These Heroines Are So High Maintenance chapters 8-13 (Patreon)

Chapter 8

I was having some kind of happy dream or another when something started thumping against my leg like a furry, physical alarm clock. The weak dawn light leaking through my blinds suggested it was stupid o’clock in the morning—that magical hour when only psychopaths and overachievers are awake.

The thumping continued, rhythmic and insistent. I cracked one eye open to investigate and found myself staring at Portia’s tail, which was wagging against the mattress like it was trying to generate electricity. The dog-girl was wide awake. Her amber eyes fixed on the ceiling, her face flushed with color.

“Portia?” I whispered, careful not to wake Elysia, who was snuggling me like a teddy bear on the other side. “Everything okay?”

She startled. “Master! I... I didn’t realize you were conscious.”

“Your tail’s pounding my leg,” I explained, nodding at the appendage that was still twitching heedlessly of her obvious attempts to play it cool.

“Oh!” Her ears flattened in mortification. “Deepest apologies. I was experiencing a vivid fantasy—I mean, a nightmare. A most terrible and definitely not enjoyable nightmare about my cruel Master’s harsh punishments.” 

“About what?” I asked, already knowing I probably didn’t want the answer.

She swallowed hard enough that I heard it. “About... receiving discipline. From you. For various infractions.” The way she said ‘discipline’ made it clear this dream had been rated way past PG-13. “My vicious overlord forcing his will upon his helpless servant. How dreadful!” A wink completely undermined the horrified look on her face.

“Right,” I said. What do you say when your housemate admits to having horny dreams about you? “Well, it was just a dream. Back to sleep?”

Portia sat up suddenly, clutching the sheets to her chest. “But don’t you see? My tail has disturbed your sacred rest! I’ve committed the very transgression I was dreaming about! No doubt my sadistic Master will want to punish his disobedient bitch severely.”

“Seriously, it’s fine,” I assured her, patting her gently on the head. “Just an accident.”

“No, no,” she insisted, her voice rising before she caught herself and dropped to a stage whisper. “I suppose I must submit to whatever cruel punishment you devise.” She glanced at Elysia’s sleeping form. “Though if you’re concerned about waking the Princess, perhaps I could perform a quiet act of servitude instead. Something that would please my harsh overlord while proving my worth and debasing me in the same breath. How dreadful that would be!” Her eyes sparkled with horny glee.

“That’s really not—” My words died instantly as Portia whipped off her pajama top in one fluid motion.

Her breasts were even fuller than Elysia’s perfect rack, round with—holy shit—small silver rings piercing each nipple. The light creeping through the curtains caught the metal as she tossed the shirt aside and reached for something on the nightstand.

She produced a thin leather leash that I was pretty sure hadn’t been there when I went to bed, and clipped it to her collar. Then she placed the handle in my hand like she was passing me the key to the city.

“Pull as you deem appropriate,” she whispered, eyes submissively downcast. “Use it to control the pace.”

“What pace?” I asked, though my subconscious was already filling in the gaps.

Instead of answering with words, Portia slowly pulled back the covers, revealing my morning wood making a tent in my boxers. With fingers that trembled slightly—from excitement, not nerves—she tugged the waistband down, freeing my cock, which sprang up like it just remembered it had somewhere important to be.

“Oh my,” she breathed, eyes widening. “This cock is even more magnificently oppressive than I imagined. I suppose my brutal master expects his lowly servant to attend to this. How very... shameful! Pah-tooey!” She actually spit right on the head of my cock, then used her hand to spread the moisture around with doting strokes that suggested the shame was anything but unwelcome.

I opened my mouth to list all the reasons this was a terrible idea—starting with “Elysia is literally right there”—but coherent thought evaporated as Portia lowered her head and ran her tongue along the underside of my cock from base to tip.

The jolt of pleasure nearly launched me into the air. My hips bucked involuntarily, and Portia smiled smugly at the fruits of her prowess. She wrapped her fingers around the base, steadying her target, then took the head into her mouth.

The wet heat of her mouth was like diving into a hot spring after a Wisconsin winter. Her tongue swirled around the sensitive head with expertise that would have implied extensive practice if I didn’t already know that these girls were sexually inexperienced. I bit my lip hard enough to taste copper, desperately trying not to make sounds that would wake Elysia, but the battle was going poorly.

Portia began to bob her head, taking me deeper with each pass. The wet sounds—slurping, sucking noises that echoed off the walls—were obscenely loud in the quiet bedroom. When she pulled back for air, my cock even left her mouth with a pop.

The leash dangled forgotten in my hand until Portia paused, looking up at me expectantly. When I didn’t move, she reached up and tugged, making the message crystal clear: take control.

Against every shred of better judgment I’d ever possessed, I gave the leash an experimental pull. Portia responded immediately, sinking back down with primal enthusiasm. Her pierced nipples grazed my thighs as she took me deeper, the metal adding sensation to an already overwhelming experience.

“Gluck, gluck, gluck,” went the soundtrack of my moral downfall as she worked me over. Her throat relaxed to accommodate more of me than physics or biology should allow. She pulled back, gasping. Strings of saliva still connected her lips to my cock. Sweet Lord.

Then it happened. Terror gripped my heart as Elysia stirred beside me. She murmured something in what might have been Elvish sleepy-talk, shifting closer until her small hand landed on my chest. In the most desperate slow series of movements of my life, I pulled the covers back over my crotch—and Portia’s head.

Portia, displaying the survival instincts of a lemming, didn’t even pause. If anything, the risk of discovery spurred her to greater efforts. She deep-throated me with gusto, her nose pressing against my abdomen as she swallowed around me. The sensation was like being squeezed by a velvet vise.

Elysia’s eyes fluttered open, still unfocused with sleep. She smiled dreamily at me, apparently oblivious to the earthquake happening under the covers.

“Good morning, my handsome champion,” she murmured, leaning in for a kiss.

