Canicular 12 (Patreon)

3/12 A/N: So apparently Patreon never actually posted the chapter when I clicked "publish" on Tuesday, and I only learned of this now after reading a comment on FFN, so my bad, sorry for the late update.

A/N: Honestly, I’m like this close to just changing my normal upload day to Tuesdays. The amount of times my IRL schedule has been fucking up my Monday uploads recently is getting damn annoying.

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Naruto
(Kuoh Academy)

After escaping the Gremory mansion with Norika and eliminating all the other possible options in my head, I brought her to the safest place she could be at the moment; her own home. We were attacked with Rias and her [Rook] present, in their home base, so it was clear that subtlety wasn’t a huge concern for the Fallen Angels. Anonymity and irrelevance was the name of the game as far as Norika’s safety was concerned. The only reason she had even been in danger was sheer bad timing and association with me, and the only enemy that even knew she existed and was involved was already dead.

That, and the fact that she really was just a mostly normal civilian girl. She didn’t break down or anything, but she was shaken up enough by tonight’s events that I felt like she would be better off spending the night in her family's home with her parents around, rather than being stashed away in the shitty safehouse I’d been neglecting to maintain for the past few months.

Now, a couple hours later, I was navigating silently through the underbrush, making my way deeper into the forest behind the old school building and towards a familiar clearing, where I could barely make out a pair of voices talking over the sound of the nightlife. It was dark as hell, and really hard to watch where I was stepping, so I was moving slowly and carefully to not make a sound.

The woods weren’t quite pitch-black, what with the tree canopy not being super dense and the moon still being mostly full on a cloudless sky, but it was still dark enough that I was in a near-constant squint while watching my surroundings. Aside from the voices ahead, it was also much more noisy than when Koneko and I came here to train after school on some days, which made sense because most forest life was nocturnal.

I might have been able to travel by tree running, but again, the forest wasn’t very dense, and a lot of the branches weren’t strong enough to hold my weight without creaking. 

A stocky raccoon-dog trundled across my path, pausing for a moment to turn its head my way, before continuing off to the side at a calm and unhurried pace when it didn’t see anything.

Even the people up ahead making noise wasn’t enough to scare everything off, though nature’s sounds were getting quieter the closer I approached, the animals being more skittish and on edge nearer to the humans.

“-don’t see how this diversion is worth our time,” the voice of a young man spoke doubtfully. “We have much more important objectives we were tasked with.”

“I concur,” a second young man spoke with slight annoyance. “The Shinra hasn’t provided reason enough to justify my delay. While I do prefer field work, I have a standing duty and obligation to the barrier team, and the original mission pulling me away from that is already pushing it.”

“Patience,” a third, older male’s voice replied smoothly, if a bit warningly. “If Agent Shinra believes this is important enough to delay the mission, I will trust my junior’s judgement.”

I slipped into Koneko and I’s training ground, taking in the four people present in the open area under the moonlight. The two young men looked to be in their early twenties at most, while the third man seemed to be in his mid-thirties or so.

The first of them looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t remember if or where I had ever seen him before. The slicked-back silver-hair combover was tickling something in my brain though. The second young man had short and straight blond hair that was parted near his temple and messily swept to the left. The third and final man looked like a stereotypical Japanese businessman in a well-fitting black suit and tie with neatly combed black hair– complete with briefcase– except for the fact he was also wearing reflective sunglasses at night and had a wire running from a mic on his collar up to an earpiece in his ear. He even had the same little unchanging downturn to his mouth that gave him a perpetual frowning serious expression.

In comparison, both the younger men wore traditional and billowing hakama pants and kosode robes, and looked different degrees of apathetic-but-irritated.

“And you aren’t the only one able to fulfill that duty of yours, Nakiri-san.” The obviously-a-government-agent turned slightly dismissive. “I’ve read your file; you’re one of the stronger exorcists currently stationed in Kuoh, while any half-decent ritual specialist can do your job. The Himejima have assured the NPA that there are plenty on staff in Kuoh who can take your place in a pinch if necessary.”

