What the Fuck - a Gianna pov (Patreon)

A fun little fact - typical me - I had no idea how long this was going to grow to be. Turns out, I just love living in Gianna's head!

And I'm so thrilled about where this leads off, so the next time we revisit Gianna, we'll be in such a fun spot...

------------What the Fuck?---------

December, Sophomore Year

Gianna really tried to hold back her attitude from showing on her face. Her attitude that could only be described as surly.

If someone was trying to pick a fight with her, they might call her “pouty” or “mopey.”

She didn’t bother to try to bite back her sigh, though, as she was laying on her stomach on her bed, her econ book and notes open in front of her.

“Everything okay over there?” Riley asked, turning to arch her a curious look over her shoulder from where she sat at her desk.

“Yep,” she answered, grateful that the footboard of her bed was doing the work of hiding most of her face from Riley.

Gianna had learned, with Riley, for the first time in her life what it felt like to have someone who could read her expression. Riley had become uncannily good at it in the last year, actually.

And sometimes, that was great. It made her feel… seen. Riley saw her. Riley understood her. Riley saw into her heart of her and had seen a good person, and, in turn, Gianna felt like – like maybe she was. Or could be.

Which, at the heart of it all, had changed everything.

Only sometimes, Riley being able to read her so well was detrimental.

She’d gotten so used to people not caring to look under the surface level of what she offered that she was having to learn how to keep things from Riley, if she wanted to keep them to herself. It was a learning process.

“Just…” She blew out another breath, lifting her hand high enough so Riley could see it, pointing down at the material in front of her. “Econ. Boring shit.”

Riley let out a soft laugh, turning back to her own desk, her own study material in front of her.

It was the weekend before finals.

And by next weekend, Riley was going to be gone for weeks.

It made her stomach curl in on itself, and she couldn’t focus on this stupidity in front of her. All she could think about was that Riley was going to leave for weeks, and Gianna was going to be here by herself, and they were spending their last weekend together… studying.

Ugh.

She rolled onto her back, fanning her hair out on the bed underneath her and crossed her arms over her stomach, pouting up at the ceiling.

“You’re awfully broody for just econ…?” Riley trailed off, clearly leaving room for Gianna to respond.

It made her pout even harder. But, fine, she would deign to allow broody as a descriptor. For Riley.

“I just think it’s stupid that we’re wasting our weekend studying. Classes are officially over. We should celebrate that.”

“… and finals haven’t started,” Riley gently, teasingly, added. “If you want to go out, that’s your choice. But I need to study.”

She frowned even deeper, huffing out a bigger, deeper sigh. One she felt in her soul. “I don’t want to go out without you, though.”

She couldn’t help the words, nor could she help the petulant tone that tinged them.

She winced at herself. Like, what the fuck was wrong with her?! She wasn’t a fucking child.

Riley was right; she could go out by herself. She could do anything by herself.

Just because Riley was her favorite person to do things with didn’t mean she did everything with her.

Riley’s silence seemed far too loud, echoing in the room around them for long moments.

Only for her to appear at the side of Gianna’s bed, making her gasp in shock. “Oh my god! I – I didn’t even hear you!”

“I finally used the WD-40 on that squeaky wheel on my desk chair,” Riley informed her, a proud little smile sliding onto her face.

“I never realized how much I relied on that squeaky wheel to alert me of your movements,” she grumbled back.

That cute smile that had slid into place on Riley’s lips faded away as she tilted her head, raking her eyes over Gianna’s face.

Her stomach knotted, tightly.

“So… you haven’t told me what you’re doing for the holidays?” Riley asked, quietly.

Gianna rolled her lips as those knots felt even bigger in her stomach.

No, she hadn’t brought up her plans for the holiday break to Riley.

Because she… she knew Riley wouldn’t judge her. After her visit to Green Ridge over the summer, after she and Riley had laid out all of the truths about their parental situations to one another, she felt so much closer to her.

Riley knew, now, that her parents didn’t give a damn about her. She knew that her parents never really wanted her around or planned to have her visit them for holidays.

There was a freedom in Riley having that knowledge. There was something deeply emotional about it, something Gianna hadn’t ever felt with someone else.

But she still wasn’t… she still didn’t want to talk about it. Not to Riley, not to anyone. She didn’t want to verbalize how much her parents didn’t care about her. She just wanted to push it into the back of her mind and let it go.

So, even though Riley had mentioned, in passing, the upcoming holiday break multiple times, Gianna had always changed the topic.

Especially because this year she wasn’t the most upset about her parents. She was most upset about Riley leaving. And she didn’t want to discuss that, either.

“I’m not doing anything,” she said, after a few seconds beat by.

She’d had her quick internal battle with that kneejerk defensiveness before speaking, and it worked. That automatic response inside of her made her want to be snappy, made her want to go on the offensive.

But she didn’t want to be that way with Riley. She didn’t feel that way with Riley.

So, she let out another long exhale, letting go of the heated response that was so natural for her. She turned her head, still laying on her bed, locking eyes with Riley. “I’ll be staying right here.”