My heart hammered as I returned her kiss, trying to act like everything was normal and chill and I definitely wasn’t getting the blowjob of my life at the exact same time. Portia chose that moment to do something with her tongue that made me see colors that only H.P. Lovecraft could ever try describing.

Elysia mistook my sharp intake of breath for passion meant for her and deepened the kiss, her tongue exploring my mouth while her hand began wandering south. Danger. Danger. My brain went into full panic mode—we were seconds from a real bad time.

Elysia’s soft moans masked the wet sounds from below as her hand slid down my chest, over my stomach, heading for ground zero...

Contact.

Her fingers, seeking my cock, found Portia’s face instead.

Time froze. Elysia’s eyes went from sleepy to shocked faster than a light switch. She sat up like she’d been slapped, yanking the covers back to confirm her worst suspicions.

“What in the name of the Rutting Vine is THIS?!” she demanded, her voice sharp enough to cut glass.

Portia finally released my cock with another wet pop. She looked up at Elysia without a hint of guilt, lips swollen and glistening.

“Good morning, Princess,” she chirped. “Awake so early! I had no choice, you see. My cruel overlord demanded I service him upon awaking! What could this helpless hound do but obey? Pah-tooey!” That was another spit glob on the tip of my cock, which she worked with both hands as she winked at Elysia.

“Without consulting me?” Elysia’s voice could have frozen a flame. “I had plans to pamper him myself! And you, my lesser in rank and nobility, rise early to beat me to his pleasure?!” Her glare swiveled to me like a targeting laser. “And YOU! Just lying there like a drunken sultan while I slept beside you, blissfully unaware?”

I realized I was still holding the leash and dropped it like it was on fire. “I didn’t—she just—I was asleep and then—”

“Spare me the excuses,” Elysia cut me off. Her expression went quickly from fury to calculation, though. “I shall overlook this betrayal, but only if you provide me with equal attention.”

Before I could process what was happening, Elysia had stripped off her nightshirt. Her perfect breasts appeared, pale and delicate compared to Portia’s pierced offerings, but also her tight elven pussy. She moved with lewd grace, swinging a leg over to straddle my face.

“Fair is fair,” she declared, lowering herself until her thighs framed my head. “Service me as she services you.”

I found myself staring up at her pretty slit, hovering just above my lips. Her scent hit me—sweet like honey with undertones of something wild and floral. Despite the absolute insanity of the situation, my mouth watered.

Gift of the Golden Tongue Activated!

“Nice.” I guess that also meant I could communicate in any language. So that was neat.

At the first touch of my tongue, Elysia gasped, her fingers tangling in my hair. “Yes,” she breathed. “Exactly like that.”

Meanwhile, Portia had returned to her mission with renewed vigor. I was caught in a feedback loop of pleasure—giving and receiving simultaneously. It was sensory overload in the best possible way.

Elysia tasted like she smelled—sweet and delicate with a floral undertone. I explored thoroughly, mapping every fold and crevice, cataloging what made her gasp versus what made her moan.

“Oof! Nngh—You’re surprisingly skilled at this,” Elysia panted, grinding against my mouth with increasing urgency.

I couldn’t exactly respond with my mouth full, but I doubled down on my efforts, focusing on the spot that made her thighs tremble.

Below, Portia was composing a symphony of wet sounds. “Master’s cock is so delicious,” she murmured between slurps. “I can’t get over the taste!”

“Less commentary, more fellatio,” Elysia commanded, reaching down to grab a fistful of Portia’s hair as she ground her sex into my lips. “If you’re going to be presumptuous enough to start without your First Maiden’s permission, at least do it devotedly.”

Portia growled—actually growled—and the vibration around my cock sent lightning up my spine. Despite the power struggle happening above me, the two women found a rhythm that worked, working in tandem.

Elysia’s movements became more urgent, her breathing ragged. “Don’t you dare stop,” she commanded. “Right there—oh! Yes, yes, YES!”

Her thighs clamped around my head as she came, flooding my mouth with sweetness. I kept going until she lifted herself off me and flopped over.

As Elysia collapsed beside me, limp and satisfied, Portia kicked into overdrive. The leash lay forgotten, but she didn’t need direction anymore. She worked me with single-minded determination, using every trick she knew, despite being somehow a virginal maiden, as Elysia described them all.

“Perhaps this is for the best. I believe our champion has earned his reward,” Elysia said, still breathless, trailing her fingers across my chest.

Portia hummed an agreement, the vibration pushing me right to the edge.

“Let go,” Elysia whispered in my ear. “Release in her needy little throat. Show us how much you appreciate your party members’ desire for you.”

That did it. I came hard, my back arching off the bed as pleasure exploded through every nerve. Portia stayed with me through it all, swallowing every drop before any of it could leak out of her mouth.

When the fireworks finally stopped, I collapsed back against the pillows, feeling like I’d run a marathon. Portia crawled up to cuddle on my right while Elysia reclaimed her spot on my left. Both looked insufferably pleased with themselves.

“Well,” I managed once I remembered how to breathe. “That was... unexpected.”

Elysia smirked. “Consider it a preview. Wait until Juniper arrives—things will get truly interesting.”

“More interesting?” I wheezed. “I’m not sure I’d survive more interesting.”

Portia nuzzled my shoulder. “The Hero’s Party will take excellent care of their champion,” she assured me. “In every possible way.”

I lay there, the sandwich-filling between two gorgeous women from another world who apparently considered me their shared property. A manly tear ran down my cheek as I reflected on the bizarre series of events that had led me here. I started from a lonely lottery winner to a monster hunter and now... whatever this was.

One thing was certain—boring had left the building.

I closed my eyes, and a grin spread across my face even though the girls had just run me ragged. Whatever chaos god of the multiverse had decided I needed three needy, high-maintenance girlfriends from another world, I had to admit—they had zero of my ill will at this point.

