Getting It Off My Chest (Patreon)

No usual 'Helllllo' today because I am immensely p-ed off right now. I just came from the comments section of the latest PokeSins announcement video and...wow... I thought the majority of viewers had got over the whole Patron episodes thing, but nope... It never ceases to amaze me how angry, insulting and just downright unpleasant people can be when you tell them they don't get to watch a video they want to watch.

I make videos for entertainment. I play games and commentate, I do lists of my favourite things and I do comedy critiques of an old anime. People tell me to kill myself. Not regularly, but more regularly than any sane person would want. It just doesn't seem like those statements should go together.

I used to look forward to PokeSins episodes releasing. I'd post one and people would comment with their favourite lines, their thoughts on bits I should/shouldn't have counted, or just general encouragement. It always warmed my heart.
Now I dread it. I dread releasing these episodes more than any other content I've ever done. Because I know, I KNOW, that I'm going to be told I'm greedy, stupid, a disappointment or that I don't deserve to live. Even on the free episodes I get people brutally insulting me and my work because of the ones that aren't free. And on the paid ones...beware all ye who enter.

The thing is you guys will never see the worst of the comments. They get caught in the spam filter or I delete them from the comments section because why the hell would I leave words of such hatred and contempt ABOUT ME on my own channel?
Did you know that one commenter felt slighted by me and proceeded to comment on every video I posted just the word "pussy"? He'd often be the first commenter. ON EVERY VIDEO for about two weeks before I worked out how to block him. That's not really on topic, but even that was nothing compared to the dread I have for PokeSins comments sections now.

I knew from when I first announced this plan back in the State of the Channel 2018 that there would be people unhappy with it. I also knew that it was BY FAR my best option as I'd spent a year trying a lot of others and I was running out of time and, frankly, money. I never talk about my money situation and I'm not going to here, but I've never once exaggerated when I've said that either I charge for alternating PokeSins episodes or I cannot afford to continue making any. As I put it in the comments tonight "This is working off the logic that 50% of 100 is more than 100% of 0."

The negative backlash from all this, however, was MUCH worse than I ever expected. Every episode I get bombarded by people telling me the 'obvious way to fix this so they don't have to pay' or 'greedy paywall unsubscribe' or 'So are you just not posting anything to YouTube anymore?'
That last one is a direct quote from tonight's comments. I just don't understand how people can be so blind to what I do, only to fixate on one detail. Whether they think it's worth watching or not, I make between 20 and 30 videos a month. I strive for daily content and varied content at that. Just last night I tweeted about how my six Latest Videos on my website showed six different series and styles. But one or two videos a month are 'hostage behind a paywall'? What a b*st*rd that Gar1onriva guy is.

The biggest kicker is that I endure all of that to give people what they want. For that year I didn't do PokeSins, I could barely upload a single video without people demanding to know where it was, begging me to bring it back or insulting the video for NOT being PokeSins. I mean I do still get those comments now (because they never look in the Uploads page before asking), but it reached an all-time high during that year. And now that it IS back, I get abuse hurled at me because of what I've had to do to bring it back. Because it's this or no PokeSins at all.
It really makes me want to turn around and say 'Okay. No more PokeSins then. I gave you the choice and you chose to cut off YOUR nose to spite MY face'.

I am very sorry for venting, but there are only three rays of light in this mire.
1. Despite the harsh backlash on a lot of my content, I get to do the best job I could imagine. Playing games, making jokes, watching anime and making people laugh.
2. All those loyal viewers who can't pledge, but fully understand my position and support/defend me. Some of them wade waist-deep in horrible comments just to fight for me.
and 3. You patrons. Seriously. It is thanks to you guys that I can do this at all. It's not hyperbole to say that without the support and understanding of all of you, the Gar1onriva channel would have closed long ago. Whether you pledge $1, $5, $10, or more, you all contribute to the work I do in a more real way than I can adequately express.

Whenever my heart sinks because of some entitled git, I think of you guys and it makes it bearable. I don't make my videos for the people who write their comments with the sole intention of making my day worse. I make them for the people who tell me they have my back, and the people who come along to my streams to say hi, and the people who defend me so I know I'm not alone in this fight. For the longtime fans, the vocal patrons and the silent patrons too.

If you've taken the time to read this whole thing, I make my videos for you. And I want to thank you. For making them worth making.

I think in the future I'm going to disable comments on the PokeSins announcement videos. Maybe the BTSFs too if the negativity just shifts there. It's that or have a truly horrible evening every 10 days.