Talkin' RiffTrax: FIGHT TO WIN! (Patreon)

Also known as "The Magic Crystal" it's a brand-new B-movie riff to "kick" off your Friday! (Then again, this is a kick from Cynthia Rothrock, so maybe try and avoid getting kicked...)

The first question you’d have if you met a talking, glowing outer space rock would probably be “Can you lick things?”

Once you were assured that, of course it could, you’d probably want to know: “Do you have other protuberances that extend outward and throb in a suggestive manner?” After it demonstrated this off-putting ability, you’d probably say, “Terrific! You’ll be perfect for my new children’s movie!”

As tends to happen in this type of movie, Cynthia Rothrock shows up to kick guys. We assume because they questioned the rock’s ability to lick things, but we’re not entirely certain. The rock can also cause hallucinations and turn your hands into feet, so why it needs Cynthia to do all this kicking on its behalf seems kind of gsef up imcrtdsnf, niy aow xo kifbe?

Sorry, the rock turned our hands into feet there. We won’t question its abilities again!

Get the full riff right here, and enjoy this new episode of Talkin' RiffTrax before OR after! Just don't let any weird alien rocks get their proboscises near it.