But as I felt both women snuggle closer, and their breathing already evening out toward sleep, I couldn’t help wondering: if this was what two of them could do, what would the third one bring?

Part of me was terrified to find out.

The rest of me couldn’t wait.

Chapter 9

The doorbell chimed just as I was finishing my second cup of coffee, making Portia’s ears shoot up like radar dishes. She dropped to all fours and galloped to the front door, skidding across the hardwood adorably.

“What is that wretched noise?!” Portia squealed as her tail went taut behind her. The dog-girl’s disgusted and appalled facial expression was one for the books.

I laughed at the sound of the doorbell. “That would be the delivery guy with the stuff you ordered.”

“My clothing has arrived?!” she exclaimed, bouncing on her toes before remembering herself and assuming a more human posture.

I peeked through the peephole. Yep, just a regular delivery guy, not another hottie from beyond. Small mercies. “Duck around the corner,” I warned. “Keep those ears hidden.”

Portia obediently nodded and retreated to the hallway while I signed for enough boxes to outfit a small army. The moment I closed the door, she pounced on them like a kid on Christmas morning, shredding cardboard with sharp, black nails I was just now noticing.

“These are lovely,” she declared, holding up jeans that actually looked like they’d fit her longer legs. “Though I’m uncertain how to accommodate my tail.”

From the doorway, Elysia watched with the general vibe of someone pretending not to care while obviously caring intensely. Her eyes tracked each revealed item like a cat watching a laser pointer.

“I’ve been thinking about that,” I said, gesturing for them to sit. “And about a bigger issue. We need to talk.”

Elysia glided to the couch, immediately claiming her throne. “What troubles plague your mind, my champion?”

“Not troubles exactly,” I clarified. “But you can’t stay hidden forever. You need to learn how to function in human society.”

Portia’s head tilted in an impossibly cute way. “But Master, I believed you preferred our concealment?”

“To a point,” I agreed. “But realistically? You’re here for twenty years. We can’t be hermits that whole time. You need to blend in and learn to interact with humans without setting off their internal alarms.”

“I perceive no difficulty,” Elysia sniffed. “My venture into your settlement was flawlessly executed.”

“You asked about crotchless panties at full volume,” I reminded her. “Half the town’s probably still talking about it.”

She had the grace to look slightly embarrassed.

The next hour became Integration 101. I outlined my master plan: disguise Portia’s ears with a strategically chosen beret, wrap her tail around her waist under loose clothing, and practice normal human behavior in the town bordering Millfield where no one knew us. Technically it was a sister town, still under the same Sheriff’s jurisdiction, but I never went there before, so it would be a fresh start even for me, if a bit too small and too long of a drive to be a popular repeat destination.

“Rules,” I announced, pacing like a drill sergeant. “No magic talk. No ‘Master’ or ‘Champion’ titles. No demanding the peasants bow to your royal magnificence.”

Elysia looked personally offended. “How shall I convey my station?”

“You won’t,” I said firmly. “Here you’re just Elysia, my cousin from overseas. Same for Portia.”

Elysia frowned. “Can a princess engage in sexual intercourse with her cousin in these lands?”

I blinked. “No.”

Her brow furrowed devastatingly. “Not even anal? It is the exception in Elfheim.”

“I don’t think so,” I admitted.

“Then I do not like this guise.”

I closed my eyes and massaged my temples in exasperation. “It—it doesn’t matter. We’re in public. When we’re at home—”

“Anal is on the table then,” she said, one corner of her lips bending upward into a self-satisfied little smirk. “Excellent.”

The dog-girl thankfully kept the conversation moving when it had almost derailed entirely. “I shall be a most convincing human!” Portia declared with gleeful enthusiasm. “When do we commence this deception?”

“Right now.”

An hour of wardrobe warfare later, we’d transformed two obviously non-human women into... well, two slightly suspicious but plausibly human women. Portia’s tail created a weird bulge under her blouse, but the beret successfully hid her ears. Elysia rocked my baseball cap with her sundress, looking adorable but mildly annoyed about it.

“Remember,” I said as we climbed into my truck, “you’re just regular people. No magic, no other realms, no supernatural anything.”

“Your lack of faith wounds me, Sir Josh,” Elysia huffed. “I’ve already mastered human subterfuge.”

I bit my tongue about her so-called mastery journey mostly consisting of traumatizing small-town shopkeepers. Hell, even calling me “Sir Josh” all the damn time was conspicuous, which is to say nothing of when she refers to me as her “fated mate”.

Our destination was Coffee Culture in Grantville, a town just big enough that three odd strangers might become front-page news if we fucked up badly enough. The advantage this place had over Millfield was that no one here knew us. 

The barista greeted us in a monotone that suggested she’d rather be anywhere else than at work serving us.

“Welcome to Coffee Culture. What can I get started for you?”

I ordered black coffee, then turned to my companions. “What sounds good?”

Elysia squinted at the menu board in confusion. “These appellations are nonsensical. What manner of beverage is a ‘frappa-chino’?”

“It’s like a coffee milkshake,” I translated. “Sweet, cold, probably right up your alley.”

“Very well,” she declared regally. “I shall sample this ‘frappa-chino’.”

Portia bounced with excitement. “May I have the one with this cream that has been brutally ‘whipped’, Mast—Josh?” She caught herself, but not before the barista’s eyebrow made liftoff.

“Let’s see… We’ll try one caramel frappuccino, one vanilla with whipped cream, and a black coffee,” I ordered in a friendly voice that sounded a bit forced. I almost laughed at myself when I realized I was basically doing an impression of a person who had a normal life.

We claimed a window table where Portia immediately started swiveling her head to track every passerby.

“You’re being obvious,” I murmured.

“But they’re fascinating!” she whispered. “That female has purple hair! And that male has facial metal not unlike my nipple rings!”

