The Game Changer - ch. 7 (Patreon)

I have been so excited to really be able to start delving into Abbie/Rose as adults, now that they're working through their Past^tm.

So, I won't delay the inevitable...

---------The Game Changer---------

Abbie almost felt like she was living in a surreal alternate reality, as she slowly perused Rose’s living room.

She felt like she had a wholly expanded perspective, not only on Rose but… on so much more.

Something deep inside of her felt like it had been set free, in a way she’d never anticipated. In a way she hadn’t realized she’d been holding on to for so long. Sure, she’d known that she’d held onto that resentment and hurt over Rose making her a cheater, but she’d never known – apparently – how deeply rooted it had been inside of her. It wasn’t as though she thought about that night or Rose frequently, before returning to Elliston.

She took a small sip of her wine, actually able to enjoy it now, peering curiously at the photos on Rose’s walls.

For so long – her entire real adult life, really – she’d relegated Rose Elliston to this place in her mind that she’d never wanted to visit. Because when she did, it was not a happy place. She’d done very well with pushing Rose out of her thoughts. And in doing so, Rose had remained that younger version of herself.

Even in their reunion in the last few weeks, she’d still kept Rose in that box as much as possible. Everything she’d learned about her before tonight was against her own will.

But now, things were different. The guardrails in her mind in regards to Rose were lifted.

Rose had lived this whole life of her own in the last eight years, and so much of it was here on these walls. And Abbie was curious.

Nosy, even. She could admit that about herself. She didn’t have shame about that.

And looking around Rose’s house while she tried to reconcile everything Rose had just told her with everything she knew – or thought she knew – was easier than looking at Rose.

“Enjoying yourself?” Rose drawled, from behind her.

Abbie nodded, slowly turning to face Rose, who was leaning against one side of the large archway leading into her living room. “Yes. I am,” she answered, honestly. “Do you remember when you came to my house in high school?”

Rose frowned at her, narrowing her eyes. “I can’t tell if you’re being serious.”

Confused, Abbie narrowed her eyes right back. “Why would that question not be serious? You only came over that one time, over a decade ago.”

Okay, maybe Rose made more sense to her right now, and yet there she went, making comments that made no sense once again.

Maybe that would always be Rose to her; she had no clue at this point what to expect.

Rose’s eyebrows arched high on her forehead, before she closed her eyes and breathed out a quiet chuckle. “Yes. I recall the time I went to your house, Abbie.”

… okay, then.

“Anyway – I was so… you got to see my life that night. In a way I didn’t necessarily know if I was ready to share with you.”

Not Rose’s fault, given that they were assigned that project together, but still.

“I didn’t really think it was super fair, because I was already essentially an open book. On top of that, you got this unfiltered look at my entire life,” she mused, quietly. “So that time I went up to your dorm room, I was excited to have the same glimpse into yours. But… I didn’t,” she shrugged, heavily. “It was so – colorless.”

She frowned at the memory, as it still made no sense to her.

Rose slowly blinked her eyes open, her lips pursing tightly. “Yes, well. That had been intentional.”

Unfailingly curious – especially now that she knew so much more about Rose – Abbie tilted her head in question. Hoping Rose would tell her more.

But she softly shook her head. “A story for another time. I think I’ve hit my sharing limit tonight.”

Abbie rolled her eyes. “Okay, then.”

So much for a night of sharing and totally clearing all of the air between them, then.

Rose huffed out an exasperated breath. “Abbie, I just told you more than I’ve ever told anyone.” She gestured over her shoulder toward the kitchen. “You know, a few minutes ago, when I literally came out to you?”

“I remember, thanks.”

How could she forget? Rose Elliston was a lesbian.

She’d never been in love with Nathan.

She had to go through all of her memories with that lens, but not right now. Not while Rose was standing only feet away from her, while they were in Rose’s house.

No, for her real memory deep-dive, if she even really wanted to do that.

What would really be the point of dissecting everything about past-Rose? Abbie barely had a hold on her present-day life.

Even so, she bit at the inside of her cheek, unable to stop herself from shaking her head as she stared at Rose. “You know, you could have given me some context back then. The night we slept together. Or, like, any time in the week after.”

Rose scoffed. “What did you want me to do? Text you and say, hey, Lemon, Nathan and I weren’t together when we fucked but we’re getting back together on Christmas break?”

Abbie could only stare. “Um… yeah?!”