To reenforce her point, she patted the bed next to her.

She’d reconnected with Mummo several weeks ago, and she had tentative plans to go visit her in Finland, but that was going to be over the summer. So.

Riley slowly nodded. “How do you feel about having a roommate?”

Everything came to an immediate, halting stop inside of her.

“What do you mean?” She asked, hesitantly. Because she just couldn’t get her hopes up, if Riley was saying what she thought she might be saying.

Riley’s hazel eyes were so gentle on her, though, and there was a warmth in them that went hand in hand with the smile that had returned to her perfect lips.

“I mean, on a scale of one to ten, how excited were you about having the room to yourself? Ten being the most excitement, of course.” Riley arched her eyebrows up in question. “If the answer is anywhere in the six to ten range, I could always stay with Ellie, I suppose.”

Gianna sat up so quickly it made her lightheaded, heart pounding a little harder in her chest. “On that scale, I’m at a zero. Possibly negatives. Are you staying here over break?”

Riley nodded in confirmation. “Just finalized it yesterday. Our mom got this last-minute invitation to a European river cruise, and neither Ellie nor myself was really looking forward to going back home, anyway.”

“Shut up.”

Just like that, the dark cloud that had been getting darker and darker over Gianna’s head evaporated. Gone. Only sunshine remained, and she grinned so brightly with it.

She felt like she’d won something, and she loved to win.

“Okay, I’ll shut up and go back to studying,” Riley agreed amiably, her grin growing bigger, matching Gianna’s. “Which… I do have to do this weekend. Again, if you want to go out, you should. I can join you next week.”

Gianna waved her hand, dismissively. “I’ll hold out until next weekend. After all, econ waits for no woman.”

With that, she rolled back onto her stomach, feeling far more invigorated about studying.

She suddenly had a whole holiday break to look forward to.

***

Present Day

Gianna hadn’t been without Riley over Christmas since their second year of college.

It had been in the back of her mind for days, ever since she’d woken up, in Los Angeles, on Christmas morning, all by herself.

And, fine, she wasn’t literally by herself.

The whole point of the trip that Cora had organized for her, deliberately over the holidays, was so she could schmooze and socialize during this joyous time of year with people in the upper-echelons of entertainment.

Other influencers, agents, publicists, brand sponsors, executives, handfuls of celebrities…

Cora had brought up the prospect of Gianna relocating to L.A. many times over the last few years.

“Fine, fine,” she’d always say when Gianna resolutely turned her down. “We can settle on New York.”

Which, again, Gianna always resolutely turned down.

She got it; Cora was great at her job, and Gianna’s star could skyrocket even higher if she was living in one of the two major entertainment hubs in the country.

But… she didn’t need her star to skyrocket higher. Gianna might be a material girl, but she wasn’t insane; according to her financial advisors, she could retire right now and be set for the rest of her life. What, exactly, did she need more fame for?

Admittedly, she would probably consider moving to New York… if Riley wasn’t in Boston.

But Riley was in Boston.

And Riley was Riley. Her best friend, her family, her emotional anchor. Even beyond Riley, the people she cared about most in this world – excluding her grandmother – were Ellie, Joel, and Mia, in that order, who also all resided in Boston.

She had many friendships, ranging from casual to more authentic, but no one came close to the family she’d made for herself. So, she wasn’t going to leave that, not any time soon.

The most she could agree to before Cora had a fucking aneurysm were parties over the holiday season.

And even trip, now that it was over, was going to be a one-time deal.

Because even though she hadn’t had a bad time, she knew that she could have been having a better one. At home, with Riley, and everyone else.

She’d missed out, throughout her adolescence, on the things people took for granted. On having holiday traditions and mundane Christmas mornings where they had the same conversations every year. She’d spent those holidays at Elliston, in her dorm room. Typically alone.

So now, as an adult, she relished having those moments.

Settling into that feeling of being home, she leaned her head back against the seat in Riley’s car.

Riley’s passenger seat was, essentially, hers. Given that she didn’t drive and all, this spot was perfectly set up for her. Well, usually.

“I can’t believe you let Ellie change the settings for my seat,” she jokingly groused, stretching her legs out in front of her.

Well, as much as she could. Riley drove an SUV, but Gianna’s 5’11 didn’t really allow for her to truly “stretch out” anywhere. But she’d gotten this seat to the perfect configuration. Lounged just enough back that she was fully relaxed, but not far enough that she couldn’t perfectly see Riley’s profile.

She’d fixed the seat as soon as they’d left the airport. This spot was hers, but she had enough grace to allow Ellie to make some changes.

Even if Ellie’s changes consisted of sitting straight up, with her legs bent at a perfect angle. She liked to optimize for posture and car safety, rather than comfort.

“I told her you’ll have something to say about it – so you should take it up with her,” Riley shot back, in a matching light tone, as she turned onto Gianna’s street.

“Anyway. The New Year’s Eve party was wild,” she finished, switching back to the end of the story she’d been recounting.

Riley snorted, navigating into the designated parking spot right outside of Gianna’s house. “I was shocked you were up and texting me yesterday by eight in the morning. I thought for certain you’d have been out way later than you were.”

