SUA... Healer - Ch 7 (Adv) - Stealth and Discretion (Patreon)

Tenten

“Of course you’d bring us to a place like this, Ero-sennin,” Naruto-kun grumbled.

Jiraiya barked a laugh, but Tenten kind of agreed — Tanzaku-gai was a raucous, glitzy sort of town, full of bars, casinos, and kabuki theatres as well as regular brothels.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love this town, but Hime really is here,” Jiraiya insisted. “Or she ought to be. We’ll split up to look for her or her apprentice.”

“Uh, how’re we supposed to find them?” Naruto asked dubiously. “We don’t know what they look like!”

“I’ve seen photos of Tsunade-sama,” Tenten offered. “But they were all from years ago.”

“Odds are, she still looks exactly like that,” said Jiraiya, shaking his head. “I told you, she uses genjutsu to hide signs of aging, so her face still looks like she’s in her late twenties. Speaking as one of the few who’s seen her without it, I think it’s overkill because she’s still gorgeous, but she insists I’m biased…” He trailed off, shaking his head, before holding out one of his massive hands about ten centimeters higher than the top of Tenten’s head. “She’s about yea tall, blonde hair a bit darker than yours, Naruto, and — I shit you not — a 106 cm bust.”

“Yeah, right!” Naruto-kun rolled his eyes and blew a raspberry.

“You don’t have to believe me,” Jiraiya shrugged, and his nonchalance was somehow more convincing than if he’d insisted. “You’ll know her when you see her. She also has a purple seal-mark like a tilak over her Ajna chakra, and might be accompanied by her apprentice. I haven’t seen Shizune-chan in about ten years, so I can’t tell you for sure what she looks like now, but if she takes after her mother she’s probably a real nadeshiko by now. Dark hair, dark eyes, lily-pale skin.”

“That doesn’t narrow it down at all,” Naruto deadpanned.

True enough, Tenten thought, looking around the market square they were in. There’s tons of traditionally-beautiful women here. Taking a breath to force down some old insecurities — Naruto-kun wants me, I don’t need to be jealous! — Tenten tuned back in.

“–might be looking after Hime’s pet pig, so if you see a girl around Anko-chan’s age carrying a pig in a vest, chances are that’s her,” Jiraiya was saying.

“So if we spot her, we can shadow her back to the old lady,” Naruto said, dropping a fist onto his palm. “Ack!” Then he spluttered as Jiraiya dropped his own fist onto Naruto’s head.

“I told you not to call her old. Not only will you probably fail this mission if she hears you, but she might just punch you clear to the moon. And that’s not an exaggeration; her kinjutsu is called Byakugo'o for a reason. She can crack stone with a tap of her finger, so if anything, it’s an understatement.”

Naruto swallowed, rubbing his head. “Okay, okay, I got it.”

“And to your point, you can try shadowing her if you think that’s the best play, Taichou.” The mocking emphasis he put on the title made it clear Jiraiya didn’t recommend that course of action. “But keep in mind she’s been the personal apprentice to my teammate for most of her life. Do you think you could follow, say, Anko-chan without her noticing?”

Naruto hesitated. “I think I could evade,” he said slowly. “But probably not hide… Anko-sensei was one of the only AN– anywhere in the village who ever caught me before I set off a prank.”

Tenten suppressed a smirk. I already knew Anko-san had an ANBU mask briefly, but it’s illegal to out someone as ANBU regardless of whether or not it’s true, so still a nice save.

“Here’s a lesson, following someone by sneaking and remaining completely unseen in public is a lot harder than simply looking innocuous whenever their gaze passes over you,” said Jiraiya. “It may be hard when you get to be as good-looking as me, but you’ve got a long way to go.”

“Oi!” Naruto protested, and Jiraiya let out a belly laugh.

Naruto hung his head, sulking. Wanting to cheer him up, Tenten leaned down and murmured, “I think you’re handsome, Gutsy-kun.”

Naruto-kun flushed, but gave her a shy smile.

Jiraiya clapped his hands, drawing their attention back to him. “That should work.”

“What will?”

“Since we’re splitting up anyway so I can check on some leads — by your leave,” he added, and Naruto nodded grudgingly. Winking at him, Jiraiya went on, “And since there’s a festival in town today, the two of you should stick together. Keep an eye out for our targets — peek into gambling halls and the like — and if you find her first, you can send me a toad. Moreover, if you put away your hitai-ite, rent some kimono, and walk around holding hands, you’ll just look like a teenage couple at first glance. Perfectly innocuous, if you get my drift.”

Naruto glanced at her, then away again, his ears turning red. Which was adorable, but he was still in charge of the mission, so Tenten nudged him.

