New Roll / Developing a Language of Streetscape Photography (Patreon)

This is a roll of "Fuji" 400 (Kodak reboxed stuff, see last post for explanation on the stock) that I ran through my always-trusty Nikon F4. I shot the bulk of this roll over the course of a handful of brisk walks I took before the inauguration.

I ramble in this one. If you'd like to simply see the images, you can view the full gallery on Flickr and download the zipped folder here.

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The inauguration fears have been difficult for me. The feeling of waiting-at-the-precipice is hard for me to handle; fear is one of my most overpowering emotions, and fear of the unknown is hardest for me to defuse. I would rather at least know with certainty the horrors that await, and when I will face them, rather than sit and pray for the best, but that is not how life works.

(My anxiety disorder is to blame for this, but despite the knowledge that my amygdala is needlessly overactive, it doesn't make it any easier to actually handle it.)

I have been shooting a lot of film to... cope, or make sense of it, or sublimate it, or something. Camus isn't very comforting, unfortunately.

As the weird dissociative haze of the holidays continues to dissipate and give way to raw emotion and stunning presence, I find myself trying to develop the creative language of my environmental photography further.

When I can truly give myself to that presence, the alignments of color and form naturally present themselves as I walk. The photo assembles itself as I pass by. Some of these shots (like this one) I believe are quite strong.

Some of them become such abstracted forms of shape and color that truthfully I'm not sure if I like them or not, but I'm trying to worry a little less about wasting film.

Sometimes, when I find myself a bit more distracted, the shots I find are of a political nature. Shocking, I know.

Sometimes I like to imagine that the work I am doing now with these shots is going to, with time, continual addition, and consistent winnowing, assemble itself into a gallery that shows how much beauty can still be found in a fraught era, even when the imagery itself is loaded with that anxiety.

I want to believe that the these photos are good enough that with the correct selections, in the correct order, it will be possible for me to show how much care we put into the world even - or perhaps especially - when things feel so fragile and tenuous. How beautiful that is.

Every fully-polished photography series I've published thus far has done one of two things: Either it relies on words and a story to link the narrative and help guide the viewer along (like Postcards or Self-Portraits), or it is a carefully constructed vision of an altered past or present (like the Pilgrimages or We Deserve This).

I want this collection of photos that assembles, sometime in the future, to somehow show how overwhelmingly beautiful and fragile the world is as I have witnessed it, not constructed it.

I believe the viewer I am trying to reach most often with this message is me, especially right now, in a week where I am goddamn scared, and right to be.

I would be lying if I didn't also say that sometimes when I dream about this, I am thinking about how damn cool it would be to have an exhibition. To know that I reached other people with it, too.

It will not bring me lasting peace or satisfaction to be in, like, the MoMA, but it would be cool as hell. It would also imply a future, and I find that incredibly soothing to imagine.

All I can do right now is keep adding to that collection for the future.

I hope you enjoyed. I have more rolls that came back from this batch, but I need time to color-tone them.

Thanks,

Vicki <3