Sutton and Charlotte - Nice (Patreon)

And so we wrap up Cassmas! The final day on our advent calendar.

It has been a journey, yall. I didn't even know if I really had it in me to write ~55k words in 3 weeks. But, here we are! Worth every second.

I hope you enjoy it, and have a happy Cassmas :)

-------------- Sutton and Charlotte ------------------

“This has got to be the most ironic situation in the fucking world,” Charlotte muttered, angrily and desperate, to herself, as she stared bleakly out of the large glass windows of the building she’d been about to exit.

Forty-five minutes ago.

Only to have come to a halting stop, upon seeing the fucking mountains of snow drifting outside.

She’d been in a closed-door meeting for the last four hours, along with several other key players who’d come together to work on – of all things – their climate change initiative. Even though congress hadn’t been in session for a week, this meeting had been planned at the last minute, so they could all align themselves come January, and start the next year strong.

Though Charlotte had always been a solid proponent of taking climate change seriously, the reality of having her children had changed her. Now, wanting to ensure that their earth was a sustainable, healthy place was a very fierce and personal need. Passing on a world that was better than the one she’d been born into wasn’t some conceptual ideal; it was a necessity.

And it was one of the only things that could have possibly pulled her away from her family in the last two days. The timing had worked out – Sutton had taken the girls on an overnight holiday train ride through a very beautiful, wintery scene upstate with Regan, Emma, and their daughters, Aria and Maeve, and they’ve arrived back home this morning. The morning of Christmas Eve Eve, as it was known in their home.

Regan had started the christening of today as Christmas Eve Eve long before Charlotte had known her, and for all Charlotte knew, plenty of other people in this world also celebrated Christmas Eve Eve.

All Charlotte really knew was that she didn’t. Before Sutton, she’d stopped celebrating Christmas long ago.

Being with Sutton… it had given Charlotte a taste of holiday magic in a way she’d never had before, not even as a child. Someone to be with that took joy in celebrating their time together, someone that cherished being with Charlotte. Someone that Charlotte cherished right back.

After having Madelyn and Elle, though, the holidays had become even more magical. In ways Charlotte could have never predicted, ways she hadn’t even really understood.

Of course she relished in Christmas with Sutton. In exchanging thoughtful gifts, spending quality time together, indulging in – and, admittedly – enjoying decorating the house with lights and trinkets that she’d never seen value in, before.

But seeing her daughters actually believe in Christmas in a way that only children could… it was something Charlotte had never, in her wildest dreams, imagined for herself. They were both young enough, still – Madelyn at seven, Ellie being four – to believe in Santa. They both vibrated with excitement and anticipation at going to bed on Christmas Eve, after they spent the entire day lounging in their matching holiday-themed pajamas and watching holiday movies in the den, while munching on their share of cookies they made on Christmas Eve Eve.

A portion went to them, and a portion went to Santa – obviously.

And Charlotte… she was going to miss it.

She snatched up her phone when she saw Autumn’s name flash over the screen. “Were you able to find anything?”

In the beat of silence that passed before Autumn spoke, Charlotte already knew the answer.

“Not yet,” Autumn hedged, and there was a disappointed defeat in her tone that echoed loud and clear, even though she clearly was trying to fake optimism. “I’m still trying to work some things out. Maya got a hold of one of the only driving services we could find that are still operating in the storm, but they – unfortunately – are only accepting rides within a twenty-mile radius. We’re still trying, though.”

Charlotte squeezed her eyes tightly closed, clenching her fist around her phone as her stomach sank.

This wasn’t surprising information in the least, but it was extremely disheartening.

When she’d turned on her phone after her meeting – they’d all agreed on a strictly emergencies-only contact, in order to power through their work as seamlessly as possible – she’d seen not only the snow, but the fact that hew flight had been delayed, still yet to be rescheduled.

Not only her flight but all flights in and out of D.C. were grounded.

She’d immediately switched into problem-solving mode, and had checked trains, next. Amtrak was far less likely to cancel than airlines were.

But apparently, this fucking storm had started as freezing rain, and even the trains for the foreseeable future had been delayed.

That was when she’d contacted Autumn. Even though her assistants were officially on their holiday break, desperate times called for desperate measures. And she needed to get more boots on the ground to help her find her way from D.C. to New York, as soon as possible. Tonight, ideally.

No leads were panning out.

It was nearly six o’clock, on Christmas Eve Eve. All flights and trains had been cancelled two hours ago. The company Charlotte used for a driving service had closed for the holidays as of yesterday. Neither she nor Autumn had been able to find a rental car agency that still had any available inventory. Autumn’s latest mission had been to contact private transport companies. Charlotte had advised Autumn to make sure the companies all knew she’d pay quite literally whatever rate they wanted to charge for the service.

On principle, she was against price gauging. But she would let herself be gauged if it meant getting home before tomorrow morning, so she would be with her family for Christmas Eve.

Especially because she had no idea when this storm was going to clear up. It didn’t show any signs of stopping, currently, and the weather report was all over the place.

The weather report for today had been for heavy rain, for fuck’s sake! It had already started storming – albeit, with a rapidly biting chill in the air – when Charlotte had arrived for her meeting at noon today. There hadn’t been an outright blizzard like this in D.C. in over ten years – hence the irony in her meeting regarding climate change.