“That’s not- tch.” The blond cut himself off with a click of his teeth. “Forgive me for not explaining in detail, but you don’t understand the nuances of why-”

“It’s not my job to understand,” the suited man interrupted uncaringly. “You’ll learn in life that as far as the government’s concerned, your petty clan politics mean little when time-sensitive issues are dropped into our lap. When it’s time for work, you do the work you’re given. Everything else gets put to the side if you don’t want the scary agents to start snooping into your business.”

“Who do we have to fear?” The silver haired guy snorted. “We are the ones Nihon calls on when threats exceed the government’s ability to handle.”

A pair of circular moons reflected off of the lenses as the agent adjusted his black shades ominously, causing the other two men’s expressions to turn wary.

“The Revenue Agents.”

A pause.

“Haah?” The silver-haired man blinked owlishly, thoroughly thrown off. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Every organization has leaders willing to cut corners for personal gain.” The agent said simply.

“I see…” In comparison, the blond seemed to give a slow, contemplative nod. “Even the storied clans such as ours require funds to continue functioning. Using the economic levers of our government-sponsored contracts and threat of tax audits on our leadership’s personal finances, the power of tradition pales in the face of overwhelming financial might. Those who control the money, largely control the clans’ actions by proxy.”

The agent coolly adjusted his glasses again. “Precisely.”

“He’s coming.”

The feminine voice that cut into the conversation quieted the group, and both the younger men looked around the clearing in sudden alertness, while Shinra Himitsu dropped down from the tree branch she’d been lounging on to land in a crouch beside the suited man, her head turned in my direction. She was wearing the same outfit from earlier, but this time had a cloth mask just like Kakashi-sensei’s covering the lower half of her face.

Her eyes were blank, barely showing even a hint of her mental exhaustion.

I grimaced, remembering the forced calm in her words and tone when she told me about the warehouse massacre hours ago.

‘I hope she’ll be fine…’ I thought while walking closer. I wouldn’t insult her by recommending that she go home and rest, though. She seemed the type to want to see justice through personally.

“I haven’t sensed a human’s footsteps approaching,” the Nakiri commented with a frown.

“You wouldn’t. Not even with your family's technique, not unless you held the name Nakiri Ouryuu,” Government Agent-san said with a small shake of his head, before turning his head to follow Himitsu’s gaze. I couldn’t see his eyes behind his shades, but the direction he was facing was off by a couple feet. “Show yourself, Uzumaki Naruto-san.”

“Huh.” I observed the agent compensate to face my voice properly while the younger guys’ heads snapped in my direction. “Nakiri is earth, right?”

I stopped walking and Transparency partially turned off without even a conscious thought from me, simply acting on my intent and letting me appear just a few steps away from the man while leaving the sword itself hidden from the world. “What, they got some kind of ground-sonar or vibration sensing technique? Either way, you don’t seem very surprised I got this close undetected by him, even though invisibility doesn’t counter that sort of thing.”

“Wait, that kid’s the guy we’re waiting for?!” Silver comb-over guy pulled back a half step with a snarl, presenting just his profile as if he expected a fight. “He consorts with devils!”

“At least I pay my taxes,” I shot back, which seemed to catch him flatfooted. “... I think.”

I shrugged.

The Nakiri glanced at me with a tense and suspicious posture, but otherwise followed the two government agents' cues and didn’t react like his other comrade.

“Even if my protégé hadn't briefed me about your encounters, I was already familiar with your file, Uzumaki-san.” He ignored the outburst from Combover, who I realized I vaguely recognized as the same arrogant flower guy from when Koneko and I visited the warehouse. From the Kuchibashi clan I think, or whatever the wood element clan was called. “Your case has become somewhat infamous among my colleagues at the Assimilation Bureau as an exercise in irritation management.”

“I don’t really get what you’re talking about,” I said with a bit of confusion, scratching my cheek. “But that’s not really important right now. I don’t know how much she’s told you guys about the stuff from before-” I nodded at Himitsu. “-but after we killed the Fallen responsible for the murders at the warehouse, a bunch of his allies tracked me down and assaulted the Gremory mansion.”