She shrugged. “I was having a decent time, but I was there to make some business connections. And, trust me, no one that was out past one in the morning at that party was going to have any recollection of anything later on. So, what was the point?”

Besides, that was her final event. She’d had something planned literally every single day, from the moment she’d arrived in California, culminating at the New Year’s Eve party.

She’d had a brunch yesterday, New Year’s Day, with one of Cora’s colleagues from the west coast headquarters of her publicity firm, and that was it. She’d been ready and waiting to fly back home since.

As soon as Riley parked the car, she unbuckled her seatbelt. “Home sweet home.” Because she wanted to, she leaned over the center console and pressed a quick kiss to Riley’s cheek. “Thank you for being my chariot.”

She noticed as she leaned back into her own seat that Riley didn’t shut off her car. The key was still in the ignition, and Riley hadn’t taken her seatbelt off.

She paused, shifting where she sat in order to be able to properly stare at Riley. At how… stiff? She seemed to be?

Was that the right word?

Like. In her own world, maybe? Was that what this was?

“Are you coming in?” She asked, deliberately slowly. Teasingly.

Because, of course Riley was going to come in.

Riley always picked her up from the airport after a trip, and then always helped Gianna bring in her luggage, and then they’d recap everything the other had missed while they were apart. It was what they did.

Only Riley’s hazel eyes snapped to hers, wider than usual, as she shook her head. “Uh, I can’t.”

Gianna knew she wasn’t joking as soon as she spoke, and the confusion slid through her. “You can’t?” She echoed, frowning incredulously.

Riley shook her head again, the movement looking so… off, before she broke eye contact. “Yeah, no, I can’t,” she repeated, biting at her bottom lip. “I,” she coughed, “I have to go to the station.”

She watched, still confused but also undeniably fascinated, as Riley reached up and rubbed at her temples. Fascinated mostly because this was so – new to her. And she couldn’t put her finger on the last time Riley had acted so “new” like this.

“Okay…” She trailed off, deliberately arching an eyebrow up at her. Studying her, as she pointed out, “It is the weekend.”

Maybe it made sense, she supposed, if she thought about the fact that Riley had been burying herself in work since the week Gianna had left. So, apparently, she hadn’t been taking the appropriate breaks and time for self-care in Gianna’s absence.

She knew Riley; work stress – especially given that this career move was actually something that could make or break this stage of her professional development – could absolutely grind down on her. Make her act a little off.

She nodded, deciding that this theory was the only thing that really made sense in this moment, and reached out, gently cupping Riley’s chin. She angled Riley to look up at her, relishing in the softness of Riley’s skin against her palm, but held firm to those wide, hazel eyes.

“It seems you didn’t heed my warning about taking care of yourself while I was away. And because I have to unpack and get ready to jump into a full day of meetings tomorrow about the Worthy launch, I’ll let you go to the office today. But,” she lightly tapped her fingertip against the line of Riley’s jaw. “I’m back, now, Riley Jane. So, the time of working yourself to the bone is over.”

Riley’s lips parted as she let out a sharp exhale, her warm breath washing over Gianna’s wrist. “Ah… right. Yeah. Then,” Gianna could feel the flexing of Riley’s throat as she swallowed, thickly. “I’ll take advantage of it, today.”

She stroked her fingertips down the line of Riley’s jaw until she reached her chin, before she tapped on it. “Good.”

Holding Riley’s gaze with her own, she paused before making any moves to get out of the car. “Thanks for coming to get me.”

Riley’s eyebrows furrowed. “Of course. Always.”

Okay, that mollified her. Riley looked and sounded, now, back to normal. Back to the same Riley she’d always been, the one that Gianna could predict, whose expressions and tones she had memorized.

She could accept that. Today, at least.

***

“God, and then the manager of the venue tried to reschedule the time for the morning of the shoot!” Gianna shouted from where she was in the kitchen, finishing up grabbing some of the snacks she always had on hand for their TV nights.

“They can’t do that!” Riley sounded perfectly aggrieved on her behalf, as she shouted back from the adjoining living room, where she was queuing up the show. “The shoot is next week; you’ve had this in place for months. It’s been confirmed and paid for.”

Satisfied with both her snack choices and the emotion in Riley’s tone, she nodded. “Thank you! It was this whole… whatever, thing.”

“Did Cora handle it?” Riley asked, as Gianna walked into the living room, snack tray in hand.

“No, I did. Because I took it personally.” She sniffed, tilting her chin up in the air.  

“That venue manager really had no idea who they were fucking around with.” There was both amusement and a rueful hint to Riley’s tone, as she made a tsking sound on behalf of that manager.

A sharply edged pride worked through her as she smiled down at Riley. “No, she certainly did not. Anyway. My shoot will go on, as it’s been planned.”

“All hail the queen,” Riley’s voice was joking but warmly sincere, and she felt that work through her.

It made her smile, pleased, as she fell onto the couch next to Riley, and cuddled in. “I’m done talking about work,” she declared. “Let’s watch. I’m ready to feel frustrated about the choices people are making.”