The joke truly was on her.

But if the snow didn’t calm the fuck down overnight, how could she ensure she’d be able to get back by Christmas?

And, god, the very idea made her sick to her stomach.

She’d never missed a Christmas with her family. First with Sutton, and then with her girls. Never. No matter what she’d had going on professionally.

She couldn’t let this be the first year it happened. She wouldn’t.

“You’re still at the meeting, right? Well, the conference center; I know the meeting’s over,” Autumn corrected herself.

“Yes,” she answered, glancing over her shoulder.

Though there was still a few staff members idling around, everyone else she’d been at the meeting with had long dispersed.

“I know it’s not ideal, but do you want me to book you a ride from the car service before they close down for the night? So you can at least go back to your place while we try to figure this out?” Autumn’s tone was, again, hesitant and apologetic, though she had done nothing wrong.

Charlotte wouldn’t ever really call the condo she kept here in D.C. home; it didn’t feel like home to her. It was where she stayed when she had to be in D.C. for days at a time, and it was – home-like. Home-adjacent.

Yes, she and Sutton bought and decorated it together. Granted, Sutton had done much of the decorating, as Charlotte was much more of a minimalist in that regard. Yes, Sutton had spent a lot of time in it with her, and so had their daughters. Before Madelyn had started school, her family traveled with her to D.C. when she had to be here for work, and the condo had felt far more like a home, then.

But… it wasn’t feasible for Sutton and the girls to be here with her during the school year, unfortunately. So even though Madelyn and Elle both had their own rooms and both were at-home in their D.C. place, it didn’t quite feel like home to Charlotte, these days.

Home was where her wife was. Where her daughters were.

Still, even though the condo would be far more comfortable than being here, Charlotte dismissed the offer. “No, I’m not going there tonight.”

If she went to the condo tonight, it would be like admitting defeat. Like she was accepting that she wasn’t going to get home any time soon, and that she had no plan or timeframe for when she’d be able to make that happen.

And admitting defeat was not in Charlotte’s emotional or mental lexicon. She’d packed her fucking suitcase and brought it to the meeting, so she could go right to the airport after this; she was not going back.

“Okay,” Autumn readily accepted, sounding unsurprised by Charlotte’s choice. “I understand it’s not ideal, but – okay, maybe tomorrow Maya and I could drive down and bring you up to the city, and–”

Despite her stress, Charlotte breathed out a laugh, shaking her head. “I’ll stop you right there, and let you know that I appreciate the offer.”

Truly, she did. Because she knew that Autumn would spend her entire Christmas Eve driving from Philadelphia, into D.C., to Manhattan, and then back to Philadelphia, if Charlotte asked.

But… she couldn’t ask that, even if it ended up being one of the only ways she might be able to get home for Christmas. Not when Autumn was settled with Maya and celebrating the holidays as a part of the Lindsay family.

“You deserve to spend the next few days enjoying yourself. With your family,” she affirmed, knowing Autumn needed to hear it.

Rolling her shoulders, Charlotte flipped through her thoughts like a rolodex, trying to land on an idea that could possibly work.

And then, she landed on one.

It might be a long shot, that was for certain. But it also might be the only shot she had right now.

“Call the car. But I’m not going to my apartment.”

***

Within the first ten minutes of her drive, she very much understood why there were no other car services currently operating.

Charlotte affirmed that she had her seatbelt buckled for the third time in as many minutes, taking in a long, deep breath. The roads were hellacious; a slippery tundra. From what she could see out the windshield from her seat in the back of the SUV, there was extremely limited visibility with the onslaught of the heavy, sticky snow.

“Don’t worry, Senator; I used to be an ice road trucker,” the man in the front of the car assured her. He didn’t take his eyes off the road, which she appreciated, but she could see in the rearview mirror that he’d affixed a very natural-looking, sweet smile.

Admittedly, that little fun-fact threw Charlotte for enough of a loop, she found herself distracted from concerns over her safety. “Really?” She questioned with interest. “And why did you leave that behind, if so?”

Granted, it made sense. Though Hamish – as the driver had introduced himself – wore a buttoned-down, dark suit, as she was sure was his uniform and couldn’t be older than his mid-thirties, he had a somewhat rugged aura about him. Not quite as elegant and smooth as most of the drivers she’d had.

He let out a soft, thoughtful sigh. “Fell in love. Got married. Had a kid. Even though it was exciting paid a lot more than this kind of driving does, and I did really enjoy aspects of it, I didn’t want to be away from the family so frequently.”

Huh. Charlotte tilted her head in thought, giving him – even if he couldn’t see it – a considering nod. “I fully understand.”

Interesting, the places you can find a kindred spirit.

“So – I get it. The DPW wasn’t quite prepared for this, and the driving conditions are far from ideal. But I wouldn’t be accepting passengers if I doubted my ability to navigate safely,” he assured her, and, shockingly, she did feel assured.

Enough to smooth her hand over her seatbelt and release her grip on it for the first time, at least.

Instead, she turned her attention to her phone.

Sutton – 6:13PMI know you’re upset you couldn’t rent a car, but I wouldn’t have wanted you driving in these conditions, anyway. I watched some of the footage in D.C. right now, and it’s not pretty

Sutton – 6:13PMI’m not even comfortable with you being chauffeured, honestly

Charlotte – 6:16PMI understand, darling

And she did – because if the roles were reversed and Sutton was out on the road in this weather, Charlotte would be insanely anxious.

