Guilty as Sin - 25.5 (Patreon)

This was going to be the second half of chapter twenty-five, but it felt a little disjointed. You know me, I love a "half chapter" lol

But - necessary information for what comes next!

In which Sutton has to start working through the fact that being in a closeted relationship is maybe not the easiest thing in the world...

Twenty-Five-and-a-Half

One thing Sutton hadn’t expected during her first week at her new job, was coming out from one of her final trainings to see Alia near her desk, chatting with Carson, who was one of the people Sutton would be working with on her new team.

As she approached, she placed the new tablet she’d been given – loaded with the different apps and log-ins and software she hadn’t begun to attempt to understand – carefully down, aiming Alia a small, inquisitive smile. “Hey?”

Alia grinned at her, warm and welcoming. “Hey, yourself. Care to join me out for a coffee?”

“Oh, uh,” Sutton glanced down at her desk, which wasn’t nearly as organized as she wished it was for having been assigned to her for the last three days. But she’d been busy. “Like out-out? I don’t really know if I should be going anywhere just yet?”

Alia waved her hand. “You have an hour lunch – and two twenty-minute breaks. Which, as you told me yesterday, you haven’t yet taken advantage of. In fact, your colleague here–” She gestured at Carson. “Told me you have been very diligent and haven’t left the building at all during the workday.”

Sutton slowly shook her head. “Well. No. I haven’t.”

Alia’s expression gentled. “Hey, if you don’t want to get out of here for a bit – totally fair. No pressure. I thought I’d offer, because I’m taking my afternoon break and combining it with my lunch.”

It wasn’t that Sutton didn’t want to; a break might be good for her. She’d been going nonstop, which was essentially the setting she’d been on since working for Charlotte. Though things seemed to run efficiently here at SapphicSpark, they didn’t run urgently.

“Where are you headed?”

“I’d love to check out that café your friend works at. You mentioned once that they do pastries; I figure I can be the hero in my meeting later and bring everyone in a little treat.”

Sutton hesitated. “You know, it’s kind of out of the way.”

It wasn’t, like, egregious, but it wasn’t close by, either. And she did not feel the need for Regan and Alia to cross paths, especially given that Regan hadn’t stopped talking about having “met” Elizabeth Thompson – no, she didn’t, but tell her that.

Granted, Sutton knew she wasn’t telling strangers about it, but around Sutton… and she wasn’t entirely convinced that Regan wouldn’t unintentionally, and thus very ruefully slip up.

She had to make a game-time decision: was it better for Alia to go to Topped Off without her, where Regan would definitely recognize her after all of her social media stalking. Or was it better for Sutton to go, too, and try to manage the interaction as best she could?

Which was how she found herself at the café thirty minutes later, sitting across from Alia.

They both had coffee in front of them, sandwiches were on their way out, and Alia’s dessert order had been placed.

And Regan was standing at the counter, not even pretending to keep busy. Unluckily for Sutton, they’d apparently just missed the lunch rush.

“All right. Give me all of the details,” Alia encouraged, nodding at her expectantly.

“About…?” She trailed off, not trying to be difficult, but genuinely puzzled. Sutton’s first few days at the company had been filled with trainings and security disclosures and trainings, given that they had sensitive information in their data that she might come across at some point. “It’s been interesting, but certainly nothing you don’t know about.”

Alia not only consulted regularly with her mother at the very top of the company, but she was the mind behind developing their match-making algorithm. She had the utmost security clearance and insider information; Sutton couldn’t really provide her with anything interesting.

“Plus, I’m sure you know a lot more of the gossip than I do,” she pointed out.

Not because she wouldn’t ever gossip, but she barely knew anyone. Alia knew… everyone. And she was friendly and chatty, so Sutton was sure she had a lot of stories to tell.

“Yes, I’m fairly certain I know a lot more company gossip than you do, and if you ever want to know it, then I’ll be happy to share. Well, share some,” Alia denoted, pursing her lips. “Some things are–” she cut herself off, sliding her fingers over her lips as if she was zippering them closed.

Which Sutton could appreciate.

“Yes, please share it,” Regan chimed in, as she dropped off their sandwiches with a giant smile.  

Sutton shot her a look. “Regan.”

Regan gave her an exasperated stare right back. “Sugar Pie – that’s a term of endearment, not something I’m serving you today – I am beyond thrilled you have a job where you finally will have some fucking tea for me. Even if you had any interesting stories at your last position,” she said, pointedly, and Sutton felt her cheeks flush. “You weren’t really able to share much with me, were you?”

Sutton dropped her face into her hand, rubbing intently at her forehead. “You know, I’m still sitting here with someone who is, indirectly, my superior.”