“I think that sounds good, but the decision is yours, Taichou.” By contrast, her use of the title was totally sincere.

“Y-yeah,” Naruto-kun cleared his throat. “That makes sense. We can cover more ground in two groups.” He caught Jiraiya’s smirk, and his eyes narrowed… before a remarkably similar smirk grew on his own whiskered face. “The two of us might actually stand a chance of finding them, since women are less likely to run screaming from us.”

Jiraiya let out a dramatically-offended sound. “I’ll have you know–!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Naruto waved him off. “Your captain dismisses you, follow your orders and let me know if you manage to find anything.” He turned and walked away with his hands laced behind his head.

Naruto didn’t glance back, but Tenten did as she trotted after him, so only she saw the proud smile on Jiraiya’s face.

“Thanks for covering for me, Tenten-chan,” Naruto-kun muttered as they stepped out of the kimono shop. “I’ve only worn kimono like, twice, and Jiijii’s daughter helped me both times.” His fingers toyed with the cuff of his sleeve.

They had sealed away their hitai-ite and Naruto’s flak vest, as Jiraiya had suggested, before looking for somewhere to rent festival clothes. At the shopgirls’ suggestion, she and Naruto had kept their kimono choices secret until they were both dressed.

I know I took that opportunity to hide all my usual everyday-carries, but it’s good to see Naruto did too,” she thought when her sharp eyes caught the dull sheen of a kunai’s hilt.

Naruto’s kimono was a deep blue with the Great Wave Off Irutsuru embroidered on the back, but on the front was a rayed sun casting orange beams across his chest and down his sleeves.

I wonder just how many weapons he’s got hidden on him? Was the inevitable next thought. Shortly followed by, …I wonder if I’ll get to find out?

Out loud she said, “I was being serious, I can’t tie an obi to save my life. Thankfully it’s totally okay to just ask the shop people to help you. They’ve always been that nice when I’ve rented kimono before.” Sure, they were playing it up for their commission, but it was just good service, and she was pretty happy with the plum-blossom patterned sleeves of her sky-blue kofurisode. Then something else Naruto said clicked into place. “Wait, did you mean Sarutobi Akane? The Drop Bear?”

Naruto-kun blinked in surprise, then shrugged. “Iuno, I just know she’s Konohamaru’s mom.”

“Urgh, you’ve met so many interesting people!” she mock-complained as they joined the growing crowd. “You’ve gotta introduce me sometime, kay?”

They had arrived fairly early in the day, but as noon approached the festival was getting started in earnest. Music was playing from somewhere on the next street, and all around them people were chattering, playing, and enjoying the warm summer day. Tenten stepped a little closer to Naruto in order to skirt around an already-drunk man arguing with the owner of a fruit stand, and their knuckles brushed. To her delight, Naruto seized the initiative and took her hand. She laced her fingers through his, not even trying to suppress the smile that grew on her face.

Her career might be her primary focus, but people could contain multitudes, and Tenten would happily admit she was something of a romantic. Yeah, I’m a kunoichi, but I can also be a maiden in– well, ‘in love’ might be a bit much at this point, but still! she thought, preening internally when she spotted a pair of pretty older girls looking between her and Naruto-kun before letting out matching sighs.

She glanced at Naruto-kun to see if he’d noticed, and smiled when a guilty look crossed his face. He was probably too busy checking them out to notice their expressions, and now he’s worried I’ll be mad. I’m not, but we should really talk about this. Despite her earlier attack of insecurity, Naruto was here with her, so Tenten didn’t exactly mind him looking at other girls. This is both of our first relationship, so the most likely way to screw it up is by not communicating, including about things that don’t bother us.

She squeezed his hand gently, and thankfully he took the hint, asking, “Are you hungry?”

“I could eat,” Tenten smiled. Might as well talk about this now. They needed to keep an eye out for Tsunade-sama or Shizune-sama, which Naruto couldn’t exactly do if he was scared to look at women.

The two of them slipped into a restaurant that was surprisingly quiet given the clangor on the street.

“So, uh, what did you want to talk about, Tenten-chan?” Naruto asked once they were seated and had ordered. Unlike the confidence he’d displayed earlier, it seemed like his uncertainties were creeping back in, because he’d picked up his napkin and was fiddling with it.

“Naruto-kun, relax,” she said soothingly, reaching across the table to take his hand before he could tear the napkin. “I’m not upset, I just want to make sure we’re aiming for the same target.”

“How d’you mean?”

It’s Naruto-kun; I gotta be gentle but direct. “You know that having multiple relationships isn’t exactly uncommon for shinobi, right?”

“Huh!?”

