New Roll / Summer Ethos (Patreon)

Hello! Here is this new roll of 120 Kodak Gold 200 on Flickr and on Drive.

I am probably shifting gears for the summer. As much as I've enjoyed my "street photographer" arc (if we want to call it that), I think that I'll probably end up slowing down significantly on daily walk photos and reverting back to my previous style of photography, which consisted of venturing out to specific locations for the goal of capturing specific images.

(This roll, shot through the Fujica GW690 on Kodak Gold 200, was more of the specific-venturing-out type, mostly to get train photos; I am largely enamored with it.)

First off, and obviously, it'll be a bit cheaper, but that's actually not the primary motivation.

A large part of why I feel I can stop the street-photo style of work is because I don't think I need it as badly. When I got into daily street photography, it was primarily because I had kinda gone insane. By the time I went to the psych ward in early July last year, I was having panic attacks virtually every day, I was self-harming at alarming rates, and I found it virtually impossible to ground myself enough to stay present. I was hardly functional and almost constantly suicidal.

Walking around with a camera wasn't just a chance to build a portfolio, it was one of the only therapies I could find that kept me grounded enough to re-learn how to enjoy living consistently.

When I ran out of Fuji 400 a month ago and stopped carrying around my Nikon N60 every day, I noticed I just didn't need it as bad. The walks alone were enough; I could stay present in myself much more easily, even without the camera. I have realized that, while not really recognizing it while it was happening, I have recovered pretty dramatically from my low point last year. I credit that, at least partly, to no longer working a full-time job with a lot of travel (it's certainly not that things seem less bleak...).

It's unfortunate that the lesson I've learned from my twenties appears to be that I simply cannot hold down a full-time desk job and stay sane. Every time I go back to freelancing, even if I'm actually accomplishing more work than I did full-time, I tend to function 1000x better... until money becomes a huge concern again.

I seem to be fully incompatible with the modern American workplace, despite ambition and ability. I just can't get my brain to work on the schedule that a normal workplace demands, and I struggle with the pace of modern life. I don't think it's just me that feels this way.

I don't really know how to bridge this gap, because I've spent the better part of a decade trying to and failing to. I do really enjoy that at least for now, I've still got savings to coast off of for a bit longer, and I can actually love being alive much more often.

And if I'm taking shots with vastly more intentional goals than I was before, it means that I can afford to shoot the Fujica more often, which I'm thrilled about. I genuinely love this thing. I'm just addicted to Big Negatives. Nailing a panning shot off a rangefinder the size of my head feels like a huge flex, too.

This shot here is the main purpose of this roll: this is a test shot for the 36 Views of Tahoma series. Tahoma, on a clear day, is visible at the very end of the runway; the fence here makes this shot challenging. I'm debating if I will shoot this shot again (with a larger plane and the Mountain out) on Velvia for the series, or if I will try a different location.

The fence is a serious annoyance, but it's razor-wired and electrified behind, so it's pretty hard to even get a photo this clear. I thought about bringing a ladder out there but I'm worried I will end up arrested, lol.

Anyway, y'all enjoy your weekends!

Vicki <3