“Special Agent Tarou. The young men with me are Nakiri Ken and Kushihashi Hanabirama.” He introduced himself and the others with a small bow before straightening. “As Agent Shinra’s senior supervisor, I’m aware of the earlier details regarding the warehouse.” The adult tilted his head. “This latest attack itself isn’t news to us, but Sona Sitri prioritized the coordination of a response and plan of action when she contacted the clans and my higher-ups, so we don’t have much to go off of for the details or motive behind the attacks.” He gestured my way. “Shall I assume you know more?”

“The Excaliburs,” I said with a nod. “They didn’t just steal Transparency, they stole three of the Excaliburs and baited the church into sending exorcists with two more. My friends texted me on my way here, those exorcists got ambushed by a big group and had theirs stolen a couple hours ago. Transparency was hidden in the warehouse for over a week, and they only went to grab it just before then. Whatever the Fallen’s goal is, it has to do with the things themselves; they’re gathering them in Kuoh and want to have access to them all at the same time, while trying to make everyone else too busy fighting each other to gang up on the real problem.”

“It’s to fuel a ritual, most likely.”

“Probably trying to fuse them for something.”

Ken and Himitsu spoke up at the same time, getting the rest of us to look at them looking at each other in surprise.

“To ‘fuse’ them?” The Nakiri sorcerer questioned. “Are they even capable of something like that? I’m no expert in the affairs of the west, but the church hasn’t remade the original since it broke. The method has to have been lost.”

Himitsu shook her head. “A relative of mine is an exorcist of the Vatican, and we keep in contact. Holy swords break more often than they tell the public, they just use alchemy to repair and strengthen them all the time so it never seems like it,” she explained. “One of the original seven fragments was lost shortly after being re-forged and before they developed a method to track them, so if they tried to repair the original with just six pieces, it would be weaker than a sword that was already broken once. They just decided it was better to have more above-average Holy Swords to give out than just one more really strong but flawed one.”

“Hm. I stand corrected then.”

This time it was Tarou who shook his head. “Not entirely. It’s still perfectly possible for your initial assumption to be correct, regardless of which path they choose. Whether the hostile Fallen faction gains a powerful weapon for nefarious use, or they are retaining the Excaliburs as fragments, both options can be useful for a mass ritual and both are unacceptable to leave alone.”

He kneeled down, placing his briefcase down and clicking it open to reveal… a stack of papers, a couple jars of ink, an ink well, and a dip-style pen.

“Our new priority is locating the potential ritual-site or gathering point for the Excaliburs,” Tarou announced while pulling the items out, showing a clipboard at the bottom. The other guys and I watched him in confusion as he efficiently shuffled through what looked like dossiers on dozens of people with pictures paperclipped on. There was a file for everyone here right now too, including me and himself, which he flipped past until he reached Himitsu’s, separating it from the others and attaching it to the clipboard.

“... Is no one going to ask why we’re watching him pull out a bunch of paper?” Hanabirama asked in a dull tone that just sounded done with everything.

“One moment,” Tarou brushed off the question. He then spoke to the only girl here, holding his hand out to her without turning his head. “Junior Agent Shinra, if you would.”

She wordlessly pulled a vial of dark liquid out of a tactical pouch strapped to her thigh and handed it over.

“As a member of the Shinra clan who is skilled in the use of their phase, Himitsu-kun can mark objects that resonate with the metal element, and sense them in relation to her,” Tarou explained while pouring the vial and a portion of one ink jar into an empty well.

I snapped my fingers. “Aha! So I was right, she was using some sort of trick to track me through my equipment when I tried losing her a while back.

Tarou nodded. “Indeed. Uzumaki-san, would you mind allowing Agent Shinra to touch the blade of your hidden Excalibur?”

I shrugged, holding it out horizontally for her without turning off its invisibility. “The edge is facing you,” I warned.

“I’m aware.” She nodded, and reached for it unhindered by the lack of sight.

Tarou dipped his pen into the well, the dark ink beginning to glow a faint blue.

