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Bonsai and I continued (Patreon)

Published:
2025-06-10 02:06:04
Edited:
2025-06-10 02:40:01
Imported:
2025-06
Tags:

Content

dramatically staring at each other while the sun set. My legs began to ache and get the prickly pins-and-needles feeling from standing still for too long, but by Fuma I wasn't going to be the one to turn away first!

"Scuse me," Burnside interrupted, tugging on my sleeve. “I don’t speak a lick o' that there forest language. Are they gonna kill us or not?”

"FUMA!!" I yelped, flinching at the sudden break in tension.

"Kinda jumpy, ain't ya?"

I tried to sound authoritative and composed, but my voice cracked: “The Shrub Knights have pledged their service to me. We get to live another day.”

“Well good, cuz I gotta go make a waterfall that could drown a draft ant.”

“Keep your foul secretions away from us!" one of the Shrubs rustled indignantly. "Many dogs have been felled for less!”

“You’re just the epitome of class, aren’t you?” I asked Burnside, wrinkling my nose in distaste.

"Aw shoot," Burnside grinned bashfully. "You really mean it, you ol' sweet talker? What's a pitomee?"

"Just go do what you have to do," I sighed dismissively.

“So, Your Majesty," Bonsai rustled as Burnside relieved herself behind a pile of tumbledown stones, "what would you have us do?”

I looked around at the field full of grisly shapes looming in the twilight. Burnside, Rebecca, and I had been at this for a while and hardly made a dent. “How are you at moving bodies?" I asked. "We need to put all of them in a mass grave. Hopefully I’ll have the resources to build a monument to the fallen later down the line.”

“LAME!” A Shrub in the back exclaimed.

“Be silent, Steve!" Bonsai scolded. "Our emperor has spoken!” Then to me, he(?) continued: "We shall consult our contacts and call in some favors. There are many who would wish to sink their roots into this soil, enriched by these legions of noble dead."

"As long as the area is cleaned up and the bones are buried out of sight, pretty much anything is okay with me. Oh - we probably should save some of the weapons and equipment, if any of it is salvageable." Now I wanted to question Thomson about what she saw while scavenging in the city. I called into the tunnel: “Everything is safe now! You can both come out!”

“OKAY!" Rebecca exclaimed. "Shrub Knights, this I gotta see.”

“EEK! NO!" Thomson wailed. "THE FALLEN! THE SHADES! THE NEVER ENDING SCREAMS! Mr. Calaveras, please shield me!”

....

Well, my faithful listeners, what information do you think Thomson imparted to me? What do you think happened next? Something unexpected? Or did we just keep cleaning the battlefield and city until someone came to us? I find your guesses amusing, so please lay them on me. If I see anyone fiddling around with note cards I will be very disappointed.

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Comments

Walter Reimer

Keep it up, Burnside. I love a gal who speaks her mind.

Walter Reimer

Rebecca: Be amazed at how the trees busily and efficiently clear away the bodies, with some trees using their roots to gouge out huge mass graves while vines separate out and stack the armor. Ask Adler if she can learn 'tree-talk." Burnside: Come back, straightening the hem of your skirt. "Hoo-whee! The pause that refreshes sure ain't Persoc-Itoome!" Start looking over the piles of weapons for any sharp pointy things to add to your Elfintory. Miss Thomson: Find comfort in whatever Mr. Calaveras is telling you. Peer out after a while and be shocked as the battlefield's changed to a meadow with grass and wildflowers. Adler: Whatever Thomson has told you, you are intrigued and direct the Shrubs to head east-by-widdershins. Sure enough, after a few hours a few Elves appear from an outlying village that had been separated from the city and the battlefield by some rolling hills and a small gorge (the hills are slowly rolling south-west-by-cattywampus).

Mondegreen

"Make a waterfall", that's not an expression I've head before. Fairly poetic, considering it's Burnside. Rebecca's positive attitude brightens the day, er, evening. But I fear Thomson is cracked beyond repair.

Walter Reimer

Yeah, I've written that euphemism down.

tegerio

Implying that she HAS a mind in order to speak it.

tegerio

"Make water" is an old-fashioned one I sometimes run across in books.

typeandkey

Walter Reimer: >Rebecca: Be amazed at how the trees busily and efficiently clear away the bodies, with some trees using their roots to gouge out huge mass graves while vines separate out and stack the armor. Ask Adler if she can learn 'tree-talk." >Burnside: Come back, straightening the hem of your skirt. "Hoo-whee! The pause that refreshes sure ain't Persoc-Itoome!" Start looking over the piles of weapons for any sharp pointy things to add to your Elfintory. >Miss Thomson: Find comfort in whatever Mr. Calaveras is telling you. >Adler: You take this opportunity to question Thomson about what she saw in the city. >Thomson: Give Adler exposition that is canon with the city’s current state for this time period in the overall story. >Adler: Time passes. You finally begin the training that you’ve been planning on giving Rebecca over two hundred years ago. You also apport some self-help books and books about psychology to try and get Thomson’s mind back into working order. This becomes your routine until something happens to move the story to the next chapter.