everybody plays a role (2022) (Patreon)

Another one of my carefully-choregraphed cinematic scenes with Roxy, I took this shot in the desert with her a year ago when we drove my van out to the middle of legitimately nowhere in Nevada. 

Several years ago when I left Houston, it was right after we'd met, and I was so bummed to be leaving a place I'd always hated right as soon as I'd found someone I genuinely enjoyed being around. When I left Reno, I was bummed I would be missing out on the desert and sharing the night sky with everyone that visited me. Now that I'm leaving Idaho, I already know I will miss a lot, even though I won't miss a lot, too. 

I've been struggling with missing my van, too, even though I know there really was no point to keeping it. I am struggling with missing all the people I see and then don't see for months or years because I am always on the move, but I know why I've been on the move. I am simultaneously afraid to stop, and I know it's because I have stopped several times and it's never quite worked out for me. 

I do not know what lesson you are supposed to learn from your twenties or from transition or from moving across the country repeatedly or from living out of a van, but I feel like I've not quite fully learned it yet. I've just learned that I can be sad about things that I couldn't really help.