Family from Beyond the Stars, Ch. 2 (Patreon)

CH. 2

Nobody you can Trust

It had been three days since the events of Cadence Park.  Kenny was running on empty.  The three children had been skittish at first to be in an entirely new environment.  They'd sniffed, touched, and flinched at everything.  Their bodies were bizarre, to say the least. He had been correct in thinking of them as some sort of hybrid of animals, their shape somewhere similar to a large hunting cat, mixed with some simian features such as their expressive faces and humanoid limb construction, and the solidity, scales and posture of a komodo dragon or alligator, if infinitely more grace and flexibility. They had a feline posture and poses, but walked primarily on the forward knuckles of their lower pair of arms, although they often broke into full-out runs that used all six limbs. They also had a high-centered stance and moved their whole bodies through every motion when going slow.

Then there were the specific details that stuck out so much now.  Their heads were feline in shape but had heavy sections of plated scales and ridges running along their skulls, from around which stuck up a thick coat of soft, luxurious fur in varying colors.  They had spiny-tipped ears that could swivel completely around to the other side of their head like the head on an owl, although so could their entire necks, spines, even their shoulder-plates, and hips, making for some very bizarre flexibility.

Their four arms all had long claws able to retract and extend from each digit of their bizarrely six-fingered and human-like paws, while their hind paws were distinctly more feline.  Their teeth were double-layered, making for two rows of fangs on top and bottom, and they were actually slightly see-through.  Their bodies contorted from head to paw with muscles that seemed hyper-sharpened and focused, so soon after birth, into incredibly dense coils.  Each of the males had simple, long, ambidextrous tails, matching the tentacles on their sister's back.

The strangest detail though, above all of that, was they weren't entirely flesh.  Their bodies seemed to be a combination of living tissue and plates of actual machinery but more advanced than anything Kenny had ever heard of.  During his frequent pettings of the children, he noticed actual seams at various joints and connecting spots on their bodies, although they didn't compress or open.  They also moved and reacted differently than either material should have, rigid but also able to flex.  The lights, flashing along the lengths of their bodies, at all waking hours, were built into the actual skin.  They also changed color depending on their moods.  As far as Kenny had been able to learn: blue meant peaceful, yellow was alert, green was either disgust or curiosity, red was anger, orange was danger or maybe fear, and they had this weird pink that would cover their bodies, combining with other colors when they played or rough-housed, obviously some kind of excitement.

And what was more, every single one of them had entirely different personalities, not just mannerisms but true, honest to God, rational minds, attitudes, and ways of expressing themselves.  They weren't just a uniform male-female type mindset of species.  They were complex, highly intelligent, and curious creatures who were very aware of being alive and eager to explore their new world.

The sister was obviously the one in charge, being the largest, and also the most fearless it seemed like.  She had a big attitude and often commanded the playing of the other two even when she wasn't involved.  She always checked things out for the boys first, but also played with things last.  Other than that, she was a bit of a trouble-maker, often spending her time deliberately messing with or destroying things.  Whenever it came time for snuggles though, she never abstained or played hard to get.  Her need for being petted was constant but she wasn't pushy.  He'd woken up more than once to find her snuggling him in her sleep.

In only the three short days since coming here, their bodies had undergone a tiny but drastic transformation, that being that after being ‘birthed’ from their weird egg pods, their bodies had been only lightly covered in a short coat of soft fur, now each of them had a full, luscious pelt of it, thick enough that his fingers were able to burrow deeply into them whenever he petted them, which was often, often obscuring the digits completely. In direct light, the female’s fur was patterned similar to a tiger but with dark, reddish-brown fur and pitch-black stripes but with a white underbelly.  That, along with her Tiger-like body and skull shape made her rather imposing, at first anyway.  While she was larger, both in height and muscle mass than her siblings for their comparative sizes, she was also remarkably gentle when she wanted to be.

The bulkier of the boys was a rambunctious, thick-headed, stubborn, and very loving specimen who resembled a snow leopard,  fur patterned in spiky rosettes of indigo or violent variations on a pristine, fluffy white pelt.  His belly was much thicker in fur and bushier.  He loved physical games like wrestling, tackling, and paw-pinning.  He even had this ripple along his back that made Kenny think he was laughing.  He had a bigger-than-life charm, always seemed confident, and would even, without being ridiculous, smile.  Smile like a human being who had just made a crappy pun and was enjoying it or cracked a witty one-liner.  His policy for new things was to bite it first once it didn't turn out to be dangerous.  If it was food, he ate it.  They seemed able to eat anything technically edible but disdained rotten or expired food, so they all possessed a higher palate.  Some two...more than a particular other.