I choked on air. “Please never say that again in public.”

Our drinks arrived, providing a welcome target for conversational refocusing. Elysia approached her frappuccino like a wine taster sampling a new vintage, swishing the cardboard mug in her hands. One sip later, and her eyes went wide.

“This is... adequate,” she pronounced, and she immediately took a much larger sip that left milk froth on her nose.

Without thinking, I reached over and wiped it away with my thumb. She leaned into my touch, practically purring, while the couple at the next table gave us knowing looks.

Portia attacked her drink next, creating an impressive whipped cream mustache. When I pointed it out, she immediately dropped to her knees beside the table.

“My slovenliness brings shame to you,” she whispered urgently. “No doubt, I require—”

“Napkin,” I interrupted, hauling her back into her chair as people started staring. “Just use a napkin like a normal person, please.”

She pouted but complied. “Human protocols are excessively restrictive. Do masters not beat their unruly bitches into submission in your world?” she whispered.

I  blinked and shook my head violently like I was trying to ward off a headache. “I–uhh—no.”

Elysia crossed her arms and looked up at me with a judgy look in her eyes. “I express the same sentiment regarding needless restrictions quite often.”

“And quite loudly,” I added, winking at her.

It went well, all things considered. Despite a few near-disasters—like Portia’s beret slipping when she tried to sniff the ass of a passing service dog—we escaped the coffee shop without causing an incident. Progress.

The Single Pine Mall was our next challenge. It was a temple to American capitalism that had both women gawking like tourists, but it was also a necessary stop. The girls really needed this experience.

“It’s a palace of commerce,” Elysia breathed, craning her neck at the glass ceiling.

“The culinary options are vast!” Portia exclaimed, nose twitching at the food court aromas. “Do all humans shop in such grandeur?”

“It’s just a mall,” I explained, herding them past the fountain before Portia could investigate whether it contained fish. “Lots of different stores under one roof.”

Watching them experience modern retail was like seeing the world through fresh eyes. Elysia maintained her signature sense of superiority but couldn’t hide her fascination with window displays. Portia wanted to explore every single store, including—to my horror—the pet shop.

“These are similar to my collar!” she announced, loud enough for three salespeople to hear. “Do many humans keep companions like myself?”

The employee approached with an oddly arched brow. “Looking for something for your dog?”

“She doesn’t have a dog,” I said quickly. “Just... window shopping. For a friend. In Canada.”

Elysia chose that moment to subtly hip check a display of squeaky toys. While the employee scrambled to clean up, we dragged Portia away before she could ask any more incriminating questions about leashes.

The department store proved equally treacherous. Elysia held up a crop top with genuine confusion. “This garment fails to fulfill its purpose. If I wore it, I suspect my breasts would spill out the bottom.  Is it damaged?”

“It’s supposed to be short,” I explained, aware of the soccer mom eyeing us suspiciously. “To show off your underboob and midriff. Most women would wear it with, like, a sports bra or something.”

“How peculiar,” Elysia mused. “In my opinion, such exposure should be reserved for fertility ceremonies and private company. For instance, I am happy to expose any part of my anatomy to you, Sir Josh.”

The soccer mom speed-walked away.

When Portia discovered lingerie, I knew we were doomed. She held up a black lace set that left nothing to the imagination. “Master would appreciate these on my lewd body, yes?”

Every woman in a ten-foot radius turned to stare at me. I was certain that the security cameras captured the exact moment where my soul tried to leave my body.

Returning to the food court was my salvation. Both women were entranced by the options, and watching them discover mall cuisine was genuinely heartwarming. Elysia went on and on about pizza like she was an expert on the topic when she spotted Pizza Punk in the corner, and Portia inhaled two orders of crab rangoons from China Prince Takeout.

“Your integration skills are improving,” I told them, earning Elysia’s pleased smile and a tail-thump from Portia that she quickly disguised as adjusting her shirt.

We’d almost made it to the exit when Portia froze, twitching her nose. Her ears perked up under the beret, nearly launching it into the air. I had to slam my hands down on it to keep it secure.

“That scent...” she whispered.

Elysia’s expression darkened. “I smell it too. Faint but unmistakable.”

I scanned the crowd but saw only normal shoppers. I wasn’t sure just what the girls were smelling, but I took it seriously, and my instinct was to get the hell out. “Let’s go. Now.”

We power-walked to the truck, Portia sniffing the air like a bloodhound. Once safely inside, I turned to them.

“Explain.”

“Portal transit residue,” Elysia said grimly.

“A portal opened here?” My stomach dropped. “At the mall?”

Portia shook her head. “Possibly. I don’t know. It’s strange, I didn’t expect this.”

The implications hit like a sledgehammer. Portals had always been contained to my property. If they were spreading, I had no idea what that meant.

“Perhaps the barriers grow thin,” Elysia murmured, voicing my fear. “Black Lazarus may be making an unexpected move. If we can sense it all the way out here, then it must be positively thick back on Josh’s property. We should head back, I think, and prepare for a more significant battle than usual.”

That thought haunted us all the way home. When we arrived, though, there was nothing conclusive to discover. The girls reported no strong portal residue—at least not stronger than usual, and maybe weaker. I still didn’t smell anything.

As dusk approached, we geared up for the nightly monster delivery, but somehow we knew tonight would be different. I strapped on armor while Portia produced her war hammer out of nowhere. Even Elysia seemed more alert than usual.

We took our positions in the field and waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

After two hours of nothing, unease crawled up my spine like ice water.

“This has never happened, yes?” Elysia asked. “You said the portal arrives here without fail.”

“It has skipped a couple days here and there, particularly in the beginning. Maybe we’re being given a break?” I suggested hopefully. “Maybe whatever’s causing them finally ran out of power?”

Portia’s expression killed that optimism. “The absence suggests something worse. Just what, I can’t say for certain. But… I have a bad feeling, Master.”

