Guilty as Sin - 15 (Patreon)

There is something so much fun for me in writing Sutton and Charlotte. I'm just so glad you all enjoy them so we can keep going on this journey.

And continue to enjoy delusional Charlotte along the way lol

--------Guilty as Sin ------------

Chapter Fifteen

Sutton was fighting for her life at the end of the phone call with her mother.

It had all started fine, totally normal.

And now, as things were winding down, she’d made the mistake of glancing down and checking her work email – a new one had come through, landing in her inbox a minute ago. Not really abnormal for a Friday night, as Charlotte had emails rolling in throughout the weekend, all hours of the day – and she was totally thrown for a loop.

Details for the cabin.

She’d frowned in confusion, wondering if – somehow – Charlotte’s work emails had been hit with a spam message. Typically that didn’t happen, with the filters and secure network and all. But it wouldn’t be the craziest thing in the world, she supposed.

But – as her mom continued to tell her about the anniversary trip with her dad, and Sutton tried her best to listen now that her attention was totally diverted – she realized that it wasn’t a spam message.

It was fully intended for Charlotte.

A note from a high-end property management company, letting Charlotte know the details about the cleaning crew schedule.

Apparently, Charlotte had lucked out, because they were able to finagle their schedule to come in for their routine cleaning today, and would make a note to not go for the remainder of the long weekend, so she was guaranteed to “enjoy her privacy.”

Which meant that apparently Charlotte was going to a cabin for the long weekend? Starting tonight, and… Charlotte hadn’t even told her?

That had not been in her schedule. Obviously, Sutton would know. Normally, everything in Charlotte’s schedule was filtered through Sutton.

And for the past week, everything had been typical.

Kind of. Mostly?

Since that elevator ride exactly one week ago, Sutton had felt like she’d been picked up and put in a slightly alternate universe when it came to work. Where everything was basically the same, but just a litttttle bit… off.

Just enough to feel different or wrong, but not enough that Sutton could actually pinpoint anything in specific as to how.

Anything externally, of course; she knew, internally, what was different.

Internally, Sutton had never wanted like this before.

The insanity of it all was that Sutton knew desire. She’d felt physical attraction to men in the past, and had gone on – as Regan had called it – her sapphic journey, and she’d now been with women, which had notched up her understanding of desire.

Before that elevator ride, Sutton had been well-aware of her attraction to Charlotte. But she’d thought she could make sense of it in terms of her past experiences, past desires.

She’d thought she’d known desire, but she’d been wrong. So fucking wrong.

There was nothing about what she felt for Charlotte that she could fit into the framework of what she’d ever felt for someone else.

She’d nearly broken her ankle while running on the treadmill, watching Charlotte do yoga. It had been inescapable. Charlotte had been inescapable.

And – and Sutton had never seen so much of her.

She knew Charlotte’s body in that they spent so much time together, and she was definitely aware that Charlotte was curvier than she was, that she had hips and that her breasts were so full, enough that she’d gotten trapped into thoughts and fantasies about them.

She’d seen Charlotte in that dress the night of Caleb’s birthday celebration last month, and she’d thought that was an illuminating experience.

But nothing could have prepared her for seeing Charlotte in that lycra yoga outfit. Her breasts filling out that small top, the way her hips and ass and thighs looked – and that was before she’d started stretching and contorting, and…

She’d nearly died.

Sure, any other night, she’d probably have done another mile or two on that treadmill. But she’d had to hop off for her own safety.

And then in the elevator.

When she’d touched Charlotte’s bare, hot skin.

At first she really had been trying to comfort her. To be there for her. Because Charlotte had seemed so uncharacteristically panicked about being stuck in the elevator.

And, honestly, it had been a little endearing. To see Charlotte, usually so in-control, seem a little worried. It had been Sutton feel so good, to be able to provide some steadiness and stability to Charlotte in a moment of need.

Then everything had gone wrong.

Or… right?

She couldn’t even recall the details of anything. All she could remember was how they’d ended up.

She’d been breathing Charlotte in, standing so close to her. Closer than she’d ever been. Closer than she’d ever have a real reason to be. Closer than she’d ever have any real excuse to be.

Charlotte’s pupils had been blown, eating up her irises, as she’d stared up at Sutton.

Charlotte’s nipples had been so hard, and Sutton had noticed, and then it was all she could think about.

And, of course, more than Charlotte’s physical responses, Sutton obsessed over her own.