The thinner but longest of the trio, the other boy, was a foil to his chunkier and more brutish sibling.  He was slender and agile, often climbing to high spots like an actual cat, his body shape similar to a mixture between Cheetah and Lion.  He also liked to climb all over the walls, clinging to the ceiling like a gecko or a spider but never leaving indentations or claw marks.  He had a sense of humor that mostly involved pranking or tricking his siblings during play; his favorite was using his tail to play the gag where he would make his brother or sibling look one way as if he were supposed to be standing there, but slip to the other side.  Conversely, he was also flighty and easy to startle, going stiff as a board very frequently whenever first presented with something new.  His fur was tawny gold and sparkled with a metallic sheen, the tips dark red along his spine and limbs.  He moved like he was mostly liquid, color flowing like liquid bronze.

He had named them: Phoebe the tomboy, Joey the clown, and Chandler the jokester.  It was in homage to his favorite show, and also because Phoebe reminded him somewhat of his late girlfriend in temperament.  His thought had been: if he couldn't have had her as the actual mother of his children, he would dedicate one of his adopted children in her memory and love her just as much as he ever had the former.  Joey and Chandler had also easily won him over, with Joey being similar to a dog in the way he wanted constant love and attention, and Chandler more shy but happy to wrap himself around Kenny for loving petting and snuggles.

All of that being said, Kenny was at his wit's end.  His apartment was destroyed.  There wasn't a thing the three didn't get into.  They'd torn his bedsheets to tatters, some of his clothing too.  They climbed in and out of his bathtub but did not like water.  They broke a fair few inexpensive things and seemed very guilty when he had gotten onto them but due to his inability to stay mad at them, or anyone, they always went right back to what they had been doing.  They had also eaten every meager thing he had in his fridge, which was where he found out they would avoid out-of-date food without actually being able to read an expiration date.  They had sniffed his milk and pushed it aside.  Thinking that this was because they didn't drink milk, he poured himself a glass.  It immediately smelled rotten and he threw it away.

He sagged down onto his bed as the three continued to tear around his home.  He rubbed at his temples.  If this was what raising kids were like, he totally understood why single mothers needed so much compassion.  He'd never been more tired.  He had no idea how to deal with their bodily functions, what was good to eat or not, and his nerves were fried from worry.  He hadn't gone to work in all that time and his phone was constantly vibrating with calls.  He ignored them all, too scared he would blurt something out.  The rare times he tried turning on the TV, there were reports that police had been investigating the area of the impact but had found nothing, stating it was a crashed satellite.  Nothing about the pod was ever mentioned, but Kenny was always so stressed out that he turned it off before anything might be said.

"Some kind of government conspiracy," he muttered to himself, rubbing at his cheeks.  Still no consistent running water.  He had to go out and get groceries soon but could he risk leaving the children home alone?  Could he risk ordering more online, even with how expensive that had gotten?  Would the children behave?  He had decided to start drills for them, to try and teach them when to hide.

These attempts had gone by most unsuccessful.  His first idea was to test with a door-knock, and when the cubs looked at him, he ran at them flailing his arms.  This had been a horrible idea.  They thought it had been a game, and tackled him on masse.  Despite only being as big as a Pitbull apiece, they were heavy as hell, incredibly strong, and dense.  They'd knocked him over easily.  He'd yelled for them to get off and they looked afraid and confused.  He'd had to pet them all to get them to calm down.

He again tapped the door as if someone were knocking outside, then mimed running, not at them, but past them to the bathroom.  He had them follow him, made them watch him jump in the tub, and pretend to hide.  Their puzzled expressions stared back at him.  Scratch that idea.  They weren't that smart.  He chastised himself.

"It's not that they aren't smart," he told himself.  "They're kids!  Everything is a game!"  He rubbed his temples.  "Oh what I wouldn't give for a Dear Abby right now."  He could see the article already.