Charlotte – 6:17PMRest assured, however, that my driver is a retired ice road trucker. I’m in very capable hands, I swear to you

She was unsurprised that Sutton saw her message and started answering it immediately.

Sutton – 6:17PM… well, that sounds like a very interesting story

Sutton – 6:17PMBut – that aside – please stay in contact with me while you’re on the road. Constantly. You know I hate to be “this person” but, I’m going to have to be until you get back to the condo

… okay, yes. Charlotte had let Sutton believe the assumption when she’d informed Sutton that she was grabbing a car that she was going to the condo.

But it was only because she simply needed to see if her plan could pan out, first, before she had to break it to Sutton. Either her plan worked, and she’d absolutely be able to be home for Christmas. Or it didn’t. And she’d not only miss Christmas Eve with her family for certain, but very likely would miss Christmas, too.

Charlotte – 6:18PMYou can be “that person” all you need. I’m right here

Sutton – 6:18PMGood, because the only Christmas that would be worse than you being away from us is a Christmas in which you are in an accident

Charlotte gently stroked her thumb over Sutton’s contact photo, breathing out a quiet little sigh, as her heart gently ached.

Charlotte – 6:19PMAll right, so entertain me on the drive. How has today been? Show me the cookies?

The catch-22 of her predicament was that… when she was away from her family, she wanted to be inundated with every detail of their days. She wanted to be told all of the stories and shown pictures and videos.

She wanted it in this moment, too. Only she knew it was going to cut, deeply, when she heard the stories from today and saw the pictures and videos. Because she wasn’t there. She was missing Christmas Eve Eve.

Upon her request, Sutton sent a slew of images.

Yep, Charlotte had been exactly right.

Her chest ached again at the sight of Madelyn and Elle standing on their stepstools in the kitchen, along with Aria and Maeve. All four girls were wearing their cute little aprons, and were varying degrees of total messes during the cookie making/decorating process.

Regan stood on the opposite side of the counter, taking up her mantle of overseeing the cookie preparation, wearing her own apron. Emma was at the end of the island – where Charlotte usually sat with her – watching the chaos unfold, but with that small smile on her face.

The one that reflected that she couldn’t quite believe this was her life, but it – gloriously – was.

It was a smile Charlotte very much understood, and she felt the ghost of it creep up on her own lips as she scrolled through the photos.

At the end of the images, there was a video.

“Tell mom what you’re doing,” Sutton’s sweet voice encouraged from behind the phone.

Elle – with her brown hair in a messy ponytail, and a swipe of green frosting over her cheek – looked at the camera, with that pensive look she’d had since she was able to make expressions. “I’m making, um, making you a cookie.”

She pointed – and Sutton directed the camera to follow – at one of the sugar cookies that was shaped like a stocking, that was – as the frosting on her face would imply – colored green.

“I’m the one that said we should make it green,” Madelyn asserted, leaning down to press her cheek against Elle’s clean on, grinning brightly – revealing her missing front tooth – into the camera. “Because your stocking is green!”

Elle’s bottom lip poked out in a pout, as she shot a look at her sister. “But I decorated it for her.”

Madelyn didn’t argue back. She merely shrugged, and smiled excitedly into the camera again. “I made my own stocking, too, so you and me can have ours together!”

Charlotte hadn’t even been aware of how large her own smile had been, until she felt it waver at Madelyn’s plan for them to have their cookies together.

God, her spending Christmas without the girls would be terrible enough. Adding on the fact that she – and Sutton, her perfect, super-mom wife – would have to break the news that Charlotte might not be there…

Shaking her head, she powered through the feeling, and messaged Sutton back as she assured herself that her plan could very well work.

Nearly forty minutes later, after she waved goodbye to Hamish after tipping him handsomely for an expedient and very safe ride, Charlotte took a deep breath and looked up at the house in front of her.

Nothing was different about her childhood home than it was during her childhood.

It was just as impeccably maintained how, as it had been then.

Even though there was already a couple of inches of snow on the ground, it was clear that the maintenance company her parents used had already come through here with a plow and a snowblower, which was very fortunate for Charlotte.

She tugged her suitcase, shivering so hard her teeth clacked together as she hurried to the front door.

There were no lights on in the house, which was to be expected. Her parents only lived here for – cumulatively – about half of the year. Maybe less. And they rarely ever spent the holidays here. After she’d gone to college, they’d also stopped keeping a full-time staff, only employing their in-house cook and housekeeping when they were home for longer stretches of time.

They hired a cleaner to come in once a week and dust. They had a management company to maintain the interior. They had their landscaping company maintain the outdoors.

And Charlotte desperately hoped that the security codes she had were accurate.

Her parents had used the same security company for decades, since Charlotte had been a teenager. She’d logged in on the drive, making sure her parents hadn’t changed their info. They hadn’t.

Her breath puffed out in the frigid air in front of her on a victorious exhale, when the keypad flashed a green light, and she heard the locks disengage.

She let herself in, leaving her suitcase in the grand foyer, as she shook out her hands from the cold.

Granted, it wasn’t that warm inside. Why heat the house when no one was in it?

But that wasn’t really Charlotte’s priority right now. Ideally, she wouldn’t be here for very long.