“To answer your question Kushihashi-san…”

The pen rose and he pressed the dimly glowing tip to paper.

“I am updating her file.”

Each word he wrote lit up brightly before fading to black a second after he wrote it, and after a few moments of the sound of a pen scribbling, he set the clipboard down, wiped off his pen with a small cloth he produced from a pocket on his suit, and began putting his supplies away.

“Although I’m no novice, my talents do not lie in personal combat, but instead in paperwork. Dossiers, financial records, logistics, scheduling, resumés, even payroll and taxes…” Special Agent Tarou suddenly sniffled as if he was holding back tears. “I love paperwork!!! Paperwork makes society function! Paperwork records what has been done and informs us what still needs to be done! It decides who gets what and what goes where, and my personal technique reflects this!” He exclaimed with pride.

Me and the other two guys glanced at each other awkwardly, finding common ground in being weirded out by the outburst.

The moment Tarou clicked his briefcase shut with one hand while wetly blowing his nose into a handkerchief with the other, Himitsu’s head snapped to the side, facing the city.

“There are four more Excaliburs currently in town,” Himitsu announced matter-of-factly. “Two of them in that direction-” She gestured vaguely northeast from here. “-a third over there-” She pointed directly north.

“-while the last one is in that direction.” She pointed in the north-northwest direction.

“Huh,” I uttered.

Considering we were in the south side of town, that only narrowed things down from ‘literally anywhere’ to ‘literally anywhere other than the immediate area and the far edge of the residential district.’ It was still useful though, because the closer we got the more we could narrow it down. Plus, we knew two of them were in roughly the same direction at least.

“Intriguing…” Ken muttered. “What exactly did you do?” He asked the salaryman curiously.

“When a Shinra marks a valid object, the stronger that object resonates with the metal element, the clearer their sense is and the easier it is for them to maintain the connection,” the agent explained. “It’s how Himitsu-kun knew Uzumaki-san was here just moments ago, bypassing his skill in stealth and the effect of his Excalibur. One could say the number of objects in the world with greater resonance than an Excalibur could be counted on two hands. As a re-forged fragment of the most famous holy sword, she can maintain her connection to it across the city with ease, possibly even through her sleep.”

He stood, briefcase in hand. “I updated Agent Shinra’s file, noting that she had marked ‘Excalibur.’ Not an Excalibur, but Excalibur itself. This rebalanced her ability to connect to and allow her to sense the other fragments, though because her mark is on this specific fragment, it must act as a medium for her to sense the others through. This effect will last until the ink runs out of power. When I next open my briefcase after that has occurred, if the changes I made are divergent enough to be considered ‘fraudulent’ instead of a simple ‘mistake’ or misunderstanding, we may suffer a ‘fine’ equal to the deception.”

“Impressive.” Ken eyed Tarou with interest. “I may be interested in acquiring your services in the future.”

“Talk about that stuff after the mission, dirt boy,” Flower Guy admonished.

“Of course.” Ken rolled his eyes. “I’ll also commission you later to assist my mother with her garden.”

“Tch.” Flower Guy looked like he wanted to growl, but clicked his teeth instead.

“Ahem,” The Special Agent cleared his throat. “The current mission is thus: We will head in the direction of the two Excaliburs, assuming they are being stored relatively close together. Upon pinpointing their locations, we shall take advantage of Transparency’s ability in order to assess the viability of a solo stealth retrieval, or an assault and retrieval with our team alone.”

“While we go after these two,” I interjected, “should I send my friends a text and get searching for the other two? Make it a two or three-pronged assault?”

He shook his head. “Several other teams have noted in their light skirmishes this past week that some of their opponents, regardless of faction, seemed to have been particularly prepared for their team’s composition or patrol pattern. Whether it’s all due to coincidence, a leak, or lax security, we must treat it as though the most common communication channels such as cell networks are compromised, and being fed to the enemy. On top of that, we will be heading directly towards the first location, whereas a search would be highly visible and put the other two on high alert.”