Dear Abby,

I'm a single father with three extraterrestrial kids and I have no idea how to control or care for them!  No, I didn't steal these babies, I found them in a crashed alien spaceship during my night round as a garbageman, and I have so much debt I'd probably live better at a homeless shelter and avoid all housing costs.  But I'm not a cheapskate or a thief, so I won't.

Send Prayers!

Stressed-and-Scared.

He shook his head.  He needed sleep.  He laid back on his bed but immediately was run over by Joey.  He pushed the lug off of him and the pair of boys went back to chasing one another.  Phoebe watched from the floor, looking bored at their antics while she shredded another shirt.  He gave her a look and she bashfully stopped, plucking up the tatters in her teeth and handing it to him.  He took it.

"Great.  Thanks, sweetheart," he mumbled, and she looked down, upset and guilty.  They couldn't follow complex commands but they picked up on tone and attitude like it was second nature.  Empathic beings?  Was that the word he had heard before on one of his sci-fi shows?  He sighed and reached out to rub her head.  "Daddy's not mad," he promised.  Phoebe brightened up and sat up on her hindquarters to wrap her paws around his legs.  He hugged and petted her, mollified by her rumbling diesel-engine purr.  "Thanks, sweetheart," he told her.  She rubbed her face against him more.

He looked at Chandler and Joey, currently batting at one another with their upper paws.  It was like a slap or poke fight equivalent for young Human boys.  They stopped when they noticed him and their sister looking at them.  Chandler ducked his head a bit and sat still while Joey just smiled.

"Yeah, you know you're a goof, don't you?" laughed Kenny.  Joey pranced.  Chandler looked annoyed at being left out of the praise.  "And you're a drama queen, Chandler," he told the boy.  The agile one perked up immediately to be acknowledged.  They growled at one another and made as if to return to their game, only for Phoebe to let loose a warning rumble and they returned to sitting still.  He patted her ears.  "Don't be so hard on 'em!" he told her, looking her in the eyes.  "They love you.  I'd have killed to have brothers when I was growing up."

Phoebe purred.  Chandler and Joey came up beside him as well, perching on the end of his bed like she was.  He looked at his three weird Alien children and he smiled.  They all purred, the boys waving their tails and their sister rubbing against him more.  He petted all three very gently on the heads.  Their strange, exotic, beautiful eyes gazed at him, as deep and complex as the galaxies they resembled.  He had no doubt they loved him, bonding easily and thinking of him as their actual parent.  He knew he'd die for them.  It was all going to work out.

The door suddenly rattled with a knock.  As one, the trio of cubs looked at the door, their eyes went wide, and, as one, they turned invisible.  On the spot.  Kenny stared at the blank spaces where they had been.  He could still feel their presence, physically, in front of him, and small distortions of the light occurred whenever he moved his head side to side.  They hadn't turned invisible per se, but their scales had reflected the light, making them essentially vanish from sight.

"You could do that all this time?" he asked, slightly irritated, but then rolled his eyes and got up.  "Bathroom, go!" he whispered urgently and waved his hands.  He only hoped they understood what he meant and he turned to face the door.  Someone was still knocking outside.  He waited.  They didn't go away.  He heard a soft thud from the bathroom and he closed the door quietly with the toe of his foot.

"Kenny!" came a voice then, deep and overly loud.  "It's Derrick.  Open up man, I know you're here."  Kenny let out a sigh of relief at first, then he blinked in suspicion.  Why the heck was Derrick here?  "Come on dude!" grunted Derrick a moment later.  "Austin's been nagging at me to check on you, said I probably hurt your feelings about Emily being born without you knowing.  Come on, dick.  Open the door so I can apologize or whatever."

Groaning, Kenny took a deep breath and he walked over to the door.  He unlocked it after a grunt of preparation and willing himself to do it.  He cracked the door, leaving the chain on.  "Uhh..." he stammered out, wincing from the bright sunlight outside.  He'd drawn the shades to keep people from looking in and seeing the cubs, made sure they understood that windows were a no-go.  "What's up?" he asked.

Derrick stared down at him, arching an eyebrow.  His mouth twisted up underneath his beard.  "Dude, what is the matter with you?" he asked.  He rolled his eyes.  He wore his usual dark blue sweatshirt over a dirty stained t-shirt, jeans, and socks with sandals.  Derrick was by no means cool, but he was so abrasive that no one usually bothered him.  He had a cup of coffee in one hand and he sipped at it.  He licked at a few drops leftover in his beard and he glanced at what he could see of Kenny's apartment through the gap.  "Kinda...kinda dark in there."

