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"It feels wonderful," (Patreon)

Published:
2026-07-14 02:12:25
Imported:
2026-07
Tags:

Content

Thomson sighed loudly, "finally being clean after so long."

"You go ahead and use all of the shampoo," Rebecca called. "I wouldn't want to deprive you of your long-awaited opportunity. Besides, I think I might be able to make do with these extra suds..."

Later, as the femmes were toweling off and using cantrips to dry their fur, Burnside twisted her towel up and snapped Rebecca on the behind with it.

Rebecca yelped and responded in kind, resulting in a spirited, rambunctious towel fight, replete with giggling and squealing, running and leaping around the washroom like Wild Elves of the Long Ago.

"Cease this frivolity at once!" I demanded, as I emerged from my cubicle with a towel wrapped around myself. "Stop before it becomes Cavorting, or even (Fuma forefend!) Frolicking! Burnside, cut that out! Your antics are nowhere near as charming as you seem to think they are.”

"Heads up, yer highness," Burnside cackled as she whipped her towel toward me.

Adoyret Sam's training had not been for nothing! I grabbed the tip of the towel in midair before it could touch me. I glared at Burnside with the most withering glower I could muster.

"Quick reflexes," Burnside remarked, seemingly unfazed by my stern look. "Lookin mighty good in that there towel, Adler honey. How bout a little venery to blow off the last of our excess energy? A bathroom's the best place for venery - ya can git dirty an' clean at the same time!"

“Remember when I said if you brought up venery again," I reminded her, "I would put a geas on you that prevents you from feeling pleasure for the next fifty years? That wasn’t an idle threat. Elves do not lie.”

Burnside's mischievous demeanor evaporated and she looked genuinely terrified.

“Surely, my lord, that seems a bit harsh…” Rebecca stated, a bit uncertainly. "And elves do not lie. You DO look good in that towel. My lord."

“You’re right," I sighed. "And I suppose a curse of anhedonia would be cruel, bordering on Unseelie. Besides, I just thought of something much more interesting.” I cracked my knuckles as I loomed over the cowering raccoon.

A few minutes later, Thomson joined us in the corridor outside the washroom. "I feel like a new Floozy," she sighed contentedly. "And I've never seen Mr. Calaveras so gleamingly white before. What on earth is Burnside doing?"

As punishment for being an insufferable little pest, I had placed a geas on Burnside that forced her to act and speak like a refined, high class gentlefemme - but one utterly lacking physical coordination. As she tried to curtsy to a passing student, she tottered and bonked her head against the wall.

“My lord, I’m not sure this is more merciful,” Rebecca muttered.

“Nonsense," I sniffed. "Considering the sheer number and magnitude of her past crimes, not to mention her complete lack of contrition, any punishment that doesn’t involve a headsman’s axe is an act of mercy. Besides, this is quite amusing to watch."

"It makes her a lot less effective as a bodyguard," Thomson pointed out.

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Comments

Rick2tails

also he does look good in a towel

Walter Reimer

Thomson is correct. Forced to be polite and uncoordinated, Burnside won't be able to protect you, Adler.

Vet

Better this than an axe. She does look nice in that dress.

Decadent Arsenic

Adler, as a direct result of essentially hobbling his personal bodyguard, has something unfortunate happen, as is the case with most of his direct intentional decisions.

Rick2tails

She might not act nice but I think she looks really nice always!

Eric Costello

Burnside: do a deep bow to the headmaster at the top of a flight of stairs. Go down the stairs quite rapidly, head-over-tail, with a noisy BUMP-BUMP-BUMP. Mr. Calaveras: Somehow express pleasure at that sight. Mysterious fur who may or may not be a student: lurk in the shadows, blessing Adler for being a fool for now being unprotected.

Eric Costello

Vulp Hit Squad: construct a box trap baited with Yummikake, and a sign noting it is not for Schtupid Skonks.

Walter Reimer

(Adler): Takes a long stick and trips the box trap, only to have a much larger box trap fall on him.

Walter Reimer

(Adler): Trip the box trap, only to have a trapdoor open beneath him.

Eric Costello

Disaffected angry young vulp student (who is forced to clean bathrooms and sweep floors to pay for his education at the school): Vow to get the white skunk for no other reason than he's a skunk. Pfui!