Was it just her imagination or did Riley feel tense?

She frowned, wiggling in closer to try to get as comfortable as possible.

It wasn’t like Riley was, like, completely unyielding against her. But normally, she was… soft.

Gianna was a tactile person. She enjoyed physical closeness, be it with friends or lovers. But she enjoyed it with Riley the most.

Because their bodies knew one another, perfectly. There was no other feeling, in terms of physical intimacy, that compared to the evenings she spent cuddling up with Riley on the couch like this. Where their bodies were both totally lax, leaning into one another.

Sexual intimacy was different. The acute pleasure was like a separate room, in the house of intimate touching. And Gianna fucking loved it, that was true.

But this… this was her favorite.

She knew exactly how it should feel, even if she couldn’t describe it in words. Her body knew how Riley’s should feel against her.

And this wasn’t quite right.

She frowned, inching in a little closer, configuring their positions so that she was angled as the bigger spoon. Sometimes – well… often times – she enjoyed laying against Riley. Even though she was taller, even though she had a wider reach, she preferred the feeling of Riley encompassing her.

There was one person she actively enjoyed making her feel that way, so she’d long learned to relax into it.

But she could be adaptable.

Before she could hit play and start the show, though, Riley popped right off of the couch.

So quickly, Gianna nearly fell into the spot Riley had been sitting in, slapping her hand to the cushion to brace herself.

“Sorry,” Riley rushed to apologize. She reached up, running her hand through her hair. “Just… realized I need to go to the bathroom before we start.”

Gianna narrowed her eyes, dubiously. “Can’t control when nature calls,” she said, managing to keep her voice light, in spite of the skepticism rolled through her.

Riley breathed out a returning chuckle, before quickly walking out of the room.

She leaned heavily back into the couch, crossing her arms over her chest.

Like… okay?

It was the first time they were hanging out since she’d gotten back three days ago, but she’d managed to write off the weirdness from the car ride. Not only because of the work excuse, but because Riley had been texting her totally normally.

As frequently as they always did, the tone of the messages was the same as they always were.

The nail in the coffin (positive) had been when Riley had called her Monday night. “I need you to document that I am leaving work at a very reasonable time,” she’d informed Gianna.

She’d not only sounded completely typical, but they’d stayed on the phone for over an hour and chatted. Caught up about Gianna’s trip, about their respective work happenings. Agreed to watch The One.

She blew out a deep breath, muttering to herself, “Maybe you’re the one making a mountain out of a mole hill.”

After all, things had felt normal for the last few days. Maybe Riley was still feeling buried under her work pressure.

Maybe she really hadn’t been able to get completely comfortable because she needed to use the bathroom.

“Back,” Riley announced, breezing back into the room. “Ready for the commentary to commence,” she said, gesturing to the television.

“Amazing, because I’ve really been holding back some commentary after seeing some spoilers online.” She reached for the remote again and hit play, as she scooted up a little bit, leaving Riley room on her previously abandoned cushion.

Only Riley didn’t fall back into place.

She didn’t even walk over to the couch Gianna was on. The couch they always sat on. Together. The way they’d been a minute ago.

Instead, Riley casually dropped down onto the adjacent loveseat, curling herself against the arm of the sofa, shaking her head back as she focused on the television.

“Oh my god,” Riley groaned, gesturing at the tv. “I completely forgot this asshole was still there.”

Gianna could only assume which asshole to which Riley was referring, because she wasn’t looking at the tv. She couldn’t bring herself to look at it.

All she could do was stare at Riley, uneasiness working through her.

“There is no way he’s going to last past this week. I know I don’t usually like spoilers, but I might have to confirm what you’ve seen online,” Riley said, rolling her eyes in disdain at the man on the screen.

And she sounded so normal. Her tone, her comments… it was precisely the kind of thing they talked about while they watched these shows together.

Which, in turn, made Gianna have to question if it was her that was being weird.

Was it her? Was she, subliminally, putting off some sort of… vibe? She didn’t think she was.

But perhaps it was true.

After all, they’d kissed.

She and Riley had kissed, and if that kiss meant something to either of them, it was her. Gianna was a realist, and she prided herself on having some modicum of self-awareness.

She wasn’t going to delude herself into believing that the make-out mix-up lingered for Riley the way it lingered for her.

Which, actually, she was doing a great job of taking it in stride and re-framing. It had been almost a month since it had happened, and Gianna was rolling with it.

Could she still feel the sensation of Riley’s lips on hers like it had just happened? Of course. Could she still see the way Riley had looked, almost entirely naked in her bed? Obvi-fucking-ously.

Did the memory of it still pop into her mind in some way, every day? Duh. But that was only normal. Gianna dared anyone to harbor feelings for someone for a decade and be able to erase the sensation of their kiss after longing for it for so long. Thinking about it. Fantasizing about it.

But, like, it didn’t change anything for her.

Great, she had confirmation that Riley was an amazing kisser. Big deal; she’d figured that was the truth a long time ago, given that she’d seen Riley kiss other people. Gianna was somewhat of an expert on physical relations and body language.