“Really. Really?” Rose pressed, arching a sharp, knowing eyebrow at Abbie as she walked farther into her living room. “In what universe would you, of all people, have been fine with me saying that to you and not pressing for any other details?”

Abbie opened her mouth to refute, only to be unable to do so. Even so, she worked out an incredulous laugh. “Fine, I would have had other questions and comments, but who wouldn’t? I was totally in the dark, and it really sucked,” she confessed. “So, yes, any clarifying information would have made things a lot clearer for me.”

Rose inhaled sharply, her lips curling into a frown as she regarded Abbie, and…

And past-Rose, Abbie knew without question, would fire off some acerbic comment at her.

Present-Rose took several more seconds before she answered, slowly shaking her head. “Abbie, I was barely ready to delve into this topic tonight, and it’s been eight years.” There was a quiet imploring, pleading in her tone. Something Abbie had definitely never heard before from Rose, and it reached inside of her, hooking at something sharp in her chest. “Imagine the me I was back then,” she continued, staring Abbie down with that direct look. “Do you really think I was capable of that kind of communication, then?”

It was far too easy to imagine Rose back then. Prickly and guarded and defensive and snarky, and… fine, there was absolutely no way she could imagine Rose sharing any personal details with her. Not of this magnitude.

She breathed out a laugh, nodding slowly. “Yeah. I’m not really sure how that night would have gone down if we were really diving into your sexuality.”

And frankly, she hadn’t wanted to get bogged down in it, either. She was adult enough to admit that to herself. Sure, a part of her would have. Because she’d always been so curious about Rose Elliston – why was she this way? She’d have killed to have more context.

But the reality was, she hadn’t exactly been trying to forge a deep, personal conversation once it had become clear why Rose was in her room, either.

Maybe, in a way – the smallest possibly way – that was on her.

“Maybe things would have been different,” she murmured, glancing around, struck by the thought.

She’d been shocked that night, shocked by Rose’s actions, shocked by her wanting Abbie. She hadn’t pressed for explanations, though.

And while she didn’t hold that against herself, she couldn’t help but wonder… as she stood here, surrounded by the photos and evidence of Rose going on to live this forcibly-hetero life, including having had a child with her husband… if anything could have possible been different, if she’d pressed for more.

Different for Rose, that was.

By her own admission, Nathan – her beard? Pseudo-beard? – was her best friend. Someone that was in love with her, someone she couldn’t have possibly felt comfortable going to with the truth.

Rose Elliston was wrapped up in complications, she always had been, and Abbie just couldn’t help but wonder as she stared at her – what her life would have been like if Abbie had been able to get her to talk that night?

“Abbie, I can see the freaking sympathy welling up inside of you – even though you’re clearly still dealing with this – and I’m… I need you to stop it right there,” Rose’s voice was quiet but very direct.

“It’s all, just, a lot,” Abbie muttered, reaching up and rubbing at her temples. “I do feel badly,” she conceded, “But also – crazy how, if we’d had one extra conversation, years of complicated feelings could have been avoided.”

And she wasn’t saying that to jab at Rose in the least. She just… needed it said.

“I know,” Rose breathed out, rolling her lips tightly. “And I can’t go back and change the past. I can’t go back and tell younger-me to tell you everything. I’m not sure she’d listen to me, even if I could.” Dark eyes gleamed at her in dry amusement, “Young Rose was very set in her ways.”

“I’m sure Old Rose can’t relate,” she shot back with a laugh.

Rose’s mouth fell open. “Old Rose? Old Rose?! What are you, Old Abbie?”

“I mean, I have already retired from a career.” She shrugged. “So…”

“You’re ridiculous,” Rose muttered, before she fixed her stare on Abbie once more, the look in her eyes becoming so… serious. She stiltedly cleared her throat as her cheeks darkened slightly, and she stepped close enough to Abbie to tentatively put her hand on her arm. “But, no matter how ridiculous you are, you did deserve to know the truth back then. You definitely deserve to know it, now. And I…” She rolled her lips, casting her gaze down at the floor, her eyebrows furrowed. “I really had no idea that it had sat with you the way it has for so long; I wish I could promise you that I’d have done things differently if I knew that would be the case. I would I could tell myself that, and believe it.”

Rose’s tone fell to something so soft, so contemplative, so utterly… vulnerable, as she looked down at where her hand now rested on Abbie’s arm.