We retreated to the house, but I kept my sword within reach. As I set it on the kitchen counter, my phone screamed with an emergency alert that made Portia jump three feet straight up.

I read the notification, and blood drained from my face.

“What?” Elysia demanded.

“Emergency alert,” I said, throat tight. “There’s been an unusual security alert at Singe Pine Mall. They’re telling people to avoid the area.”

“Where we were today,” Portia whispered.

Elysia’s face looked even paler than usual when she added her thoughts. “So the portal residue we sensed was prophetic, not about a portal that had already opened before. But how can it happen so far away from here?”

I kept reading, and each word twisted the knife even more. “National Guard’s been deployed. There’s a... creature... loose in the area.”

The pieces clicked together one by one, and a conclusion was quickly growing in my mind. “The portal didn’t open here tonight because it opened there. Where we were.”

Elysia and Portia shared a look heavy with implication.

“The portal follows you,” Elysia said slowly. “You’re the beacon, not this land.”

“Then what does that mean for the Tower of Convergence?” Portia asked fretfully.

Elysia shook her head, frowning as she looked at me with worry. “I don’t know. But I fear this is the truth.”

That truth hit me like a punch in the sack. All this time, I’d thought I was containing the threat, protecting the world by fighting the monsters on my farm. But if the portals followed me specifically… I was the threat all along, wasn’t I?

“Then nowhere is safe for us,” Portia finished. “We cannot leave this place, or we will take trouble with us.”

Elysia nodded. “We’re stuck here until Black Lazarus arrives, I’m afraid.”

I stared at my phone as updates poured in. The authorities were scrambling, but they had no clue what they were dealing with. Regular weapons might not even work. People could die.

“We have to go back,” I said, already moving. “We have to help.”

“It’s too dangerous,” Elysia protested, catching my arm. “How will you explain your knowledge? Your abilities? Your gear?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I can’t sit here knowing I caused this.”

Portia stepped forward and spoke with a steadiness that I hadn’t seen in her before this moment. “Then we go together, Master. As a party.”

Elysia hesitated, then nodded. “The princess, the healer, and their champion. Perhaps this is a necessary step in our journey.”

I took a deep breath, trying to navigate the fog in my head. If I was a walking portal magnet, everything changed. My hermit lifestyle had been a necessity all this time. Had I been manipulated into adopting this lifestyle by outside forces? Or was it just the way things turned out? If I died now, would the portals end? Would Black Lazarus—hopefully Black not being a reference to his ethnicity—be defeated just like that?

“Let’s go,” I said, heading for the truck. “I have to do something. So much for hiding you girls. I guess it’s time for the Hero’s Party to make its public debut after all.”

As we drove toward the glow of emergency lights, I couldn’t help thinking about how quickly life had spiraled out of control. Somewhere, that god of the multiverse was laughing his ass off at me.

But it wasn’t over yet. As I glanced at Elysia’s determined face and saw Portia’s fierce eyes in the rearview mirror, I realized something: I wasn’t doing this alone anymore. Whatever threat awaited me at that mall, it had more than me to contend with. It had a Spellblade princess and a subby dog-girl Cleric, too, and they were not to be trifled with. Josh Jr. knew that lesson well enough.

Yep. The Hero’s Party was about to crash the real world’s party.

God help us all.

Chapter 10

The drive to Single Pine Mall felt like heading off to war, except we were about two hours late to the battle. Emergency lights flashed into the dark sky in alternating red and blue, creating a disco effect that meshed awkwardly with the rock music coming out of my speakers.

“Human warriors have deployed in force,” Portia observed from the backseat with her nose pressed against the window like a kid at an aquarium. “Their carriages bear colored lights atop them. Is this a display of dominance, perhaps?”

“More like a display meant to convey the gentle message of ‘get the fuck out of the way’,” I explained as I continued weaving through traffic as civilian cars pulled aside for emergency vehicles. “The lights mean they’re responding to an emergency, and anything else on the road has to let them pass.”

Elysia sat rigid in the passenger seat. Her little hand gripped the door handle with enough force to leave indentations. “Your realm’s defenders seem... scattered. Are monster incursions truly so rare that they require such external mobilization?”

“Well, we’re right next to Wapa Lake, so it’s not like this kind of thing is totally unheard of, but they’re not exactly trained for portal hopping threats,” I said. “This is probably the first time this small town has dealt with anything like—holy shit.”

We’d just crested the hill overlooking the mall parking lot, and the scene below made me gawk in shock. The place was swarming, but not with the kind of activity I’d expected. Sure, there were police cars and military vehicles, even a few news vans with satellite dishes extended…

But what really caught my attention were the skeletons.

Hundreds of them, moving with purpose through the parking lot like the world’s most macabre cleaning crew. They wore matching black uniforms with silver trim, carrying push brooms and dustpans as they swept up what appeared to be glowing purple residue. Some operated industrial cleaning equipment, power-washing the asphalt while others directed traffic with reflective vests and hardhats on.

“Are those... animated corpses?” Elysia asked, leaning forward for a better look.

“Skeleton soldiers,” I confirmed, pulling into a spot near the perimeter. “Countess Beaumont’s personal army. It didn’t occur to me that she’d get involved.”

Portia’s ears perked up so fast they nearly launched her beret. “Countess Beaumont? You have nobility of the undead in this realm?”

I killed the engine and took a deep breath. Time for a local history lesson. “Not exactly recognized nobility. More like... a really powerful neighbor who doesn’t like to be told no.”

We climbed out of the truck but kept our distance from the main activity. The cops had set up a perimeter, but they seemed more interested in keeping civilians back than interfering with the skeleton crew. I spotted Miller, the sheriff from these parts, chatting with what appeared to be a skeleton in a supervisor’s vest, complete with clipboard.