The kiss might have made her fantasies and her thoughts come to life in ways they hadn’t been able to, before, but – at the core of it all – her life was unchanged by it.

She was attracted to Riley. Water was wet.

Still, she continued to stare at Riley’s profile for several long moments, trying to calm this discomforting feeling inside of her.

Maybe that was it. Maybe it was her that was acting off, and it was Riley who was picking up on it.

She pursed her lips, settling into the couch with a quiet huff.

Well, if that was the case – she’d fix it. Because they weren’t going to be living this separate couch life forever.

Not on her watch.

***

Gianna was ready and primed for laundry night.

After Riley had left her place a few nights ago, they’d hugged – normal – and, yet again, their texting and phone calls had been completely fine.

She’d done some soul searching. She’d focused on the kiss and her possible subconscious reactions that might be manifesting in Riley’s physical presence while doing her yoga breathing exercises.

And she really felt… fine.

She was completely normal.

Riley, however, was not.

She was sitting next to Gianna on her own stool, but was essentially balanced on the edge. And she was vibrating like a livewire ready to pop the fuck off.

Not only could Gianna feel that energy zinging off Riley – and had been feeling it since she’d walked in nearly two hours ago – but she could see it now, in the way Riley’s fingertips were so unsteady as she held up one of Gianna’s thongs.

“And I’ve found a stray,” Riley said, teasingly. In a tone that was juuust about normal, but also slightly off the mark.

“I was wondering where she was!” Gianna reached out and plucked her thong from Riley.

Who dropped her hand away so quickly, Gianna’s thong nearly fell to the floor.

She frowned at her. “Are you okay, babe?” She asked, holding her thong in one hand, reaching out with the other to press the back of it against Riley’s forehead. Which, huh. She frowned deeper, sliding her touch softly down Riley’s temple, to her cheek. “You feel really hot.”

A really fucking weird laugh escaped from Riley’s lips, and she didn’t dodge Gianna’s touch, but she did skirt away from it.

Again – fucking weird.

“Hot?” She cleared her throat. “Maybe I’m coming down with a cold or something.”

Gianna’s eyes were narrowed to little slits as she studied Riley, whose cheeks were a little flushed. So, yeah, maybe she was coming down with a cold?

“Okay, so go post up on the couch,” she ordered, gently but firmly. “I’ll order us in some soup for dinner tonight, get you some meds.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Riley dismissed, immediately, shaking her head.

“Well, I didn’t say that the sky was falling,” she scoffed back. “I’m just going to pamper you for a couple of hours and make sure you relax.”

Slowly, she tilted her head at Riley, staring critically at her.

Taking care of one another when they were sick was one of their staples. Something they always did for one another. That much, Gianna was sure of. She was positive that – this time – it wasn’t her being totally off. It was, without a doubt, Riley.

“I appreciate it,” Riley breathed out, a smile sliding over her face briefly, before she reached up and scrubbed her hand over her face. “But, on the topic of relaxing, I should just probably go home and go to bed early.”

“Ummm. Okay…?”

Riley was being weird as hell, and even still, Gianna hadn’t anticipated the way she hopped up from where she was sitting, that unsettling energy flowing off of her in waves, as she reached for her laundry basket.

She reeled back in utter shock. “Oh, you’re leaving like now?”

“Yeah. Just – makes sense. I’m more tired than I thought.”

Gianna sat in her laundry room for a while after Riley left, the quiet settling around her.

What the literal fuck?

***

“Everything is on-schedule to start,” Tana, the director of her shoot, informed her. “We’re just under ten minutes out from the perfect lighting.”

“Got it,” Gianna murmured back, perfectly managing to not move her lips, as Elijah, her makeup artist, finished up his last-minute touch-ups before they started. “Thanks.”

“Aaaand, done. Beautiful. As always,” Elijah surmised, as he stepped back. He narrowed his eyes, looking her up and down, before nodding definitively.

She turned to look at herself in the mirror, even more critically. She’d opted to stay out of hair and makeup for as long as possible, even as the other models were getting their work done, because she’d wanted – needed – to oversee every aspect of this.

“Beautiful job right back, as always,” she agreed, nodding at herself, then at Elijah.

She’d met him while doing one of her shoots for the luxury athletic wear she’d partnered with several years ago, and had never been more impressed with someone else’s ability to do makeup in her life.

Which was saying something.

“Nervous?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows incredulously. “I’ve never seen you look nervous, before.”

“I’m not nervous,” she denied, and she really wasn’t.

She had confidence in Worthy. In the way it looked, the quality of the fabric, the decisions she’d made working on the theme for this shoot. Confidence in the people she’d hired, in everyone’s ability to bring her dream into a reality.

She believed in herself and in her work.

So, she wasn’t nervous, per-se.

But… this was the biggest thing she’d ever done, professionally, in her life.

She’d worked with big brands, made more money than she’d ever need, but this was hers. Even if it didn’t become the sensation she had to believe it could flourish into, it was hers. She’d creative this, from the bottom to the top.