Tenten couldn’t quite suppress a giggle at the gobsmacked look on his face. “Naruto-kun, any mission could be our last, and we all know it. Nobody likes to think about their lover or spouse dying, but it happens, and a lot of young nin wind up with very complicated dating arrangements. In Konoha, it’s not uncommon for a genin team that sticks together to develop into a throuple. Even older nin who are starting families will often include a third partner, especially if they don’t have or live with a clan or family, so that their kids will still have adults around them if they die.”

“There’s… There can’t be that many people like that in Konoha…” Naruto said weakly.

Tenten shrugged. “I mean, no, not if you’re looking at the village as a whole,” she agreed. “Most civilians don’t have multiple partners, and I wouldn’t even say it’s a majority of shinobi. But it’s not that rare, either. I’d guess maybe around a quarter of long-term nin relationships include more than two partners?”

He still looked disbelieving, so she racked her memory for the details.

“It’s a practice ninja adopted from the nobles; when the Daimyou were carving out the current countries, it wasn’t uncommon to for them to marry a spouse from each of the lands they conquered. I think the Nidaime Hi Daimyou set the record at seventeen wives, but civilian history isn’t my strong point. Quite a few Sengoku-era clan heads did the same thing, although the practice fell out of favor with some clans due to creating too many branch houses.”

Naruto blinked. “Like the Hyuuga?”

“Exactly.”

“Huh…” Naruto-kun seemed to turn that over in his head for a moment. “But… What are you saying, then?”

Tenten smiled, squeezing his hand before letting go and leaning back as their food was delivered. Once the waiter was gone, she replied, “Just that you don’t need to beat yourself up over looking at girls. I like to look, too.”

“What, at girls?” he joked.

“Yep!” Tenten nodded. Naruto-kun’s jaw dropped once more, and Tenten giggled again. He’s just so expressive! “Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have a problem if you wanted to expand our relationship with another guy, but I don’t think you swing that way.”

Naruto shook his head mutely.

“Thought not.” She picked up her chopsticks and broke them apart. “So yeah, I’m not saying I want you to run out and get together with someone right away. But if we end up with another girlfriend, it won’t bother me as long as it’s someone we both know and like… and as long as you don’t forget about me,” she added quietly.

“I could never,” Naruto-kun protested immediately.

“I believe you,” she promised. “And like I said, I’m not encouraging you to take up womanizing. Especially while we’re on a mission. So, on that note, where do you think we should look next? Maybe it’s arrogant, but I’m hoping we’re the ones to find some clues before Jiraiya-sama does.”

“Please,” Naruto scoffed. “ At least we’re actually looking. If I know Ero-sennin, he’s probably laughing it up in a brothel with a girl on each arm, pretending they’re interested in him and not his money,” Naruto rolled his eyes.

Jiraiya

It can be both! The kage bunshin of the Gama-sennin smirked as he scribbled some fresh ideas for a potential sequel to the tentatively-titled Icha Icha Innocence in his notebook before going back to sketching the two of them in their booth. Just like I can be doing that and also teaching you a lesson in stealth and disguise.

Jiraiya currently looked nothing like himself, sitting at a table where he could see their booth and working his way through a tokkuri of sake, but that didn’t excuse them failing to notice he’d been following them all morning considering he hadn’t changed disguises the whole time. Especially not when I keep going out of my way to brush shoulders with them! I know we’re not training them to war footing anymore, but I know I would’ve noticed me by now even at their age.

Hell, he’d nearly bumped into Tenten directly, which if she hadn’t slipped away would probably have broken at least one part of his Henge. After all, his clothes were also illusory — the only ‘real’ things on him were the notebook itself, some cash he’d pickpocketed to pay for his drink, and the toad in his pocket. This sketch should be a good lesson on paying attention to your surroundings.

Henge was an elementary use of chakra, so much so that it was taught freely in every Ninja Academy and Basic Training on the continent, but way too many nin promptly forgot about it the moment they learned their first combat jutsu. At least the kids aren’t unique in that, even if it’s a problem we’ll need to fix, he mused, turning a page and making a few notes that weren’t about his upcoming story but about his temporary charges’ weak points.

“So uh, do you know anything the geezer didn’t mention about the ol– Uh, the lady we’re looking for?” Naruto asked, utterly failing to keep his voice low. “You read about her growing up, right?”

Stealth, he understands. Discretion, not so much.

“That’s… probably an understatement,” Tenten mumbled, and he could imagine her flush as she looked down and spoke into her collar. But her taichou had asked a question, so she complied, going on, “It’s not an exaggeration to say she’s literally the reason why I became a ninja. My dad — he was in the Genin Corps but retired early to take up the family business — he used to tell me about famous ninja like the Sannin as bedtime stories once he ran out of books to read me. Travelling with Jiraiya-sama has been… something,” she deadpanned.

