable than you appear," Hoardblemish stated without any hint of irony. He gave me a long, piercing look, and then continued his story. "After reaching the completion of my alchemical work, I turned to geomancy in both its low and high applications. I have a fair mastery of ceremonial work as well, but to light a lamp with pure will, as you did, would take hours of concentration and leave me exhausted."

"It's not so much about forcing your will," I explained, "as simply persuading the elements to do what you want."

"Interesting," Hoardblemish murmured. "I shall have to remember that. I do wish you could teach, but I understand you're a busy man. My plan for this institution is to seek out the best, most skilled practitioners of magick to join our faculty, so that once again these islands will become an international centre of occult learning. As their light shone through the Dark Ages, so ours shall illumine the new dark age which I fear is coming."

"Count me in," I declared enthusiastically. "Whatever funding you need, I am ready to provide. All I ask is the amount of authority due to a Silent Partner. Let me review the curriculum, suggest new areas of study, and veto subjects which I know to be too dangerous."

"Er, well, I suppose -" Hoardblemish waffled reluctantly.

"Consider this my initial investment," I blurted, producing a large bag of gold from my Elfintory and handing it to him.

"Good heavens," he exclaimed. "Is this real? What must I -?"

"I have already stated my conditions," I said, with a reassuring smile. "I require no contract signed in blood nor any of that nonsense. The gold is real and I am a real flesh-and-blood investor. I would additionally like to have power of approval over everyone the university hires. If this project succeeds, it will attract all types from the occult world, and I know of a few who should be avoided at all costs. I assure you, my meddling will be minimal and you will only hear from me if I detect a problem."

“You really seem to know your business, Mr. Young, so I am willing to accept your terms. Shall we shake on it?”

As we shook hands, a thought occurred to me. When last I saw Zandar, she was looking for a shadowy entity named Hastur, and as I had just stated, if the school became successful then that search would eventually bring her to Perycsthorpe. Having Zandar here at this university would be a great way of keeping track of her, and in this controlled academic environment she would have less chance to massacre entire towns for the simple crime of annoying her.

“I happen to know a skilled bodymage to add to your faculty," I said. "An acquaintance of mine, a skunk femme who learned the ways of a Spanish Olera. She is quite knowledgeable and would make a fine addition to your faculty. However, she has occasional violent moods and can be extremely dangerous if not approached properly. She and I parted on less than congenial terms, so it would be best - when she turns up - not to mention my involvement with your institution. While I'm on the subject, it's fair to inform you that I tread in dangerous circles. I have allies and I have enemies. Some of my friends you have already met. It is possible that my enemies may act against your school if they know of my connection to you. A certain evil fox-tod comes to mind, though at this point he may consider it beneath his dignity to meddle in the school's affairs. Putting your faculty and students in danger is definitely something I don’t want, which is why I insist on vetting every new hire. I will also need MacMath and Staircrawly to swear that they will never mention me to anyone outside of this group that's here today."

“That seems reasonable,” Hoardblemish agreed as he clutched the large sack of gold.

“Excellent!” I declared, clapping my hands together for emphasis. “I hope this is the beginning of a long and fruitful partnership, Headmaster!” Hoardblemish grinned broadly at the use of his title. I continued: “Now then. I would like to meet this mysterious librarian of yours. You say she's an elf? Really?”

-----

Fuma's Musk, my faithful listeners! That was a long episode! I completely lost track of the time! Since this is the part where the Hoardblemish Academy was founded, I think I'll assign you some homework. Consult your arcane sources and find the answers to these questions: How did I approach my meeting with Edessa? Did I go in alone? Did I take Burnside? Did I take Burnside and Rebecca? What did Edessa say to me? I’m curious to see if your "guesses" continue to be as uncannily accurate as they've been up til now.

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