This was huge, and while her nerves weren’t getting the best of her, she still felt like she was about to jump off a precipice.

A precipice she couldn’t be more prepared to jump from, to her own credit. But it was a precipice that she’d expected Riley to be at.

She’d expected to look out at the people milling around at the shoot, and see Riley. So that if she became nervous, she’d have her anchor here.

And while she hadn’t asked Riley to come, she hadn’t thought she’d have to.

Riley always showed up for her, without needing to be asked. And she knew all of the details – time, location, itinerary – so… where the hell was she?

It wasn’t like she’d expected Riley to arrive here at 3:30AM, when she’d arrived.

But she’d believed she would at the very least show up.

She –

She turned over toward the entrance, her eyes landing on Riley herself, and those knots in her stomach melted away, giving way to comfort, to relief.

Riley came. She was here.

Gianna immediately set off in her direction, with a laser-focus. She needed a little face-to-face time with Riley before kicking off, just for a minute. She craved it.

“You made it!” She called out, unable to – and uncaring about – the giddiness that sluiced through her as she hurried in Riley’s direction.

She was wearing a cream colored sweater with black slacks, looking casual but quietly chic, and it put an extra little pep in her step. She’d always loved that Riley cared about the caliber of the clothing she wore, even though she didn’t dress in flashy fashion.

Understated, but high quality. Anyone with a trained eye could see the care in Riley’s wardrobe, in her choices, but she didn’t dress to draw attention to herself. She did it because it mattered, solely, to herself.

And Gianna fucking loved it.

Riley turned to face her, a smile frozen into place as Gianna approached.

She only realized Riley wasn’t alone when she heard Joel yelp loudly, “Riley!”

It was a strange reality-slap, taking her attention off of Riley for a split-second, to register that Joel was at her side.

Gianna didn’t allow it to break her stride, even as her thoughts whirred into over-drive.

Joel? Why was Joel here? Since when did Riley bring Joel with her to their hangouts?

Minutely shaking her head, she didn’t focus on it. Not right now, as she finally reached Riley, and was so ready to go in for a hug. Wanting that spark of comfort mixed with the inherent thrill she always felt with Riley touched her. But today, this morning specifically, she was craving that comfort aspect.

She didn’t get it, though.

She drew up short, as Riley handed her an iced coffee. Like, literally, placing it between them, offering her hand out before Gianna could pull her in for one of their normal embraces.

Riley’s fingers brushed against her stomach, right above her bellybutton, and she felt herself shiver with it.

They’d exchanged many casual touches, in various states of undress. Riley had applied sunscreen to her while she wore a barely-there string bikini many times. It always sent this hot, zinging awareness buzzing through her, and this was no different.

The only thing that was different was… why?

She blinked down at the iced coffee, trying so fucking hard to piece together why Riley was handing it to her so abruptly rather than give Gianna a hug, like they’d done thousands of times.

All it did was play through her mind on a loop, joining all of the other out-of-character behaviors from Riley in the last couple of weeks.

Drawing in a deep breath, she pushed through it. She couldn’t let herself get stuck on that, not right now.

So, she dropped it. Well, as much as she could, as she focused on what Riley was giving her.

And, truly, she sorely needed it. She’d had a coffee hours ago, but today was going to be a long fucking day.

“Thanks,” she said, taking the drink from Riley. “Believe me, I need it.”

She’d done nothing but run around since she’d arrived, and the shooting hadn’t even begun.

Sipping at the coffee, she pursed her lips around the straw in a way that wouldn’t endanger her lipstick, gaze trained on Riley’s face in question.

Joel’s high-pitched excitement pulled her away from her focus. “Oh, holy shit! Did you get–”

Already knowing where he was going, she confirmed, “Yes, I got the newest model of the cameras you suggested. Thanks for the advice.”

She forced her stare away from Riley, when Riley also turned to look at Joel. As if whatever Joel might say about camera models was fascinating to her. When, in reality, Gianna knew it absolutely was not.

But his excitement was sweet, and Gianna could appreciate it for what it was, as he smiled so widely at her, like a kid in a candy store. “Of course. Yeah, thanks for asking me. You won’t regret it,” he swore. “The quality is unparalleled. Even on the model we have at the station, which is almost five years old.”

Ah, it really was her own fault for having nerdy friends. Truly.

She arched him a look, taking another deep pull of her coffee, before acknowledging, “Well, you’re the tech expert. Seems like it’s in my best interest to use your knowledge.”

Again, it was sweet – cute, even, like a puppy – as Joel nodded quickly. And Gianna truly did appreciate Joel, who always had the best of intentions, and was also most likely to gossip salaciously with her about anyone and everyone, without remorse.

Riley liked to gossip, but she had a strict moral compass. Something Gianna loved about her, and she didn’t want Riley to ever sink to her salacious level with gossiping. So, Joel filled a key role in her life.

He nodded, biting his lip as he quite literally bounced on his tiptoes. “I don’t even know where I should start: checking out the camera or talking to Trey Edison?!”

Ah, and there was the opening she hadn’t even known she’d been waiting for.