typeandkey

(Walter) Thomson is correct. Forced to be polite and uncoordinated, Burnside won't be able to protect you, Adler. (Decadent) Adler, as a direct result of essentially hobbling his personal bodyguard, has something unfortunate happen, as is the case with most of his direct intentional decisions. (Eric) Mysterious fur who may or may not be a student: lurk in the shadows, blessing Adler for being a fool for now being unprotected. Vulp Hit Squad: construct a box trap Disaffected angry young vulp student (who is forced to clean bathrooms and sweep floors to pay for his education at the school): Vow to get the white skunk for no other reason than he's a skunk. Pfui!/ >Rebecca: “Thomson is right! By hobbling your security something horrible is bound to happen! What if there is a Vulpitanian Hit Squad disguised as disaffected students plotting a lethal trap for you this very instant! What if- what if they build an ingenious box trap baited with something you simply cannot resist! And if you try to neutralize the trap with a stick, it will trigger an even bigger box! And then a trap door! You’re completely undefended! The entire world could be plotting your downfall!” >Adler: You stare at Rebecca with your head tilted. Was there something in the soap she used? She’s being far more irrational than normal. You are about to chide her for being hysterical, but Thomson speaks first. >Thomson: “All of those things are very unlikely to happen. I was merely stating, what is the point of keeping her on as a bodyguard if he is going to prevent her from fulfilling her purpose.” You address Adler. “If one of your employees is acting out more than you can bear, you should just fire her.” >Adler: Now you are staring at Thomson with your heald tilted. She is being completely lucid and sensible right now. Surely there was something in all of those fruity soaps in the bathroom. You thank Fuma you had the foresight to use your own. Your fur requires special care that most soaps simply can’t provide. You shake your head and clear your throat. “First of all, I have spent much of my life without a bodyguard and I am still alive.” You look at Burnside to make sure she is out of earshot. She is currently trying to make small talk with a student while wearing a pot on her head. “I mainly offered her that position to try and distract her from trying to maul me to death with her confused ideas of love- which she did anyway. Secondly, despite that, I understand Burnside has her uses as a weapon of mass destruction, so I wish to keep her around as last-resort/bargaining-chip. Despite her current bumbling, my geas will not affect her ability to attack and defend.” Thomson and Rebecca look unconvinced. “Alright, a demonstration. Thomson, try to punch me. Sock me in the jaw-” >Thomson: Before Adler even finishes his statement, your fist goes swinging towards his perfectly sculpted face. There is no malice in your swing, it’s just been far too long since you sugilated someone. This is a good way to impress the boss. However, before your knuckles have a chance to connect, you are suddenly tackled to the ground and there is a knife to your throat. >A group of students and even teachers gather around and begin cheering the violence on. “Fight! Fight! Fight!” >Alder: “Okay, good job, Burnside!” You say quickly, before she can actually go in for the kill. “Good demonstration, you’ve made my point. Go back to making friends.” >Burnside: “Tee-hee! Acrobatics are fun.” You hop off Thomson and try to skip away, and instead trip and fall into a box full of banana peels. Disappointed, all the students and teachers disperse. >Thomson: “You’re right, Mr. Calaveras, that was very enjoyable.” >Rebecca: “Still… I know she’s an unseelie, psychotic, and evil mass murderer, but permanently robbing her of her autonomy seems mean. If you stick with this, won’t you be almost one-tenth as bad as she is?” >Adler: Hearing Rebecca’s description of Burnside causes you to rub your chin in contemplation. Not because you are worried about being mean to Burnside, but because having the raccoon’s characteristics listed out makes you seriously reconsider keeping her around. You shake your head, that is the point of her punishment. “Look, this isn’t going to be permanent. It probably won’t even last for the whole trime we’re in Hoardblemish. This is temporary disciplinary action, plain and simple. I’ll change her back to normal soon enough, and hopefully she will have learned a lesson. Every time Burnside acts out, despite my warnings, I will punish her is a creative and, hopefully, entertaining way. If my life were a fictional story, which is ridiculous but bear with me here, if my life were a fictional story consider this as a new and interactive running gag being introduced.” >Rebecca: You cock your head. “Interactive? OH! Can I pick one!” Your demeanor completely changes from unsure to excited. “Burnside used to do a lot of bad stuff back at the coven that would really get me steamed.” Your expression goes from excited to dark. “She would chew with her mouth open, belch without saying excuse me, every-time I found a nice mel she would lure him away from me and slit his throat so she could have venery with his leftovers, she would track mud in the cabin-” >Thomson: “May I pick some punishments as well? I’ve only known her briefly, both before and after my entombment, but this is something I definitely want to get in on. Plus, her accent is really annoying.” >Rebecca: “-She went through this faze that lasted for years where she would call me Hoppy-Hops, which is a SLUR among rabbits-” >Adler: “Uh-” You are bewildered by how quickly both Rebecca and Thomson changed their tunes, but you’ve learned to not question Fuma’s luck. “Sure. If you behave.” >Rebecca: “-And she does this horrible thing with her nails while everyone is trying to eat-” >Adler: You turn around and seemingly point at the audience. “Maybe I’ll even let YOU pick one of Burnside’s punishments! What do you say?” >Xavier: You had just rounded the corner, and have no idea what’s going on. “Uh- Punishment? Detention is usually enough…” >Rebecca: “And she kept using my best witchy costumes as cleaning rags which is why I had to wear that stupid Robin Hood getup!”

