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Seeing the headmaster round the corner, (Patreon)

Published:
2026-07-28 01:38:10
Edited:
2026-07-29 02:21:38
Imported:
2026-07
Tags:

Content

Burnside galloped toward him while shouting “Good evenin, suh! Mighty pleased to make yo acquainta- EEEEE!” She tried to bow and curtsy while still running, which sent her careening head-over-heels past Hoardblemish and down a nearby stairwell. “Goodness-OUCH-Gracious-OOF-Mercy-EEK-Sakes-YOWCH-Ah-ACK-Declare-”

“Oh dear," Xavier muttered as he observed Burnside's descent. "Those stairs go all the way to the basement. We should go check on her.”

“Not to worry, old chap,” I guffawed breezily. “That lass is as tough as nails. Tougher even. She’ll be fine.”

“She is pretty resilient…” Rebecca admitted, rubbing her chin in a serious manner.

Headmaster Hoardblemish looked at us for a few seconds, then seemed to suddenly jolt out of his reverie. “OH! The reason I came to get you all! Classes are finished for the day. Night classes won't begin for another few hours. We can continue the tour!”

As we followed Xavier across the common room, I noticed the sullen fox Burnside had been talking to earlier slowly backing around a corner, while steadily glaring at me with a baleful expression. Shortly after there was a loud crash and gekkering, with another voice yelling some pretty spicy invective.

“What was that about?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about him," Xavier sighed. "He’s just socially awkward.”

“Oh! Is he a gifted savant?” Rebecca asked, with a wistful look toward the corner where the tod had vanished.

“Not at all," Xavier retorted. "Mr. Mortimer Vulpstein is one of our worst students. He's failing all of his classes and I've made it quite clear that if he doesn't show some improvement this semester, I shall have no choice but to expel him. He's lately taken to carrying a wand around and affecting a so-called 'mystical gaze' which he thinks will bend others to his will. Needless to say, it does not work. He's also started calling himself 'Vulpimort' as if having a sinister-sounding name will somehow make him a wizard. That young tod would be more suited to a career as a shoe salesman, or perhaps a stage illusionist - not a genuine magician. I assure you, Mr. Young, most of our students are not like him. So, about the rest of the tour?”

“Mr. Hoardblemish," I interjected before he could drag us off to show us the classrooms, "I am very impressed with what you have accomplished here, but there is a pressing matter about which I wish to speak with you. May we retire to your office?”

“Ah yes…" Xavier sighed ruefully. "You had mentioned Europe… I was hoping to put that off for a while longer.”

Burnside limped up to us, entangled in a broken chair. “I’m okay,” she explained with a bright smile.

"Now now, Mr. Calaveras," Thomson softly scolded her skull while stifling a chuckle. "It isn't nice to laugh at the misfortunes of others. Even if they are hilarious."

“Splendid!" I declared, rubbing my hands. "Burnside, Rebecca, Thomson, why don’t the three of you mingle while I conduct business with our gracious host. Don't stray too far!”

PREV www.patreon.com/posts/164401609

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Comments

Rick2tails

Burnside is more then ok. she`s FINE! 😍

Vet

Burnside wears that chair with style.

Decadent Arsenic

Why do i feel like that tod is going to try to kill a baby in the next 40 years or so?

Walter Reimer

But he'll trip over a chair and end up losing his nose in a really tragic and unfortunate deep fryer accident.

Decadent Arsenic

While trying to hide his mother's old locket which he turned into a phylactery.

Eric Costello

(Hoardblemish and Adler) Encounter three idiots: a mink, a mutte, and some hooman type with crinkly hair. The three appear to be hiding out from their employer, pretending to be studying magick. (The Mutte is studying Cocktail Magic, the Hooman Magic Fingers, and the Mink appears to be studying some of the more comely students that are mustelids.) Evict these frauds.