“Got it.” I nodded, before turning to face the direction Himitsu had gestured and twisting my hips to limber up. “Are we ready to go then? How fast can you guys move?”

“While I am sure Himitsu-kun may be able to keep up with you while maintaining cover, that is less true for the rest of us,” Agent Tarou noted, stopping me short. He slipped a hand into a suit pocket. “Two robed figures and a business man doing parkour is hardly inconspicuous, we’d be discovered within minutes of entering the city proper.”

His hand came out holding a sleek pair of car keys, getting me and the guys to glance at each other.

“Five young adults of various backgrounds and ages, taking a midnight joyride in their successful friend's car in the early days of summer break, however?” The Agent gave an almost imperceptible smirk. “Simply another Tuesday.”

________

Engine? Rumbling.

Volume? Maxed.

Windows? Rolled down.

Gas pedal? On the floor.

I don’t know enough about cars to know what’s fast or slow, high end or low end, expensive or cheap, but what I did know was that this one was sleek and fast.

I don’t think all four tires stayed on the road for longer than ten seconds at a time.

“Woooo!!!” I yelled into the air while leaning halfway out the window as we flew up a steep road, my hair being blasted back by the wind. “Hit the gas, ahahahahah!” The engine roared and we sped up, racing to the top-

-and then past it, all four wheels lifting up as we crested the hill and leaving us with a feeling of weightlessness.

“Brace for impact!” Special Agent Tarou called calmly over the bass thumping music.

We slammed back into the ground a second later, tires spinning with a squeal to regain traction as we continued speeding down the road.

“Right at this next intersection, then take the fourth left!” Himitsu spoke just as calmly with a raised voice, still barely audible as she had her head in her phone to read a map of the city streets.

“What the fuck is wrong with you three!?!?” Flower Guy cried out from the middle seat as we skidded wide around the corner at highway speeds to the punchy beat of some American rap song I could picture Koneko listening to. The sorcerer was holding onto his seatbelt like a lifeline. “Why is an adult like you driving like a street racer! You work for law enforcement! And turn this barbaric crap off, I can’t hear for shit!”

“I refuse!” Tarou instantly denied. “Feel the way the 808’s vibrate through your bones, don’t you feel alive?!

I barely understood any of the lyrics with my working grasp of English, but the whole car vibrating with the bass while speeding through the dimly lit night streets was definitely a blood-pumping experience.

“No!” It seemed Flower Guy disagreed with me.

Or maybe he technically agreed, but just in a negative way.

“You get used to it!” Himitsu called back from the front passenger seat without lifting her head.

“T-Tarou-san! Are you sure this is the best way to travel?!” Even the originally cool-as-a-cucumber Nakiri Ken was clutching at his door handle tightly, pale-faced and sweating.

“Of course!” The agent confirmed. “As I said, this is just a regular Tuesday for me!” He attempted to twist the volume dial up more, but it was already maxed out.

I laughed. This guy looked like a boring as hell salaryman, but it turned out he was the most wild one of us all.

“I gotta say, you’re pretty cool for a stuffy old suit!” I called with a grin as I slid back into my seat. We were entering the more densely built up part of the red-light district, so there was actually some traffic beginning to show up. Our speed was getting lower and the turns tighter, and it was starting to get worrying how close I was getting to clipping parked cars.

“I’m twenty three you brat, don’t call me old!” He snapped back as we hooked left, just barely missing a honking taxi that he flipped off. “I work two full-time jobs; an eighty-hour work week with overtime and occasional hazard pay. I aim to work twice as hard as anyone and party four times as hard, experiencing as much as I can during the peak of my vitality! Then I’ll retire early at forty with a savings account twice as large as my peers and live the rest of my life in calm, peaceful bliss, living easy off of my hard work and smart investments. I still have my entire life ahead of me!”

“Wait, you’re younger than me!?” Flower Guy exclaimed incredulously. “Ahhh, Nakiri! Take charge as the senior here and talk some sense into this crazy kid!”

Ken lifted a hand, eyes still fixated on the road ahead out of paranoia. “Actually, I’m twenty two. You’re both older than me.”