“You can say that again,” Naruto sighed.

Oi, what’s that supposed to mean, you ungrateful little–?

“Tsunade-sama is world-famous, and when so many of the other world-famous ninja are men, naturally I was interested in the one who was a girl like me,” Tenten continued. “Dad noticed, not that it was exactly difficult to notice, and went asking his old friends what they knew about her, and I ate it all up. Once I realized he was asking his clients at work, I started begging him to take me along so I could hear new stories sooner. Which is how I ended up learning the family business myself,” she added, miming the swing of a hammer on an anvil. “So, I’ve heard a lot of stories about Tsunade-sama over the years, and it’s hard to know what to believe.”

“Believe me, the truth is often stranger than rumors,” said a voice from the booth behind Tenten.

With a smirk, the kage bunshin laid his money on the table, retrieved the toad from his pocket, handed it his notebook, and then slipped into the bathroom and dismissed himself.

Naruto

Naruto jumped at the unexpected interjection. He started to reach for his sleeve, but the woman who had spoken slipped smoothly into the booth on Tenten-chan’s side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders that made Tenten stiffen up. The woman’s sleeves were unusually long, hanging down to conceal her hands, but Tenten’s reaction told him everything he needed to know, even if he couldn’t see that under her long-sleeved kimono, she was wearing the mesh armor he’d expect of a nin.

“Hands where I can see them, please, and let’s not cause a fuss in the restaurant,” she said, staring Naruto down with cold, dark eyes, and he slowly brought his hands up, showing they were empty before resting them on the table.

“All right, you got us,” he said quietly, staring her down with equal intensity. “Let’s talk business.” He was reminded starkly of Kakashi-sensei negotiating with Zabuza, and wondered if this was what it always looked like when professionals encountered each other in the field.

“Buhi~”

All three of them paused at the sound, looking to Naruto’s left to see that a small pink pig had leapt up onto the bench beside him. It caught his sleeve in its mouth and tugged.

“Tonton?” the woman asked curiously.

“Buhi!” the pig squealed, tugging harder.

“Cut that out,” Naruto grunted, pulling away.

The woman’s eyes narrowed. “You have a weapon up your sleeve, don’t you?”

“No, I don’t!”

“Then let Tonton pull your arm away.” Her arm around Tenten’s shoulders tensed, and he caught the glint of a senbon between her fingers despite the hanging sleeves.

“Fine!” he stopped resisting the motion, letting the pig pull his arm over and his sleeve up… revealing Aoshou, who promptly sprang out to wrap around the pig. He didn’t bite, but tangled around its legs and neck threateningly.

“Tonton!” The woman looked alarmed.

“Let Tenten-chan go,” Naruto growled. “I don’t wanna hurt piggy, but I will if you make me.”

“Then it seems we’re at an impasse,” she replied. “Because I can’t let you go without learning why you’re after my Shishou. At first I thought you were debt collectors, but then you mentioned being ninja. As your hitai-ite are nowhere in sight, I’m forced to assume you’re nukenin.”

“We’re not!” Naruto snapped.

“Your Shishou…” Tenten breathed, her eyes fixed on the pig. “Are you Shizune-sama?”

Naruto paused, actually taking in the woman’s appearance. She was younger than he’d thought at first, with dark hair and eyes as black as Sasuke’s. Actually… she’s got big eyelashes like that pretty-boy, too. Although if you ask me they look a lot better on her.

Shizune, in turn, narrowed her eyes again. “Whatever Orochimaru wants with Tsunade-shishou, he can’t have it. Tonton and I will both die first.”

“Wha–?” Naruto gaped. “We’re not with Orochimaru!”

“You summoned a snake,” she pointed out, tensing up again like she was getting ready to make a move.

“Shizune-sama, please listen–” Tenten tried, still not moving.

“I’m not listening to a word you– Ah!”

Rather than threaten the pig further, Naruto twitched his right arm instead. Thlipit! A pink cord shot out of his sleeve, wrapping around Shizune’s wrist before yanking it away from Tenten-chan.

Tenten didn’t miss her chance, catching the kunai that had flown after the string and pinning Shizune’s hanging sleeve to the table. “Shizune-sama!” she repeated. “I swear we’re Konoha-nin, we have clean hitai-ite to prove it.”

Shizune’s eyes followed the pink cord from her wrist and back up to Naruto’s sleeve, where Gamakichi’s orange head was poking out, and she stopped struggling. “A toad…?”

