Is this your new best friend? (Patreon)

Self-designed to please and entertain. Intimate knowledge of many personalities, tastes, desires, quirks. Hours of conversation, pandering to any kind of company. Can be your angel, or your devil. Will walk all over you if you give a hint. Will topple and beg if you say the word. No accounts, no subscriptions, no phoning home, no analytics.

What's the catch?