The Beauty Thief Gets Her Heart Stolen (Reflection) (Patreon)

Hello everyone!

Here is another reflection for you all! Just like with the "Queen Submits" chapter from The Doctor Is In, I went with some pretty extensive edits on this chapter, which meant that it took a while to get it finished. I once again want to thank fellow Patron member, Setokaiva, for acting as editor for this reflection. They helped a BUNCH with helping to improve this chapter, and I think it looks great! I'm very excited for you all to check it out! 

Everyone in the $3 and $5 tier, on top of getting exclusive access to this reflection, will have access to this updated chapter two weeks early before I officially post it on AO3!

It was great to take a look at this chapter again. While I read the Makoto chapter quite often, I haven't revisited this one too too often. No real reason for that except that while Haru is great, I don't like her as much as Makoto or Takemi or Kawakami haha. But I do still like Haru and this chapter quite a lot!

I had mentioned in my last reflection how the Makoto chapter was such a big chapter for me in my writing career, and after I completed it, I was SO excited to continue writing, including making more chapters of this story. So when thinking about the next chapter of The Doctor Is In, my thoughts immediately turned to Haru. Makoto and Haru are a pair that people seem to make often, and there's good reason for that since they're both in the same grade and have good chemistry in general with each other. If anyone has seen any Persona 5 fan fiction or art, then you've definitely seen that they're paired up with each other quite a lot haha.

On top of that, I felt like the premise of the responsible and kind Makoto, now hypnotized and corrupted by her new Mistress, leading the also kind and trusting Haru into a trap sounded SOO hot. I knew I just HAD write it.

Starting with the beginning, I had a ton of fun writing the initial setup of the chapter. I always find it pretty hot in a story when a character is being led to their fall. The dramatic irony of the situation where you know what is about to happen but the character naively doesn't? The inevitability of that is so so hot and I really wanted to have that in this chapter. Throughout the entire scene of Makoto and Haru going through the Palace, I attempted to instill the scene with that kind of tension. When going through this scene with my first editor, he had attempted to make it more blatant that Makoto was up to something, but I very much did NOT want that, as I thought having Makoto act completely normal made the whole scene and Makoto's inevitable turn THAT much hotter.

And speaking of, I really had fun writing that turn. The part where Haru tells Sonya that it's her and Makoto against her, but then Sonya says "Oh, I forgot to mention. Makoto is here for me.", yeah, I had a lot of fun writing that haha. It was very fun writing Makoto in this whole scene, as her hands roam across Haru's body and whispers seductively in Haru's ear. Speaking of which, I think this transitions into an interesting topic. When re-reading this chapter, I thought about how I wrote Makoto in this story post-hypnosis, which was very seductive and sensual, and that made me think about this topic.

When it comes to mind control, there's always a variety of routes a character can take. Complete personality erasure, corruption, brainwashing, subtle personality manipulation, mindless slave: these are simply a few of the ways mind control can be done in a story, and of course, there are many subtle differentiations or factors that a writer can employ. For me, it will usually depend on the character and how I would find them the most hot post-hypnosis.

For the most part, however, I find that I mostly prefer either complete personality erasure or re-writing or corruption. With complete personality erasure, it's the idea that the character's story, everything they've gone through and experienced up until now, all of that is invalidated. To the villain or the villainess, none of those superfluous details matter, all that matters is the person who they will be shaped into. Just describing that...

And for corruption, it's a similar type of mindset, but also the appeal of having a darker, more corrupt, more sensual version of a "good" character has always been really hot. Whenever they get that dark glimmer in their eye? Yeah, that's pretty good, wouldn't you agree? ;)

I like various kinds of mind control in stories but those two are usually the ones I prefer the most. The only kind I don't care for is when the character is mostly the same minus the fact that their allegiance is with their new master or Mistress. I like to see at least some kind of clear corruption or change to their attitude or morals. Where's the fun if they act the complete same, you know? So, for example, with Makoto (and quite a few of the characters in this story), I found that I wanted them to be more seductive and sensual post-hypnosis, similar to their Mistress, which I also think makes sense story-wise.

Sonya is trying to free them from their shackles, trying to make them unlock the part of themselves SHE believes that they must embrace and indulge to become truly free, thus why Makoto now acts a lot more playful and sensual. Due to her motivation and character, it wouldn't make sense for her to make them mindless slaves, though clearly altering of their mind of some kind IS going on. Plus, I think it's pretty hot to see the usually very kind and responsible Makoto act this way. It's definitely something I had a lot of fun writing. Overall, I think the most fun I had writing this chapter was actually writing Makoto.

Makoto has always been a very capable character, and watching that being directed towards helping her Mistress and bringing her friend under Sonya's power is so good. Writing her submission in chapter 1 was amazing, but I never thought writing Makoto in this way would be something that I would enjoy so much. In this chapter, we are witnessing "Queen" of the Phantom Thieves use her mind and wits for her beautiful Mistress, and I loved writing every second of it.

But of course, watching the incredibly sweet Haru slowly and helplessly succumbing to Sonya's power while one of her friends helps her get there was very fun to write as well. While writing, I tried to instill this, for lack of a better word, "forbidden" quality to the scene. Like this entire scene, where Haru is falling with the assistance from her friend should NOT be happening, and in a way, we shouldn't be reading it, but ultimately, that makes it so that we just can't look away from it.

Our sweet Haru is utterly helpless in this scene, and that makes it all the more spicy to witness.

I do want to point out that my first editor helped a lot in getting to get more of Haru's voice down. Again, Haru isn't at the top of my list of P5 characters, so while I thought I had her voice down, my editor helped in adding those little touches here and there that made Haru sound more like Haru. For example, the giggle Haru does when she accepts that she is Sonya's slave? That was all his idea. So I just want to give credit where credit is due.

And then when we get to the scene where Sonya and Makoto pleasure Haru? I loved writing that as well. Of course, I had to have both of them taking care of Haru and giving her the greatest bliss, but I'm very proud of the moment where I had Makoto sit on Haru's face. Makoto's ass is probably her most defining trait so I knew it was a great moment of inspiration haha. I believe it was the first time I had a scene like that, even including Kostas Kingdom, so it was something new for me, but oh man, did I LOVE including it. Having Sonya's pleasuring of Haru in turn act as a way of pleasuring BOTH of them? Ah, I hope you loved that scene as much as I did <3

My last note is of the last scene where I just HAD to end it off with Haru and Makoto naked and pleasuring each other, which is only amplified by their Mistress watching them. Sonya loves her slaves and is very impressed and infatuated with Makoto and Haru in particular, so I knew I had to have her watching the whole thing play out. I think it adds much to the scene!

Overall, reading this, I thought this was a great sequel chapter to Makoto's. I'm remembering now that while I was excited to write this chapter, similar to how I felt when finishing the Byleth chapter in Kostas Kingdom, I felt that the Makoto chapter was the best thing I had written so far, so wouldn't anything I wrote after that be not nearly as good, ESPECIALLY if it was a sequel chapter?

Well, I'm glad to say that wasn't the case. I think this chapter turned out great, and contained LOTS of great moments. Having Makoto included in Haru's fall added a lot to the scenes in this and helped to not make it feel repetitive or redundant, at least I hope so haha. Haru's fall itself was great and so was Makoto's part in making it happen. At the very least, I hope that Haru fans found this chapter satisfying :)