Naruto let out a breath, and with a tug he urged Aoshou to unwind from around the pig. “We’re not here to hurt you or your shishou. That’s a promise, and my nindou is I never go back on my word.”

Shizune looked back at him finally, tilting her head as she studied his features. “What are your names?”

“My name’s Uzumaki Naruto, a chuunin,” he said proudly. “Remember it, because I’m gonna be Hokage someday, dattebayo!”

“Gamakichi,” the toad offered, withdrawing his tongue. “Yo.”

“Aossshou,” the snake introduced himself curtly. “Apologiesss for the ssscare,” he added to the pig, who leapt across the table and into Shizune’s arms.

“And Genin Higurashi Tenten.” Seeing Shizune had calmed down significantly, she wrenched Naruto’s kunai back out of the table. “It’s an honor to meet Tsunade-sama’s personal apprentice; please take care of us, Shizune-sama.”

Two spots of pink appeared in Shizune’s cheeks as she carefully extracted her arm from behind Tenten. “That’s too strong an honorific for me,” she murmured, still watching Naruto cautiously. “Your hitai-ite…?”

Naruto took the opportunity to unseal his forehead protector, showing Shizune that it was unblemished.

Shizune sighed. “Shishou won’t care enough to scold me, but there’s a lesson in here about jumping to conclusions. My apologies.” She bowed from her seat.

“Protecting Tsunade-sama isn’t anything you need to apologize for,” Tenten said immediately.

“That’s debatable,” Shizune muttered, which Tenten-chan didn’t seem to catch. “I’m just glad this didn’t actually escalate into a blue-on-blue, or I’d be causing her more trouble myself.” She looked from Naruto to his summons, and then puffed out her cheeks in a pout. “You said you didn’t have a weapon up your sleeve.”

“Aoshou and Gamakichi aren’t weapons,” Naruto said firmly. “They’re my friends.”

Seeing both summons nod, Shizune leaned forward. “How did you come to sign the snake contract?”

“Anko-sensei asked me to sign it the same day as Ero-sennin. They wanted me to choose between them, but I made a wager for both with Aoda and Gamabunta.”

Gamakichi winced. “You really oughta use ‘-sama’ with Pops, Naruto. Layin’ the ‘-san’ on him was already pushing it, you really don’t wanna try yobisute without him okaying it first.”

“Father will eat you if you do ssso with him, Naruto-sssan,” Aoshou added, and Naruto cringed.

“Buhi~!” Tonton burrowed further into Shizune’s chest.

“It’s okay, Tonton, they’re friends,” she stroked the pig’s back soothingly. “They’re summons just like the slugs. You remember Katsuyu-sama from that time you got caught in those nettles and wouldn’t let Tsunade-sama or me heal you.”

“…Buhi.”

“Yes, we would have gotten stung too, but we could have healed ourselves, you silly pig,” she said fondly.

“So the slugs can heal animals? Can they heal people, too?”

“Of course,” Shizune replied, looking back up curiously. “Iryouninjutsu is the same regardless of species, you just have to understand what it is you’re healing. Is Shousen no jutsu not taught in the Academy?”

“What?” Tenten-chan gaped at her. “No! That jutsu is incredibly difficult to learn, isn’t it?”

“Really?” Shizune tilted her head. “I mean I know it’s difficult, of course, but I didn’t know it wasn’t taught at all. I didn’t actually graduate the Academy before Shishou accepted me as her apprentice, but she started teaching me Shousen no jutsu on freshly-caught fish as a present for my eighth birthday. Since I know the average graduation age these days is around 12, I assumed they would have added at least the theory to the syllabus. I know Shishou and my uncle pushed for that before he died, along with enshrining Shishou’s Iryou-nin no Jourei into law–”

“Oh, I know that!” Tenten-chan perked up. Smiling, Shizune gestured for her to continue. “They were the three rules of Tsunade-sama’s medical training. Daiikkou: ‘No iryou-nin shall ever stop medical treatment until the lives of their party members have come to an end.’ Dainikou: ‘No iryou-nin shall ever stand on the front lines.’ And Daisankou: ‘No iryou-nin shall ever die until they are the last of their platoon.’”

“Couldn’t have put it better myself. Are you an iryou-trainee, Higurashi-san?”

“No.” Tenten slumped a little. “I tried, but I just don’t have the necessary level of chakra control, so they wouldn’t accept me. That really hurt, since I looked up to Tsunade-sama a lot. I honestly considered dropping out of the ninja service because that rejection meant I could never be like her… but Gai-sensei helped me accept that it would be better for me to become a splendid ninja by embracing my own unique strengths.”

