goddess promises (2021) (Patreon)

This was a shot from when my van was broken, and my friend and I were driving around San Bernadino in a borrowed V8 Allroad looking for places to camp. We'd almost gotten flooded out trying to leave the National Forest, which was one of the most tense moments of off-roading in my life; the rain finally stopped and the waters receded, and this was the view we were greeted with when we finally emerged over the last hill before the pavement. This view was made extra surreal by the burned-out forest we drove through to get here. I think we slept right on this ridge that night. 

It's weird to think about my life since this moment; that car is now totaled, my van is probably in a junkyard, I live in rural Idaho, and I pretty objectively did blow up my life by becoming a writer, even if that wasn't the goal. The world has only gotten worse to be trans in since I came out. I can't even beat a tactical retreat back to tech at this point. And yet... I remain oddly optimistic at the moment, especially for me. It feels strange.

I feel like I have been driving through a rainstorm for a while and the mud has been deep and I'm just starting to crest the hill and I'm afraid to look up and see if there's a rainbow yet, but I hope it's there. There's no promise anything good ever happens, but I want to believe it still will; it feels like there's a karmic readjustment that I'm not owed, but that I might be bestowed anyway. 

Apologies for the delayed post; I've had internet problems due to thunderstorms all day, and I had a lot of other deadlines to hit earlier!