we deserve this (2023) (Patreon)

I am struggling to write anything today, I will be honest. This is the latest I've ever been with this email because I just cannot string words together; I am an anxious wreck. I got back home after completing shoots 14 and 15 of my book and writing my entire Nissan review, and now I have to prepare to move in six days. I am staring down the barrel of a decent amount of work (five shoots in the next four weeks) to finish this book and a decent amount of work to pay bills (which I'm thrilled to have but is undeniably a lot to juggle), while I simultaneously rip up my roots for the fourth time in three years (Houston -> van -> couchsurfing for months in Houston -> Reno -> rural Idaho) and say goodbye to my partner of over a year, who isn't moving with me. 

I am really tired. I suspect that this book isn't going to amount to as much as I'd hoped, thanks to the dipshit electric-car fascist ruining my largest outlet for promotion and publicity, and I hope when it's all over with I can just stop working on overly-ambitious projects for a very long time and maybe reassemble my life for a bit. I'm definitely reaching a level of photographic burnout where I wonder why I've tried so hard at it, and I know that if this lookbook flops, it's not going to help that. 

I'll try to have a better post tomorrow.