"Oh!" Kenny squawked, which he always did when he was nervous.  "Oh, that's just...uhh, problems-problems w-w-with my power."  Great, now he was repeating words and stammering.  He couldn't have sold a car that actually worked at a car store with nothing else but broken models.

Derrick made the skeptical face again.  "Were you doing something weird?" he asked.  He narrowed his eyes.  "Are you on drugs?"

Kenny tried to calm down.  "N-no I'm not on drugs," he stated, trying to sound confident.  "I couldn't afford d-drugs even if I wanted them.  I'm poor."

"Yeah, I know you're poor," grunted Derrick.  "You live in a shithole.  You'd be better off squatting at a Homeless Shelter and living off your actual pay from your crappy job.  You'd have free room and board, food, a bed, even health care.  Instead, you sink all your time and money into keeping a place like this that is sucking the life out of you."  He sipped at his coffee again, tapping his temple.  "Need to think, bro."

Kenny glowered.  He'd told himself that same argument his whole life.  And he knew he couldn't do it.  "My father worked way too hard his whole life, barely keeping us above actually being homeless that I'd ever dishonor his memory by stooping to that."  His voice was finally firm.  He leaned against this door.  "C-can you please go, Derrick?  Tell Austin I'm fine.  I just didn't want to bother him with him having a baby, you know?"

Derrick sniffed.  He still looked indecisive.  "Tell him yourself, I ain't your damn attorney.  He's worried.  But, yeah, that's probably the best part about you, Kenny," he stated suddenly.  "You think of other people before yourself.  And Austin has a kid now."

"What's your point?" asked Kenny, feeling defensive for some reason.

"That Austin doesn't need you around."  Derrick's voice was still so flat, bored, as if who he was talking to really didn't command all that much respect or need for attention.  "He's got a kid now.  He didn't tell you that he and Aubrey were pregnant.  They didn't want you to know."

Kenny's blood went cold.  Without realizing he had, he opened the chain of his door and stepped slightly outside, still in the doorway but obviously upset.  "W-what did you just say to m-m-me?" he stammered.  It was no longer a scared or worried stammer, he was stuttering from anger.  It always happened whenever he got upset like this, which always gave bullies more reasons to pick on him.  He could barely get words out of his mouth to retort to his lifelong stream of tormentors that by the time he'd been able to do so, they'd laughed and walked away or hit him.  "Th-t-that ain't t-true."

Derrick, for his part, didn't even react to seeing Kenny now beginning to square up to him.  He put his hand in his pocket, sniffing again.  "Think about it.  You're a leech.  You're boring, dull, have no ambition, content to live in actual squalor rather than bend that moral pride of yours, and you suck all of our attention.  He was so upset about the night Emily was born that he could barely get any sleep when he was finally able to.  Aubrey's been exhausted.  And frankly?  I'm exhausted."  He poked Kenny right in the chest.  "You've been dragging us all down for years, Ken.  Just do us all a favor, and leave.  I'll tell Austin that you don't want to be around Emily, that you don't think he needs a kid, whatever it takes really.  I don't need to see my friend getting sucked into depression by you anymore."

Kenny shook his head, his chest seizing up.  "T-that ain't true though!" he stammered in a high-pitched voice.  He pointed at Derrick but the bigger man just kept tapping his finger away, looking amused.  "I-I-I love Emily already she's m-m-my niece and I..."

Derrick grabbed his finger, clenching it.  "She's not your niece!" he growled, looking far too satisfied with himself.  "She's the daughter of your friend that you've been mooching off of for years, either for money or emotional support.  The best thing you can do for her is leave her the hell alone, and Austin too."

Kenny had never been so mad before in his entire life.  His fists were clenched, his jaw was set, and deep down...he knew it too.  "You're wrong!" he cried, lunging forwards and pushing Derrick hard in the chest.  He knew immediately that it had been a mistake.

Derrick had stumbled back a step in actual surprise.  Kenny had never pushed anyone in his entire life.  He looked down at himself, drenched in his own coffee.  He fanned his arms once and he looked up, glaring hard.  "Oh I was trying to be nice, you dweeb," he growled.  "Now I'm gonna have to kick your ass!"  He punched Kenny.  Hard.

