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Unused strip for March 19, 2022 (Patreon)

Published:
2022-03-19 14:35:40
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

An earlier, unpublished version of the strip that ran today!  There are things I like about it better, like the pacing at the beginning, but ended up consolidating it in favor of spending more (any) panel time hanging on Becky's decision.  

As-was, it's a little vague on what's happening in the final panel, because it could be read as Dina pulling her in and it's not Becky lunging forward?  But with the new panel, we see that Dina is asking and waiting for a response before action occurs, which is better.

Also I like Dina using a contraction and then Becky responding without one.  It's cute.

Final published version:

Files

Comments

Spencer

I see what you mean about Dina pulling her in. Usually that's fine for a romantic scene in fiction (Jacob kissed Joyce and Sal kissed Danny without directly stating their intent, but you'd eff the pacing up if they went I AM GOING TO KISS YOU NOW PLEASE RESPOND Y/N) but with the emphasis both on Dina and Becky doing this as a thorough exploration of Becky's boundaries at her control, let alone Becky's hangups about wanting to be pressured into it, I don't think it's just important to emphasize that Becky wants this, I think it's a better cap to this segment that Becky has to choose to go for it, because exploring her choices was the whole point.

Harold

"But with the new panel, we see that Dina is asking and waiting for a response before action occurs, which is better." But still not good enough for certain commenters on the main site, apparently, one of whom actually opened with (slight paraphrase here) "of course it goes without saying that what Dina is doing here is bad." Um, no it doesn't, and no it isn't. (Can't waaaiiit to see what they have to say about tomorrow's strip. /s/)

Harold

Meant to create a new paragraph, not a second post - new patron, still getting the hang of this. Anyway, your instincts on the re-do were spot-on, and thanks as always for these behind-the-scenes glimpses into your process.

Amós Batista

Ah, the art to squeesh more and more content, to fit all story in a page. I'm not being ironic: I kind understand the stuggle Willis is getting here.