Unlike earlier, when Rose had put her hand on Abbie’s arm to offer comfort about her mom, Abbie didn’t feel the need to immediately pull back.

Mostly because this touch, she could tell, wasn’t about offering Abbie comfort. It was very obvious that Rose was trying to reconcile something within herself. While Abbie certainly wasn’t at a point where she was ready to take comfort from Rose about her mother’s health, this was different.

Rose blinked, dropping her hand, as she looked up at Abbie again. “The truth is that I was really buried in everything going on around me. Feeling swallowed by it all. Like I was a puppet on a marionette.” She shook her head slowly, obviously deep in her thoughts. “And then, there was you. And you were living this whole real, authentic life, with the world at your fingertips. I didn’t – couldn’t – put myself in your shoes, in the aftermath of that night.”

There was something right there, right below the surface in her voice. Something deeply pained and begging.

“I’m not trying to make excuses for the fact that I’d made you feel so used. Or,” Rose pushed out a tired, mirthless laugh. “I don’t know, maybe I am. But, other than being sorry I was responsible for making you feel so badly – and I am – the truth and the explanation is all I can really offer you.”

She closed her eyes briefly at that comment, feeling it land just right inside of her. Settling somewhere deep and unplaceable, giving her an anchor with this surreal feeling of the night so far and making it real.

“Thank you,” she whispered back, opening her eyes, locking her gaze with Rose. “For telling me everything.”

Because she could see that it hadn’t been easy for Rose to divulge; it was very, very obvious that Rose was still not incredibly comfortable opening up and sharing these truths.

“Yes, well,” Rose cleared her throat, obviously searching for what to say.

Which in and of itself was very interesting to witness.

Just like she’d told Rose a little bit ago – she felt like she was able to really see her for the first time. And in hearing and seeing Rose like this – off-kilter and apologetic and vulnerable – she couldn’t really hold onto her anger.

Because mostly, she felt badly for Rose. In a way she was positive Rose would detest, which was kind of amusing. But also – made her feel sadder?

Jesus, talk about complicated.

But Rose was right. Abbie had experienced the sensation of having the metaphorical world at her fingertips. And Rose – regardless of how talented she was at soccer, regardless of her sexuality, regardless of what she might have wanted for herself – hadn’t felt like she’d been able to be in charge of her own destiny.

It was hard to hold onto her grievance at twenty-one year-old Rose, while looking at current-Rose.

Admittedly, everything she’d been told just made her want to know more. Like. When had Rose really known she was gay?

“I think that… we can start to put the past in the past,” she said, softly.

And, god, it was such a relief to say that. To mean it.

Because, just like she’d told Rose when she came here, she didn’t want to see Rose and feel weighed down by this, anymore.

Dark eyes looked up at her, wide and hopeful, and there was something absurdly… sweet about that hope? Very unfamiliar, in regards to Rose. “Really?”

Before Abbie confirmed, she paused. Took a second to think things over before she tentatively committed to something that didn’t feel right.

But, she found herself nodding. “Yeah. Really.” She arched Rose a look. “As long as you don’t take this as license to do something crazy and pull one over on me as Old Abbie and Rose, that is. If you wrong me now, as your authentic self, it’s going to be really damning. No coming back from it,” she warned, and she’d started the comment off as a joke, only to quickly realize how very intently she meant it.

Abbie could work on forgiving the past when there was a sympathetic and reasonable explanation.

However, Past Rose had really used all of Abbie’s grace.

“That feels fair,” Rose acknowledged with a nod. “I have no intentions of pulling one over on you. Weirdo,” she added with a murmur.

Only, unlike in the past, she said it with a smile.

And Abbie felt a hesitant one curling at her own lips, accepting the comment with a shrug. “Look, I just want us to be clear. We’ve had enough misunderstandings for a fucking lifetime.”

“Fair enough.”

They held eye contact long enough that Abbie felt a tingling awareness at the back of her neck and the pit of her stomach, and with that, she wheeled around. Away from staring into those dark eyes.

She coughed, gesturing around the room. “Ah, yeah, so, anyway. Back to what I was saying, before. It was so weird to me that where you lived had no personality,” she stated, glancing around once again. “Because you…” She scoffed out a laugh. “Rose, you have always had the strongest personality of anyone I’ve ever met. Maddeningly so.”

To the point that she’d been the bane of Abbie’s existence some days, but – she supposed it was never boring.