typeandkey

>Xavier: “Well, if you three ladies would like to mingle, there is a Meet-and-Greet down the hall. Teachers, students, and parents will be in attendance. Snacks and refreshments will be provided.” >Adler: How convenient! You nod at your three subordinates giving them the go-ahead. >Current Adler directly to the audience: “Before we get into the heavy stuff with Xavier, let’s cover what my three agents, uh, uncovered during their reconnaissance. They even wrote a report to give to me afterward. Although… I’m not sure why they decided to format their mission report this way, but this is how they wrote it. So, without further ado, I present: The Three Elfettes.”” https://drewmartinwrites.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/iconapp.png >Thomson: “All right girls, Mr. Claveras says if we’re gonna do this right we’ve gotta be inconspicuous. This is the first mission we’ve got on our own, so no screw ups.” >Burnside: “I don’t recall anyone putting you in charge. Says who?” >Thomson: “Says Mr. Calaveras. He doesn’t take no for an answer. You wanna tell him no?” You hold up the skull to Burnside’s face.” >Burnside: You are compelled to curtsy as you speak. “No, sir.” Thomson promptly pokes you in the nose with the skull. “OOH!” >Rebecca: “Ms. Thomson, you’re acting strangely.” You say uncertainly. >Thomson: “I’m in character. Now come on. There’s no time to waste. Be serious, and remember, we’re undercover. Let’s move it.” >The three of you make your way to the meet and greet down the hall. Thomson is trying much too hard to look casual, looking at her nails/hooves the entire time and polishing the skull against her shirt. Rebecca has a serious glower on her face so over the top she looks ridiculous. Burnside brings up the rear, taking Thomson’s undercover comment too seriously, she has concealed herself inside a large vase and bumps into every wall and knocks over every piece of furniture and knickknack on the way. >You reach the location. It is a repurposed ballroom meant to host social events. You see a large group of wizards and scholarly types mingling while they sip drinks and munch on snacks. There is a quartet of string instruments playing themselves providing background ambiance. >Thomson: “Alright, gals, let’s spread out and start asking questions. We’ll cover more ground that way. Rebecca, you cover the entertainment, Burnside, you scout out the back, and I’ll hover around the snack table.” >Rebecca: “Why do you get the snack table?” >Thomson: “I’m hungry.” >Rebecca: You huff and stomp over to the crowd gawking at the self playing instruments. “I liked the crazy Thomson better…” You grumble. >Burnside: Inside your vase, you shuffle into the ballroom. “Those wallflowers won’t know what hit ‘em.” You try to giggle impishly and daintily at the same time, it just sounds like you’re snorting. >Thomson: You put your hand down on top of Burnside’s vase disguise. “Hey, what do you think you’re doing crowding in dressed like that? We’re supposed to be inconspicuous!” >Burnside: “You said we’re supposed to be undercover! I’m under some cover.” >Thomson: “What’s the matter with you! You’re gonna scare people like that!” You pluck the large vase off Burnside and roll it out of the ballroom down the hall. Someone yelps and there is a loud crash. “Now quit messing around and be serious for a change.” >Burnside: “I’m a victim of circumstance!” You say defensively. As you scamper off Thomson gives you a swift boot to the rear. >Thomson: After Burnside scampers off to the edges of the crowd you hold Mr. Calaveras up to your face. “I tell you, Mr. Calaveras, it’s tough being the only sane person around.” You look over to see a woman that has been staring at you while you speak to a skull like a crazy person. “Hi, how are you doing?” >Current Adler to the Audience: “Well well, my faithful listeners. What sort of antics and japes do you think my three lovely, and questionably competent, assistants get up to? Call out your guesses.”

typeandkey

>Xavier: “Well, if you three ladies would like to mingle, there is a Meet-and-Greet down the hall. Teachers, students, and parents will be in attendance. Snacks and refreshments will be provided.” >Adler: How convenient! You nod at your three subordinates giving them the go-ahead. >Current Adler directly to the audience: “Before we get into the heavy stuff with Xavier, let’s cover what my three agents, uh, uncovered during their reconnaissance. They even wrote a report to give to me afterward. Although… I’m not sure why they decided to format their mission report this way, but this is how they wrote it. So, without further ado, I present: The Three Elfettes.”” https://drewmartinwrites.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/iconapp.png >Thomson: “All right girls, Mr. Claveras says if we’re gonna do this right we’ve gotta be inconspicuous. This is the first mission we’ve got on our own, so no screw ups.” >Burnside: “I don’t recall anyone putting you in charge. Says who?” >Thomson: “Says Mr. Calaveras. He doesn’t take no for an answer. You wanna tell him no?” You hold up the skull to Burnside’s face.” >Burnside: You are compelled to curtsy as you speak. “No, sir.” Thomson promptly pokes you in the nose with the skull. “OOH!” >Rebecca: “Ms. Thomson, you’re acting strangely.” You say uncertainly. >Thomson: “I’m in character. Now come on. There’s no time to waste. Be serious, and remember, we’re undercover. Let’s move it.” >The three of you make your way to the meet and greet down the hall. Thomson is trying much too hard to look casual, looking at her nails/hooves the entire time and polishing the skull against her shirt. Rebecca has a serious glower on her face so over the top she looks ridiculous. Burnside brings up the rear, taking Thomson’s undercover comment too seriously, she has concealed herself inside a large vase and bumps into every wall and knocks over every piece of furniture and knickknack on the way. >You reach the location. It is a repurposed ballroom meant to host social events. You see a large group of wizards and scholarly types mingling while they sip drinks and munch on snacks. There is a quartet of string instruments playing themselves providing background ambiance. >Thomson: “Alright, gals, let’s spread out and start asking questions. We’ll cover more ground that way. Rebecca, you cover the entertainment, Burnside, you scout out the back, and I’ll hover around the snack table.” >Rebecca: “Why do you get the snack table?” >Thomson: “I’m hungry.” >Rebecca: You huff and stomp over to the crowd gawking at the self playing instruments. “I liked the crazy Thomson better…” You grumble. >Burnside: Inside your vase, you shuffle into the ballroom. “Those wallflowers won’t know what hit ‘em.” You try to giggle impishly and daintily at the same time, it just sounds like you’re snorting. >Thomson: You put your hand down on top of Burnside’s vase disguise. “Hey, what do you think you’re doing crowding in dressed like that? We’re supposed to be inconspicuous!” >Burnside: “You said we’re supposed to be undercover! I’m under some cover.” >Thomson: “What’s the matter with you! You’re gonna scare people like that!” You pluck the large vase off Burnside and roll it out of the ballroom down the hall. Someone yelps and there is a loud crash. “Now quit messing around and be serious for a change.” >Burnside: “I’m a victim of circumstance!” You say defensively. As you scamper off Thomson gives you a swift boot to the rear. >Thomson: After Burnside scampers off to the edges of the crowd you hold Mr. Calaveras up to your face. “I tell you, Mr. Calaveras, it’s tough being the only sane person around.” You look over to see a woman that has been staring at you while you speak to a skull like a crazy person. “Hi, how are you doing?” >Current Adler to the Audience: “Well well, my faithful listeners. What sort of antics and japes do you think my three lovely, and questionably competent, assistants get up to? Call out your guesses.”