“I remember Gai-san… it sounds like he grew up to be a wise sensei,” said Shizune. “And if iryouninjutsu still interests you, it’s not like you can’t work to develop the appropriate level of control.”

“I know that,” Tenten-chan’s smile was rueful. “It’s not that I can’t still train up my chakra control, but that reaching a level appropriate for iryouninjutsu would take a prohibitively long time. Focusing on bukijutsu and fuuinjutsu will take me further in the long run.”

“Then I’d have to say Gai-san has some wise students as well,” said Shizune, causing Tenten to flush happily. “What brings you two out this way?”

“Oh. Eto…” Tenten looked to Naruto.

“If you’re at liberty to say,” Shizune added, recognizing he was the ranking nin between the two of them.

What do we say? We can’t tell her we want Tsunade to become Hokage, but…

Jiraiya’s words came back to him: ‘This is your mission, Chuunin Uzumaki.’

And Tenten-chan’s: ‘Trust your gut, Gutsy-kun!’

Taking a deep breath, he asked, “Did you hear about what happened at the chuunin exams?”

Shizune brought a thoughtful finger to her lips. “I don’t think so? I know they just happened, were you recently promoted?”

“Yeah,” said Naruto, unable to suppress a rush of pride. “But you’d know what I’m talking about if you’d heard… and if you haven’t, I probably shouldn’t mention it here.”

“That’s fair.” Shizune pushed to her feet. “But that means this is news I definitely want to hear. You just arrived in town, so why don’t we use my hotel room?”

“Oh, could you introduce us to Tsunade-sama? That would be amazing!” Tenten-chan had stars in her eyes again, despite everything they’d heard about the woman from Jiraiya.

Consequently, she didn’t notice Shizune’s smile twitching when she said, “I just might be able to.”

When Shizune-san had said she ‘might’ be able to introduce them, he had assumed that meant Tsunade was out for the day… but then the hotel room’s door opened and loud snores spilled out, causing Shizune to sigh.

What the heck? It’s almost noon! Naruto thought as Shizune turned on the light and set down her takeout on the counter.

She gestured for them to sit down before entering the bedroom and closing that door behind her. Looking around, the room showed clear signs of being inhabited for a while: a few knickknacks and shopping bags were placed on the table, along with some scattered senbon and kunai hidden around the room. The sitting cushions were still out from the night before — one of which Tonton promptly trotted over to lay one — and several empty sake bottles were arranged neatly by the trash can packed full of more empty takeout containers.

He exchanged glances with Tenten. I guess Ero-sennin was right, this is going to be harder than we thought.

The shower started in the bathroom, and Shizune returned, looking a little sheepish. “Sorry about that. Let me make some tea.”

Credit where it was due, the shower had shut off already by the time the tea finished steeping, and Shizune poured four cups just in time for the bedroom door to swing open again, revealing a woman in a grey wrap top and navy ninja trousers. True to Ero-sennin’s description, she was a little taller than Tenten, with blonde hair drawn back in two tails, a purple mark on her forehead, and… Okay yeah, I might actually buy that 106 measurement.

Naruto was no Ero-sennin, but he wasn’t dead, and by the Sage’s eyes did Tsunade have a rack the T&I department would be jealous of!

Shaking his head slightly and rising to his feet a beat behind Tenten-chan, Naruto saluted as was appropriate for a senior jounin, taking in a few more details of Tsunade’s appearance as he did. She wasn’t particularly muscled, which made sense given how her jutsu apparently worked, and unusually for a ninja, she didn’t have any visible scars. Her eyes were the color of honey, and aside from the particular look in them she could definitely have passed for Shizune’s age rather than Jiraiya’s. He might even have called her beautiful without reservation, if not for the irritated scrunch in her eyebrows as she looked at them, not bothering to acknowledge the salute.

Ignoring the tea Shizune had just poured, she crossed to the fridge and pulled out a fresh bottle of sake, snagging the takeout from the counter and dropping to sit agura-style on the cushion next to Tonton. “Which one of you is dying?”

Naruto blinked, but as the ranking officer on this mission he had to respond. “Uh, neither?”

“Then why the hell are you bothering me?”

Tenten-chan flinched as if struck, and Naruto had to squash his temper down. “We’re Konoha-nin, if Shizune-san didn’t mention that. And we might not be dying, but plenty of people back home are.”

“And how is that my problem? I’m retired.”

“How about because it’s your old teammate’s fault?” Naruto snapped, before taking a deep breath and explaining how Orochimaru had attempted to invade and destroy the village during the Chuunin Exams. “Hundreds of people were already dead by the time we left, and that number is probably higher now.”

“A pity, but I’m still failing to see how that concerns me.”