“Thanks,” Rose dryly responded.

“So, this? This makes so much more sense to me,” she finished explaining, turning in a slow circle to take in everything in her field of vision.

No, Rose didn’t have big, bright explosions of color splashed around or silly knick-knacks as décor. But that didn’t surprise Abbie; Rose wasn’t that kind of person.

What Abbie knew of Rose told her that Rose wasn’t that kind of person, anyway. Clearly, as revealed tonight, she didn’t really know her all that well.

But the walls were all painted. Complimentary, cool tones. A medium gray in the foyer, flowing into a solid, dark green in the large living room. Everything was very neat and tidy, exactly what she’d have anticipated.

There was a bookcase that looked meticulously organized on one side of the large room, and in front of that was a small table with two chairs and a chess board set out on it. Adjacent to the chess table was a child-size workstation and a toy chest, obviously belonging to Cassie.

Closest to where Abbie stood was a dark gray sectional, with an arrangement of pictures in perfect alignment behind it.

In the middle was a portrait of Cassie, beaming at the camera with her dark hair smoothed back and a wide smile on her face. Next to that, a photo of Rose holding Cassie when she’d been an infant. And that photo… that gripped her for several long moments.

Rose wore a small smile in the picture, but also looked… surprised. This picture captured an emotion Abbie was riveted by, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was.

Rose walked up next to her, their shoulders brushing, as she softly said, “That was the day we brought Cassie home from the hospital.”

She wanted to know more, but Rose didn’t offer it. And, all right, she was cognizant of the fact that Rose didn’t actually owe Abbie every explanation about her life tonight… even if Abbie wanted to hear it.  

Abbie slid her gaze to the photo on the other side and, huh.

It was a double frame, with two photos of Rose and Nathan. One was from adulthood, as they posed side-by-side, looking like the most picture-perfect couple in the world. The smile on Rose’s face did seem genuine but not quite… full? And in the frame above it was a photo from high school.

Not from prom or graduation; interestingly, this picture had been taken after a soccer game. Rose was in her Elliston Red Fox uniform, her face was flushed, and there was a little bruise forming on her cheek –

“Hey, that was from our Nationals win, senior year,” she recognized, pointing at Rose’s face in the photo, before turning to face Rose head-on. “I remember – you’d collided with that girl from the other team when you scored a goal–”

“I didn’t collide with her; she hit me,” Rose corrected in that haughty tone, somehow both dour and proud.

Mystifying, but so very fitting.

“– and her elbow hit you right here,” Abbie finished, undeterred by the interruption as she reached up, unthinkingly tracing her finger lightly over the sharpness of Rose’s cheek bone.

Under her touch, she felt Rose’s cheek heat, the smooth skin of it, and her fingertip tingled with the sensation.

Abbie froze, her breath catching in her throat as her eyes locked onto Rose’s.

She really hadn’t… she hadn’t thought about how close they were standing once Rose had come to stand next to her. But Rose’s dark eyes looked up into hers, only inches away, and so open. So wildly different than anything Abbie could summon in her memories of Rose.

Of the girl that had been so clearly burdened by living a lie. A lie she’d lived for years. Wow. Yep. It was all still sinking in.

Her stomach swooped low, as she quickly dropped her hand, clenching it into a tight fist at her side.

Okay, so, apparently the resentment she’d been holding onto when it came to Rose had served a little bit of a purpose in the last several weeks. At the very least, it had given Abbie an anchor to hold on to whenever she’d have any start of a thought or feeling about how attractive Rose was.

Now, entirely unexpectedly, she was aware of the situation she was in:

Alone, with Rose Elliston. In her home.

The last time she’d seen Rose before all of this had been the night they’d had mind-blowing sex. Sex Abbie still remembered in shockingly vivid detail.

Rose… Rose hadn’t wronged her that night. She hadn’t turned Abbie into a version of herself that she had to be ashamed of.

And Rose was even more attractive now than she’d been when they were younger. Somehow. If that was possible. Then again, Abbie knew it was possible, because she was looking at her right this very moment.

Abruptly, she drew back, letting out a tremulous laugh – a fucking titter if she’d ever heard one. Embarrassing – as she looked away from Rose and back at the photo to give herself something to do.

“Uh…” Clearing her throat, she gestured at the frame. “Interesting that you have a picture of you and Nathan hanging up? After your divorce?”

