journal: on learning by doing as an artist! (Patreon)

The second that I decided to start an Indiegogo for The Grand Scream, I set in motion a domino effect that would lead me to many firsts as an artist:

- crowdfunding a creative project
- recording in a commercial studio
- having a real string quartet on an album (in 2 songs!!!)
- taking a much more active role in shaping the character of my recorded songs
- writing up contracts
- using instruments and effects I've always wanted to use
- forming a social media plan to promote my songs (in the Surgery era, I really didn't know how to promote my music). I'm excited and nervous to see how things go now that I have a better idea of what I'm doing
- hitting 40,000 monthly listeners

All of this has been a little terrifying, along with other significant life changes I've faced this summer.

When the chips are down, you know what you want, and the odds are stacked against you, you have two choices.

You can take a calculated leap into the dark. Brace for impact. Use your senses to make heads or tails of your surroundings. Fight for the thing you want even when you're feeling claustrophobic, lonely, sad, or scared.

You can stay where you are, but resolve to make peace with never knowing what it's like to fight against the things that hold you back, even if you fail.

Sometimes, the leap into the dark is choosing to follow my dreams in a massive, dramatic way. So I alter my appearance, put together outfits, spend hours doing administrative work, and choose to step far out of my comfort zone over and over, while knowing that this will be my reality as long as I continue to choose this path. But it's what I love and I know it's worth it.

Sometimes, the leap into the dark is choosing to sit up, open a window, and convince myself to make a protein smoothie.

Whichever and whatever fight you're fighting today, I'm rooting for you in the only small way that I can, from a distance, as a creator. One of the theme songs from "I Saw The TV Glow" just came on at the coffee shop where I'm writing this. Take it as a sign! Take care of yourself and go after the things that affirm you, whether they're big or small.

Sending love from my little corner of New Jersey.