How Adler Stole Kringlemas (Patreon)

Proudly presenting

Our first ever Holiday Special

for the Edification and Moral Instruction of the Public

"HOW ADLER STOLE KRINGLEMAS"

by Dr. Sus  (mostly Typeandkey with minor alterations by Tegerio)

Every Yew-man down in Yarksberg liked Kringlemas a lot...

But Adler, hiding north of town, most certainly did NOT!

Adler HATED Kringlemas and all the “Giving” seasons!

Don’t ask him why, he’ll gladly talk your ear off with his reasons.

He’ll claim that it was built upon the backs of elvish labor.

It’s all a big excuse for folks to rip off friend and neighbor.

And yet the most probable reason of all

Was that Adler’s brain was two sizes too small.

But, Whatever the reason, his soapbox or brain,

He hated it all, standing cold in the rain.

Staring down from his cave with a sour, elfly frown

At the warm lighted windows below in the town,

He knew every yew-man in Yarksberg had plans,

And now was their time to write lists of demands.

“And they’re hanging their stockings!” He snarled with a sneer.

“Next Month is December! It’s practically here!”

Then he growled, with his elf fingers nervously drumming,

“I MUST try and stop this Kringlemas from coming!”

For, quite soon, he knew, all the yew girls and boys

Would pick up their pens and make greedy noise!

And then many elves would fall to Kringle’s ploys,

Be rounded up roughly, and forced to make TOYS!

Adler, of course, was too smart for all that.

He’d honed his skills well.  He could hide like a cat.

He could dodge!  He could pook at the drop of a hat!

There’s simply no way he’d make toys for some brat!

But all these neat tricks and evasions aside,

To disappear every year was hurting his pride.

Hiding away while the yew-men would mingle -

It made him so mad he could strike at the Kringle!

"It just isn’t fair! I'm the grand elven KING!!!"

And the more Adler thought what the season would bring,

The more Adler thought, “I must stop this whole thing!

“Why, for decades and more I’ve put up with it now!

“I'll stop Kringlemas from coming!" he pondered, "... but how?”

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