Pretty Magni Derby! | EaC! Commission for NDJack (Patreon)

Author's Note: Many of us in the Discord have been obsessing over Uma Musume: Pretty Derby and playing together. Jack commissioned this hilarious scenario of Magni's reincarnation into the uma world.

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“Welcome to Tracen Academy!”

Magni blinked. He stood at the top of a set of ivory steps, staring out onto a verdantly green courtyard. On either side of him were two young women with long ears on top of their heads and slender tails.

Nyarlea? But he was certain Cailu’s final blow had sealed the end of his life.

On closer inspection, their ears were thinner and their tails more…horse-like, than their catgirl counterparts. They wore purple uniforms that did not seem to align with Ni Island’s attire, and one of them wore a tall brown hat and muffs on either side of her head.

What was the purpose of the muffs? Did she have two pairs of ears?

“I hope you’re ready to meet your uma.” The voice that had bid him welcome came from a woman in a green hat and coat down at the bottom of the staircase. A broad-shouldered man in a white coat stood before her, arms crossed as his cold gaze flickered between her and the top of the stairs.

He looks just like… No, it could not be!

“Do you think he prefers sheep horns, long hair, or nuclear legs?” The girl with the hat asked. She crossed her arms, and her ears flicked forward.

“I bet his car is nicer than mine.” The brunette girl to Magni’s left had a blue bow around her right ear and aqua-colored eyes.

“I bet he eats bullets for breakfast.”

Magni looked between them. Sheep horns? ‘Nuclear’ legs?

“You’re suddenly so quiet, King Magni. What’s up? Cat got your tongue?” The brunette asked.

“Excuse me?” His tongue vibrated with the words, and he felt the heat of his breath, but the voice that reached his ears was distinctly feminine. It was lower than either of the girls’ beside him, but it had that sultry, female timbre that he associated with Sanrai or Naeemah.

Magni looked down. An identical purple skirt and top dressed the body beneath him. There were curves that had not been there before, propping up a white bow on his chest. Twisting his hips, he discovered the same horse-like tail in black protruding from his flank.

“Where am I?” Magni demanded.

“Ah, a fellow amnesia sufferer,” the earmuffs said with a sage nod. “There are many such days when Maruzensky must remind me who I am and what I’m doing here. I blame the time I tumbled out of a water park slide when I was a child.”

“Gold Ship, you know why we’re here.” Maruzensky giggled.

Magni ran his hands over the top of his head. His horns had shifted upward from his forehead, now set beside a pair of long ears that felt oddly…furry. Like a catgirl’s ears. My ears! He quickly touched the sides of his head. His pointed ears had vanished entirely.

Waking in Nyarlea had been a difficult experience to come to terms with. This, however, was its own style of torture—he hadn’t had the pleasure of keeping his own body, the ears and tail suggested some species of animal, and he was a woman.

He spun on his heel and looked up. The building before him was enormous. Hundreds of windows branched out on either side, and at its center, a blue, steepled tower brandished a silver, horse-shaped emblem that rested just beneath a giant bell.

“You are ready to train, I presume?” an achingly familiar voice asked behind him.

Magni licked his lips and slowly turned to meet Cailu face to face. In this world, however, Cailu was the taller man, and his long ears had shrunk to those of a human. All else, down to the disdain he held in his steely eyes and arrogant posture, was the same.

“Are you speaking to me?” Magni asked. A small part of him had hoped his true voice would return, and he flinched when it did not.

“You are King Magni, are you not?” Cailu frowned. “Though the pretense of ‘King’ must be earned. As of now, you are an unfledged filly.”

“What did you call me?” Magni growled. “What nonsense is this?”

“You know, I just remembered. I left my cat on the stove. I need to go.” Gold Ship dashed towards the doors behind them without another word.

“I should help her.” Maruzensky clapped Magni on the shoulder and smiled. “Good luck, Magni. See you at the big race.”

The woman in a green hat whom Cailu had spoken with moments before joined them on the steps and bowed. “This is your new trainer, King Magni. His name is Cailu Raloquen!” She stated this as if Magni should know who she was and what ‘trainer’ meant. “He will help you perform your best in the Twinkle Series.”

It was as if the longer she spoke, the less sense her words made. Magni’s lips pulled into a thin line.

