Suburban Sasquatch Extended Preview (Patreon)

Right off the bat, there’s one thing you should know about the Suburban Sasquatch: his nipples are huge.

Huge, detailed, and poorly sculpted. He barely comes near a suburb in the entire course of the movie, so it should probably have been called Big Detailed Nipples Sasquatch instead. But hey, hindsight is 20/20. ("20" is also roughly the diameter of the Sasquatch’s nipples, in inches).

It’s an extremely homemade horror film in the vein of Feeders. Speaking of veins, the ones in this movie are all full of cheap digital blood that squirts out like a “violent” computer game from the 90s. And the cast of characters full of that cheap digital blood is rich: schlubby reporter guy, the cops with thick Pennsylvania accents and floppy hats, and the Native American huntress who shows up with a bow, sort of magically, whenever, and lives in a mystical tent from the bargain bin at Dick’s Sporting Goods.

Download this clip here.

Last week, our Ultra Traxians gave us their best captions for images from Suburban Sasquatch, and we have chosen a winner:

"Who's a good murder victim? You are, yes you are!"

Congratulations to Jesper Lehmann Poulsen for providing us with a very funny caption. A TraxBox full of these goodies is now on its way to you:

We'll have another Riff This! Contest in the coming weeks for our Ultra Traxian subscribers.

More Sasquatch-y goodness to come. Stay tuned!