Joel’s love of celebrities and gossip was serving her very well, and she leaned in conspiratorially to whisper, “From what I’ve heard around set, he’s got a deal with 3G to shoot their next music video. And,” to make it even more enticing for Joel, “he and his boyfriend broke up.”

Hook, line, and sinker. Joel’s mouth fell open, his eyes lighting up. “No way!”

She leaned back, satisfied with herself for a job well done, as she shrugged, and imperiously stated, “It’s what I heard.”

“I gotta go over there. If that’s okay…?” He looked between them, a foot already struck out, ready to scramble toward Trey.

She rolled her eyes at him – both always amused and always exasperated. “Yes, we are not your keepers.”

Especially because for every second he remained standing with herself and Riley, it was another second she lost in having Riley alone. Which she selfishly, needily, wanted.

And Gianna typically got what she wanted.

Joel took a step away from them, and even in her desire to get Riley alone, she could see in her mind’s eye the fucking disaster Joel had created on set the last time he’d been allowed to come to a shoot.

She turned to send him a dead-serious look. One that she knew scared him, because he’d told her as much. “But we will be if you don’t watch your every step. I’ve forgiven the Great Set Debacle, but I will never forget it,” she swore, and she meant every word.

He flashed one of his bright, charmingly boyish grins and a salute, before he started measuredly walking away from them.

Great. Now the whole Joel thing was resolved.

At least, his presence.

The fact that he was here at all… well, that ate at her with irritating insistence, as she turned to look at Riley.

Who wasn’t looking back at her.

Instead, she was staring after Joel, an almost desperate look in her eyes.

It was confounding, and Gianna hummed, thoughtfully, before she quietly stated, “You brought Joel.”

Riley brought Joel with her this morning.

She’d “had to work” the day she’d picked Gianna up from the airport.

She acted normal when they watched TV together, but refused to sit next to her.

She’d “been sick” during laundry night.

Gianna had tried so, so hard to give Riley the benefit of the doubt in all of these situations. She’d been trying with everything she had to make herself believe that Riley was being truthful with her.

Despite all of the strange behavior and the comments that sounded like excuses, she’d tried to make herself buy into them, because she had no reason not to.

In over a decade, Riley had never been anything but honest with her. Their relationship, the foundation of not only who they were together, but who Gianna had grown into, was because of how forthright Riley was.

She valued honesty above all else, and for over ten years, she’d lived by that code.

So, yeah, Gianna had jumped through every mental hoop to let Riley off the hook for the odd behavior lately.

But… Joel?

Riley’s hazel eyes searched hers, blinking a few times, before she coughed and said, “Uh… yeah, he was really excited about it, so…”

She gamely pointed over to where Joel undoubtedly was geeking out about either the cameras or Trey or both or something else entirely, but Gianna didn’t care.

She didn’t want to look at Joel. She didn’t want to look at anything or anyone other than Riley.

“Sure,” she allowed, keeping her tone level, normal, as she scrutinized Riley even closer.

And Riley’s cheeks tinged slightly pink, before she shifted back and forth slightly, and it was all so fucking weird, and Gianna hated it.

“He is,” Riley defended, gesturing at Joel again.

Gianna didn’t doubt it, and she said as much, “I can see that Joel’s excited to be here.”

She sipped her coffee again, slowly, raking her eyes over Riley’s face. And she knew Joel was excited; he’d nearly peed himself when he’d seen Trey Edison. But that wasn’t the point, really, was it?

Because, “But he would be excited to come to any photoshoot, and you typically don’t ever bring him along.”

That was the smoking gun.

It was Riley’s strict enforcement of Joel being banned from Gianna’s set days, after all.

“This one’s special,” Riley said, and her tone was so soft, as was the look in her eyes. Despite the oddness in her behavior, despite Joel, despite everything else, Gianna could see and hear and feel that right at this moment, Riley was being real with her.

This was genuine, sincere Riley Beckett, especially as she reached out and held Gianna’s hand, squeezing it, as she doubled down, “It really is.”

And – finally – she was able to breathe.

She interlocked her fingers with Riley’s in a way that felt as natural to her as breathing, holding tightly. Finally, finally, able to find the anchor she’d been missing.

Finally able to let herself feel the height of today. Not nerves, but the hugeness of it all.

Wordlessly, Riley understood. She’d helped Gianna plan this entire thing, providing her emotional support and acting as a sounding board every step of the way. And now, she was here. And it was going to be okay.

Gianna held onto that, even as Riley tugged her hand back, wrapping it around her coffee cup to take a long sip, and… Gianna could only stare in question.

“Gianna!” Tana shouted from behind her. “We need you over here!”

Again, much like when it came to Joel, she didn’t turn to look. Tana was important, this shoot was everything to her career right now, and nothing mattered more than Riley, standing in front of her.

“All right,” she eventually murmured, letting out a soft hum, as she tried to will away the suspicion rising inside of her. “Looks like it’s showtime. Wish me luck?”

She carefully sipped at the remainder of her iced coffee in a long gulp, needing that hit of caffeine.