“Remember, your next three years in the academy are the most important to your career,” she continued. “So work hard with your trainer to be the best uma you can be!”

Magni looked incredulously at Cailu, then at the woman, and then back at Cailu.

“You assured me that Magni is at the top of her class, Ms. Hayakawa,” Cailu said sourly.

Hayakawa performed another deep bow. “S-she is, sir! Her skills on both the track and in the classroom are unmatched for a first year!”

“Perhaps she lacks socialization.” Cailu crossed his arms and raised one hand to touch his chin. “Have you no companions, Magni? Rivals?”

“My rival stands here before me, calling me a maladroit student,” Magni snarled.

A tiny smile twitched at one corner of Cailu’s mouth. “Perhaps there is hope for you yet.”

“Mr. Raloquen, we have other aspiring umas who would be honored to work with the most talented trainer in the country, if you would prefer. You can choose—”

Cailu and Magni simultaneously raised their hands and uttered, “No.”

It seemed the challenge of ‘training’ Magni was too great a draw for Cailu. Meanwhile, Magni latched on to the thrill of dragging Cailu’s name through the mud in some kind of spectator sport. Wherever this ‘performance’ was meant to get him, all Magni had to do was fail. Let Cailu take the blame for his poor training regimen.

Fool.

Eleven Training Sessions Left Until the Big Race!

Magni stood on a racetrack outside of the university in a red and white jacket and shorts that Gold Ship had wrestled him into.

‘This is how you best train with gods!’

He rubbed the bruise developing on his arm from her otherworldly grip. Who in any world would subject a person to lodging with that monster?

“I can just imagine pressing myself up against the starting gate! It gets me so excited!” A voluptuous woman with a brown and white braid over her forehead clasped her hands to her chest.

“Aha. Maybe turn that excitement down a notch, Super Creek,” Maruzensky replied.

“You will race with these two today,” Cailu said. “I will record your speed, and we will begin improvements immediately.”

“Why do you say that as if I will need improvements?” Magni countered.

Cailu smirked. “Move to the starting line.”

Magni’s blood boiled with Cailu’s overconfidence. It was just running, was it not? This whole school’s focus was on running around a simple track as quickly as possible.

“Your trainer is quite handsome,” Super Creek murmured once he arrived. “Do you think he needs a place to lay his head?”

Yes. In the depths of hell.

“Go!” Cailu barked.

Magni launched himself forward and poured every ounce of his strength into his legs. He would fail these ‘races’ to sully Cailu’s reputation, but if his practice was unsatisfactory, Cailu could very well choose another girl.

Magni took an early lead and held it comfortably around the first and second corners. However, as they rounded the final bend, cramps crept into Magni’s shins, and his breathing came in rasps. Sweat broke out across his back and forehead, and he watched helplessly as Super Creek and Maruzensky stole the lead.

“Ah, yeah! This one’s mine!” Maruzensky cheered as she crossed the line first.

Cailu clicked a small device in his hand, looked at it with a frown, then looked at Magni. “Your speed is fair until the final stretch. Your stamina is lacking.”

“My stamina is excellent,” Magni snapped between breaths.

Cailu penned something in a small notebook, ignoring Magni’s retort. “Meet me at the university swimming pool at six a.m. tomorrow.”

“Swimming?”

Ten Training Sessions Left Until the Big Race!

Magni may as well have been naked. The ‘suit’ Gold Ship insisted he needed for this pool was the equivalent of his underthings. He shivered beside the water and fought against covering himself with a towel. No, to hide himself would be a sign of weakness.

Cailu arrived wearing the same white suit he’d favored each time they’d met, voluptuous brunette in tow.

“Where is your swimsuit?” Magni snapped. Do not shiver again. Not in front of him.

“This is to train you, not me.” He gestured to the woman beside him. “Super Creek requested to train with you this morning.”

Super Creek’s tail flicked excitedly behind her as she looked at Cailu with a longing expression that twisted Magni’s stomach. “I can also do your laundry, make you dinner, offer you cuddles, or—”

“Just get in the pool,” Cailu said.

Super Creek pouted, but grabbed Magni’s wrist and pulled him to the water.

“Twenty laps, then you’ll race. Begin.”

Magni made it to lap eleven before a cramp in his stomach forced him out of the pool.

“Did you eat this morning?” Cailu bent over him and poked his side.