She had been in a state of constant arousal since that moment in the elevator. Quite literally, she had been wet and aching for a full week.

For seven days straight, as if on a timestamp, Sutton couldn’t get herself under control.

Even when she thought she had herself under control, she would go to work and see Charlotte, and she’d feel herself pulse to life. Like her clit had the right to control the rest of her body as well as her mind, instead of the other way around.

The sheer amount of underwear she’d ruined in the week was alarming. And unsustainable.

She’d had to change them at work. She’d gone into the office prepared on Tuesday, because Monday had been disturbingly uncomfortable.

And the thing that she couldn’t decide made it all worse or better, was Charlotte.

Charlotte, who’d said I can’t in that raw, desperate voice – the tone that Sutton couldn’t forget, the tone that was haunting her – and had walked away from her, leaving Sutton standing in the elevator for so long, the doors had shut on her.

Then, the next day, when Sutton had been anxiously wondering what their trip back to New York would look like after that moment…

… Charlotte had been distressingly normal.

She’d talked to Sutton as though they hadn’t shared one of the most intimate moments of her life fewer than eight hours before that.

And she’d continued like that all throughout this work week.

Sutton had needed to make trips to the bathroom to change her underwear when Charlotte so much as smirked at her in that wickedly hot way she had, and Charlotte was normal.

What was wrong with her?!

By that “her” Sutton wasn’t sure if she meant herself or Charlotte, or both.

Which one of them was the delusional one? She honestly didn’t know at this point. And –

“Honey, are you all right?” Her mother’s voice broke into her desperate thoughts.

She blinked, bringing herself back to the moment. She realized that her phone screen had gone dark on the email she’d left it open on, as she’d devolved – as she had so often this week – into obsessing about Charlotte.

Feeling herself blush, she shook her head. “Um, yes. I’m all right. I’m sorry. I spaced out for a second.”

A little longer than a second, admittedly, but she was not going to be telling her mother that. Because, of course, her mom would want to know what was on her mind.

Not only could she not tell her mom – or anyone – about the Charlotte part of the equation, given that no one knew Charlotte’s sexuality, but she couldn’t even tell her mom about her own issue.

Even if her mom thought Charlotte was as straight as an arrow, if she learned about Sutton’s crush, for lack of a better description, on her boss – she knew what her mom would think. What she’d say.

“Mhm,” her mother sighed back, clearly not believing that Sutton was all right; she couldn’t blame her. “You know, enough about me. Let’s talk about you, sweetheart. I feel like I’ve barely gotten any details about your life all summer.”

“That’s not true,” she denied, glad they weren’t on a video call so her mom couldn’t see her blush. “We talk regularly.”

Granted, they definitely talked less in the last few months than they usually did. But working for Charlotte had been the busiest Sutton had never been in her life. She’d never kept such long, busy hours before.

“Yes, but we only talk about your work. How are you doing?” Her mom pressed, in that firm-yet-gentle way she had.

“Work is really all I have to update you about,” she said, and was glad that she could at least be honest about that much.

She could hear her mom’s disapproval in the very short hum she breathed out. “I understood when it was that way in the beginning, but… things have to settle at some point. If you’re working this much constantly, you’re going to burn out.”

“It’s not all work-work,” she denied, also honestly. “Yes, when I’m in D.C. I don’t have much time to talk, but Charlotte and I have dinner in the evening, and just, you know, hang out. It’s work, but it’s also… not.”

God, was it not. She yearned for those moments not only after work but throughout their workdays so damn much.

And she hadn’t really allowed herself to think about it too much, before this week. Before she was dissecting their every interaction. She’d managed to stop herself from delving in too far, too deep.

“Well, still. I’m looking forward to confirming that for myself in two weeks.”

Sutton paused. “In… two weeks?”

What in the world had she missed while spacing out on this call? Not only was this desire terrorizing her at work and at night in her bed, but also distracting her from being able to retain information while talking to her mom?! What was going to happen next?

She really, truly, wasn’t sure she was going to weather the storm.

“Yes…” Katherine said, slowly.

And Sutton internally cursed herself, because she should have known better, should have been smarter than to question her mother aloud like that.

Closing her eyes tightly, she shook her head and got her thoughts in order. Her mom. Her parents. Not Charlotte.