A woman with a mission, she strode down the hall toward the back of the house, through the second, smaller mudroom, toward the garage.

Only to find it… empty.

Baffling, because she knew her parents obviously weren’t using their cars! They weren’t even on this side of the country!

Charlotte – 6:59PMAre either of your vehicles at your house?

She didn’t know where they would be, but for all she knew, maybe her parents had added a second garage. It wouldn’t be the most shocking thing in the world, she supposed.

And she held onto that small thread of hope, as she turned the lights off and shut the garage door, walking back through into the main kitchen. She plunked herself down on a stool, awaiting her mother’s response.

Which, honestly, she was surprised at the speed of.

Alison Thompson – 7:04PMNo. We’ve started keeping them at Robert’s – it simply makes more sense, rather than him coming to the house for regular maintenance while we’re away. Why do you ask?

Of course. Of course, her parents were keeping their cars at their mechanic’s home garage.

Charlotte – 7:05PMBecause I’m at your house and had been hoping to borrow a car. It’s the only way I can think of to get back to the city by tomorrow for Christmas with the girls

Honestly, she hadn’t thought very much about informing her parents prior to her plan. If they’d left a vehicle here, she was going to take it, and figure the rest out later. Honestly, she’d probably be able to return it in two weeks when she had to return to D.C., and her parents would likely be none the wiser.

Granted, she didn’t have her finger on their travel plans at this point in their lives, but still.

Alison Thompson – 7:06PMAh, right. I’d gotten an update about the weather there. Well, I’m very sorry. But I’m sure you will be able to make it up to them if you can’t make it back in time.

Feel free to stay at the house as long as you need.

And if that wasn’t the most Alison Thompson-like response in the world to Charlotte’s predicament.

She scoffed out a quiet, dry laugh, biting her cheek as she shook her head down at her phone.

Dismissively sympathetic, detached but not completely disinterested… it really fit the bill.

Charlotte – 7:07PMWell, I’m hoping I won’t have to stay for long. But thanks. Hope you and dad have a merry Christmas, wherever you are right now

That was about all Charlotte had to give to her mother in the moment.

Especially because she had to focus on the thing she was dreading more than anything. Calling Sutton to tell her that Charlotte really was out of ideas.

She frowned in surprise when she received another message from her mother.

Alison Thompson – 7:07PMWe’re at a lovely resort in the Alps. I believe we took you and your brothers here once.

That was… atypical.

Her following message even more so:

Alison Thompson – 7:08PMI am sorry, Charlotte. I understand that you haven’t missed a Christmas with Madelyn and Elle. I do hope you can figure out a resolution.

Charlotte was almost grateful for her bafflement, because it cut into the gnawing, overwhelming gloominess that was settling inside of her.

Charlotte – 7:08PMThank you. I appreciate it.

She couldn’t go down that rabbit hole too much.

Not when her phone was vibrating in her hand, with an incoming FaceTime from Sutton’s phone.

Closing her eyes tightly, she took a deep breath, and answered.

Coming face-to-face with not Sutton, but her daughters. Madelyn was clearly holding the phone, and their faces were squished up to the camera unnaturally close, and Charlotte breathed out a chuckle at the sight of their faces.

“Mom!” They both exclaimed, smiling bright at her.

“Mama said we could call you, finally,” Madelyn stressed, sounding far more like a teenager than she had any right to.

“We been asking all day!” Elle added, seeming to hop onto her tiptoes so she could look closer into the camera.

“When are you coming home?” Madelyn refocused the conversation back to her main focal point, as she was wont to do.

The thing Charlotte hadn’t really realized before having kids – especially as she hadn’t ever spent much time around them – was how much personality children developed from such young ages. Her daughters were both so young, but they were so… formed. Small as they were, they were whole people. With personalities and distinctions and mannerisms that were all their own, even if Charlotte could often see the bits sprinkled in from herself and Sutton, and the other influences in their lives.

“’cuz, I know you said you wouldn’t be here by bedtime,” Madelyn added with a pout. “But you’re gonna be home by tomorrow morning, right?”

“You can’t miss Christmas Eve!” Elle added, blinking her large, honey brown eyes into the camera.

“I…” God, her throat felt so tight, and she just felt so stuck.

She couldn’t – wouldn’t – lie to them; that had been something Charlotte had always felt very strongly about. When it came to something serious, something that mattered, she’d never hide the truth from her girls. Not even if it was uncomfortable.

Or, in this case, if it broke their hearts.

“It’s my turn for you to give my present, first,” Madelyn reminded her, which felt like another swift punch right to Charlotte’s heart.

The thing Charlotte had realized after having the girls was that not only was Christmas magical for them, but it was exciting for her! It drove her a little crazy that she and Sutton had to keep all of the girls’ presents wrapped and hidden in the back of their closet until Christmas Eve.

Sutton had shared with her that one of her family traditions growing up was opening one single present on Christmas Eve before bed. Obviously one from their parents and not “Santa.”

Charlotte had jumped at the chance to do that with their girls, but had taken it a step further in that – she didn’t want to wait for the girls to get their gift before they went to bed. Didn’t it make the most sense to give them a gift in the morning so they could enjoy it all day? She’d set up a mini-presentation for Sutton to lay out her ideas.

