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May the Month Be With You: Star Wars Movie Ranking (Patreon)

Published:
2026-05-06 04:00:06
Imported:
2026-05

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Heather, Nick and Matt kick off Star Wars month with the DEFINITIVE Star Wars movie ranking.

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Comments

Bradley Davis

easy, it’s 3, 2, 1, 4, 8, 6, 7, 5, 9

Numanuma

And it's done!

Lindsey

Beautiful human submarines they are

Spudowski

Mom and Dad are fighting at the dinner table again

Roger Johnson

My friend wrote the Rise and Fall of the Galactic Empire!! So proud of him and so glad you liked it

Cal

Just realised that Rise of Skywalker is the only movie I genuinely dislike, even though I would still consider some of the others ‘bad films’ 🙋 anyway it’s 5, 4, 6, 1, 3, Rogue One, 8, 2, Solo, 7, 9 for me 🤷 I don’t remember the animated Clone Wars at all but I do love the animated stuff overall and I would rank Andor above everything if it counted 😅

B

I actually booed out loud at one point. So…good job?

Rory McDaid

Nick’s defence of Attack Of The Clones has made me question his judgement on everything else. A terrible, and also just awful looking, movie. It was comfortably the worst Star Wars movie until Rise of Skywalker came along and absolutely ran away with that depressing crown…. I’ve not even finished the ep and I’m shaken! Shook!

Cal

As an aside, I grew up as a huge Cushing fan which is partly why Rogue One is lower on my ranking 🥲 but I recently saw the ‘behind the scenes’ snippet of Moff’s actor and they absolutely could have just used him, he’s great and would have looked convincing with a little hair and makeup - if anything, his performance is lost beneath the cgi necromancy 🙅🙅

Jimmy

I would have rather listened to an hour on Minesweeper than this

Pickles!

So safe, so boring.

rinim

Thank god for Heather and Matt... I'm sick and TIRED of these Attack of the Clones apologists

VHSMIA

Did you know… they used a 1984 plaster life cast of his face from the movie Top Secret to make the CG “mask.” It’s like the coolest thing done for a wack reason.

Steven_pistachio

Heather is correct on all points. Attack of clones blows

Coy_o_Coy

This episode is a micro-play of the collapse of the galactic senate

Cal

I did not!! 😮 That ‘uncanny valley Star Wars’ skit from 30 Rock is evergreen 🤦

HighWayJonny

I disagree whole heartedly that it would be better if it was just Mandalorian and Andor that came out. That means we wouldn't have gotten season 7 of Clone Wars or Bad Batch which are two of the best things in Star Wars. Star Wars animation has always known what Star Wars is. Clone Wars, Rebels, Bad Batch, Tales of the Empire/Jedi and now Maul are all as good as Star Wars gets.

Ben Walkup

5, 4, 8, 6, 3, 7, RO, 1, Solo, CW, 2, 9

Skizz

Once again ashamed I listen to four podcast episodes featuring Wiger every week.

Michael Pemulis

Empire, New Hope, Return, Rogue, Phantom, LastJ, AttackaDa, Revenge, Awakens, Solo, Rise

Linux

Because of y’all I’ve been conditioned to always expect at some point during a Star Wars discussion for someone to be like “okay, but back to the original topic,” so this episode was a wild ride. Loved it. A+ content

Jonny McMillen

I love it when they argue. 10/10. No notes.

John

I don’t think heather likes Star Wars lol

John

Attack of the clones has a 200 Jedi battle on Kamino, obi wan bobba fett starship fight and physical fight, count dooku explains that palpatine is actually pulling a the strings, full fight between dooku obi wan anakin and then yoda, jar jar petitions the senate to elect palpatine as emergency chancellor, clone army is started…. I dare you name another Star Wars movie with more pivotal moments or with more anticipated fight sequences. I’m also not worked up about this at all, I’m chill… I’m chill.

Zill

Phantom Menace Empire Revenge Attack of the Clones Rogue One Return New Hope Last Jedi Clone Wars Solo Awakens 9

Steven_pistachio

I don’t like sand… It just has no likable characters, or characters at all- is like flipping through a history channel documentary- might as well have been a series of images.

Sssiiimmmooonnn

My relationship to this podcast reflects your relationship to this franchise, even when you’re doing stuff I don’t agree with, I’m along for the ride and having fun. Also Attack of The Clones is one of the worst films I have ever seen hands down.

Michael

I am truly baffled by Nick's defense of Ep. 2. Im unsubscribing from Doughboys, fried chicken, and this show. See you next week!

Röbby

Anyone read the Trevarrow episode IX script? Surely a first draft but would have been a fun episode IX. Attack of the Clones love is nuts. Obi Wan story and the ending battle are cool but otherwise, yuck. My personal rank A New Hope, Empire, Jedi, Last Jedi, Revenge, The Force Awakens, Solo, Rogue One, Menace, Attack, Rise I thought Rogue wasn't that great until it was the last episode of Andor. The only movie I don't actually like is Rise. Couple good parts (and Babu Frik) but otherwise total dogshit. Solo is a lot of fun and reminds me of all the early 90s EU stuff. Also the Enfys Nest costume is my favorite character design of the Disney era (that's not BB8)

Andrew

If Nick is hittin’ the dogs on the reg I hope he also takes time to perform a few fecal occult blood tests in between to make sure his colon is healthy 🙏

Andrew

(Are they… were the ladies “beautiful human submarines”… because… because much like a submarine… they too.. . . They were … full..?