Out of her periphery, she could see that Rose didn’t turn away from her. No, Rose kept her gaze trained on Abbie, and her cheeks flushed even more under her stare.

“Technically, we’re separated,” Rose mildly corrected with a thoughtful frown. “Our divorce will be final shortly. But in our pre-nup, we both agreed to a six-month separation before we could get divorced.”

“Pre-nup?” Abbie asked incredulously, unable to help herself from turning to face Rose again, despite the too-close to be casual proximity. “Even though your parents essentially arranged your marriage, you also had a pre-nup? Wasn’t the deal supposed to be, like, ’til death did you part?”

Amusement was obvious in Rose’s expression as she confirmed, “Yes, we had a pre-nup, that both of our parents constructed for us.” She hesitated for a moment, before breathing out a deep sigh, shrugging. “While they’d planned out our lives, they were also aware of the fact that we are adults who can make our own choices. I’m sure they were also all aware that there might be a day where we didn’t feel the need to live under their directives anymore. And when you have the kind of family finances that the Ellistons and Schiffs have, you don’t get married without a pre-nup.” She tilted her head, dubiously. “Surely, you’d do the same thing. Given your career and status.”

Abbie’s expression darkened, the very idea of the injustice simmering in her veins. “Surely, you’re aware that women’s soccer doesn’t financially pay off the way men’s sports do.” She shook out her shoulders lightly, doing her best to roll it off. Right now wasn’t the time for one of her very well-worn rants about the injustice of the athletic system. “Honestly, the majority of assets I have are what I inherited from my grandparents.”

Admittedly, that was a hefty sum. She imagined, if Rose and Nathan’s families were anything like the Dalton family, that they had more money than they knew what to do with. So, theoretically, she understood, even if she hadn’t actually touched any of the money she’d been left.

Still, the very idea didn’t sit well with her, and she wrinkled her nose. “I don’t think I’d get a pre-nup, either way. That’s not what I’m looking for in a marriage.”

“That is exactly what I’d expect you to say.” Once upon a time, Rose’s tone would have been haughty, tinged with condescension when saying those words to Abbie.

Right now, it was – it almost sounded…

Fond.

Which was wild. So, so wild.

Maybe a little exasperated and accompanied by an eyeroll, but fond nonetheless. What an absolutely mind-boggling turn of events.

She held Rose’s gaze with her own, not even really sure of what to do with herself. Feeling, actually, a little baffled by the fact that her first instinct – literally, the first thing that had gone through her mind once she’d felt this burden lift – had been to walk through Rose’s house and look at her things.

It didn’t make any sense.

And yet, she supposed it did.

Because there was so much here. So much between her and Rose, so much shrouded in mystery and misunderstanding. So much that shouldn’t matter, that she’d never thought would be resolved. That she never thought would really matter, because she’d never imagined all of this – her life – playing out the way it now was.

Right now, for the first time in fourteen years of knowing Rose, there was opacity. The door had been opened to Abbie to see her, to really see her.

“I don’t really…” She trailed off, not even sure of how to complete her thought, blowing out a deep breath. “You know, I came here tonight with the idea of giving you a piece of my mind. To just really have it out with you. And now…”

She trailed off again, uncharacteristically unsure.

Other than the night they’d had sex, when Rose had thrown her into such a shocked tailspin, she’d never really been unsure around Rose. Because, in the past, Rose left no room for uncertainty. In high school, when they’d actually spent any time together, their relationship had felt very black-and-white defined.

So, this was definitely out of her depth.

“You feel like we’ve had it out, then?” Rose asked softly, tilting her head up at her. The look in those dark eyes so serious, so intent.

Hopeful, even, if Abbie had to hazard a guess.

“I guess so?” She offered, the words slowly falling from her lips.

She reached up, about to drag her hand through her hair, forgetting that she’d hurriedly tossed it into a ponytail. Now, she had a very skewed ponytail, but, oh well.

“I’m still taking it all in. I’m really, really relieved. More than you can possibly know,” she confessed.

God did it feel good to say that and to mean it. To feel it. Good enough that she smiled slightly at Rose, who tentatively smiled back at her.

Yeah, she felt it all over again, that attraction that started at the very core of her.

Closing her eyes, she let herself fall down onto Rose’s couch, careful to not let any of her wine splash out of her glass.