She’d never forget the very sweet, undeniably loving look on Sutton’s face when she’d responded, “And… this is for the girls, and not because you are simply too excited to wait another day…”

“Madelyn, let me talk to Mom and then I’ll give you two the phone again,” Sutton cut in just as she came into view behind their daughters.

She used a tone with the girls when asking/telling them to do something that Charlotte had marveled at since day one. It wasn’t sharp or loud or even commanding, it was just quietly firm. It didn’t invite a disagreement in any way.

Truly a marvel.

Madelyn heaved a sigh, but handed Sutton her phone.

As soon as Sutton’s face was clear on the screen, Charlotte’s stomach clenched in that wonderful way. Only to be quickly followed by a tight feeling that made her nauseous.

“I’m going to talk to Mom in our room. Why don’t you two go help Auntie Regan pick out the movie line up?” She suggested, and Charlotte could hear the scampering footsteps in the background.

Finally, Sutton’s blue eyes focused on her. “Hey, love.”

She mustered a small smile. “Hi, darling.”

As Sutton swiftly walked into their bedroom and shut the door behind her, Charlotte took a moment to simply look at her. Sutton’s hair was hurriedly tied up, away from her face, which likely had happened during the cookie baking/decorating. She was wearing one of her cute knitted sweaters – this one a dark blue that had red snowflakes across the chest.

And Charlotte – for the first time in their relationship – wouldn’t be able to slide her hands under the soft material and feel her wife’s even softer skin.

She couldn’t help the morose sigh that escaped her.

Which captured Sutton’s attention, and she narrowed her eyes and peered down at the screen. “Where are you? That’s not our place in D.C.”

Charlotte shook her head, looking around her at the still dimly-lit kitchen. Honestly, she hadn’t even realized that she’d hardly turned on the number of lights it took to truly illuminate the large rooms of her parents’ house.

“I’m at my parents’ house,” she informed Sutton, and was amazed by the glumness in her tone.

Honestly, Charlotte hadn’t even known she could sound like that.

Sutton’s eyes widened in obvious surprise. “Your… parents house? Are they home?” Sutton asked, baffled.

Charlotte scoffed out a laugh, shaking her head. “No, and I didn’t think they would be. I didn’t come here looking for some parental warmth, darling,” she teased, lightly.

Sutton huffed out a dry laugh right back, before her eyebrows drew together tightly in concerned confusion. “What are you doing there? It’s a much farther drive from where you were than the condo is.”

Drawing a hand through her hair, Charlotte nodded in agreement. “I was hoping that they’d have left one or both of their cars here.”

“Brilliant idea,” Sutton murmured, appreciatively. Only to study Charlotte’s face closely. “But…?”

And Charlotte wasn’t surprised in the least that Sutton could read her like a book. “But, they’re keeping both of their cars with their mechanic for upkeep while they’re away. Now, not only do I truly have no idea how I’m going to get home even if the snow lets up overnight, but I’m…”

She trailed off, dragging her eyes around the room again. And the sight made her stomach sink even lower.

Being alone, away from her family for Christmas would be terrible enough.

But this house… it was full of memories Charlotte liked very much not to think about. She hadn’t thought about her issues from her childhood in so long, she’d made herself believe they didn’t exist.

Oh, but they existed.

Her own issues with her parents – resulting in her own fears about being a parent – were the whole reason she realized she should see a therapist in the first place.

Because she was determined not to be the same to her daughters as her parents were to her. She was determined not to pass on her own shit to them.

And look where she was.

Stuck in a different state, definitely going to miss Christmas Eve and all of the traditions they’d started as a family, and likely to miss Christmas, too.

Just like her parents had. Because they’d chosen to prioritize work trips or trips to decompress during time off from work over the holidays, rather than prioritize time with their family.

The guilt ate at her, so intensely it stole her breath right from her lungs and made the backs of her eyes burn.

“I’m so, so sorry, darling,” she breathed, her throat so tight she could barely manage the words. Squeezing her eyes closed, she shook her head. “I… this is the last person I wanted to be. Not only disappointing the girls, but leaving you to have to shoulder their disappointment all by yourself.”

Fuck. She released a trembling breath, swiping her free hand over her eyes, as she tried to pull herself together.

Because this was already going to be a nightmare for Sutton, and the last thing Charlotte wanted to do for her wife was make it even worse.

“Love…” Sutton’s voice was so quiet, so soft… it made a fresh wave of tears burn at the backs of her eyes.

“Charlotte,” Sutton said, this time a little firmer. Coaxing. “You don’t need to apologize to me.”

“I do,” she immediately countered, opening her eyes and letting the tears fall freely down her cheeks. Because she didn’t have to be ashamed to cry in front of Sutton, but also because she needed Sutton to know that Charlotte understood just how much she’d fucked up.

“I shouldn’t have come to D.C. only days before Christmas, no matter what the meeting was about. I should have gone on that holiday train ride and listened to those insipid children Christmas sing-along songs with you and the girls.”

Sutton breathed out a laugh, shaking her head at Charlotte. But Charlotte would never back down on this – yes, she loved when her daughters sang and danced or performed in their school plays. But the last thing she ever enjoyed was listening to everyone else’s children sing or dance or act.

“Charlotte, for all of your considerable and impressive talents, you can’t control the weather,” there was that patented amusement, mixed in with her soothing tone.