“What, really?” Surprise etched into Regan’s face as she eyed Alia. “I thought you two were colleagues or something. Equals. What’s with the coffee date, then?” She draped her arm over Sutton’s shoulders, leaning into her from over the back of her chair.

Sutton’s eye twitched, and – she should have never come here. She knew it, and yet… somehow…

Alia was clearly amused, darting her eyes between them.

“I – oh, shit. Sorry, one minute,” Alia glanced down at her phone, a frown sliding over her face as she swiped her thumb over whatever incoming call she was receiving and stood from the table with an apologetic wince.

Sutton turned to look at Regan over her shoulder, as she hissed, “What are you doing? I texted you when we were on our way here and asked for you to be chill.”

This? This was not chill!  

Instead, Regan was drawling out the words last position in reference to Charlotte, and Sutton knew she wasn’t mistaking her best friend’s implication, nor her amused tone. She hoped that Alia was mistaking it, possibly, as she didn’t know Regan yet.

“Well, sorry, but what is with you?” Regan shot back. “First Charlotte, and now this hottie? Every boss you have is into you!”

Sutton turned to check that Alia was still on the other side of the café, needing for her to have not overhead anything. She whipped her head back to face Regan. “That is not true; Alia isn’t into me.”

The pfffft sound Regan let out was obscenely loud.

Sutton groaned.

“O-kay, baby-cakes. Whatever you say.”

“Whether Alia is interested in me or not – I’m not interested in her.” Which, really, was the only thing that truly mattered, in Sutton’s opinion. Alia… well, Sutton didn’t know her well enough to know if she genuinely was interested, or if she was simply flirty. She’d seen Alia chatting with tons of people around work, and she was effusive and warm; it wasn’t only to Sutton. “And you, Regan, you. Know. That,” she lowered her voice to barely above a whisper. Almost like a growl. “So, cut it out.”

Regan’s mouth dropped open as she leaned back, visibly impressed. “That was chilling. Literally, I have chills. Look.”

She shoved her hand toward Sutton’s face, so close she narrowly missed hitting her.

Sutton, an expert in knowing Regan, had already leaned back to dodge the second she registered that Regan was moving. She reached up, taking Regan’s hand in hers, lowering it.

“Can you agree to stop making your choice commentary? Or we’re going to have to leave, and I’m never going to give you the chance to chat with Alia again.”

And Sutton knew that was a legitimate threat for Regan, because Regan loved to gather information and get to know new people. Especially people she found interesting, who were circulating in Sutton’s life.

“Fine, fine, I agree.”

The words had just left Regan’s mouth before Alia dropped back to her seat with a hefty sigh. “Work,” she informed them with a small pout. Before she took note that Sutton had Regan’s fist in her grasp, angled down toward her lap, and amusement worked over her face. “What did I miss?”

“Nothing,” Sutton said, at the same time that Regan said –

“I just wanted Sutton to tell me if she thought my veins looked more blue or green.”

Sutton dropped Regan’s fist from her hand, reaching up to tug at her earlobe. “Anyway. What, um, what had you been asking about, before we got side-tracked?”

Alia leaned in, wiggling her eyebrows. “I was asking about Charlotte Thompson. Tell me everything.”

Sutton swallowed hard.

Regan let out a hearty scoff. “Charlotte Thompson? She’s old news. What could you want to know?”

Oh. Good. God.

“Regan, I think we’re good here.” She shot her best friend an unblinking stare.

Regan diligently nodded. “All right. Well, I’ll be just over here. At the counter. Listening in, if you need anything.”

“I appreciate the candor,” Alia commented with a laugh, as she watched Regan saunter back to the counter. She turned back to Sutton, eyes alight. “I like her.”

“Unfortunately, I do, too,” Sutton agreed, blowing out a breath. She needed to stay focused, to handle this with care. “About Charlotte – what do you mean? There’s not much to tell.”

The denial was weak, and she could hear it. There was everything to say about Charlotte.

Alia’s expression informed Sutton that her denial was, truly, unbelievable. “Come on. The last I saw you, you were working for our newly-elected Congresswoman, and you told me how much you were loving it! And then, when I bump into you again, you’re unemployed? What happened?”

Sutton supposed, begrudgingly, that Alia was right. The story did sound… odd. She’d always known it would, hence why she’d wanted to hide the truth from her parents longer than she was able to. “I… ultimately, politics really wasn’t it for me,” she settled on, and – she really should have thought of a cover story before this. She realized that now.

“Huh,” Alia hummed, tilting her head as she stared at Sutton, thoughtfully. “Interesting. What happened that made you realize?”

It didn’t sound like Alia was digging for information; it really did sound like she was genuinely curious. But Sutton’s stomach squirmed, and she did everything she could to not squirm, in turn, on her seat.