“Your father ended up deciding to attend the dinner for–”

“Senator Armstrong!” Sutton cut in, the thought flashing through her mind like a lightbulb, and she gripped it like a beacon of hope. She snapped her eyes open, nodding as if her mom could see her. “Yes. Right. Because he’d originally RSVP’d that he couldn’t come.”

Because her parents hadn’t been sure about Ethan’s field hockey schedule – he’d just started the new school year earlier this week, which had been a big part of the beginning of the call – and if he had his first home game of the season, they wanted to be able to attend.

It was honestly a relief to know that she could pull herself together when it was mission critical.

“Exactly. And I’m very much looking forward to seeing you,” some of her mom’s very normal, natural warmth returned to her voice, even if Sutton could tell she was still obviously concerned.

“I’m looking forward to seeing both of you, too,” she said, and very much meant it.

She couldn’t lie and say that she regretted her work schedule or… really anything that had happened in her life this summer. Yes, she’d been busy. Yes it was true that she hadn’t had time to go and see her family – which she would typically always do for at least a week or two in the summertime – and that she’d talked to them less than was average.

But she’d been so wrapped up in doing her job, in proving to Charlotte that she could not only do this but do it well, that it had taken all of her time at first.

And in the last couple of months… well, everything centered around just being with Charlotte. In D.C. In New York. At work. At dinner.

She blinked to herself, feeling her stomach twist slightly, because – yeah. Wow. She really hadn’t taken a beat to realize how much of herself she’d wrapped up in Charlotte, both professionally and personally.

And she did look forward to seeing her family, especially if they were going to come to her.

“I have to get ready to go to Oliver’s for dinner, but we will spend some time next week hammering out some plans for when we come to the city,” her mom said, firmly.

“Sounds good to me,” she agreed. “Love you.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” Katherine responded in kind, and Sutton ignored that imploring tone she was using. “Text or call if you need anything. Ever. You know that, right?”

“Of course,” she automatically agreed, without even thinking. Because she did know it.

But her parents couldn’t actually help her out with her current giant problem, now, could they? No one could.

She bit back her sigh.

“Talk to you next week.”

When she ended the call, she very nearly threw herself back onto her bed to lament about her feelings.

Only she didn’t have the time.

Because she was due to meet Charlotte at the charity reception for the teacher’s union, in which Charlotte – in typically, brilliant, Charlotte-fashion – planned on rubbing elbows, meeting-and-greeting constituents, and being a visible, supportive presence… but was also hoping to get a face-to-face with a few councilmembers they’d been unable to finagle meetings with in the last couple of weeks.

While this was something that Charlotte was more than capable of doing alone, Sutton loved being by her side. She loved being able to take small weights from Charlotte’s shoulders by feeding her bits and pieces of information about people they ran into, information Sutton found by poking around on social medias and deep-diving. Doing the things Charlotte didn’t really have time to do herself.

And… she just enjoyed spending time with Charlotte.

A little too much.

Or, a lot too much, as of late.

Regardless – she wasn’t about to miss the evening.

Especially given that while things had been parallel-universe normal this week with Charlotte, there were those moments when things weren’t quite normal.

The only time they’d had dinner together was Wednesday, and it was at a dinner meeting, with other people. They’d chatted in the personal rapport they’d developed, but it was just off. Briefer. It felt less conspiratorial, like they were in something together, even if Sutton couldn’t say exactly what was different in the moment.

Charlotte was saying the same things, using the same tones…

So, there was a good chance Sutton was making everything a bigger deal than it was. There was a high likelihood Sutton was the only one of them that was dripping through her underwear every time they held eye contact for a beat too long.

Before that elevator ride, she really would never, ever think there could be something between herself and Charlotte.

Sutton being attracted to her, Sutton having feelings for her – yes, that made all the sense in the grand scheme of the world.

Charlotte was beautiful and sexy and brilliant and poised and certain of herself; what sapphic woman in Sutton’s position wouldn’t feel this way?

But she’d been able to push that all to the side, before. Her stupid feelings, her stupid attraction – it was all meaningless. Before.

She couldn’t forget what she’d experienced, though.

Charlotte’s tremulous breath washing over her.

The look in Charlotte’s eyes, how heated it was.

The shivering, the way her body had reacted to Sutton. The same way Sutton’s had been reacting to hers.

In that moment, she’d become aware in a way that she hadn’t been.

And maybe… maybe it was different for Charlotte.

Sutton tried to be logical about it.