The huge fist took him right across the face and sent him stumbling back through his door.  It clattered against the frame and he nearly fell, caught by his closet.  He tried to get his feet back underneath him, head spinning and stars dancing in his vision, glasses half-hanging off, and his lip split.  Derrick loomed above him, grabbing his shirt in one hand and lifting the other again.

"I'll try not to enjoy it too much!" he snarled and drew back to punch Kenny once more.

The bathroom door smashed open and Derrick looked up in alarm.  Shifting shapes and distortions of light greeted his eyes before, all at once, all three cubs leaped out of seemingly thin air.  Their eyes were black, their claws extended, mouths open wide with savage snarls.  The lights on their backs had turned red and pink completely, like vivid neon stripes down their spines and along their limbs.

Derrick's face went completely pale and he stumbled back a step.  "W-wh-what the fuck are those things?! he shrieked and tried to run.  Joey took his legs out from under him while Chandler wrapped his tail around his ankles, further trapping him even in midair before he slammed down on his back.  Phoebe rushed forwards, lifting her paw and readying herself to slash down at the downed and screaming man.  All three cubs loomed over him, snarling, hackles raised, lips stretching back more than seemed necessary as they showed all their combined six full sets of fangs.  Their eyes were the most sinister, terrifying, distorting field of alternating black and white bands, almost like a visual hypnosis effect, as if they were attempting to transfix their unfortunate prey in doing anything but laying prone and ready to die.

"Wait!" cried Kenny, lifting a hand, right before the cubs turned Derrick into diced tuna fish.  They paused at his word, looking back at Kenny.  He shook his head, still mumbling and trying to refocus his vision.  "L-let him go."  He gave the order twice more before they finally listened.  Joey rumbled over to his side like an attack dog, paws kneading the ground.  Chandler released his grip with his tail and backed into the house, but Phoebe stayed near to Derrick, ready to pounce at the slightest movement as Derrick shakily got back to his feet.

Derrick's face was contorted in confusion, terror, uncertainty, and shock.  "W-wh-what are these?" he finally managed to gasp out.

Kenny raised his hands, searching his brain for any possible answer he could possibly give.  He had none.  "These...these are my kids," he finally settled on in defeat.  He sagged down onto his ass, running his hands through his curly hair.  Joey leaned against him more.  "Derrick, meet Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe.  Kids, meet your....meet Derrick."  He remembered what they had just been talking about and he glared at the larger man.  He'd never thought a bad thing about him ever before.  That was then.

Licking his lips and carefully moving as if about to step on a landmine, he flinched both physically and audibly as Phoebe stalked past him, giving him a warning snap of her jaws.  "W-where the hell did they c-come from?" he demanded.  "Are they aliens?  There is no way those aren't aliens.  Why the f-?!" His voice had started to get louder before Chandler cut him off with a growl of warning for the volume.  He lowered it.  "Why the...frack...do you have three giant alien things?"

Kenny thumped his head back against the wall.  "You remember...that fallen satellite?" he asked in exhaustion.  "Three nights ago?"

Derrick thought.  "Yeah...the one that...fell on Cadence Park.  I was assuming it had fallen on you.  Spared the world a lot of trouble."  He yelped again when one of the cubs snarled angrily at his implied meaning.  Did they understand the context?  "Sorry, sorry," he immediately said, raising his hands at the angry alien cub.  "S-so you're saying," he started to work out.  "That...that satellite was actually an alien spaceship?"  His eyes were huge.

Kenny grunted.  "Yes, yes it was.  These are who came out of it.  I had to take them in, the police were coming."  He held out his hands in exasperation and desperation.  "I didn't know what else to do!  The police were gonna come, and they were so scared,"  He put his hand out and Phoebe wormed her head underneath it.  He looked up at Derrick.  "I didn't want them to get hurt, man."  He stood up, pressing his hands flat against each other.  "Please, Derrick, I'm sorry about pushing you, you gotta promise me though.  Promise me you won't tell anyone!"

Having currently been scratching at his beard, eyes deep in thought, he balked at Kenny's request.  "What do you mean, not tell?" he demanded, sounding hysterical.  "How can I possibly keep it to myself that a guy I know has not one but three giant, dog-sized Cat Xenomorphs living in his bathroom?"  He waved his hand past Kenny, but then flinched again, looking more annoyed when Joey snapped his teeth behind him.  "Sorry!" he declared.  He put his hands on his hips.  "They're aliens, you nimrod!  Do you know how much danger they could be to you?"