“I’m relieved,” she repeated. “I’m also just…”

She chewed at her bottom lip, pausing as Rose sat down next to her on the couch, placing her glass and the wine bottle on the table as she did so. While Abbie was facing out, both of her legs properly bent at the knee over the cushion, Rose sat with one of her legs folded under herself, facing Abbie.

“I have the photo with Nathan up, in spite of our divorce, because… he’s been my only real constant, in life,” Rose shocked her by admitting. “No, our marriage didn’t work. Yes, it was – in many ways – doomed to fail–”

“Because you’re a lesbian,” Abbie repeated, shaking her head in wonder at that. Still, she arched a look at Rose. “Your marriage to a man was doomed to fail, because you’re a lesbian.”

Rose breathed out a chuckle even as she rolled her eyes, her warm breath washing over Abbie’s cheek. “Yes. Mostly. But…” Her tone grew contemplative. “The reality is, despite how complicated things could be, he’s not only Cassie’s father, he’s my best friend.”

There was an honesty in her tone, something very vulnerable, that dug its hooks right into Abbie.

“Hence, maintaining a good relationship with him, going out to dinner and whatnot,” she surmised with a nod, sipping her wine before she leaned forward to place the glass on the coffee table.

Rose hummed in agreement. “I think it’s been relatively easy on Cassie, this way. To see that we are friends. That we do love one another. Even if it’s not in a romantic sense.”

“I think you’re absolutely correct,” Abbie agreed, finally turning her head to fully look at Rose. “I mean, my parents… there was nothing amicable in their divorce. All my dad’s fault, don’t get it wrong,” she was quick to add, needing – always – to make that clear. “But. I think what you’re doing is really great. And really – mature,” she settled on, scanning her eyes over Rose’s face.

Mature. Not a word she’d have ever used to describe Rose in the past, but – again – this night was full of revelations.

“I can see how shocked you are to be saying that,” Rose pointed out, aiming a sharp look her way.

She dropped her head back against the comfortably plush back of the couch, but didn’t drop her gaze from Rose’s. “Yeah, well. Again, I’m learning a lot tonight.”

Rose didn’t speak for several seconds. No witty quip or eye roll, even.

For a few long moments, she simply… regarded Abbie. Dark eyes roving over her face, as a little line formed between her brows. “Did you really never suspect that I was a lesbian?”

Abbie rolled her head to face Rose, still remaining laid back. “No? I mean, basically from the moment I met you, you were dating Nathan. And – to your own point – he’s your best friend; he really was, visibly, the person you were closest to. Why would I doubt that?”

Rose’s full lips curled into a small, incredulous smile, as she softly shook her head. “Not even after we slept together. Unbelievable.”

Abbie felt her face heat but still felt very justified in her defense. “Why would I have thought it then? Sure, I obviously realized you were attracted to women that night, but that doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian. And, well, I mean… it was pretty obvious that you hadn’t been with a ton of women before that night.”

“Well, then.” Rose reeled back, her cheeks flushing, and it took Abbie a moment to register what she’d said and how it possibly sounded.

She wasn’t sure if that expression on Rose’s face was offense or anger, and she quickly sat up straight, eyes wide.

“That wasn’t a dig. It wasn’t negative at all,” she hurriedly explained, dropping her hand to Rose’s thigh and squeezing, hoping that her touch commuted that she was telling the truth. “It – I mean… that night was great.”

All right, she hoped that didn’t sound too emphatic, or she might look crazy in a different way.

Rolling her eyes at herself, she pushed on, “I only meant that you were a lot more, um, unsure? Than I imagine you would have been, if you’d been with other women.”

Was she just digging herself a deeper hole, here? Was she insulting Rose even more without realizing it?

But the truth really was that Abbie remembered so very much of that night in crystal-clear detail. High-definition.

How Rose had been simultaneously take-charge and assertive of what she wanted – which had been Abbie – but how she’d been somewhat reticent in the act of actually touching her. It had been a strangely seductive combination.

Moment by moment, the tension that had clearly shot through Rose lessened, as she cautiously relaxed. “That’s… a fair assessment,” she quietly agreed, even as she frowned with it.

Abbie continued to stare at her, new questions finally starting to sink in now that she’d been given the bigger picture. “So, you and Nathan weren’t together for that semester. And you, uh, you knew you were a lesbian.”

She paused, waiting for Rose to haltingly nod in confirmation.

“But you didn’t sleep with other women that semester?” She asked, mostly out of sheer, blatant curiosity.