They were both women, who were attracted to women. Charlotte, by her own admission, hadn’t been with anyone in over a year. They’d been in close proximity. Their bodies had pressed together. Sutton might have bouts of insecurities, but she knew she wasn’t an unattractive person.

Therefore, Charlotte having a physical response to Sutton at that literal moment really didn’t necessarily mean anything. It didn’t mean she felt this same overwhelming need for Sutton.

… but it didn’t not mean that, either.

And that – that was all that Sutton could think about. That was the thing – under the uncontrollable lust – that kept Sutton awake at night.

And the logical part of her said that she should back off. That she should do as Charlotte did, and act like things were normal, so they could be normal again.

Typically, that was the part of herself that Sutton listened to. Because it was the part that also didn’t push her out of her comfort zone, didn’t force her to push boundaries.

Charlotte was her boss. Charlotte was in the closet, and had no plans of leaving it. Charlotte had literally said I can’t to her, last week.

But the logical part of Sutton, she feared, was rapidly losing control over her decision making.

And, more than anything else in this moment, was the whole cabin-thing. What the hell was that about?

***

She didn’t get the chance to bring it up to Charlotte for over two hours into the reception.

And that was fine; Sutton made herself okay with that.

Because this was work. So, she did what she was here for, and stayed dutifully by Charlotte’s side, slipping her details as they worked through the room. Feeling that normal-but-not feeling as they chatted.

Doing her best not to breathe in Charlotte’s subtle but absolutely intoxicating perfume, because she didn’t have an extra pair of underwear with her tonight. She really thought that if she’d brought those with her to this event, it would set a terrible precedent.

Then again. She couldn’t help but glance down slightly, as she stood next to Charlotte as they finally were taking a break from the constant mingling.

Charlotte was wearing a suit, but not one she’d wear to work. Those were business-casual. Fitted and feminine, but well-suited for work.

This… this was the next step up. A little less business, a little dressier. And the shirt she was wearing underneath wasn’t buttoned up as high, and Sutton could see the generous scoop of her cleavage.

She throbbed, and – god, this was so out of control.

If she just could know for a fact that Charlotte’s I can’t had been about that moment, maybe it could ease Sutton’s burden. Maybe, if Charlotte had only felt that pull to her because of their proximity in that literal instance, she could – she could work through this.

Bolstered by that, and the fact that they were finally taking a break so she wouldn’t have to feel guilty about taking time away from the reason they were here, she cleared her throat, lightly tapping her fingers against the side of the champagne glass Charlotte had casually handed to her a minute ago.

“So… I received an interesting email earlier,” she started, finding herself swaying a little closer to Charlotte, but not enough that they were touching.

Wondering how close she should get. How close she could get, before Charlotte would pull away.

Wondering if Charlotte would know what she was doing. If Charlotte would realize she was pushing the line, trying to test it.

“Oh?” Charlotte hummed softly, not looking at her.

And the thing about Charlotte was that she was not-looking at her in such a manner that – if Sutton didn’t know any better – it would appear to be totally nonchalant.

But she did know better. Or, she might know better?

I can’t.

“Apparently, you’re going up to a cabin? Tonight? Until Monday night?”

“Yes. My grandmother owns a cabin in the Catskills, and I thought it might be nice to get away. To take a few… personal days,” she said, quietly.

The way she averted her eyes

“Personal days?” Sutton echoed, and she knew she sounded ridiculously incredulous, but only because she felt that way. “Since when do you take personal days?”

“It’s the weekend, Sutton,” Charlotte shot back, both gentle and slightly exasperated.

“And it’s your birthday this weekend,” Sutton tacked on. “But you didn’t mention doing anything specific, so I thought it was, I don’t know, going to be similar to Caleb’s.”

God, she’d been hoping for it. She’d had countless minutes lost in thoughts of being invited out for Charlotte’s birthday to some discreet club. What if they could dance the way they had at Charlotte’s apartment, but – but with the music pulsing around them? What if…

“I didn’t realize you knew my birthday was coming up,” Charlotte murmured, tilting Sutton a questioning look.

She shouldn’t take offense to that, and yet she did.

“Of course I know when your birthday is,” she scoffed back. “Come on.”

She had a gift for Charlotte and everything. Just something small, something employee appropriate. And she’d really been hoping to see Charlotte on Monday – even though it was labor day, and they did have the day off – to give it to her. Because she wanted to see Charlotte, all of the time. Even on their days off.