Kenny narrowed his eyes.  "They're not dangerous.  They're my kids!" he drew himself up haughtily in front of Derrick.  "And you can laugh at that all you want," he declared, pointing at Derrick who had in fact just snorted out loud.  "But they're mine.  I'm gonna take care of them as long as I can, and I won't let anything bad happen to them.  God chose me for a reason to protect these three, and I'm not going to let them get taken by the government or whatever spook-operation is probably now after them."  He glared right at Derrick, standing as tall as he could to look the guy dead in the eye.  "So you better promise you won't blab."

Derrick's face was actually surprised, and Kenny could barely believe it himself.  He had never stood up, to anyone in his entire life.  He was confident, angry, and sure in himself.  Kenny had never felt so brave.  He lifted his big meaty hands.  "Okay, fine I won't say anything."

"Promise," demanded Kenny, pointing at him, entire hand trembling.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Derrick rolled his eyes, taking Kenny's then proferred hand to shake.  "I promise."

Kenny breathed a sigh of relief and sagged.  "Thank you..."  He drew himself back up and started to tremble again from all the excitement.  "Now...g-get out of here.  I still don't want to have anything to do with you anymore."  He turned back around to go inside, but paused, speaking over his shoulder.  "And I'll l-leave...Austin and Aubrey alone from now on.  I've got...my own problems."  He ushered the cubs inside and slammed the door behind him, locking it.

He barely made it to the bed before he almost collapsed from the pressure and strain of being so angry and emotional.  The cubs half carried him to the bed where they deposited him.  His phone buzzed at that instant and he saw a text from Austin.  "Yo bro, please answer my calls!"

Tears burst forth from Kenny and he turned away from the phone on his side table. He curled into a ball and hugged himself.  He knew Derrick was right.  He sobbed, holding himself hard.  "I'm just a...leech..." he sputtered out.  Snot and tears crusted his face.  "Always have b-been..."  He shook his head.  "N-no one is ever g-going to l-l-love me-e-e.  I don't deserve it..."  He bawled louder, hiding his grief in his pillow.

A heavyweight thudded against him.  He stiffened, looking slowly over his shoulder.  Joey had thrown himself down on the bed and curled against his back.  He had pushed his incredibly fluffy belly against him in an attempt to make him feel better.  Chandler yowled at his feet and laid his head across his thighs, while Phoebe curled right around his front, pushing her forehead against his clavicle.  His three kids huddled close to him, nuzzling his sobbing body and looking into his eyes sadly.  Their ears had all folded down, their starry eyes big and bright.

He wiped at his face, still shuddering from the tears.  "I-I'm so stupid..." he got out, voice even more nasally than it usually was.  He snorted and sniffled.  "W-who else do I need when I have you guys?" he asked, rolled onto his back, and held out his arms.  All three joyfully crawled up against or on top of him and pushed their heads into his embrace.  Their purring started up again.  He held them against him, rubbing his cheek against their heads.  "T-thanks guys..." he whispered after a long while.  "You're the best kids ever."  His eyes, so tired, heavy, and leaden, thudded shut.  He slept, and his cubs, his children, kept him warm and safe.

***That Evening***

"I hope you all are hungry!" stated Kenny with a grandiose flourish of his spatula.  His cubs yowled and preened themselves, sitting upright and facing him on their back haunches.  He turned back to the stove, where fresh pancake batter was sizzling.  "Because Daddy's making dinner!"  He swayed his hips and bobbed his whole skinny, boney, malnourished body to the beat of a heavy metal song in the background.

The cubs liked it too.  They alternated their colored lights even to the beat of the music, alternating yowls, cries, and growls to the guitar, the singing, and the base.  Phoebe was a hard-core headbanger, and she actually had a small mohawk-style ruff already starting to form at the back of her head, going down her spine.  Joey seemed to be getting fluffier jowls, bouncing his whole bulky body to the songs, and Chandler stayed sleek but his chin and ears coming to definite points.  His enjoyment was very skittish and his claws tapped out individual guitar notes almost as if he could understand how to play them.