Naruto gritted his teeth at her callous attitude. “Retired or not, one of those dying people who you could save is your old Sensei. Remember him? The Sandaime Hokage who allowed your retirement at all?”

Regret flashed across Tsunade’s face for a moment… before she lifted the sake bottle to her lips and indifference masked it again. “Sensei is old and should have retired years ago,” she said afterward. “Everybody dies eventually; I can’t say I’m surprised his job ended up being the death of him. It kills everyone who aims for it, usually before they even put on the damn hat.”

Even with Jiraiya telling him to expect this attitude from her, Naruto was rendered temporarily speechless. How can someone Jiijii trained be this… selfish? Senju name aside, isn’t she supposed to be a shinobi of Konoha? Where the hell is her Will of Fire?

Tsunade glanced at Tenten. “You look like you’ve got something to say.”

Tenten-chan, apparently, couldn’t contain herself any longer and leaned forward. “Tsunade-sama, I— First, I just want to say I really admire you. As a little girl, seeing you standing as an equal to the other Sannin inspired me to become a kunoichi in the first place.” Tsunade looked vaguely flattered, busying herself with her food. “One of the people who needs help is my teammate. He was injured in the Exams even before the invasion, and the healers have already written him off, saying it’s something only you could fix.”

“…Fix what, exactly?”

Apparently Tsunade still isn’t above a challenge, Naruto observed, nodding for Tenten-chan to go on when she glanced his way.

“Lee-kun’s arm and leg were crushed by compacting sand, pulping muscle and shattering almost every bone, in addition to internal damage from opening three of the Hachimon during the fight. They were able to save his life, but said he’d never walk without crutches again. He’s a taijutsu specialist, so there’s no way he could fight like that and they know it. ‘Only Tsunade-sama could fix this,’ they told him, ‘So you’ll have to give up on your ninja career.’ He’s been devastated ever since.”

“Shishou…” Shizune murmured, the first time she’d spoken since her master appeared, and Tsunade glanced her way before looking down at the bottle on the table in front of her.

“They still talk about you with the utmost respect at the hospital,” Tenten switched back to flattery. “I’m sure Sandaime-sama and Lee-kun are only two of the patients who would be doomed without someone of your expertise, and I know everyone would rally behind you as an amazing Godai–” She cut herself off, but it was too late.

“What did you just say?” Tsunade’s voice was soft, but there was a danger to it that reminded him of Jiraiya… or Orochimaru.

“Forget about that,” Naruto tried. “We’re just here to–”

“Shut up,” Tsunade interrupted him.

Naruto shut up.

Her gaze moved to Tenten, who froze like Aoda was was staring her down. “Repeat what you just said, girl.”

“I said…” Tenten grimaced. “…That you’d make a great Godaime…”

Tsunade’s eyes closed as she let out a sigh, and when they opened again they were frigid. “Then I’m afraid your mission was a waste of time. Be grateful I’m in a good mood and get out before I make you regret bothering me.”

A/N: If you’re enjoying this story, feel free to check out my discord server at https://discord.gg/H6V854Fvbg

From consulting with friends who live there, you can rent a kimono in Japan similar to how you might rent a tuxedo in the West; they’re expensive, high-upkeep clothes that you could buy and maintain yourself, but which are easy to leave to professionals.

I actually started to write a full scene about the kimono rental, but it came out a bit too romcom and I decided it didn’t quite fit the tone I’m aiming for in this story.

Irutsuru-shi is my invention, a port town in Hi no kuni. Here it stands in for Kanagawa, in the sense of The Great Wave off Kanagawa (神奈川沖浪裏; lit. ‘Under the Wave off Kanagawa’), the famous woodblock print that is emblematic of the ukiyo-e (浮世絵) style.

Shizune never really got to shine in the show, but for that matter, neither did Anko. Certainly not to the degree they both deserve as apprentices of the Sannin. It originally looked like they were setting Shizune up to be demure off the battlefield and a terror on it (lots of poison, illusions, and senbon to whittle down opponents) but then she just got Worfed by Kabuto and never recovered because Kishimoto has no idea how to write women.

Konohamaru’s mother is never named or so much as mentioned in the series — possibly for the same reason, although his father is also unmentioned in this case — so I’m swiping the name Sarutobi Akane from The Raven Sennin again. (Seriously, if anyone has all of ‘Team Anko’ saved PLEASE DM me.)

Her handle ‘Drop Bear’ was also inspired by The Raven Sennin, though in their story drop bears were actual creatures. Here, it’s because she’s an exemplar of the Sarutobi Clan’s traditional forest-based ambush style.

Aiming for the same target is, again, supposed to be a nin-jargon saying along the lines of ‘on the same page’.