typeandkey

(Walter) Thomson is correct. Forced to be polite and uncoordinated, Burnside won't be able to protect you, Adler. (Decadent) Adler, as a direct result of essentially hobbling his personal bodyguard, has something unfortunate happen, as is the case with most of his direct intentional decisions. (Eric) Mysterious fur who may or may not be a student: lurk in the shadows, blessing Adler for being a fool for now being unprotected. Vulp Hit Squad: construct a box trap Disaffected angry young vulp student (who is forced to clean bathrooms and sweep floors to pay for his education at the school): Vow to get the white skunk for no other reason than he's a skunk. Pfui!/ >Rebecca: “Thomson is right! By hobbling your security something horrible is bound to happen! What if there is a Vulpitanian Hit Squad disguised as disaffected students plotting a lethal trap for you this very instant! What if- what if they build an ingenious box trap baited with something you simply cannot resist! And if you try to neutralize the trap with a stick, it will trigger an even bigger box! And then a trap door! You’re completely undefended! The entire world could be plotting your downfall!” >Adler: You stare at Rebecca with your head tilted. Was there something in the soap she used? She’s being far more irrational than normal. You are about to chide her for being hysterical, but Thomson speaks first. >Thomson: “All of those things are very unlikely to happen. I was merely stating, what is the point of keeping her on as a bodyguard if he is going to prevent her from fulfilling her purpose.” You address Adler. “If one of your employees is acting out more than you can bear, you should just fire her.” >Adler: Now you are staring at Thomson with your heald tilted. She is being completely lucid and sensible right now. Surely there was something in all of those fruity soaps in the bathroom. You thank Fuma you had the foresight to use your own. Your fur requires special care that most soaps simply can’t provide. You shake your head and clear your throat. “First of all, I have spent much of my life without a bodyguard and I am still alive.” You look at Burnside to make sure she is out of earshot. She is currently trying to make small talk with a student while wearing a pot on her head. “I mainly offered her that position to try and distract her from trying to maul me to death with her confused ideas of love- which she did anyway. Secondly, despite that, I understand Burnside has her uses as a weapon of mass destruction, so I wish to keep her around as last-resort/bargaining-chip. Despite her current bumbling, my geas will not affect her ability to attack and defend.” Thomson and Rebecca look unconvinced. “Alright, a demonstration. Thomson, try to punch me. Sock me in the jaw-” >Thomson: Before Adler even finishes his statement, your fist goes swinging towards his perfectly sculpted face. There is no malice in your swing, it’s just been far too long since you sugilated someone. This is a good way to impress the boss. However, before your knuckles have a chance to connect, you are suddenly tackled to the ground and there is a knife to your throat. >A group of students and even teachers gather around and begin cheering the violence on. “Fight! Fight! Fight!” >Alder: “Okay, good job, Burnside!” You say quickly, before she can actually go in for the kill. “Good demonstration, you’ve made my point. Go back to making friends.” >Burnside: “Tee-hee! Acrobatics are fun.” You hop off Thomson and try to skip away, and instead trip and fall into a box full of banana peels. Disappointed, all the students and teachers disperse. >Thomson: “You’re right, Mr. Calaveras, that was very enjoyable.” >Rebecca: “Still… I know she’s an unseelie, psychotic, and evil mass murderer, but permanently robbing her of her autonomy seems mean. If you stick with this, won’t you be almost one-tenth as bad as she is?” >Adler: Hearing Rebecca’s description of Burnside causes you to rub your chin in contemplation. Not because you are worried about being mean to Burnside, but because having the raccoon’s characteristics listed out makes you seriously reconsider keeping her around. You shake your head, that is the point of her punishment. “Look, this isn’t going to be permanent. It probably won’t even last for the whole trime we’re in Hoardblemish. This is temporary disciplinary action, plain and simple. I’ll change her back to normal soon enough, and hopefully she will have learned a lesson. Every time Burnside acts out, despite my warnings, I will punish her is a creative and, hopefully, entertaining way. If my life were a fictional story, which is ridiculous but bear with me here, if my life were a fictional story consider this as a new and interactive running gag being introduced.” >Rebecca: You cock your head. “Interactive? OH! Can I pick one!” Your demeanor completely changes from unsure to excited. “Burnside used to do a lot of bad stuff back at the coven that would really get me steamed.” Your expression goes from excited to dark. “She would chew with her mouth open, belch without saying excuse me, every-time I found a nice mel she would lure him away from me and slit his throat so she could have venery with his leftovers, she would track mud in the cabin-” >Thomson: “May I pick some punishments as well? I’ve only known her briefly, both before and after my entombment, but this is something I definitely want to get in on. Plus, her accent is really annoying.” >Rebecca: “-She went through this faze that lasted for years where she would call me Hoppy-Hops, which is a SLUR among rabbits-” >Adler: “Uh-” You are bewildered by how quickly both Rebecca and Thomson changed their tunes, but you’ve learned to not question Fuma’s luck. “Sure. If you behave.” >Rebecca: “-And she does this horrible thing with her nails while everyone is trying to eat-” >Adler: You turn around and seemingly point at the audience. “Maybe I’ll even let YOU pick one of Burnside’s punishments! What do you say?” >Xavier: You had just rounded the corner, and have no idea what’s going on. “Uh- Punishment? Detention is usually enough…” >Rebecca: “And she kept using my best witchy costumes as cleaning rags which is why I had to wear that stupid Robin Hood getup!”