There were still those gaps in Rose’s life that she didn’t really have context for, that she wouldn’t push for, but… this felt pertinent to their conversation. It felt important to that night.

Rose pursed her lips, holding Abbie’s stare with her own, before she shook her head. “No, I didn’t.”

She slowly licked her lips, clearly in thought about how much she wanted to reveal, but Abbie felt captivated by it.

“There had obviously been women that I was attracted to, during college. But it would bring about so many questions if I initiated anything with them. I didn’t have many close friends, but everyone I knew, knew that I was with Nathan. And I wasn’t exactly advertising the fact that we were on this temporary break before our engagement; that definitely wasn’t a topic of conversation I was going to discuss with anyone at Viddell. Which meant, I’d have to sleep with someone that would be okay with knowing that I was with Nathan, and…”

She huffed out an irritated breath, waving her hand through the air, before dropping it down to her side. “It would just become this convoluted thing. Yes, I knew I was gay, but I also,” she rolled her lips, her expression furrowing, deeply, as she verbally pieced together, “I’d already accepted what my future would be. I’d accepted that it was coming. I wasn’t looking for a few months of sex and debauchery; I was looking for a few months of peace.”

Abbie had been utterly fascinated when Rose had told her about all of these details in the kitchen, but it wasn’t until this moment that she felt a pang of deep, aching sympathy for young Rose.

It was still a little baffling for her, because the Rose she knew – the one she’d interacted with – had such a strong will, such an obstinate sense of self. At least, she seemed like she did.

But, by Rose’s own account, she’d also been someone that had bowed to the will of her parents, of an Elliston destiny, chartered by everyone but herself.

It didn’t make a ton of sense, yet. But it was entirely fascinating.

“So… why me?” She asked, softly. Unable to stop herself from getting to the root of that night, now. “I mean, you clearly sought me out, wanting to have sex. You brought your vibrator.”

There it was – Rose Elliston being someone with such a strong, unashamed spirit, she’d arranged their hookup that night and brought her fucking vibrator in preparation!

Rose cut her a look, her cheeks flushing. “No need to bring up the vibrator; I was there. And I still remember your ridiculous pride about…” She trailed off, clearing her throat.

And, completely antithetical to what Rose had requested, Abbie felt that pinprick of pride all over again, tugging her lips up into a smile. “About the fact that you insisted you needed a vibrator to come, but I made you come without it.” She very nearly bit back the next words, but… nope. “Three times.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Rose muttered, her cheeks stained a dark red. She still maintained eye contact, though.

“A ridiculous person… that made you come three times without your vibrator,” Abbie returned, triumphantly. She pursed her lips, thinking it over. “I mean. I guess there’s some truth in the fact that you’d only been having sex with a man, so it would stand to reason that having sex with a woman would likely be a lot easier for you to have an orgasm. I just happened to be the woman.”

Rose’s hand landed on hers, and it was only then that Abbie remembered how she’d still had her hand resting, palm down, fingers spread over Rose’s jean-clad thigh.

“You didn’t just happen to be the woman, Abbie,” Rose’s voice was soft, as she stroked her thumb lightly over the back of Abbie’s hand.

She shivered at it, still staring down where Rose’s hand laid over hers.

“As we literally just established, I didn’t seek out any other women to sleep with that semester,” Rose continued, also staring down at their hands.

For a few seconds, Rose paused, her perfect, white teeth digging into her bottom lip.

Abbie stared, completely enraptured. Rose was actually going to answer the why me question, and Abbie found her heart beating harder than she’d anticipated.

Rose inhaled, deeply, lifting her gaze to Abbie’s again. Holding it there. Searching. Looking entirely unsure, and more vulnerable than she’d ever seen her.

“I told you that night; I’d been attracted to you since high school. Vexingly, frustratingly, but unfailingly attracted to you.” A dry, soft chuckle escaped her, as she lifted her other hand up to rub over her eyes. “I had that timer ticking down. A week until the engagement was officially on. A week until Nathan and I were back together. And, uh,” she pursed her lips tightly, dropping her hand away from her face once more, raw honesty etched into her expression. “I knew I’d be seeing you for the game.”

Even though Abbie had, obviously, known that Rose had sought her out in her room to have sex that night, this was brand new. The idea that Rose had traveled to North Carolina with the intention of having sex with her had shock, thick and heady, threading through her.