But she wouldn’t be doing that if Charlotte was up in the Catskills, would she?

A very small smile played on Charlotte’s lips even as she slightly shook her head. “The trip to the cabin was a last-minute plan earlier this week. I think it could be good for me to get away. Take some time out of the city. Have some real privacy. A little treat for myself.”

It was in the little details, as so many things were with Charlotte.

The way she put an emphasis on real privacy, and the fastidious way she avoided eye contact. The slight hesitation before saying “treat.”

All of it bundled together and hit Sutton like a freight train.

Was Charlotte taking time out of the city for real privacy and A LITTLE TREAT for herself all code for getting away for a weekend sex trip?

Was it possible that was the reason for her not telling Sutton about this trip? Could it be that she’d worked out these details on her own and had seemingly planned to slip away from the city and then glide right back into regular life on Tuesday, as though she hadn’t absconded for a covert weekend sex getaway?

It made her stomach twist into knots so large, so tangled, she felt sickened by them. Like… like she was jealous of someone before she even had confirmation of their existence.

She swallowed tightly, forcing her lips to tick up into a small smile that she was sure looked as unnatural as it felt. “Oh. That’s – I mean, that is really… good. You do deserve to do something fun for your birthday. I’m glad you are.”

And she was glad Charlotte was doing something for herself. She had no idea the last time Charlotte took time dedicated to herself, deliberately stepping back from work and responsibility even for a full twenty-four hours.

In fact, Charlote didn’t do that; it was one of the cornerstones of Charlotte Thompson, Sutton had learned. Learned, and wished she could help remedy, because the time and energy Charlotte funneled into working was extremely unsustainable.

But that was all a part of it.

If Charlotte didn’t have a specific reason to have to leave the city – and therefore achieve total privacy for once – Sutton could not imagine her doing so. Even if Charlotte was going to take the literal day of her birthday off totally off, which was doubtful, she wouldn’t drive hours away to do so.

Not unless there was a reason to.

She realized how tightly she was holding the champagne glass when her hand cramped, and she stared down at it for a beat, having forgotten it was there. Like it was a foreign object to her.

What the hell was wrong with her?

She carefully placed it down on the table to her other side, and pushed away from where she and Charlotte had tucked themselves away. “I need to get some fresh air.”

Just – she needed to figure herself out. To figure all of this out. And she couldn’t do that while she was standing next to Charlotte, breathing her in.

“Are you okay?” Charlotte asked, her eyebrows knitting together in concern.

She ticked the corner of her lips up into another weak smile over her shoulder at Charlotte. “Yeah. Yes, I’m – I just need a minute outside.”

It was the only explanation she could give, because none of her thoughts or feelings right now were things she could explain to Charlotte, and she wasn’t readily available with some sort of cover story. Maybe she would be after clearing her mind.

With that, she swiftly cut through the room, and walked out of the glass doors on the far side of the room, out into the courtyard.

It wasn’t total privacy, but it was definitely an improvement.

No one else was out here right now. It had rained – drizzled, really – throughout the afternoon, and the air was still thick with it. The sun was setting and it was gray out, and humid, and Sutton breathed it in, still.

This wasn’t right.

She couldn’t act like this to Charlotte. To her boss.

Having feelings for her, being attracted to her, was one thing when Sutton had kept it locked up as an impossibility.

She hadn’t realized how absolutely vital that proverbial box was. She hadn’t realized until now – until it was opened – that she’d been protecting herself from feeling like someone on the brink of utter insanity.

Because that was what this was.

Feeling jealous over a woman Charlotte might be spending the weekend with – over the idea of that woman existing – was shining a light on something that Sutton didn’t know what to do with or how to handle.

Apparently, Charlotte’s I can’t really had been about that moment in the elevator.

Sutton had wanted clarification on that, and now she had it. She’d thought it would make things slot into place, and she’d been wrong.

Because it actually felt awful.

It shouldn’t, and Sutton had no right to feel upset about anything. No right to feel jealous about anything.

Charlotte was her boss. And, maybe, her friend. But that was all, that was it.

Still, she felt like… like she’d had a hope for something. Like she’d felt the glimmer of something burning and hot and bright and intense and so enticing, and – and the light had been swiftly snuffed out.

She –

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a touch on her wrist. It wasn’t too firm, but firm enough to be present, and even though she wasn’t facing that direction, she knew it was Charlotte. Just by the way she felt.