“I – I guess the, um, drama of it all? You know–” The idea hit her, and she was so fucking thrilled to be able to tell a crumb of the truth, which was really the only way she could believably lie. “Obviously, I’m bi, right? And there are just so many people in politics who want to argue against our right to be queer, to exist, to be treated like cis/het people. When I really thought about it, I didn’t want to have to think about that all of the time.”

Even though it still very much was a part of her life, but – that was easy to omit.

Alia nodded. “Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Charlotte, though?” She frowned. “That’s, actually, super disappointing.”

“No!” Sutton jumped to defend. Literally, she hit her leg on the bottom of the table, shaking their coffee cups. She reached down to still her own, ignoring Regan’s cackle. “I mean, no, Charlotte wasn’t like that, at all. Charlotte was – is – amazing. Everything you think she is, she’s, she’s actually better.”

Did she do enough to keep the love-struck, dreamy tone out of her voice? She had a gnawing concern that the answer was no.

But Alia didn’t seem suspicious, so – all right, then.

“Well, you’ve been at SapphicSpark for a few days. Obviously you haven’t gotten into a rhythm yet, but now that you’re several weeks out of working for Charlotte – do you miss it?”

She sighed, breathy and deep, something she felt in her very soul. “I do. I’ll admit it, I do. I mean… there was a lot going on, and it was really busy. But it was also incredibly interesting. And Charlotte is so smart – smarter than most people probably even realize – so when she’d be working on something or debating, or even just listening to some of her calls, I felt like I was learning so much. It wasn’t always serious, either, though. She’s really funny, and we…”

Sutton trailed off when she realized Alia was watching her very intently. Because, Sutton’s stomach sank, Alia had said do you miss it. As in, her job. Not – not Charlotte. The person.

Fuck. Damn it.

Coughing, she hoped so hard that her cheeks weren’t as red as she thought they were. But she could pretty much guarantee it. “Charlotte and I became really good friends, actually. Which was a really good part of the job.”

Too good. Literally the reason she’d had to quit.

“Going from that to – um – to working on a spread-out team, in a real business setting is – it’s very different,” she finished with a shrug, and thought maybe it was halfway convincing.

Alia opened her mouth to respond, before she looked back down at her phone. The lightness that was so typically on her expression faded into a scowl as she quickly typed out a message, then put her phone face-down on the table. “Sorry,” she apologized as she turned back to Sutton. “Work, again.”

“Do you need to get back to the office?”

Wouldn’t that be a small mercy? Or, perhaps, a big one.

Alia shook her head. “No, I’d be answering the same messages. It’s not from anyone on my team.”

Interesting. Okay.

Alia rolled her shoulders back, seeming to shake herself out of whatever she’d been thinking about. “Hey, what are you doing Friday night? We happened to have had a meeting with the team at Honey Sugar yesterday, and they want to partner with us for one of our upscale events, so they gave us a VIP section to check out this weekend.”

Sutton froze, her stomach sinking. Nooo, oh no. Regan was right.

“Oh. Um. I – I need to let you know that I’m not, ah, available. Romantically speaking. I’m sorry. If that’s what this,” she gestured between them, at their coffees. “Was all about, but I’m not…”

Alia’s expression didn’t change from the friendly warmth that had been there all afternoon thus far. “No worries, and that’s not what this was about. If you want to hang out Friday, Regan and her girlfriend – Emma? Right? – can come, too.”

Some of the knots in Sutton’s stomach loosened. God, okay. “Uh – maybe,” she pivoted.

She wouldn’t hate the idea of going out, and she knew Regan would enjoy it. But… Friday meant Charlotte was back in town.

Only, she couldn’t really say that to Alia, could she?

Alia propped her chin on her hand, looking intently at her. “Sooo. A couple of months ago, when I last saw you, you said you weren’t dating anyone, and now… you aren’t available? Tell me more.”

Sutton tried hard not to, but she feared she looked like a deer in headlights. “It’s – nothing. Serious. Nothing serious. I’m mostly focusing on myself right now,” lies, god, the lies, and Sutton hated lying. It made her feel so… ugly, inside. “I just – I don’t have the energy to give to something, er, someone. Right now.”

She had to say that, right?

Because if she’d told Alia that she was in a relationship but that it had to be hush-hush, and she couldn’t tell her who with, and it was all super secret, that would have probably been way more suspicious.

Right?

“Sutton,” Regan didn’t shout her name, but was pretty close, and her tone was sharp. “Can you help me in the back? I’m about to package your desserts, but I also got an online order to put in, and I know you two have to get going soon, so.”

She nearly fell out of her seat in relief. Instead, she hopped up. “Yes, totally. I’ll be right back,” she informed Alia over her shoulder, already heading toward Regan.

Alia nodded, clearly entertained. “Sure, don’t rush.”