Subconsciously, she flexed the hand she had on Rose’s thigh. “You knew even before the game that you’d… that…”

“Yes,” Rose confirmed without Abbie needing to put her thoughts into impossible words. “I had every intention of seeking you out that night. What, did you think I packed that outfit I wore to see you for every away game?”

“Rose, I can honestly tell you I had no clear, logical thoughts that night when I went back to my room, not after I saw who’d put the scrunchie on my door,” she promised.

The grin that flashed over Rose’s face was devastatingly attractive, and she felt the answering heat flash through her.

“I… trusted you,” Rose said, her voice low. “I wanted something before the plan for my future was in full swing that was just mine. Something to hold onto. And I was reasonably confident that my attraction to you hadn’t faded over time.”

There was an indulgent, teasing, but somehow very meaningful tone in her voice, as her eyes locked onto Abbie’s, holding her to this spot.

With it, Abbie’s heart skipped a beat, and she licked her lips, her throat suddenly feeling so dry. “And that confidence was founded?” Her own voice was an octave lower than typical.

“Obviously.” Rose confirmed, sounding incredulous that Abbie would even ask. “How fucking appealing I find you, no matter what phase of our lives we find ourselves in, Abbie, is… unreal,” she finished in a whisper. “Painfully so.”

The sound of it skittered down Abbie’s spine, making her shudder. Or was it from the look in Rose’s eyes, that seemed even darker right now?

Or was it from the fact that it didn’t sound like Rose was strictly speaking about the past. She definitely wasn’t, because she’d said no matter what phase of their lives meaning now, as well. Right?

The way Rose’s lips were parted slightly as she swayed closer to Abbie confirmed that she hadn’t misheard.

And Abbie – she told herself to break this eye contact. That she should look away, that she should lean back. But she was rooted to the fucking spot.

“You aren’t the only one vexed by that,” she breathed back.

Because it was so true. She’d been so attracted to Rose even in high school when she hadn’t actually liked her very much as a person. That night in college had been genuinely life-altering for her in so many ways, but one of them had been because she’d never felt such a livewire of desire before.

And right now…

Right now, she found herself gripping Rose’s thigh tightly, her heart racing in her chest in line with the tempo of her racing thoughts.

Rose was a lesbian.

She’d sought Abbie out to be the person – the one woman – to have an experience with before submitting to the life roadmap that had been laid in front of her.

She found Abbie painfully attractive.

All of those truths crashed together like waves in a surf inside of her mind, like little bombs going off. Each one something new, something reality-defining in this new chapter of her life.

And they were sitting so close, and Rose’s eyes were so dark and trained on her face so intently, and…

And Rose was technically still married.

She was technically Abbie’s superior? Bare minimum, a colleague.

And Abbie had hardly figured her own shit out right now, let alone bringing a dose of that mess into it.

It was a sobering thought, one that made reality slam back in. Especially as she realized how close they’d leaned, inches closer than she’d even realized.

Abruptly, she pulled back, trying to blink herself out of this. All of this.

“I – we – I should go home,” she rasped, taking her hand off of Rose’s thigh as if it burned.

It kind of did; she could still feel it, even without the contact.

Clearly, it was dangerous to have her hands on Rose right now.

She had to close her eyes tightly, keeping herself from getting caught up in the look Rose was giving her accompanied by the many revelations of the evening.

“Okay,” Rose simply responded, after several moments beat by.

She pressed her hands hard into the soft couch cushions next to her, making sure not to touch Rose again as she pushed herself up.

She spared one look at Rose, who looked somehow wilder with abandon than Abbie had ever seen her, including when they’d had sex. Which made absolutely no sense, and her head was still spinning a little bit from the weight of the last hour.

Quickly, she diverted her gaze.

“Um, yeah, thanks for… clearing things up,” she muttered, darting a look in Rose’s direction only once she’d crossed to the other side of the room.

“Thanks for listening,” Rose murmured quietly, her hands falling to her lap as she watched Abbie go.

Okay, great.

She gave Rose a little wave and she could feel the awkwardness in it, in a way she hadn’t experienced in a long, long time. Maybe not since fucking high school.

Yep, she needed to get out of here.

As she escaped Rose’s house, she took in a long, deep breath of the evening air.

Apparently, the only thing she could really know for certain when it came to Rose Elliston was that she continued to be full of fucking surprises.

And Abbie realized at this moment in full-technicolor, that she wasn’t really sure if she was ready for it.

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