Sutton shivered, taking a moment to close her eyes tightly, to breathe in deeply, before she turned to face her.

Charlotte’s eyes were narrowed, imploring. “Sutton, darling, are you okay? Do you need to go home?”

Her mouth opened but no words came out. Nothing for a few seconds, before she asked, “Are you leaving the city to meet someone up at the cabin? To meet… a woman?”

As soon as the words escaped her, she snapped her jaw shut, feeling her cheeks burn.

She hadn’t meant to ask that. Technically it was none of her business. But… but she had to know. Had to.

Charlotte’s hand dropped away from her wrist, and she watched as that look in Charlotte’s eyes – open and imploring – seemed to shutter slightly. “I’m not sure that is anyone’s business, including yours,” her tone was sharper than Sutton had heard it ever directed at her.

And, ouch.

God, Sutton felt that like a bee sting right to her heart, and she winced with it, bringing her hand up to rub over her chest.

Even if she wasn’t feeling this maelstrom of attraction and jealousy and need and inappropriate feelings, she’d thought – she’d thought she and Charlotte were friends. Charlotte had said so, herself.

Was Sutton so out of line for asking her that? When Charlotte had taken it upon herself to watch Sutton attempt to hit on a woman in a bar and give her advice?

This was… it was all too much. It was too much, and too messy, and Sutton was starting to see that in this moment.

She took a small step backwards, giving herself a little more space. “Right. You’re – you’re right. It’s none of my business.”

She stared blindly over Charlotte’s shoulder, at the silhouettes through the frosted glass into the reception. How were they supposed to do this, now? How was she supposed to function, now?

Charlotte blew out a low breath, cursing so softly Sutton barely heard it over the slight breeze in the air. “I didn’t mean to snap at you, and I apologize for that.”

“It’s okay,” she stated, reasoning with herself that even if her tone had been sharp, Charlotte had been correct. She didn’t owe Sutton any details about her personal life at all. “You weren’t wrong.”

Her breath caught and held in her chest as she stared at Charlotte, and all she could feel was how hard her heart was pounding in her chest.

And she thought – hoped, wildly – that maybe, maybe the thing she needed was to hear Charlotte say it. Was to hear Charlotte definitively and sharply turn Sutton down, using that same harsh tone she’d just used.

If Charlotte did that, then maybe there was a chance Sutton would be able to try to put these feelings behind her and focus on Charlotte in a purely professional, friendly way.

“Even so, it doesn’t feel right to snap at you like that,” Charlotte murmured, her voice so fucking sweet. The way it was only with Sutton, as far as she’d heard.

And – yeah. She needed to hear Charlotte firmly shut her down. She needed to hear Charlotte tell her that this wasn’t ever happening, that there wasn’t even the slightest chance of it, because she didn’t see Sutton that way.

“I just need… I need to know something.” Her voice was breathy and she felt her nerves tangle together, but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t stop.

Charlotte tilted her head slightly, keeping her gaze firmly on Sutton’s face. “Okay?”

Her stomach bottomed out and her fingers tingled, and –

“Last week, in the elevator–”

At once, the warmth and affection in Charlotte’s expression dropped. “Sutton,” she grit out, and it was firm, obviously meant to deter her.

But Sutton couldn’t be deterred, now. She couldn’t let herself stop, or she would wonder forever.

“In the elevator,” she continued, keeping her voice down, but remaining steadfast, “Was that a – a momentary thing? Because we were kind of thrown into a situation and it got… intense? Or…”

She trailed off, feeling breathless. Terrified. Excited. So many things that she couldn’t even really determine what was what, anymore.

All she knew was that she felt that fucking need slide through her veins, feeling it with every beat of her heart, like it was a part of her.

“Do you think about me, like I think about you?” She asked, and the world stood still.

“I don’t…” Charlotte started, but didn’t finish. The words sounded strangled in her throat, like she couldn’t finish, as she stood shock-still, staring up at Sutton with an indecipherable stare.

She didn’t what? She didn’t – didn’t know what Sutton thought about her? Her mind desperately filled in the blanks, and it was all Sutton needed to grab onto.

The words fell out of her mouth, like these gates had been opened and it was all she’d been waiting for.