“You too?!?! Am I really the oldest adult in this situation?! I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility!”

I grinned, jabbing the silver-haired man in the side with my elbow. “Careful Flower Guy, you don’t want stress to make you go gray early– Oops, too late! Sorry old man!”

“Shut up! And you forgot my name, didn’t you!?”

I scratched my cheek and looked away with a laugh, but didn’t deny the accusation.

________

“We’re close,” Himitsu said. “Just a couple blocks away.”

The windows had been rolled up and volume turned down to a dull roar, just enough so that we could all hear each other without yelling. Instead of speeding through town, we now were slowly cruising past nightclubs and bars and strip clubs. I was holding transparency forward so that it slid between the front passenger seat and the doors, for Himitsu to touch whenever she needed to check what direction she was taking us in.

Unfortunately, one of the lone Excaliburs had apparently been speeding to the same place as us during the ride and had gotten there ahead of us, before taking off with one of the two other fragments that had been there. We were already on this side of town, and whoever it was that had grabbed the second sword was moving way faster than a car could keep up with through city streets, so we stuck to the plan of hitting this location.

Based on how fast Himitsu said the person was moving– a lot faster than the Fallen we’d killed– I figured that whoever it was, they probably had Rapidly, the most straightforward of the stolen holy swords to deal with. It was literally just speed, after all.

“I’ll pull over to let you all out, then find a place to park,” Tarou said. “Himitsu-kun, take Uzumaki-san to the location, the three of us will wait for you two in the bar just up ahead, the one on the corner of this street.”

“Hai.”

I opened my door and stepped out onto the sidewalk, followed by Flower Guy sliding out behind me.

“Kami above, I need a drink after that,” he grumbled.

After the four of us got out, the senior Special Agent sped away with a squeal of the tires that had a handful of people on the sidewalks looking our way.

Luckily, Tarou had a bunch of spare uniforms in his trunk and had the other two men change into them before we left the academy parking lot, because they would have attracted a lot of unwanted attention in their robes. Attention that might have made its way to any Fallen lookouts in the area. Instead, our group looked like a pair of young, newly-minted salarymen, a young woman in ninja-punk cosplay, and a high schooler. Still notable, but in a mundane sort of way that barely got a second glance around these parts of town.

Himitsu and I split off from the other clansmen at the bar, continuing onward around the corner while they went inside.

We pretended to walk hand-in-hand, our hands both wrapped around Transparency’s handle since it was the least suspicious way to let her keep hold of it to pinpoint the nearby sword. If anyone saw us, all they’d see is two young adults holding hands in the red-light district.

We walked for about ten minutes in relative quiet, crossing the street twice and turning multiple corners, before she spoke up.

“That brick building a block back, the gray one with the sign in the window listing it for sale.”

“Four stories, right?” I clarified.

“Mhm,” She confirmed. “About ten meters down, near the back right corner. They seem to have a deep basement.”

‘Wouldn’t be the first time,’ I thought, remembering the abandoned church. “Alright, let me-”

I took a step towards an alley to let us go full invisible out of sight, but almost lost my balance when Himitsu didn’t follow, instead pulling me along after her as she kept walking.

“Hey!”

“Don’t be such a brute,” she said with a drawn out sigh. “If a guy and a girl go into an alley together at this time of night, and only one or neither come out within a few minutes, a crime or something else suspicious probably happened. That draws attention.”

“Okay.” I accepted her wisdom easily. That sort of thing wouldn’t draw any real attention back in the Elemental Nations, people were just too used to ninjas. I guess it was different here though. “Where to then?”

“The one place that won’t get people asking questions if we aren’t seen coming back out for a few hours.” She glanced back with a single-eyed, half-lidded glare. “Don’t get any weird ideas.”

I blinked, confused by the interaction, then glanced up at the sign on the building that she began tugging me towards.

‘‘Good Time Leisure Hotel’? Huh?’ I rolled the strange wording around in my head, before shrugging it off.

A late check in at a hotel sounded like a good enough cover.