“Okay, crash course on local politics,” I said, gesturing for my companions to huddle close. “See that lake?” I pointed toward the dark expanse visible beyond the mall, where moonlight glinted off black water. “That’s Wapa Lake. Close to two decades ago, the town on the other side of it got new management.”

“Management?” Portia repeated, cocking her head like the confused pup she was.

“Vladimira Tepes, also known as Countess Dracula, moved in and basically... claimed it. Not through violence or war. She just showed up one day with enough magical power to make the sun optional, and gradually took over.”

Elysia grinned smugly. “I learned this already.”

“Most of it,” I said, beaming at her.

Portia tilted her head the other way. “The sun? She controls celestial bodies?”

“Just their local impact,” I clarified. “Wapa Lake is dark about sixteen to eighteen hours a day now. Perfect for vampires, werewolves, and whatever else goes bump in the night. The whole town became a monster sanctuary, for all intents and purposes, but it’s been peaceful for the most part. The original Countess is gone now—”

“And her daughter rules in her stead!” Elysia exclaimed, pounding her fist into the opposite palm. I smirked at how proud she was to already know this.

“And the humans simply... accepted all this?” Portia asked, understandably shocked as she watched a skeleton carefully sweep purple goo into a hazmat container.

“Not much choice. That family is basically a force of nature. The military tried to intervene once.” I gestured at the efficient cleanup operation. “Beaumont teleported a tank battalion a thousand miles away without even showing up personally. After that, they decided containment was the better option.”

“But we’re not in this Wapa Lake,” Portia observed, sniffing the air. “The darkness here is natural, not magical.”

“Right. Millfield’s technically outside her territory, separated by the lake.” I nodded toward the skeleton crew. “Usually she keeps her people and, uh, minions on her side of the bridge, but when shit spills over, I guess she handles it. It makes sense, I suppose. It helps keep goodwill with the government, maybe, and keeps trouble out of her territory.”

Elysia narrowed her eyes at a skeleton directing traffic with glow sticks. “The vampire countess aids the humans? Why?”

“Half-vampire, and yeah. Best guess as to why? She likes her privacy. If monster incidents became common outside her territory, it’d draw federal attention. Better to clean up quietly. She might even assume our monster was her mess, maybe,” I shrugged. “She’s just a kid, basically. Like, sixteen, maybe?”

“Sixteen?!” Both women chorused incredulously.

“She’s practically fresh out of the womb!” Elysia gasped.

Portia tossed her some dubious side-eye at that for a moment, but then focused back on me.

I continued my exposition. “Yep. She’s the teenage daughter of a legendary European monster hunter and the most powerful vampire and sorceress to ever live. The story is they fell in love and… moved to bumfuck Wisconsin, I guess. It sounds like a real Romeo and Juliet situation.”

They stared at me blankly.

“Star-crossed lovers?” I tried. “Forbidden romance? Two households, both alike in dignity?”

More blank stares.

“Never mind. Point is, Countess Beaumont is essentially a kid. I think her uncle, Death, still walks her to school on Fridays. I got a buddy who lives in town who tells me all the gossip.”

“Her Uncle is Death?!”

“And the family dog is a whole other complicated thing to unpack,” I sighed. “But then I’m just going by what people say.”

“Well, they seem to say a lot. Perhaps this Countess Beaumont or her mother are connected to Black Lazarus?” Portia suggested in a tone that was either hopeful or concerned.

I shook my head. “I very much doubt it. From what I hear, the Countess has been on Earth way longer than these portals have been opening by a lot—like, centuries. Plus Beaumont’s whole priority is stability for her town. Interdimensional invasions would not go well with the mission statement of keeping Wapa Lake pure and unchanged for when her parents return. She hasn’t let new technology inside Wapa Lake at all in like ten years, and what little influence she has on the surrounding area keeps old tech locked in around these parts too.”

We watched the cleanup continue for a while. The skeletons worked pretty damn efficiently in scrubbing away every trace of otherworldly residue and whatever remaining monster guts there were. Whatever had come through the portal was already gone—probably dealt with before we’d even left my property.

“Efficient,” Elysia admitted grudgingly. “Though I find it unsettling that the undead are more organized than the living.”

“Welcome to Wapa County,” I said. “Where the monsters occasionally handle civic duties and the humans just try not to think about it too much.”

A local news van pulled up nearby, and a reporter I recognized from Channel 6 hopped out, landing deftly for a chick in heels. She immediately approached the sheriff, who was still consulting with the skeleton supervisor. The sheriff waved her off, pointing toward an official-looking skeleton wearing a “PUBLIC RELATIONS” sash.

“They have a skeleton for media relations,” I muttered. “Even I just got shocked.”

“Should we not… assist?” Portia asked, watching the proceedings with obvious disappointment. “We came to battle evil, but… well, there’s nothing to do.”

“I think the evil’s been thoroughly battled,” I said. “Come on. Let’s head home before someone recognizes us.”

The drive back was quieter as both women processed what they’d seen and learned, I figured. I’d grown up in New Gotham further out east, where the weirdest thing you’d encounter was a place called 99 Cent Pizza that charged two-fifty per slice. Moving to Wapa County had been my attempt to escape attention, figuring nobody would follow me to America’s only vampire-controlled territory.

“So you fled here for safety when you won all your money,” Elysia said, apparently following my thoughts. “Believing pursuers would fear to enter a darkened kingdom.”

“Pretty much. After the lottery, every distant relative, old classmate, and random scammer came looking for me. I needed somewhere they absolutely wouldn’t follow.” I gestured at the landscape. “Can’t get much more ‘nope’ than vampire country.”

“A clever strategy,” she approved. “Using greater predators to deter lesser threats.”

When we got home, I parked the truck and we headed inside. The adrenaline of our non-adventure was wearing off rapidly, leaving us all feeling a bit deflated. Portia flopped onto the couch with a dramatic sigh.

“I had hoped for glorious combat,” she pouted, ears flattening.