“The weather wouldn’t matter if I hadn’t come here in the first place.” God, Charlotte didn’t know if she’d ever been so upset with herself.

“We both agreed you should go,” Sutton insisted, shaking her head. “You don’t unilaterally make these decisions,” she reminded her, and… yeah, Charlotte very much needed to hear it. “You asked me what I thought, remember? And I agreed that you’d be home by Christmas Eve and that you wouldn’t enjoy the train ride, anyway. We couldn’t have known that this would be how it turned out.”

Charlotte couldn’t verbally dispute that; Sutton was – as she so frequently was – correct.

It didn’t make her feel any better.

“I’m…” Sutton pursed her lips, clearly stopping them from falling into an intent frown. “I’m far from happy right now,” Sutton admitted, her voice low and honest.

Charlotte could hear the gutted tone, under her words. And it served to make Charlotte feel even worse.

“I’m going to miss you so much tomorrow, and so are the girls, and…” She took in a deep breath, before she shook her head. “But, love, I’m also upset for you.”

The aching sympathy in Sutton’s voice, in the look in her eyes, made Charlotte want to crumble.

“I hate that you’re there, alone, just like…” She trailed off, digging her teeth into her lip.

And Charlotte nodded, because she didn’t need Sutton to voice it. She hated that Charlotte was here, alone, just like she had been during her childhood for the holidays.

“Especially this year,” Sutton continued, her voice so sweet and so low, and god.

Charlotte nodded again.

Even though she and her grandmother didn’t have big holiday plans, they’d always seen one another. Especially since Charlotte’s daughters had been born – her grandmother had been softer with Madelyn and Ellie than Charlotte had ever seen her grandmother be with anyone in her life.

Before Madelyn, she and Sutton spent Christmas with the Spencer family. But after… they’d both agreed it would be nice for the girls to spend Christmas in their own home. And since then, her grandmother had taken to coming over to spend Christmas day with them, joining them for dinner since the girls had been born.

And this was the first major holiday without her.

“I…” Charlotte breathed, before trailing off and taking in a deep breath. “Maybe… maybe something will change, in the next day.”

Even though the snow was still coming down in sheets outside, flights and trains would be packed, she couldn’t imagine the availability of rental cars or private care services willing to make long trips with no notice would change, and Charlotte was no longer in a central city.

Before Sutton could say anything, she could hear the door to their bedroom fly open.

“I just remembered, I have to tell Mom about Auntie Regan singing on the train!” Madelyn’s voice rang out into the room, even though Charlotte couldn’t see her.

She quickly put her phone down, swiping her index fingers under her eyes to attempt to look presentable and like she hadn’t been crying, as she heard Sutton say, “Honey, I’ll give you the phone to talk to Mom all you want in a few minutes.”

“It’s okay. I’m ready, now,” she said, reaching for her phone again.

She managed to perk up into a reassuring smile for Sutton, whose big, blue eyes looked back at her, radiating concern.

But if the only way she could spend Christmas Eve Eve with her daughters was through the phone, she wasn’t going to waste it.

***

Hours later, Charlotte had hung up the phone with her family.

As she’d predicted, once the girls had been given the gentle but harsh truth about the fact that Charlotte might not make it home for Christmas, there had been a lot of tears.

From herself – and Sutton – as well.

She’d tried to take as much comfort from the call as she could, and… it hadn’t been insignificant.

Because now that she was alone, with no rowdy, exuberant family on FaceTime to keep her company, she was alone in her parents’ house. Which was dark, silent, and so, so lonely.

That same feeling she’d had as a child swamped her now, as she sat on one of the large couches in the den, and stared dismally at the ten foot all tree.

She’d decided against sleeping upstairs in her old bedroom – far, far too many lonely memories up there – and had decided to stay down here with the decorated tree her parents had put up.  

Granted, by “her parents” putting it up, she actually meant “her parents staff” putting it up.

They’d hosted their annual holiday party a few weeks ago, before they’d taken off for the holidays, and they always had this picture perfect tree – devoid of any of the homemade or niche ornaments Charlotte and Sutton now had with Madelyn and Elle – displayed.

It wasn’t really the homey vibe she wished for in this moment, but… it was better than nothing.

Kind of.

Charlotte tugged the blanket around her a little tighter – no, the house wasn’t cold in terms of the temperature but she felt cold – and laid back against the couch, hoping that sleep would come sooner rather than later.

***

Charlotte couldn’t remember the last time she’d had such a fitful sleep.

She’d managed to grab hours here and there. And those hours were filled with strange, discomforting dreams.

And, as she blinked her eyes open and stared up at Regan, she believed that this was the weirdest one of all.

“It’s so crazy to realize that your family is even more loaded than Sutton’s is. And yet, every time I see this house, I’m reminded of it,” she commented.

Charlotte groaned, rolling onto her side as she closed her gritty, tired eyes. “Regan, you know there’s a rule in this house against waking me up.”

Charlotte had created and enforced said rule long ago, back in the beginning of their decade-long relationship.

A beat later, she opened her eyes as the realization set in.

Quickly, she tossed her blanket off and turned back around. “Regan?! What are you doing here?”

Indeed, it was Regan. Holding a duffel bag, wearing a slightly askew winter hat and a wide, satisfied grin. “That’s more like it, bitch. Call me Santa, because I delivered you Christmas.”