She followed Regan into the back room, only to nearly fall over in surprise when Regan whipped around, reaching up and putting her hands on Sutton’s shoulders. Her grip was firm, holding Sutton in place, as she looked her in the eye. “You’re going to tell me that I’m the one putting my foot in my mouth about you and Charlotte?! Did you hear yourself out there, woman?!”

Sutton dropped her head back with a long groan. “I know. Fuck, I know.”

Regan gave her a small shake. “You have to get it together. We’re going to practice some lies tonight. I’ll give you a prompt, and if Emma believes your not-true answer, you pass.”

Sutton opened her mouth to refuse partaking in that, because that was silly. Except, maybe it wasn’t. Maybe she did need to practice lying a little bit.

“All right,” she gave in.

Regan didn’t back away, though. She stayed right in front of Sutton, looking her in the eye. “Great. Now, I need you to know that I am coming at this from a place of deep love for you, and a place of genuinely liking Charlotte. I mean, I think she could stand to loosen up and enjoy game nights a bit more. And I’m pretty sure she doesn’t yet know how she feels about me–”

Sutton cleared her throat, regaining Regan’s strayed attention.

“Right. Anyway, I’m saying this coming from a place of – I genuinely like Charlotte; it has nothing to do with her. But… you can’t, like, live your life just making yourself available for whenever she’s available.”

Sutton’s stomach twisted, and she pulled back with a sour taste in the back of her mouth. “I know that. And I’m not.”

At least, she hadn’t been doing so intentionally.

Yes, she’d spent the last few weekends wrapped up with Charlotte, but… there was nothing she’d rather do and no one else she’d rather spend time with.

“What other plans have you had, literally any weekend?” Regan challenged. “For, what, a month? You haven’t done anything but Charlotte.”

Sutton’s cheeks stung hot and bright. “That’s not – I’ve seen you and Emma.”

Regan’s dark eyes rolled so hard, Sutton thought they might stick that way. “Yeah, you’ve seen us in our apartment. You haven’t actually, like, gone out, beyond the walls of our place or, mostly, Charlotte’s.”

“Really rich for you to say when you and Emma have spent months…” She trailed off, her lips ticking into a frown as she shook her head. Because Sutton had heard things, now. Things she didn’t want to hear through their walls.

Regan, unsurprisingly, was unashamed. “Emma and I have spent months gloriously having sex, yes. But you know what else we do? We go out. We go to dinner or to the movies or to a bar or karaoke–”

“Emma loves that.”

Regan ignored her. “Or a club or the bookstore… we aren’t confined.”

Frustration welled up inside of Sutton, and she did her best not to snap – also, to keep her voice down. “Okay, I’m thrilled that you and Emma are having a typical relationship. Mine is… not. I can’t really do anything about that, can I?”

Other than not be with Charlotte, which was a nonstarter for her.

“No,” Regan agreed. “And I’m not commenting one way or the other on that, because – again – I like Charlotte. She didn’t, like, lie to you or give you false hopes or whatever. She’s willing to do a game night with me and introduce you to her family.”

Sutton wasn’t going to point out that she’d already met Charlotte’s family, when she’d been working for Charlotte. It was technically true, but she agreed with Regan’s point. Charlotte wasn’t hiding them, not from the people they knew personally.

“I’m saying this as the biggest Sutton stan out there, that’s all. Are you, in your mid-twenties, supposed to never go out with your friends on the weekend, again? Honey Sugar has ladies’ night on Fridays! And it’s basically impossible to get in there unless you know someone! It’s legit the hottest queer spot in the city right now, and if you weren’t with Charlotte, you’d definitely want to go. I know you would.”

Regan wasn’t… wrong.

Annoyingly, she often wasn’t, not when it came to her understanding of Sutton’s life.

It didn’t make her feel too good, but that didn’t mean Regan was wrong. Charlotte likely wouldn’t join them on a night out to a bar or a club – and she would never go to a gay bar or club. The idea of going out to Honey Sugar did sound appealing, and if she wasn’t with Charlotte, she would go.

She was with Charlotte, though, and she did want to spend time with her.

However, she didn’t want to be someone who squirreled away all of her time, waiting for her girlfriend. Only available to her girlfriend on the weekends, at the expense of having other experiences with her friends.

“I’ll think about it.” And she meant that.

Regan brightened, giving Sutton’s shoulders a celebratory shake. “Amazing! And I’m also not just saying this because I want to go to Honey Sugar.”

“I know.”

She knew Regan wanted what was best for her.

Sutton also wanted what was best for herself. And she was tentatively able to believe, and hoped, that would be Charlotte. She’d been led astray by her romantic feelings in the past, so it was difficult to implicitly trust her instincts.

But she knew Charlotte. And she knew her feelings. And she knew the way Charlotte looked at her, spoke to her, treated her…

It was different than anything she’d experienced in the past. She was sure about that.

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