Magni slapped his hand away. “I thought I would eat once this farce was finished.”

“Do not ever arrive at training without eating again. You waste both our time.” Cailu gestured to Super Creek. “And hers.”

“Oh, no, Mr. Raloquen! You haven’t wasted my time at all! Really!” She splashed around in the water and giggled.

Magni groaned and slowly pushed himself to sitting. “Fine.”

“Tomorrow. Back here at six a.m. Eat before you come.” Cailu stood, penned more notes into his journal, and then left.

Super Creek kicked to the edge of the pool and rested her elbows on the tile. “You’re so lucky,” she said with a dreamy sigh.

Magni grumbled and reached for a towel.

Support Card Event: Uma’s Horny Idol!

“King Magni! This way!” Super Creek grabbed his hand and dragged him into a room with mirrors lining the walls.

It was the first time Magni had seen his horse-girl form in its entirety, and the first time he’d been forced into his ‘racewear.’ At least this attire included black trousers and a gold, military-style coat that was reminiscent of his home world. However, the red and purple trimmings seemed gaudy and overbearing for one running in a race. His hair was nearly the same style as his life in Nyarlea; soft black tendrils hung to his shoulders with small braids and adornments. Gold chains dripped from his horns, and tiny patches of scales dotted his throat.

It was unsettling to see feminine curves and a shorter stature staring back at him with the same piercing white eyes. No matter how much strength he poured into this form, it would never match the power he’d held in Nyarlea.

And yet I find myself once again beneath that bastard’s thumb.

“Are you ready to practice the winning song and dance with me?” Super Creek’s heels tapped on the wooden floors as she made her way to a rectangular box crafted of metal.

“The…what?”

Super Creek laid a finger on the box and looked at him curiously. “Are you afraid you won’t win?”

“That is not—”

“You have just as much of a chance to win as the rest of us, Magni! You have to prepare for the best.” She clasped both hands to her chest as she broke into her impassioned speech. “And when you’re up on that stage, no one will care if you have horns or not!”

“They won’t… My horns…?”

“You just have to sing and dance your heart out! You’ll be just as graceful and wonderful as the next uma idol.” Her blue dress fluttered around her knees as she spun. “No matter what place you take in the race!”

Magni stood speechless, uncertain which of the hundreds of questions that haunted him were safe to ask. Super Creek returned her finger to the rectangle and pressed down. Music blared from the strange device, and she skipped to Magni’s side.

He looked in the mirror and ran his fingertips over the curve of his horns. “What issue do the others take with my horns…?”

Summer Camp! Five Training Sessions Left Until the Big Race!

“It seems everyone has worn appropriate clothing for this outing except you,” Magni grumbled to Cailu as he watched the other girls splash in the ocean waters.

“This is still an opportunity to train.” Cailu brushed a bit of sand away from his long coat sleeve.

Magni pointed at Maruzensky’s trainer, who donned a similar swimsuit to her uma. “The other trainers thought to dress for the occasion.

“Speaking of the other girls, Gold Ship requested to help train your strength today.”

Magni gaped at Cailu. “Is it not bad enough to share my room each night with that beast?”

“Perform well this season, and perhaps I can request a room transfer.” Cailu nodded, then pointed to a dark point off in the distance. “There she is now. Follow me.”

The last thing that Magni had ever expected to do in his revealing swimsuit on a beach surrounded by girls playing in the water was this.

“HYAH, MULE! PICK UP THE PACE!” Gold Ship screamed from atop the building-sized tire.

Sweat poured down Magni’s face as he pulled. The ropes bit into his skin, and the balls of his feet sank deep into the sand.

“YOU WANNA BE A DRAGON? START ACTING LIKE ONE!”

Magni bit his tongue, took another step, and imagined locking that ill-bred cow in a golden cage high above the wall of the Third Shell.

New Year’s Event!

The cafeteria was filled to bursting with umas from every year. Two giant trees decorated with lights and glass ornamentation stood on either side of the room, and carefully wrapped presents lay stacked beneath them.

Magni moved outside for a breath of fresh air. While he had mostly grown accustomed to his day-to-day life in the accursed school, listening to them speak of surface-level rivalries and sing silly songs quickly grew tiresome.

Instead, he took a seat on the top of the staircase and stared into the star-studded sky.