“I’d say you’re more like Rudolph,” Sutton’s voice cut in, and Charlotte shot her gaze over Regan’s shoulder to see –

Sutton. Real and in-the-flesh, beautiful, sexy, perfect, her-wife Sutton.

Her nose was pink, and her hair was a little bit of a mess from what Charlotte had to imagine was the wind, and she wore her winter jacket that was unzipped, revealing her red-plaid pajamas that they’d bought for themselves and the girls to wear this Christmas Eve.

Without thinking, she rushed forward and threw her arms around her wife, immediately feeling Sutton’s wrap around her, holding tightly.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, clutching Sutton’s jacket as she breathed in Sutton’s scent at the soft skin of her neck where she’d buried her face.

Sutton’s hands stroked softly up and down her back, making Charlotte melt into her. “I couldn’t imagine how you’d be able to get home today. And I couldn’t imagine you missing Christmas – for the girls, for yourself… for me,” she whispered, her breath warmly washing over Charlotte ear. “What would Christmas be without you? Our family wouldn’t be… our family.”

Charlotte’s throat tightened all over again, just as her hold on Sutton did, as well.

Before she quickly pulled back, searching Sutton’s face. “You drove with the weather like this?”

God, there really was something so adorable about Sutton’s face when her cheeks and nose were pink from the cold. It always melted her inside.

Sutton reached up and stroked her hand over Charlotte’s face, softly. “No, I didn’t. That’s why Regan’s here.”

Charlotte breathed a little easier, because bafflingly, Regan was the safest, most competent driver out of anyone Charlotte personally knew.

“And I’m here as a dedicated member of this family, but – po-tay-to, po-tah-to,” Regan added in from the other side of the room with a scoff.

“Thank you, Regan.” She turned to deliver, entirely sincerely and still feeling completely bowled over.

Regan gave her a cheeky smile, before turning to strut over to the doorway. “You’re more than welcome. As you know, I’ll collect on this debt in some way or other,” she sing-songed as she walked back out toward the main foyer.

Charlotte shook her head, turning back to Sutton.

And she just – she just needed –

Sliding both of her hands up to cup Sutton’s jaw, she pushed onto her tiptoes and pressed her mouth to Sutton’s.

Kissing her soft and slow and just… feeling her. Breathing her in. Taking comfort in her presence, after feeling swamped with the most dismal, hopeless feelings for the last day.

She felt Sutton’s hold tighten around her waist, as Sutton bit at Charlotte’s bottom lip softly. Softly, but sharp enough that always made Charlotte ache, that made that quiet sound work out of her throat.

She gently scratched her nails down the sides of Sutton’s neck, before sliding her hands back and up into Sutton’s hair to pull her as firmly as possible down against her.

She could feel and hear the soft sounds that escaped Sutton as she slid her tongue along her wife’s, and she couldn’t even – it was hard to function properly.

From the god-awful feelings of last night, into the whiplash of sheer joy, and now this spark of heat that buzzed so easily through her entire body…

“Mom!” Twin shouts from her daughters jarred into Charlotte’s thoughts, cutting through the way she’d started to strain into Sutton’s touch.

Breathing heavily, she pulled herself back and broke their kiss, just in time to feel Madelyn and Elle slam into her, their little arms wrapping around her waist. Well, Madelyn around her waist, and Elle around her thigh.

Shocked all over again, as that heat that had zinged through her melted into an elated warmth, she stroked both of her hands over her daughter’s hair.

“You brought the girls?” She asked, looking at Sutton in shock.

“What did you think, we were going to leave the kids at home for Christmas?” Regan asked, incredulously, as she came back in, hauling multiple large bags.

Kneeling down, Charlotte tugged both girls in for the hug she needed, relishing in it as wrapped her arms around them. Even so, she shot Regan a look, “I thought you were coming to rescue me, and take us all back to the city.”

Madelyn pulled back from her embrace, shaking her head with obvious excitement written all over her face. “No! We’re spending Christmas here!”

Elle also pulled back, though slightly less exuberantly. Her wide, brown eyes were so adorably serious as she informed Charlotte, “Mom said – she said Santa will know where we are.”

“He’s magic, duh,” Aria’s voice came – sounding far too much like Regan in Charlotte’s opinion, even though she biologically had come from Emma.

Four – almost five – years old, Aria’s energy vibed on a frequency with Regan in a way that simply couldn’t be matched.

Troublingly for Charlotte, she found it beyond precocious and very engaging in child form.

Aria carried her own backpack and wheeled her own little suitcase behind her.

“You all are here,” she murmured in surprise, pushing herself back up to stand.

She leaned into Sutton just as her wife stepped in close to her, as if reading her mind. Sutton’s arm slid around her waist as she informed her, “Well, driving conditions are far from ideal, love. And I wanted to err on the safest side possible, so I figured we’d bring Christmas to you.”

Charlotte turned to look at Sutton, her heart in her throat, and… “I’m really not sure how it’s possible to love you even more than I already do, but somehow, you manage to make it so all of the time.”

Sutton’s cheeks flushed as a beautiful, wide smile worked across her face. “I could barely sleep last night,” she confessed, quietly. “The girls were in our bed, and they were so upset after we hung up the phone with you. And so was I. And I knew you were, too. Sure, maybe there was a chance you could make it home to us, but… but I knew we could make it here to you.”

