Chapter 649 - Storm of the Abyss (XXII) (Patreon)

Her attacks still barely made a dent in the wall of dirt that surrounded that fiend, but her tense heart had relaxed somewhat. She had been hurried all the while as she foresaw the destiny of those fighting behind her--they were being slaughtered, down to the last small bunch, and she caught glimpse of Tian'er dying nearly thrice in just the span of ten minutes.

The mere thought inflamed her heart and made her reckless, causing her to fight in a more direct way, which made her slip further and further back from actually being able to win. But.. she could breathe, now.

Tian'er and everyone else was far, far in the back, meditating and recovering, with a wall in front of them so sturdy it rivaled the one she herself was facing. Who thought that a mere band of children would be enough to stem the rolling tides of defeat.

And there were still some in the rear that were simply observing. Though she didn't know why they chose to not do anything, she didn't question it; they must have had their reasons, she reckoned. Perhaps those children were simply training, and those more senior ones were observing and making notes. Perhaps those standing on the side were injured, or merely servants of the children, and had no business tangling themselves in a fight.

With an eased heart, her mind became clearer--in so much one wrought with anger and despair could, at least. The man she fought would not fall down to her, she knew that much. Her Master's words, though harsh and as biting as the winds of a freezing winter, rang true and echoed in her head. She'd become indolent, stopped pursuing Dao, and had allowed the title of a Sect Master to be the wall behind which she hid.

It had been centuries since last someone dared disrespect her, so long that she'd forgotten it was a possibilities. But there were always those who would not care--like the man she faced. And now she was paying the price, a Sect Master who could not protect those who swore their fealty to her. Who had to watched hundreds of her Juniors die to buy her enough time to recover, all for her to even fail avenging them.

Though the anger bubbled, she stifled it; for now, all she had to do was occupy the man. Before long, either her Master would emerge from the pocket above, or the children will have vanquished all other invaders. She would have his head soon enough, either way.

**

The fights got into a bit of a flow, and that also kind of made them boring, to be honest. I already knew that most of the members of the Sage's Order were basically just some low-level mindless grunts, and their clash with the kids did little to convince me otherwise. They just threw themselves forward, dying in numbers that left me feeling a pit in my stomach.

Before five minutes were up, nearly half a thousand fresh corpses had saddled the stained ground. Faceless, nameless, forgotten before they even drew their last breath. Seeing the sheer volume of death in all my years here has somewhat helped me mitigate my own demons--running away from the sect while thousands upon thousands died screaming behind me, leaving Silvercrest City in tatters because we destroyed the vine, doing the same to Moonlake City, failing Liao Xinya and Zhou Yun and who knows how many others back in the hidden realm... my life here, for all the 'success', is a strange stack of failures resting atop a mountain of corpses.

But this world treats lives as cheap, and my mind, desperate, yields. They are cheap. If something like this happened back on Earth, it'd be in every history book, written about as a tragedy that would ring across generations. Here? It's a horrid thing, for sure, but not because of the stack of corpses--but because someone dared to attack a Holy Land directly.

If there were newspapers here, tomorrow's headline wouldn't be, 'Thousands Dead in Unprecedented Massacre'. Instead, they'd read, 'Some Buttheads Dared Attack a Holy Land?!! Exclusive!'

"What's got you thinking so deeply?" Shufen drew me out of my thoughts. "In the little time I knew you, I didn't take you for a deep thinker."

"... is that your petty revenge because being with me for a few days has done more damage to your jaw than the entirety of your lengthy life before that?" she winced, her lips coming undone in a stuttering grin as their corners danced.

"Don't tangle with him in the war of words," Lao Shun jabbed from the side. "You won't win, I promise you."

"Listen to him," I said. "He's got years under his belt. And he's been with me for some time."

"Why?!" he cried out but we both ignored him.

"So, what are you thinking so deeply about? How to fight him?"

"No," I said. "I'm just wondering... if I'll ever become truly, completely numb."

"To what?"

"To this. I barely even looked, and I can see at least a hundred of kids barely older than Feng'er and Light. Dead. Just like that. Entire futures extinguished in an act of violence so pointless one has to ask whether there was a human mind behind it, or just some stupid moron greedy for power."

"Hah, you think this is bad?" Shufen cackled. "Boy, you truly are a child." I glanced over at her. "My youngest sister was two years old when some nameless grunt skewered her on a spear and tossed her over the balcony's railings. You best calcify that heart of yours, Master, if you don't want to go mad with rage and grief before you turn a centenarian."

Her words were... well, cold. Like she'd wrung all emotion from them so long that it was a question if she ever felt anything. I couldn't help but stare for a moment, recalling back the aughts of this world, where I swore I wouldn't let this world change me. It did--deeply so. But... will I ever be able to declare something like that in a voice fully bereft of emotion?

"Do you think me callous?" she looked away from the battle and at me, her eyes gleaming for a moment.

"I think you as I think everyone else," I said, looking away and back towards the fight. "A creation of the environment."

"Then, do you think you're better?"

"At making you want to kill me using just my words? Unmistakably," though I wasn't looking at her, I could practically hear her silent grunt and the roll of her eyes. "But no, I don't think I'm better. I've killed, and I've stood on the side while watching others die. Just like now. Whether I've killed one or ten or a hundred, ultimately, it's besides the point. Look at them," I nodded towards the kids. "Most of them are barely over ten years of age. When I was ten, my mother used to throw sandals at me if I so much as raised my voice at anyone older than me.

"And they're beheading people by dozens. If I were truly a better person, a better Master, I would be there instead of them, taking on the burden of death, while putting shawls over their eyes so that they'd grow up in a world bereft of hurt, and of pain, and of death. Instead, I'm here. And they're there. I tell myself they need to be this way to survive in this world, and I don't feel a demon gnaw away at my soul. So, I'll keep telling myself that, while pontificating on the horrors like a hypocrite that I am."

"Your head sounds like a horrible place to be in," she said as I chuckled, looking back over at her. "But, I suppose, if everyone's heads were like that..."

"A great old Shufen is acquiescing something to me? I could die just now."

"How long are you going to be jesting about my age?!"

"Oh, those jokes will never get old."

"Ugh."

"Unlike you."

"AAAGHHHH!!!" she grunted in annoyance as Light's laughter burst out behind us. Even Lao Shun and Long Tao were struggling to contain themselves, and I felt my airways clear up a bit.

She wasn't truly mad--but just annoyed enough that it did bother her, ever so slightly. And, best of all, she could take it all in stride. I hope.

I truly, deeply hope.