“There you are,” Cailu’s voice sounded behind him.

“Mm.”

“Are you ready for tomorrow?”

Magni watched the moon and took a deep breath. His initial desire was to throw the race. Make Cailu’s time feel wasted and tarnish his reputation as a trainer. But to Magni’s surprise, he had grown quite strong inside the limits of his new body. He’d come to not entirely hate the companions who surrounded him. And a minuscule part of him wanted to feel the thrill of competition they all spoke so highly of.

“It’s understandable to be nervous,” Cailu continued when Magni said nothing. “However, you’ve trained well.” He sat down beside Magni and held out a small box wrapped in silver paper.

Magni narrowed his eyes at the box. “Is this for me?”

“It is.”

Magni accepted the gift, plucking at the red ribbon. Was this a jest? Some kind of trap? Another godsdamned training lesson? He unwrapped it with care, then lifted the lid from the box. Inside was a golden crown the size of Magni’s palm.

“Every king needs a crown,” Cailu said. He lifted the crown from its box and slid it over Magni’s right ear. “It fits you well.”

To Magni’s shock and dismay, he felt a furious blush rise to his cheeks. “I… I do not have anything to give you in return.”

“Then win the race tomorrow.”

Magni touched the crown around his ear and hated the pride warming his chest. A cool winter breeze danced on his neck and legs, and he shivered.

Cailu removed his white coat and slid it around Magni’s shoulders. “Rest well, King Magni. We will meet in the morning.”

Magni watched as Cailu shoved his hands inside his pockets and descended the staircase. What was Cailu’s game? Surely he would rather watch Magni lose so that he could move on to his next prospect?

A deep inhale behind him shook Magni from his thoughts. He glanced over his shoulder to find Super Creek kneeling at his back, her nose inches from the coat.

“Ah… It smells just like him…”

“Good night, Super Creek!”

Race Day!

Magni approached the starting gates with the deafening roar of the crowd in his ears. His seventeen fellow racers walked beside him, some wearing their nerves blatantly on their face, others waving to the adoring crowd.

The announcers chattered over the din; a sound Magni thought he could ignore until one of them said, “All eyes are on the favorite today: King Magni. Will she live up to our expectations?”

Excitement stirred in his heart, and his legs ached to run. Cailu stood in the lowest row of the stands, one hand resting on the railing, eyes never leaving his trainee.

No! I should ruin him! Just as he ruined me!

Magni touched the crown around his ear as he entered his individual stall. The chains on his jacket clinked against the metal gate.

“Looks like the umas are in position!”

“Hey, King Magni,” an uma he’d never seen before called from the next gate over. “Better run like an uma and not a sheep.” She curled two fingers near her ears in the shape of his horns and grinned. “Don’t be baaaa-d.”

Magni’s hands curled into fists. However, Cailu’s harsh reminder the last time Daiwa Scarlet had attempted to goad him on echoed through his mind. ‘Do not let her rush you.’ He exhaled through his nose and turned toward the gate.

Three lights signifying the race was about to start illuminated to the right of the track. Magni lowered into his starting position. He pushed away the sounds of the crowds and the heckling from the girl beside him.

It was just him and the track.

The last light vanished, and the gate flew wide. Magni burst forward, weaving his way through the initial pack of girls as he’d learned to do with his fellow trainees.

He rounded the first corner, stealing the lead from Maruzensky and holding it. His stamina training kept the burn from his legs, and his breathing remained smooth and even. Even Gold Ship’s ridiculous tire pull had made the run feel easier, lighter. The urge to push harder and release more of his energy prodded at the back of his mind.

‘Save everything you have for the last corner.’

Each lesson was so deeply ingrained into his mind and body that his limbs functioned more like a machine than a person.

When the final corner came, he let his remaining energy flow into his legs. For a few incredible seconds, he was certain that he understood what flying felt like. The stadium rushed by in a blur, and his heartbeat was the only thing he could hear in his ears.

This was his rule.

When he crossed the finish line, he slowed to a jog. Sweat poured down his back, and the cool air swept over his face.

The crowd’s roar gradually edged into his hearing, and his heart hammered against his chest. Adrenaline fired through his veins, and he raised his arms triumphantly into the air.

This day is mine!

…And then he recalled that he now had to give a concert.