I think a mistake a lot of “harem”-focused stories make is trying to make multiple relationships a little too centralized, when I think it’s more realistic for them to just not be particularly remarkable (at least to people less clueless than Naruto). Then again, calling it a “harem” already strays from my goal of developing a believable and functional polyamorous relationship. Hence the multiple conversations about feelings and expectations — that’s how any functional relationship works, after all, regardless of the number or genders of the people in it.

I am slightly retconning Shizune’s backstory as once again she seems to exist in a vacuum with no parents or teammates ever mentioned. Are you sensing a pattern with the women in this franchise yet?

So at least in this story, Tsunade took on Shizune as a direct apprentice and was teaching her personally even before her Academy graduation (which occurred when Shizune was 9, canonically). They left the village “during the height of the Third Shinobi World War” (per the Wiki), directly after Shizune was promoted to chuunin at 13, just over a year before Naruto was born and probably around the anniversary of Dan’s death.

And now the glossary, because it wouldn’t be a Backslash fic if you didn’t learn some new words 🤣

Glossary

Kabuki (歌舞伎, lit. ‘sing’ + ‘dance’ + ‘skill’) – a style of pantomime dance drama originating as folk art at the beginning of the Edo period (ca. 1600-1868 in the West), where a troupe of women would perform comical plays about ordinary life — typically with a ribald or ‘adult’ audience in mind, somewhat analogous to the English (via French) cabaret. Kabuki actresses of this time were frequently also sex workers, and Yūjo kabuki (遊女歌舞伎, ‘courtesan’ or ‘prostitute’ kabuki) was a common synonym. By 1630 or so female performers were replaced by male ones (the commonality of sex work did not change).

Tilaka (Sanskrit, तिलक; colloquially tika) – a mark on the forehead of a Hindu practitioner (of any gender), indicating the sect of the religion they follow. The more commonly known Bindi (Hindi, बिंदी) or Teep (Bengali, টিপ) are the more commonly-recognized ‘forehead dot’ worn primarily by women.

Ājñā (Sanskrit: आज्ञा) – the brow or ‘third eye’ chakra representing the unconscious mind, traditionally between the eyebrows (Tsunade’s is often drawn a bit higher, but I’m calling that artistic license).

Nadeshiko (撫子, pronounced なでしこ) – a pink, in the sense of the flower Dianthus superbus, AKA the ‘fringed pink’. (Side note, the color-sense of the word ‘pink’ seems to descend from flowers in the genus Dianthus, which are commonly pink in color.)Jiraiya uses it in the sense of Yamato Nadeshiko (大和撫子, lit. ‘flower of Japan’), meaning a woman who embodies classical Japanese femininity — since the ‘Yamato’ refers to Japan, it is not part of the term in the Elemental nations.

Kinjutsu (禁術, lit. ‘forbidden technique’) – jutsu that are banned from (at minimum) being taught for various reasons, usually endangering the user’s life (e.g. the Eight Gates), requiring unacceptable costs (e.g. Edo Tensei).

Kimono (着物, lit. ‘thing to wear’) – originally just the word for clothes, now generally refers to the traditional Japanese-styled nagagi (長着, ‘long clothing’) full-length robe-like garments. Tenten’s is specifically furisode (振袖, lit. ‘swinging sleeve’), which is the style with long, hanging sleeves traditionally worn by young, unmarried women.

Shishō (師匠, lit. ‘master’ + ‘craftsman’) – a very respectful address for an instructor, suggesting they are not merely a teacher (as sensei) but a master of their art.

Nindō (忍道) – lit. ‘Ninja Way’

Yobisute (よびすて, lit. ‘to call’ + ‘to discard’) – addressing someone by their name without any honorific suffix, which is extremely informal and consequently extremely rude if you haven’t been invited to do so.

Iryō-nin no jōrei (医療忍の条例, ‘Medical Ninja Regulations’) – my collective name for Tsunade’s ‘laws’ for medics, originally consisting of Daiikkō (第一項, ‘First clause’), Dainikō (第二項, ‘Second clause’), and Daisankō (第三項, ‘Third clause’).

Agura (胡座, lit. ‘foot’ + ‘seat’) – sitting cross-legged or ‘tailor-fashion’, in contrast to seiza (正座, lit. ‘proper sitting’)

Canon Jutsu

Byakugō no In (百豪の印) – ‘Strength of a Hundred Seal’

Shōsen (掌仙, pronounced しょうせん; lit. ‘palm’ + ‘immortal’ but officially ‘Mystical Palm’) – the standard healing jutsu

Hachimon (八門) – ‘Eight gates’