“I think of you all of the time. The way you smile and the way your brilliant mind works.” A smile slid over her face, as she held Charlotte’s eyes with her own, needing Charlotte to see how Sutton saw her. Yes, she was beautiful and sexy, and she knew that about herself; she’d been desired by many women. But she was so much more than that, too. She was so smart and so sharp and so quietly sweet, and…

“I think of you before I go to sleep and when I wake up, and not just because of work. Though, I obviously spend all day thinking about you at work, too, when I’m supposed to. But it’s not always thoughts I’m supposed to have. I think about you during all of the times that I should be thinking of you, and…”

Her heart skipped a beat, and she felt heat land between her legs, as she vividly thought of the many times she’d touched herself to the idea of Charlotte.

“And all of the times I absolutely should not be thinking of you,” she rasped out.

“Sutton, please.” Charlotte begged in a way Sutton could have never fathomed before this moment.

There was a wild look in her eyes, and she lifted her hands up to drag through her long, chestnut hair, and Sutton could see the way her fingers curled into fists as she did so, tangling in her locks.

“Charlotte, please,” the desperate, raw begging of her own voice was ringing loud and clear in Sutton’s ears, and she couldn’t care less.

For the first time in her life, this want, this need overtook any possible self-consciousness.

“If that’s not how you think about me, then – that’s okay,” she stressed.

And… it was. She might die of humiliation and she had no idea how she would face Charlotte at work on Tuesday – if she wasn’t fired for this unreturned confession – but she would be able to make peace with it all, eventually.

She would rather die of embarrassment and a little bit of heartache and know for certain than keep wondering.

“I just need you to tell me. I need you to tell me, Charlotte, please.”

For the first time all week, Sutton reached out to initiate contact between them. She’d been avoiding it for the obvious reasons, but this felt like the best possible time.

If Charlotte was about to tell her that it wasn’t reciprocal, this was the only moment Sutton would have before this pipe dream was dashed. And she wanted to experience it by feeling Charlotte’s hand in her own.

Charlotte stared, mouth agape, down at their intertwined fingers, and Sutton could – god, she could feel the way Charlotte was vibrating against her. Trembling, even, in a way that wasn’t visible to the eye.

“Of course I think of you, too, Sutton!” The words burst from Charlotte, her tone so intense, as she gripped back at her hand, so, so tightly. “I think about you in ways I’ve never thought about anyone, for any reason. I’m tormented by how much I think about you.”

Sutton swayed where she stood, her eyes widening, the shock and elation sliding through her in equal measure.

Because she hadn’t – even though she had hoped Charlotte might feel similarly, she hadn’t really believed – and – she did? And –

Never in her life had someone’s words made her feel so much. Never once.

“And it’s a nightmare.”

Everything inside of Sutton that had been growing, ballooning, paused.

Charlotte did look, indeed, tormented. Breathing heavily, her cheeks flushed, the look in her eyes anguished and gleaming in the evening air.

“It is a nightmare to want you so much,” and, true to her word, there was such agony in Charlotte’s tone. “Because you are the single worst person for me to feel this way about. Do you even understand? You are the one woman I’ve ever wanted like this, and you are the one person I can’t have in any way, and it is absolute torture.”

Oh, wow.

Oh, god.

Sutton might pass out. She really might.

Only she couldn’t. Because this was real and happening, and – and what were they going to do? What should they do? Even if she didn’t know the answer, though, she knew that it was real.

“Charlotte,” her name sounded like heaven to say. Like there was a million hopes and dreams and wants and desires laced into those two syllables. She licked her lips, desperate to act on it. Fucking desperate to kiss Charlotte, to do more than hold her hand. She couldn’t though, because they were at this stupid reception, and, yeah, they had to go. They needed to leave, now. “We–”

“No,” Charlotte cut in, firmly. “There is no we.”

With that, Charlotte flexed her hand in Sutton’s, and then pulled away.

Leaving Sutton’s hand empty, and even though the night wasn’t cool at all, her hand had never felt so cold.

She stared down at her empty hand for a long moment, trying to process. Because Charlotte didn’t make any sense right now.

“How can you say that? You just said…” All of Charlotte’s words played over and over in her mind, the most incredible confession Sutton might ever hear in her life, and she couldn’t pick where to start.

“Because we can’t, Sutton. We cannot do anything more than what we’re doing now. In fact, this – right here, right now?” Charlotte gestured between them, before she took a long, full step backward. Deliberately putting distance between them. “This, right here, is too far.”