Riley’s eyes held hers, unwavering, as she asked, “Since when do you need luck?”

There was a conviction, a certainty, in Riley’s voice that she latched onto. And it gave her what she needed to slip into the mindset she needed to be in for this shoot – confident and bold – she smiled. “You’re right.”

Before she could walk away, Riley reached down again and grasped at her hand, her grip and the look in her eyes so intense. “It’s not like the time you worked with the shitty photographer who got the job because his uncle was working with the product team or like the director who tried to grab your ass during that athleisure-wear gig.”

There was a serious, inarguable edge to her voice, something that reached deep into Gianna and gripped at her.

This was Riley. This was her Riley.

“This is all you. No luck required.”

There it was. Weirdness or no, Gianna melted into that. Because no matter what else was going on with her, Riley was still her Riley. She’d still shown up for Gianna when she needed it.

“Thank you… and thanks for coming here at the crack of dawn.”

Because she hadn’t asked; it had just been something she’d been relying on. And Riley came through. Even if she’d come through with Joel.

“It’s not even the crack of dawn,” Riley dismissed with a scoff. “And I picked Joel up on the way, so I think maybe I should have taken your coffee as my own second cup.”

Okay, yes, that tone was normal as hell! Riley making a teasing comment about how chatty and excitable Joel was, especially early in the morning – normal.

She leaned into it, holding to that normalcy, as she also leaned into Riley. Close enough to breathe her in as she whispered into her ear, “I don’t know how to tell you this, babe, but you made that choice all on your own.”

“Gianna, we have less than ten minutes to get the dawn shots!” Tana called to her again.

And this time, she felt more ready, as she pulled away from Riley.

Whose eyes were a little wide, and her voice was hoarse as she said, “Go be fabulous. Show off that ass for the camera.”

Her words were normal. Her tone? Not so much.

Gianna had to focus on the normal part, though. It was show time.

***

As far as Riley was concerned, Gianna did her best to let herself think that they were heading back into a normal territory.

Because Riley stayed for the entire shoot. All ten hours.

Every time Gianna looked in the direction Riley had settled into, she was there, with an intent focus. No making weird excuses or acting shifty. Just… supportive.

Trying to allow herself to settle into that feeling as the day wrapped, she kept Riley in her peripheral vision as she did her final rounds.

And because today was all about her brand, her product, her launch, and she needed to be on, she couldn’t brush by Tana, even when she was buzzing to go back to Riley.

“Here, I’ll walk and talk, so you can o get dressed,” Tana offered, kindly, as she was finishing telling Gianna about the accelerated timeline they were on.

She nodded, appreciative, because she did want to get dressed. Far from being embarrassed by anything about her body, after twelve hours in lingerie, she was ready to not feel any chill on her skin.

As Tana spoke, though, she locked eyes with Riley from across the room and mouthed, Dinner! You and me!

And, because she knew Riley, she knew she’d registered what Gianna had said.

By the time she emerged, however, only minutes later, full of anticipation… Riley was gone.

And what Gianna found herself with, was a text. Well, two texts.

You were so incredible today, and I’m in awe of you, in so many ways. This couldn’t have gone better, in any way. You should be SO proud, Gianna

I can’t do dinner right now, though. I have a little bit of a headache, so I’m just going to go home. I don’t want to put a damper on your night at all. You should enjoy yourself

… what a double whammy.

From her heart pounding, emotion welling tightly in her throat at the heartfelt words, so… that. This dismal let down.

Enjoy herself? Riley really wanted her to enjoy herself?

The only person she wanted to enjoy herself with was Riley!

She stared down at her phone, this feeling of – of wrong-ness taking her over. It was the only way she could describe it. This was fucking wrong.

Riley was the part of her life that was always the most right, and now, it was wrong.

And she couldn’t make herself okay with it, anymore. A few weeks of this was really hitting her fucking limit.

“Hey!” Joel appeared next to her, still vibrating with the excitement of the day. “I’m heading out, but you were great!” He leaned in and wrapped her in an exuberant hug.

One she allowed herself to find a little bit of comfort in, because – damn it – she needed it right now, even if it was from the wrong person. “Thanks.”

“God, I was so thrilled when Riley asked me to come,” he continued, clearly without a second thought.

And everything in Gianna’s world came to a halt. She didn’t even register what else Joel was saying, as that piece of information settled with her.

She held up a hand, cutting him off. “Sorry, but you didn’t ask her if you could come today?”

As in… Joel hadn’t been the one to reach out to Riley and express interest in the shoot? Sure, that wasn’t what Riley had told her, but it was fucking implied by what she’d said!

“No,” he swore, eyes wide and honest. “I know the rules.”

“Joel… thanks for coming,” she managed, taking in a tight breath, as emotion burned through her. “I have to go.”

She didn’t even know what this emotion was, but she knew it was not something she wanted to feel, and it also wasn’t something she ever felt at Riley. Not ever since they’d become true adults.

Betrayal? Bafflement? Anger?

She just wanted – answers.

She needed answers.

And she was going to get them.

.

.

.

.

spoiler prevention

.

.

.

.