Chapter 675 - Gold and Glitter (III) (Patreon)

Xi Zhao was feeling... restless. Perhaps there were other words to better describe him, but he couldn't think of any at the moment. Frowning, he ignored the distracting thoughts, stood back up, bent forward slightly, and assumed a drawing position, though never pulled out the sword itself, maintaining a rather heavy equilibrium.

He had to endure the push and pull of the small space between the sword and the scabbard, with Qi slowly mounting as his hand began to shake and vibrate. Just before it resulted in an explosion of Qi, he yielded, letting loose the rancid breath and letting go of the sword's handle. The storm quelled and he found himself panting, sweat dripping down onto the cave's ground.

Sighing, he wiped the sweat and stretched. No matter how much he practiced, he couldn't focus.

He left the cave, standing on the edge of the extended plateau which overlooked most of the mountain below. He glanced up toward the peak, but decided against it; though confiding in Master might relieve him, he didn't want to bother the man unless absolutely necessary. Thinking through, he in the end turned his attention to a small pavilion on the left of him, built atop the same rocky plateau as his own. He leaped over in one stride, landing gently in front of the wide, wooden doors and knocking on them.

Rayce emerged a few moments later, face and fingers dripped in black ink.

"O-oh, forgive me, Brother Rayce; I didn't know you were working."

"It's alright," he smiled. "I was just about to take a break. Come in for some tea?"

"Hm."

He followed the young man inside whereupon the scent of ink and paper washed out all else. While most others have opted for caves, Brother Rayce chose a simple pavilion. Lanterns hung off of wooden walls, shielded by glass, illuminating a rather simple space. Xi Zhao caught sight of the workshop, with hundreds of papers strewn about the floor and the low desk, though young man led him to the adjacent room.

He tore apart a parchment and started a fire, putting on a pot of water over it to boil. Above was a shafted opening with protective arrays which guided out the smoke, reminiscent of the fireplace of Xi Zhao's first home when he was a child.

"Is jasmine tea alright?"

"Y-yes, it's fine."

Xi Zhao sat in silence on the cushion, cross-legged, waiting as his stomach began to rumble soundlessly. He was feeling nervous, though couldn't quite figure out why.

While the water boiled, Brother Rayce dipped outside for a quick wash; every cave as well as his pavilion had a small stream cutting nearby, sourced from Master's peak, with water so refreshing that Xi Zhao suspected it wasn't even water, but something Master created to look like water.

The young man came a few minutes later, just as the water started to boil, pouring it over two cups and stirring for a few moments with a wooden spoon. It was strange--even Uncle Shun didn't obey the ritual of tea making as much as Brother Rayce did, but Xi Zhao didn't say anything. The former sat down opposite him as steam from the two cups of tea swarmed out in silence. Neither spoke, prompting Xi Zhao to take a sip of tea, as if to seek some liquid courage.

"Brother Rayce," he broke the silence. "I... I need some advice." the young man simply took a sip of tea, staying silent and waiting. "I... can't concentrate. Every time i sit down to cultivate, or practice martial arts, my mind keeps wandering."

"Wandering where?" Xi Zhao winced, lowering his head and staring at the steaming cup of tea.

"T-to... someone..." he mumbled.

"Hm."

"Even if I force myself to not think about... someone," he continued. "It doesn't last for long. Especially now, when I'm making final preparations to break into the Revolving Core Realm... it's like an anchor weighing me down. Is it a Heart Demon?"

"I wouldn't know about that," Brother Rayce said.

"Oh, right."

"But," the young man added, his voice warm and quaint. "What I know is that not all distractions are bad or ill-intended. Hearts are... complicated things, Zhao. As are our minds. You say that your mind keeps wandering and thinking about someone without your intent, is that so?"

"Yes."

"But how do you feel when you think about them?"

"Feel...?" Xi Zhao looked up, meeting the young man's rather tender gaze. Brother Rayce was smiling gently, taking a sip of the tea.

"Right, feel. You say they are a distraction, but I ask what kind. Does thinking about them make you angry?"

"N-no, of course not!" he quickly exclaimed. "No," he added after, lowering his head again. "It's... it's a feeling in my stomach. Like a pit. But it's also like fire. It's not a bad feeling, necessarily, but the more I think about her, the more intense it becomes."

"Intense?" Brother Rayce repeated as Xi Zhao frowned. He couldn't put it into words, he knew. Unlike Master, who was a wordsmith beyond ages, and who could find the perfect set of words to fit together for every circumstances under the sky, Xi Zhao... he wasn't. He was dull with words, as he was dull with himself.

"My heart," he grabbed his chest. "Sometimes stops. It just... stops. Not for long, but it does stop. What if, while I'm breaking through, I think of her? And what if in that crucial moment, my heart stops, disrupting my Qi?"

"Hm," Brother Rayce hummed for a moment as nervousness overcame Xi Zhao. No, it wasn't nervousness--it was something else. He felt his cheeks warm up as blood rushed into them, and he felt his palms began to sweat, and he felt his tongue turn strangely dry despite drinking tea. Was he getting sick on top of everything else?! Perhaps he should have gone to Uncle Shun and asked for some pills to heal him. "Your heart doesn't stop, Zhao," Brother Rayce said as Xi Zhao looked up, hopeful. "It skips a beat."

"Skips... a beat?"

"When you get overwhelmed thinking about her, it's like your heart needs a moment to catch its breath," Brother Rayce smiled even more gently, leaning forward onto the desk, elbow pressing into the wood while resting his head on the palm of his hand. "You're not sick, and you don't have a Heart Demon."

"I... I don't?"

"No. But, I can't help you any more than this, I'm afraid."

"E-eh? Why not?!"

"Because some things in life must be learned through living them," Brother Rayce said, pulling back. "If thinking about her makes you so nervous, why are you fighting it?"

"... hm?"

"Just think about her all the time, until it feels normal. And then break through. Ah, I just said I can't help you any more, and yet I did. Haah, me and my meddling," Brother Rayce sighed, standing up. "Just remember: you're amazing, Zhao. And I'm rooting for you."

"Uh."

"Now get out. I'm about to go on a word-writing frenzy to prepare us for the island. So, unless you're willing to watch me splash ink all over you, go back and steel yourself for the breakthrough. Ah--and don't go to Master about this. His heart... hm, let's say that his heart does stop."

"Uh, y-yes," Xi Zhao stumbled onto his feet, leaving the pavilion somewhat more confused than he was when he came in.

Alas, at least he had a goal: rather than fighting away Xiu'er's image out of his mind, he would let it be there and dominate him until it was normal. Until hearing her voice wasn't a quaint, heavenly melody, and until seeing her smile wasn't a manifested canvas of art. Until it was all a new normal, within which breaking through wouldn't be difficult at all.