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Why Actualol Went Quiet - An Explanation (Patreon)

Published:
2018-04-30 12:43:40
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

I made this video for all of you.

I felt I owed you an explanation for why there haven't been as many comedy videos as usual since I launched the Patreon.

The video is introspective, and not remotely entertaining or about board games - so don't feel like you have to watch it. I just wanted to be open about this.

The important point to take away is that the bad times are in the past, and the future of Actualol is looking bright. Thank you for your patience and continued support - it means the world to me.

Files

Why Actualol Went Quiet

This video isn't about board games, I talk about a personal issue. I wanted to explain why I haven't produced as many comedy videos as usual in the last nine months. But it ends on a positive and happy note. This video wouldn't exist without the support of these Actual Legends: Jamie Buckley, James George Mc Millan, Ceedee Doyle, Melissa Pananon, John Medany, Ashlee Pradella, Lrs Hoffmann, Niranjan Balachandran, Nick Gordon, Rick de Bruijne, Yolanda Puust, Nathan Moore, Jan Felix Trettow, Katrina Lindenfelser, Ralph Lorkins, Tom Mills, Pierre Franquin, Roger Martin, Jennifer Selig-Moore, Cullen McDonald, Lucas Weese, William Dovan, Mike and Anya Wood, Jim and Kerry Berry, Ben Taylor, Nathaniel Newell, Derek Foote, Jeremey Lasher, Tim Fowers, Sotirios Karamitsos, Agnieszka Hollinger, Monique Bishop, Sophie Claudel, Robert Zweig, Chris Iannotti, Robert Purkis, Tom Wakefield, Duncan Cowan, AmeliaDanger, Robert Maeda, Patrick Hambrick, Andrew Littell Actualol is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/actualol Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/actualol Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/actualol Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/actualol Board Game Geek: https://boardgamegeek.com/user/jonpurkis Thank you for watching! And thank you for all your comments, I love making videos for you all! If you're new to Actualol, my name is Jon Purkis. My two passions are writing comedy and playing board games, so I decided to combine the two in this YouTube channel. I make all my videos on my own, in my flat in London, UK, with the help of a diverse selection of wigs. _ My favourite videos: Top Ten Games to Play at Christmas: https://youtu.be/J4mAPX-43UA The Board Game Song: https://youtu.be/kj0GDeS4A1c Zombie Board Game Mega Review: https://youtu.be/L34bVnPDAEM 5 Alternatives to Pictionary: https://youtu.be/PkejNDp8624 Hidden Movement Board Games Mega Review: https://youtu.be/IDMhrux6wt8 And for something completely different, my 5 Stages of Brexit: https://youtu.be/6kkqbP1Lvos

Comments

Bjorn Verryt

Thank you for opening up about this. Anxiety is a big deal. Just because we give you some views, or a little bit of money every month doesn't mean you owe us anything. You're already awesome because of what you've already accomplished with Actualol. Thank you for that.

Maria LoCastro

Everyone in this world is a work in progress, Jon. You need to do what you need to do to take care of yourself first. A couple things to consider: Youtube's algorithms for who gets views and visibility are boning everyone right now, and they hit small channels the hardest. You can't fix that, and it's not your fault, so at the very least, that's not something you have to worry about fixing. Next: a lot of content producers I follow actually use their backers as sound boards for the editing process. This may not be something you want to do for the entire process, but if you are struggling with a creative problem you could try asking us. Finally: Thank you for making this video. It's a difficult thing to do, but you are not alone. I have dealt with anxiety an panic disorder since I was a teenager, and we spend so much time inside our own heads it is easy to forget there are other people going through it out in the world. Every time someone I admire makes one of these videos (and it happens - creative people in general seem to be prone to anxiety and depression) it helps me feel like I am less of a freak. Last week I spent 45 minutes in my boss's office because I had a panic attack at work for the first time in my life, and while they were concerned about me, the overarching tone was very much, "How do we protect the company now that you're a liability?"

Daniel McNabb

You're awesome at what you do, but you're never gonna please everyone. I hope you're able to remember why you started your channel in the first place. I suspect it wasn't to please people but rather to share your joy and passion for your hobby. I also work independently from home and feel many of those same struggles. Isolation and loneliness can be tough to deal with when you have no one to share your problems with. I've found it helpful to exercise and join some clubs/activity groups outside of the hobby. It has helped to get out of the house and eliminates stress.