VHSMIA

There’s a mine sequence in Attack of the Clones…

Bobson Dugnutt

You could just rank them all yourselves, 1-12, give the lists to Ranch, and then she adds up the scores for each (so Rise of Skywalker is 12 on each list, and would get 36 points), then Ranch puts them in order where the lowest points = the best (golf style). Then it’d be a surprise to each of you too

Matthew Landback

I think it’s pretty embarrassing to still be crashing out over Rise of Skywalker 6 and a half years later. If you still hate it that much, just make up your own head canon and let it go. There’s literally a clean break between Last Jedi and RoS that can go in any direction you want. Taking creative choices made under duress as a personal insult is really childish. This kind of entitled resentment exemplifies everything wrong with the fandom. Also, playing a game of “guess Carrie Fisher’s death date” is just as disrespectful as anything JJ did in RoS, if not more. At least he was genuinely trying to honor a collaborator he was still grieving, albeit in a misguided way and not just being glib and dismissive about the tragic passing of a f*cking legend. I love this podcast, but SW really brings out the worst, especially Nick. Please do better.

Kevin M

Return of the King Fellowship of the Ring Attack of the Clones Two Towers

Grant Prusi

I was young enough to have loved Episode I in theaters, but Attack of the Clones was the first time I ever left a movie theater disappointed. Maybe I’m alone on this point, but I’ve always thought the gladiator scene was dumb. Heather is right; it’s just a big sloppy mess of plot points.

John

As someone love Ken burns, we won’t agree on this tonally. All I will say is that I think obi wan kenobi is a likable character.

Steven_pistachio

Oh no- ken burns rules. I mean it is like the terrible actors pretending to be like king arthur. The acting is horrible- and we all know where it is going, so the narrative arc is super unsatisfying. Attack was so bad it turned me off star wars for decades. Phantom was also terrible- but it at least doesn’t act like it telling a big serious story

nelfichu

RoS sucks, it sucks so bad that your defense for it is that we should ignore it and dream up our own ending. Also, it's a comedy podcast with friends shooting the shit having a friendly argument about Star Wars. Maybe don't take it so seriously, my guy.

Sssiiimmmooonnn

Also for what it’s worth: Empire, Rogue One, New Hope, Last Jedi, Revenge, Return, Force Awakens, Phantom Menace, Rise, Attack

John

watch again. Star Wars is a love story at its core. a late roman political commentary at the next layer and then finally a space western at the top. if you can’t vibe with all three, you may not like Star Wars either, you may just like space stuff.

Steven_pistachio

Oh no ha ha ha. I adore gibbon’s decline and fall of the roman empire. They are just not well made.

Death dealer

I couldn’t even finish the episode. It wasn’t even the ranking it was heathers set judgement on the ranking and her lack of changing her mind in almost any way. It’s the first episode I just couldn’t finish. I don’t even care where the ranking go but ma this was tough to listen to

Arthur Newman

If I was showing a gf that had never seen the movies, I’d show them only 2, first the phantom menace and 2nd rogue one. Technically all you need to see in starwars, best of darth maul and best of darth Vader.

Daniel Nash

I had Phantom Menace on VHS, watched it on repeat, and it was one of my wife’s favorites when she was a teen. We rewatched it last year, and I wasn’t prepared for how poorly the CGI aged. Almost PS2 quality, maybe PS3. But I do still love podracing, Maul, the droid army, the music, etc. Attack of the Clones is a perfectly cromulent movie, mostly because of the ideas and lore it introduces—the acting choices (that were really directing choices, I think) were unfortunate.

Way Singleton

This went from fun exercise, to harrowing negotiation and I love it

parenthesesONE

(Writing my comment in advance of listening to the episode) I really enjoyed the rankings in this episode. I didn't disagree with or become upset by any of it. I also really enjoyed the back portion of the episode which was an hour and 7 minutes of debating why rise of skywalker is bad. Great pod, guys.

TheFakeVince

I’m team Heather. I love how emotional everyone gets discussing Star Wars

Sssiiimmmooonnn

Unfair to blame Heather for this when Nick was just as bad

Coltan Franke

Maybe the best episode of the show

LagerB

‘Star Wars is personal, it’s how the force affects us’ might be the best quote for discussing Star Wars ever. Extremely fun episode

Michael Pemulis

This is for the anime people, who I'm sure probably already know about this, but it's a shock to me: Dorohedoro just came out with a second season. A welcome surprise.

Mike

Dude heathers takes are always completely the wrong ones. (My bad). Some times people who are writers have horrible takes

Mike

They should get Mitch in here

John

To say George Lucas didn’t make his own story well is to say you don’t like George Lucas’ story

WhyleKat

Yup, I'm mad. 😱😆

PragmaticPauper

I will be able to shrug off the TLJ nay sayers for the rest of my life knowing the three of you have such a respect and admiration for it. TLJ was the single greatest viewing experience ive had watching Star Wars, among the likes of Empire and Rouge One. Rey's being a 'nobody' had my jaw on the floor. RJ really set us up for something completely fresh in SW cannon, and I'll be forever sad RoS walked it all back.

PragmaticPauper

Oh wait, Nick didnt like TLJ whoops! But I'll take 2/3 haha

Zeon Liberation

Midichlorians aren’t the force but rather a bacteria that are attracted to the force. So think of them as part of someone’s microbiome. You can’t measure the force but you can measure the bacteria. So someone with high midichlorian count would have a stronger force presence. At least that’s how I understand midichlorians

Zeon Liberation

This maybe should have been a tier list instead