Kenny flipped the latest pancake with a loving double-arc and caught it again.  He already had a small pile on three plates for each of them.  After his fight with Derrick, he had splurged and gotten supplies delivered.  With the cubs able to go invisible, it opened up a lot of opportunities.  And what dinner did he want to make for his darling kids first?

"Pa~ancakes!" Kenny sang in his horribly-off-key shriek along to the vocal cry of ACDC's Thunderstruck.  He finished flipping the fluffy disc one more time, deposited it on a plate, and then put the frying pan down.  He carried all three plates to the floor and added some syrup just for them.  The carpet was wrecked enough, what were some extra stains?  He'd just need to make sure it didn't get too sticky.  "Bon appetite!" he announced, waving his arms.

His kids arched their heads in puzzlement.

He grinned, flushing his cheeks.  "It means dig in!" he explained.  They beamed in that cat-like way and did so happily.  He crossed his arms smugly.  Even as bad off as he was, he still knew how to make mom's pancakes.  He'd hoped, since day one, to make them for someone else in his life.  At first, that dream had been for Emily, maybe someday, but now, just his own kids were enough.  He tried not to get sad again.  It was easy when watching his beloved cubs.

"Hey hey now," he chastised as Chandler tried to sneak one of Joey's.  "Remember, Chandler.  Joey does not share food!" he punctuated this statement by deepening his voice and impersonating the character Joey was named after.  The three cubs seemed to laugh along with him.  He wondered why he hadn't named them anything differently.

Sure, Friends was still one of his favorite shows, having watched it with his mom and dad growing up whenever it was on.  He loved it to death, and the kids' names really matched what they had turned out to be, even before he'd actually saw their personalities up close.

Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe Sissom.  He smiled.  It was a weird family but it was his.

He turned back to the stove to grill up some more when a knock suddenly rattled his door for the second time that day.  He turned off the stove in a flash and when he looked back at the room, the cubs were gone.  A soft thud from the bathroom told him they'd gotten to their hiding spots.  He hurriedly picked up their plates off the floor.

"Just a second!" he called.  He tried to make the place look as not 'inhabited by three giant cat aliens' as he could.  He walked over finally to the door and opened it a crack.  His heart sank.  Standing outside was a man in a uniform.  At first, he was terrified that it was a cop.  But the man was wearing a government-style suit and jacket.  He had shades on, despite that it was night, only adding to the intimidating reveal of himself to remove them.  His face was young, healthy, and strong, with a sharp chin.  He was actually shorter than Kenny.  His face brokered no sympathy, no friendliness, and no mercy.  "C-can I help you, Officer?"

The man met his gaze and immediately knew he could manipulate the shut-in geek.  He adjusted his suit, tucking his sunglasses into the front of his coat pocket.  "Nope, not an Officer," he stated matter-of-factly.  "Agent.  Agent Kris.  FBI."  He flashed a badge so fast that Kenny didn't have time to read it.  "I'm investigating in this area."

Leaning against the door and not opening it any further, Kenny swallowed.  The Agent noticed.  "W-what are you investigating, Mr. Kris?" he asked, trying to smile and look casual.

"I'm afraid that's classified," Kris growled.  "I'm doing sweeps of the surrounding houses.  May I come in?"

Kenny balked.  "Uhh, no!" he said, too quickly, and then tried to cover it up.  "It's just my house is a total mess and I'm not umm...ready to receive.  Everything's all messed up and I couldn't dream of having company over!"

The Agent glowered.  "Sir, I must insist."  He started to move towards the door threateningly.

Kenny blocked him, getting more defensive now and hoping that would help or at least seem more believable.  "H-hey hey hey!" he stammered out.  "Where's your warrant?"  That got him to stop.  "Yeah, if you're authorized to search my house, where's your warrant?" he demanded.

"Son," declared the agent, even though Kenny was probably older than him, and that only at 30.  "The FBI has given me full jurisdiction to search any premises I deem necessary."

Shaking his head, Kenny doubled down.  "Nope, you have to have a warrant.  I watch crime shows, and you can't intimidate me.  I'm not legally obliged to let you inside without one.  I'm a minority, how can I trust you won't abuse me for being potentially ignorant?"

"A minority huh?" asked the Agent suspiciously, obviously not buying it.  "What kind?"