Brad Perry

Jon, it takes a lot of strength to talk about this and I hope doing so has brought you a little bit of peace. I work as both a freelancer and a (very) small business owner in the creative/production world, so the hours and hours of work that goes into doing what you do, as well as all of the feelings and struggles you've described here are very familiar to me. In particular, how exhausting it can be to force yourself to edit or be creative or funny or just "on" in general when that isn't what's happening inside. Having some sort of escape is indeed very helpful. For example, I work in the music industry, and for most people, music is an escape, but for me, board games are actually my escape from music at the end of the day. While I totally understand the pressure that one can put on themselves to please everyone, hopefully I speak for many of your backers when I say that I personally have no set expectations from the channel in regards to the types of videos that are created or the frequency at which they are released. Watching your videos (and gaming) is something my wife and I do together and it is simply a pleasant surprise whenever there is a notification of a new video. I don't think we've ever stood around tapping our feet and checking our watches in anticipation of the next one. If fact, we probably wouldn't have time to watch everything if there was that steady a stream of content. I guess it's important to remember that, although Actualol is at the centre of your life, most people likely aren't thinking about it on a daily basis (that was meant to sound encouraging, even if it came off the opposite!). At the end of the day, we back the channel simply to give back to you; not to be rewarded. You are a likeable and relatable person making videos about a hobby my wife and I share. That alone is worth our money. It doesn't need to be more complicated than that, at least from my perspective. Thank you for making and continuing to make videos that introduce us to new games in a way that is approachable, funny, and done so with an attention to production value (seriously - the fact that you are not apologizing for poor lighting or audio alone is huge). Sorry to hear that while we've been enjoying your content, you have been stressing about it. That said, congrats on the new job and fresh perspective!

Steve Cameron

Thanks for being so open about this Jon. A few weeks ago I was reassessing my donations to content creators, and made the difficult decision to include Actualol in the list of cuts. I've loved your content since the day I first found it on YouTube years ago, but due to the decreased amount of content, I decided my money might be better used supporting someone else whose content I also enjoy. After watching this video however, I immediately returned my financial support. It's not much, but you have been one of my favourite board game content creators, and I would love to see you succeed in your dreams.

Bruce Knight

I too spend many hours working from home alone (or sometimes not working but watching board game reviews!) with only a neurotic cat for company and spend far too much time in my head. I work in the evenings leading a large community choir, which is fun and exhilarating but often leaves me feeling flat and depressed the next day, and with exhaustion comes negative thoughts, and feelings of "I haven't achieved anything". I've recently put myself on a 6-week CBT course run by the NHS, and this is helping. Watching your confessional vid was helpful too - really brave of you to put it out there and talk openly about your mental health, and as you can see by these responses you are absolutely not alone, and we, your supporters are rooting for you. So glad that you have turned a corner and are feeling on top of things again - no more obsessively checking your youtube ratings! I hope to bump into you at Games Expo (I can make the Sunday). I'd like to buy you a drink - maybe a relaxing Camomile tea instead of another coffee (!)

Melissa Pananon

Thanks for sharing. We hope you find a happy middle. its okay to do things that are right for you and not necessarily fast for us, quality over quantity and all those sayings... We enjoy a healthy Jon and not a stressed you. Your pov is a pov we like to hear , its thought out and thorough and well balanced so we are here to stay. And also i purchased hive mind today off of your review from months ago for our family vacay next month (and bring your own book) we really do enjoy your english perspective :) Now half my answer from yesterday was cut off so i hope all this goes thru :)) (oh, it was basically saying that we enjoy all of your content , hard work, and that you find a happy medium ground) Thanks so much, some american fans :))

Norm

Mental Health is still a mysterious and easily misunderstood subject as compared to Body Health. Afterall, our brain is the most complicated organ in our body! While Yoga can help, its just as important to acknowledge and learn a little about Mental Health, compassionately embrace others who're challenged by it, and continue researching sound scientific medical solutions. Namaste, Jon. 🙏🌎🐺 P.S.: Timmy is my favorite character followed by alcoholic bitter husband. Keep up the hard/good work, Jon; for if it were easy everybody would be doing it. Your faithful Patreon Supporter, -Noel,

Actualol

Thank you Bjorn, it's nice to read that.

Actualol

Oh no! That sounds terrible. I'm sorry that your work are treating you like that. The older I get, the more I realise that this type of thing effects everyone at some point or another. People need to approach it like they would someone with a non-mental illness. I hope that tide is slowly turning. Thanks for sharing.

Actualol

Thanks Daniel. I am hoping to return to making videos that I really want to, rather than I feel like I have to. We'll see how that goes! And thanks for the advice. I don't regularly exercise but I have noticed the positive impact it has. And I would like to find time for other side hobbies.

Actualol

Thanks Brad. That perspective about no-one else thinking about Actualol on a daily basis like I do is very interesting - I'd never thought about it like that before. Thanks for your understanding and to you and your wife for continuing to watch :)

Actualol

Thanks for your honesty Steve. I totally respect your original decision, and it's exactly people like you that I felt deserved an explanation. I really appreciate you coming back, and I hope that I can continue to make content worth supporting. But if you want to stop in the future, for any reason, I will completely understand.

Actualol

Hi Bruce, sorry to hear about your struggles. Years ago I never appreciated how damaging working from home can be. I'm glad that the CBT is helping for you. I look forward to saying hi at UKGE - the easiest place to find me will be the Fog of Love stand as I will be there 50% of my time.

Actualol

Hi Melissa, thanks for understanding. I was delighted to hear that from your previous message that you watch with your daughters. I really hope you all enjoy Hive Mind and Bring Your Own Book. Thanks from a newly healthy English bloke :)

Actualol

Thanks Noel. Getting into yoga properly is on my list of things I really should do. Thanks for reminding me. And thanks for your support :)