“Be grateful,” Elysia advised, settling into her favorite chair. “Combat has consequences. A peaceful resolution is preferable. I, for one, am glad I didn’t have to raise a finger.”

“Easy for you to say. You hate exerting yourself.”

Elysia nodded. “Correct.”

“Anyone want tea? Coffee? Something stronger?” I offered as I walked toward the kitchen.

“Tea, please,” Elysia called back. “With honey, as you’ve learned I prefer, thank you.”

“I’ll have whatever fermented beverage you possess!” Portia added hopefully.

I put the kettle on and grabbed a beer for Portia, then remembered something all of a sudden. “Hey, I need to water the plants. Haven’t done it in a few days.”

I filled my spray bottle and made the rounds, misting the various houseplants I’d inherited with the property. The previous owner had let the fields and the buildings go, but she’d been quite the gardener, and I felt obligated to keep her green babies alive out of a sense of duty.

When I returned to the living room, the conversation had shifted to backgrounds.

“...and the crystal caverns stretched for miles beneath the palace,” Elysia was saying. “I spent countless hours there as a child, hiding from my tutors.”

“Your childhood always sounds so lonely to me,” Portia observed, her tail wagging thoughtfully. “In the Packlands, pups are never alone. We sleep in great furry piles, play in groups, and learn together.”

“Privacy is valued differently among elves,” Elysia replied, a bit defensively. “Solitude allows for proper contemplation and—”

She was interrupted by the crunch of gravel outside, followed by headlights sweeping across the windows. Someone was pulling into my driveway.

Portia’s reaction was instantaneous and absolutely mortifying. She leaped from the couch and rushed to the door, barking—actually barking—at whoever was outside.

“WOOF! WOOF! Intruders approach unexpectedly! WOOF! Master, danger! WOOF WOOF!”

“Portia!” I hissed, but she was in full guard dog mode. Thankfully, Elysia grabbed the spray bottle from my hand and gave Portia three quick spritzes to the face.

The effect was immediate. Portia yelped and spun around, water dripping from her nose. Her expression shifted from fury to wounded betrayal.

“You... you sprayed me like a common house pet!”

“You were barking like one,” Elysia pointed out rather reasonably.

Portia’s response was as predictable as a clock. She dropped to all fours and pulled down her shorts, presenting her naked backside. “I have shamed myself and must be disciplined! Please, Master, correct my behavior!”

The doorbell rang.

“Later,” I promised, helping her up. “Right now, I need you to act human and make yourself scarce. Can you do that?” I said as I grabbed the beret from a hook by the door and plopped it on her head.

She nodded, though her tail was tucked in embarrassment. I straightened my shirt and opened the door.

Sheriff Miller stood on my porch, looking tired but alert. His hand rested casually near his service weapon—not threatening, just careful. I recognized the look from my brief stint working concert security in college.

“Evening, Mr. Becker,” he said, tipping his hat slightly. “Mind if I ask you a few questions?”

“Sheriff,” I acknowledged. “Something I can help you with?”

“Funny thing,” he started over as his eyes scanned the interior of my house. “We had an incident in town tonight, I’m sure you heard. Strange purple lights, portal opening, some kind of big, hairy creature. And wouldn’t you know it, I spotted you heading that way, all dressed up like you were going to the renaissance fair in the dead of night.”

I kept my expression neutral. “Is it illegal to cosplay now?”

“No son, it’s not. But it’s interesting timing. Especially since you were with your...” he glanced at Elysia and Portia, who were trying to look casual and failing spectacularly, “houseguests.” I looked back at them and almost snorted when I saw that Elysia was wearing a towel from underneath one of my potted plants over her head to cover her ears.

“We heard the emergency broadcast,” I said, which was technically true. “Thought we’d drive by, see if everyone was okay. The girls were curious, out-of-towners as they are. Looked like the authorities had it handled by the time we arrived.”

“Uh-huh.” Miller’s gaze shifted to Portia, whose tail was making suspicious movements under her loose shirt. “You know, when the portal opened up, there was this bright, purple light. Reminded me of some things I heard about this place recently. Didn’t I talk to you about purple lights spotted out here?”

“Did you? I don’t recall,” I said.

His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Mr. Becker, I’ve been sheriff around here for seven years, a cop for twenty-eight. I’ve seen a lot of strange things, especially since the Countess moved in. But portals opening up in my jurisdiction, spitting out huge monsters? That’s new. So is a group of uncommonly attractive twenty-somethings LARPing in Millfield at one in the morning.”

“Yeah, that’s a lot to unpack, Sheriff, I agree.”

“Just an observation.” He pulled out a small notebook. “Want to know what else I’ve observed? You moved here a bit before the purple lights started. You’ve got two absurdly attractive women living with you, if you don’t mind my saying, ladies, both of whom appeared out of nowhere somewhere in the last week or so. And now when something weird happens, the three of you are suited up like you’re expecting trouble.”

The silence stretched on for a  while. In the background, I could hear only Portia’s nervous panting. The sheriff’s gaze went past my shoulder to squint at her when he noticed it too. “Is she going to be okay?”

“She’s fine. She’s doing breathing exercises. Is there a question in there somewhere?” I asked finally.

Miller closed his notebook. “Not yet. But there will be. Whatever’s going on, Mr. Becker, I hope you know what you’re doing. This county’s got enough supernatural problems without importing new ones.”

“Are we done here?”

“For now.” He touched his hat brim again. “You have a good night. And maybe think about what you’d like to tell me next time we chat. Because there will be a next time.”

I watched him walk back to his cruiser and felt the weight of this interrogation hanging in the air around me as heavily as summer humidity. As his taillights disappeared down the road, I did something I hadn’t done since buying this place: I went out there, closed, and locked the front gate.

“Well,” Elysia said as I came back inside, “that seemed ominous.”

“He knows,” Portia whimpered. “The ancient human lawkeeper has deduced our secrets!”