"I'm...I'm uhh...Italian."  Kenny knew this wasn't the best answer but it was true.

"You're not Italian," Kris snapped.  "You're too pale."

Kenny narrowed his eyes.  "Okay, racist," he declared.  "I'm liable to speak to your supervisor!"  Kris blinked in shock and bewilderment up at him.  "Y-yeah that's right!" Kenny stated hotly.  He was getting a bit more confident.  "I'm pale because I'm malnourished, and I'm Italien on my mother's side!"

"Sir," sighed Kris, looking actually annoyed that he had to do this.  "I apologize for the racist comment, that was uncalled for.  I'm Italian too."

"Yeah well...y-you should be happy I let you off with only a warning!" Kenny tried to growl.  "I'll let it go and agree not to call your boss to lodge a complaint.  Y-you don't go causing any more trouble, you hear?"  He waved his finger at the Agent who had actually pinched his nose and started to walk away.

Agent Kris stopped a few steps away and looked back at him.  His eyes were still suspicious.  "Have a good night," he said ominously before he just rolled them again and kept walking.  His phone came out immediately.

Kenny waited until the Agent well out of sight or hearing before he firmly shut the door and relocked it, collapsing to shudder hard against it.  He could not believe that that had actually worked!  He sank onto his butt, holding his shaking hands in front of his face and marveling that he had kept it together as well as he had.  A curious snort at his face and his cubs came into view once more.

Wordlessly, he hugged all three of their furry faces.  They purred again.  'Disaster averted....for now.'  The thought did him little comfort.

***A while later, Across town***

Derrick grumbled as he sipped at his can of beer.  His talk with Austin hadn't gone well.  He obviously had not believed Derrick on the made-up stuff about Kenny not wanting to be around Emily.  Austin had gotten actually angry with him, told him never to say that kind of stuff ever again, that Kenny had always wanted to be around kids and was the best guy that he knew, just being down on his luck.

"Fricking spazz..." he drunkenly slurred.  "Weirdo..."

"Penny for your troubles?" asked a voice at his side.  He looked over in its direction.  A short, well-dressed man was sipping a glass of whisky.  Their eyes met.

Derrick rolled his eyes.  "Just this guy.  No biggie."

"No, no," declared the short man.  "Barkeep, another beer for this gentleman," he said.  The man did so and Derrick gave the guy a new and appreciative look.  They toasted each other.  "Now, I'm going to get right to the point."

A badge flashed in Derrick's eyes and he almost spat out his mouthful of beer.  He frantically tried to remember if his weed was in his current pockets.

"Relax, Mr. Hedge," the man said.  "My name is Agent Kris.  I'm with the FBI, investigating the incident involving a satellite that fell to earth in the vicinity of Cadence Park in downtown."

Derrick's stomach clenched.  He looked away.  He'd made a stupid promise after all.  He wasn't going to be proved right about what Austin had said, that he was an untrustworthy asshole whenever he didn't get his way, and he liked causing people weaker than him problems.  Honorless, Austin had called him.  What the hell was this, medieval times?  "Sorry, don't know anything."

"So you aren't familiar with a Mr. Kenny Sissom?" he demanded.  He showed Derrick a picture.  Kenny's expired driver's license stared back at him.  "A piece of city worker gear was found nearby to the location, and it bore his nametag.  I did some digging after I ran into him earlier today."  He took out a notepad and pen.  "Please tell me everything you can about him."

Derrick nervously looked away.  "He's a...friend of a friend..." he supplied.  "And like I said, I don't know anything about the satellite or whatever."

Kris sighed.  "Mr. Hedge, I realize that this will go a lot faster if I offer to compensate you for this information.  It is of vital importance to my division and I'm willing to pay a small handout for help, as most have been most uncooperative so far."

That got Derrick's attention.  "Not that I...have anything to say," he said, turning slowly to face the agent.  "But in a hypothetical term, how much would we be supposedly talking about?"

The Agent reached into his jacket pocket.  He pulled out a stub.  "Will this suffice?" he asked.

Derrick did spit out his beer.  $10,000 dollars for proof of information.  He looked up into Kris' eyes, trying to see if he were serious.  He was.  His fingers snagged the ticket.  He chugged his beer all at once.  "Okay, this is what I know," he started.  Fuck honor.  Fuck being reliable.  Looking out for Derrick was Derrick's number one concern.