Talkin' RiffTrax: BLACK BELT ANGELS (Patreon)

Hi there, Traxians!

Today is yet another new release day at the RiffTrax website, and this time it's a 1990's shot-on-video feature that utilizes Taekwondo as its combat method of choice - Black Belt Angels!

The early ‘90s were the peak of Ninjamania! Every demographic got their own ninja movie: Turtles. Surfers. Three.

After that, Hollywood pretty much ran out of ideas. But then they found an obscure, underrepresented group and decided to film a concept so preposterous it might as well qualify it as sci-fi: girl ninjas!

It was, of course, a massive failure. Which makes it perfect for us!

Stop us if you’ve heard this one before: the local dojo has to raise some money by the end of the month or else an evil rich guy is going to bulldoze it and put up a pollution factory. What he didn’t count on was the Black Belt Angels, a team of four, and oftentimes when one member was clearly not allowed to miss school to shoot a direct-to-video movie, three girl martial arts experts.

Sounds like a doozie!

Earlier this week, we asked our Ultra Traxians to caption the below still image from this piece of cheese. And congratulations to our Patron "g2" for authoring our favorite:

"Empty boxes: The IKEA of frugal villains' evil lairs."

Here are a few other honorable mentions:

"Take a look at this behind the scenes, never-before-seen shot of Ernie Reyes Jr. rehearsing for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." - Jordan Jepson

"Mom! We're playing Timecop in the basement! Don't come down!" - Tara Steiner

"Warning: Super-soaking Captain America may cause shrinkage." - Jeff Wilcox

"Also my reaction when I see a silverfish in the basement." - zirujauak

Enjoy this Talkin' RiffTrax in the player above (download it below) and get the full riff right here. (It isn't available in the catalog yet but will be soon.)