“Charlotte,” it was all she could say in disagreement. Because Charlotte couldn’t really expect Sutton to agree with her now, right?

“There is a whole future ahead of us if we do the right thing and stay the course,” Charlotte assured her – or assured herself, it seemed – as she rolled her shoulders back, like she was grasping at her composure. “And we will get past… this.”

For long moments, all she could do was blink at Charlotte. They would “get past this”? This thing that had been growing and growing and felt like they were on the verge of falling into something so much bigger than them?

How the hell did Charlotte say that with so much confidence?! Like she actually believed it?

As she studied Charlotte, feeling incredulous and a little insane, she realized that Charlotte really did believe it. She really believed what she was saying.

“I don’t think it’s going to be that easy,” she pointed out, haltingly. Hoping Charlotte would see the reality Sutton was experiencing

“Maybe not. Maybe it won’t be easy, but it will happen. This will fade. This… this intensity, this yearning, this desire – it fades,” there was a desperation in Charlotte’s voice that she never had. And Sutton was thankful for it, because it made her feel a little less insane. That she wasn’t alone in thinking that “getting over this” could possibly be so simple.

“And when it does fade, you and I will still be here. We’re in the middle of building something bigger than both of us, something that will span years. Decades. Something that can be amazing. That will be amazing. We’re a team, in this.”

It really took Sutton a minute to wrap her mind around what Charlotte was espousing to her. To realize that the thing Charlotte was describing wasn’t the thing Sutton had been fantasizing about – a romance – but, in fact, she was describing her career.

Or… their careers? Apparently?

And just like that, she was back to feeling crazy and absolutely alone in this.

Slowly, she shook her head, narrowing her eyes. “And… how do you see that future?”

She truly wanted to know, because she was baffled. How could Charlotte see anything else? How could she see beyond this? Beyond them, right here and now?

Charlotte closed her eyes tightly, taking a long, deep inhale, before she opened them again. They were dark and gentle and hopeful and pleading all at once. “You, darling, are going to feel this way for someone else. Swept up in them. Passionate and ardent.” She winced, grinding her teeth in a movement that Sutton couldn’t miss.

But then she let out a long, low breath, that determined look working back into place. “And you’ll have everything you envision for yourself, exactly the way you imagine it all. The romance and the warmth and the love. You will have it, because you’re…” She swallowed so thickly, Sutton could see it. “You.”

The soft reverence of her voice had Sutton aching all over again.

“And what about you?” She pressed, because this future Charlotte was laying out for Sutton – one she’d clearly put a decent amount of rationalizing into – didn’t really include Charlotte anywhere. “What are you going to have?”

“I’ll have this.” Charlotte gestured at the reception that had continued on without them.

So… Sutton would have love and romance, and Charlotte would have work.

That was what she envisioned in their futures? That was the epitome of life to Charlotte? Even now, even on the cusp of feeling what they were both feeling?!

How did Charlotte make peace with that? How – how could she be okay with not exploring what was between them?

She was falling asleep at night trying to stay warm at the dream of her future career, rather than being warm because they could be sharing a bed together. How did that make sense to her?

“What if I want you?” She asked, needing to know.

Because the idea of the random person Charlotte envisioned her one day finding and spending a future with didn’t keep Sutton at night.

“You’ll have me. I’ll be in your corner, cheering you on. Supporting you. Leaning on you in return,” there was the strangest combination of certainty and pleading in Charlotte’s voice.

And it sounded great to Sutton. Amazing. Except for the fact that Charlotte was envisioning someone else by Sutton’s side romantically, while she likely imagined herself fucking nameless, anonymous women.

Sutton honestly couldn’t wrap her mind around it, around any of it. Technically, it “made sense” as in… sure, theoretically, Charlotte could have an astronomically successful rise in politics, and having a competent, loyal assistant by her side would be ideal.

But – when put on a practical level – it didn’t make any sense, at all.

She couldn’t even find the words to say to try to explain that to her.

And she didn’t have the chance, not as Charlotte inhaled deeply, and said, “I’m leaving now. And when the long weekend is over, this needs to be done.”

“Charlotte–” She didn’t know what to say, but she knew she had to say something. Had to do something.

But Charlotte shook her head and cut her off, “I meant what I said last week, Sutton. I cannot do this. It’s not about wants or desires or the present. It’s about the bigger picture.”

With that, she turned and walked away.

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