Charlotte’s breath escaped her, deep and trembling, and she rocked back up to press her lips to Sutton’s once more. Again, just needing the contact.

“Am I the only one that’s going to be bringing in the luggage for all seven of us travelers or…?” Emma’s voice rang out as she stepped into the room.

There was snow in her hair, and two-year-old Maeve was snuggled against her hip, as Emma plunked down a large bag.

“I’ve brought most of it in to the foyer already,” Emma informed them.

Regan moved over to her, popping up to press a kiss to her cheek, before she did the same to Maeve’s, and defended herself, “Babe, I’ve helped!” She gestured to the large bags that she had, indeed, lugged in.

“Sorry,” Emma apologized, “That was more focused on those two. You’re amazing.”

Charlotte held her hands up, defensively. “I didn’t even realize this was happening until five minutes ago!”

“And I,” Sutton started, before she totally deflated, “Am so sorry, Emma. I should have helped sooner. I’ll bring in everything else and get it sorted, I promise.”

It was Sutton’s genuine sincerity that made her always so difficult to be upset with; Charlotte knew that all too well.

Emma shrugged, sending her a grin. “Eh, it wasn’t a big deal. Just making a point.”

“I’ll go grab everything now,” Sutton held firm, ducking to give Charlotte a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

Charlotte found herself grinning like an idiot as she walked across the room toward Emma and Regan, and gave them both a hug. “Thank you, both. For coming here. For doing all of this.”

As she pulled back, she felt Maeve’s little hands tangle in her hair, and she swiftly tugged Maeve into her hold and settled her on her own hip. “Hello sweetheart.”

“Merry Christmas Eve!” Maeve kicked her chubby little legs out at Charlotte’s waist, her r’s still sounding very similar to w’s.

Regan waved her hand, dismissing Charlotte’s thanks. “What, we were going to spend Christmas with Sutton and the girls all being super sad and missing you? I spent most of my adult life traveling back to Boston to spend Christmas with a family that I didn’t even want to be around. I’ll brave the snow to celebrate Christmas with you.”

Damn, Charlotte really was emotional today, and she blinked back tears at Regan’s statement.

“Mom, can you help us hang our stockings over the fireplace?” Madelyn asked, lightly tapping on Charlotte’s thigh.

She looked down at her daughter, who had been going through her backpack a moment ago, to see that she really did have her Madelyn-embroidered knitted stocking in her hands, her blue eyes wide and beseeching up at her.

Surprised, she breathed out a laugh. “Sure. I’ll help you with whatever you need, sweetheart.”

“Mine, too!” Elle called out.

“And mine, Auntie Charlotte, I have mine, too!” Aria followed a second later, as she tore through her suitcase.

Well, what could Charlotte say to that?

Other than, “I suppose it’s time to get decorating.”

***

“All right, there we go,” Sutton finally murmured, sitting back on her haunches as she surveyed the scene she’d created in front of her.

Regan and Emma were both up with all of the girls in one of the guest rooms they’d prepared for a giant Christmas-sleepover. They were making sure everyone nodded off, and no one came looking for Santa Claus, which allowed Sutton and Charlotte the ability to lay out all of the gifts for all four kids.

Charlotte blinked at the scene in front of her.

It was hard to reconcile the past that she’d experienced here with the image in front of her.

Her own childhood Christmases had involved a lot of gifts, sure. But the only holiday décor in the room had been that unpersonal tree.

After a whirlwind morning of decorating, though, all of their stockings were hung over the fireplace, there were lights and garlands hung around. There was a tray of cookies and carrots over by the window.

Sutton had even brought a few carefully selected ornaments from home.

They’d still had their holiday movie marathon, but they’d had it right here. Charlotte was wearing her own set of matching pajamas.

And… she couldn’t believe it.

“It looks amazing,” she whispered, turning her attention to Sutton. “You are amazing.”

Sutton broke out in a smile as she pushed herself up. “Well, the presents did take a bit more creative thinking. Mostly involving Regan keeping the girls busy in their rooms, packing their stuff, while Emma and I loaded up all of the gifts and covered them with a blanket.

Charlotte shook her head. “I’m not talking about that. I’m just talking about you.”

Charlotte didn’t know what she’d done right in some previous life, but she knew she had to have done something to deserve Sutton. To deserve their family.

“Coincidentally, I can and do say the same about you all of the time,” Sutton countered, tilting her head playfully as she started a careful path back to Charlotte, making sure to avoid any of the gifts on the ground.

As soon as Sutton reached her, Charlotte lifted her hand and stroked back a lock of Sutton’s hair. “If my calculations are correct, we have about five solid hours before the girls come creeping in, excited for Christmas morning.”

Sutton hummed in soft agreement. “I know you had a bit of a fitful night last night. So, if you want to go right to sleep when we go upstairs…” she trailed off, arching Charlotte a look.

She narrowed her eyes, sliding her hand down… down… to she could grab a handful of Sutton’s butt, squeezing it and relishing in the feel of her wife in her palm. “Oh, believe me. I have the energy for our other holiday tradition.”

Charlotte would always make time for it, even so. After all, what was Christmas if she didn’t get to feel Sutton ride her face while Charlotte made herself come with the very vibrator she’d used all those years ago on their video call over the holidays? Traditions were important.

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