I shook my head and furrowed my brow. “First of all, he’s like forty-eight, maybe. And he suspects,” I corrected, locking the front door for good measure. “There’s a difference. But yeah, this definitely complicates things.”

I flopped onto the couch, suddenly exhausted. In the span of one day, I’d taken the girls to town, learned that I was a walking portal beacon, witnessed skeleton janitors at work, and been put on notice by local law enforcement. My quiet retirement was officially over.

“Perhaps we should relocate,” Elysia suggested. “Find somewhere even more remote. So long as I’m shuttled and carried at all intervals of the journey, I believe I can manage.”

“Nowhere’s remote enough if portals follow me,” I pointed out. “At least here, Beaumont’s crew can handle overflow if we fuck up again. Imagine if one opened in downtown Chicago or something.”

“What’s a Chicago?” Portia asked, then shook her head. “Never mind. What matters is protecting you, Master. If this lawkeeper threatens you, I shall defend—”

“We’re not attacking cops,” I said firmly. “We’re definitely not starting a war with local law enforcement or the government—which includes the Countess. We’ll figure this out ourselves, one day at a time.”

“How?” Elysia asked, batting her eyelashes, maybe accidentally, as she looked up at me.

It was a good question. I was a shelf stocker turned lottery winner turned monster slayer saddled with two gorgeous women from another world, living next door to Vampire Central, apparently serving as a magnet for interdimensional invasions. My life had gone from comfortably isolated to spectacularly, hornily weird in record time.

“One crisis at a time,” I decided. “Right now, I need a shower and about twelve hours of sleep. Tomorrow we can figure out how to deal with Sheriff Miller, portal management, and whatever else the universe throws at us.”

“A sound plan for the time being,” Elysia approved. “I always say, why rush to action today when a problem can be managed tomorrow—or much further down the line. Though perhaps we should establish a watch schedule? In case of nocturnal threats?”

I started to object outright, then realized she had a point. With the sheriff suspicious and portals apparently following me around, we couldn’t afford to be careless. Even so, it felt like overkill at this point. Things hadn’t really changed—it’s just that our understanding of them changed. There wasn’t any reason for alarm.

“I don’t think that’s needed. But if you’re staying up, keep short shifts. Wake me if anything explodes, catches fire, or shows up demanding tribute, I guess, but I’m sure we’re fine.”

“What about your promised discipline for my behavior? I know your cruelty bubbles beneath the surface of your gentle facade, Master, just waiting to punish me like the bitch I am,” Portia said hopefully, batting her eyelashes.

I sighed. “Rain check. Again.”

Her ears drooped, but she nodded. Both girls didn’t let me go without peppering me with a dozen kisses each, and Portia even attempted to go up with me when I announced I was going to take a shower, but Elysia predictably put a stop to that. Honestly, as tired as I was, I was more than okay with it.

In the shower, hot water pounded away the day’s stresses. I still couldn’t shake the feeling that this was all just the beginning of something big, though. It was all connected somehow. Add in Juniper’s eventual arrival, and I had a perfect storm brewing, I was sure.

But as I toweled off and crawled into bed, I found myself feeling oddly calm. Maybe it was exhaustion. Maybe it was acceptance. Or maybe I was starting to enjoy the madness.

The universe, it seemed, had a twisted sense of humor.

And I was the punchline.

Chapter 11

Rays of golden sunlight stabbed through my bedroom curtains right onto my face like it was personal. I cracked one eye open and immediately regretted it—not just because of the light, but because I couldn’t move. Elysia had claimed my chest as her royal pillow, leaving her golden hair spread across me like an elven shampoo commercial. Portia wrapped herself around my right side, her tail thumping against my leg. Good dreams again, probably about me, judging by the way she ground against me.

I tried to shift enough to restore blood flow to my arm and maybe divert some from my morning wood. Both women reacted like I’d committed treason. Their grips tightened, breasts pressed harder against my body, turning me into a very fuggin’-okay-with-this prisoner.

“Mmm... too early. Cease your moving at once,” Elysia mumbled against my chest, managing to sound both sleepy and bossy.

Portia burrowed deeper into my side with a dog-like whimper. Her tail’s tempo increased, definitely more awake than she pretended.

“Ladies,” I said, trying to sound cool and in control of the situation. “We need to get up eventually, you know.”

“No,” Elysia decreed simply.

The tail-thumping intensified even more.

“I can feel your tail, Portia. You’re not fooling anyone. I know you’re awake.”

She lifted her head and wiped her eyes innocently as amber orbs sparkled at me. “Master is too perceptive! And so... alert this morning.”

She was referring to Mount Joshsuvius tenting in my pants—technically it was standard morning wood I had little control over, and wasn’t worth much of a mention given how normal it was for any healthy guy. But these women either didn’t understand or didn’t care about that factoid.

Elysia stirred at her partner’s implication and raised her head to inspect me. A slow smile spread across her face, spelling the good kind of trouble.

“Indeed. Our champion seems quite... vigorous today. It looks painful—in need of relief.”

I muttered “Welp, here we go,” knowing I might as well try stopping a tide with my pinky.

Portia propped up on one elbow, letting her sleep shirt ride up scandalously. “Don’t make that face, Master, it’s our sacred duty to assist with all your needs as your fated mates.”

Elysia purred and stretched erotically, more or less tearing apart any willpower I might have had. “I loathe expending energy this early, but for this pursuit, I’ll make an exception.”

Twenty minutes and several religious moments later, I stared at the ceiling, reconsidering everything I’d ever been told about morning routines. Both women looked insufferably pleased. Elysia smiled smugly at my ceiling, fingers still gripped around my cock’s base like she was holding my hand. Portia happily lapped at my face with her tongue.

“There,” Elysia declared with way too much pride. “Now you’re properly prepared to face the day’s challenges, my precious champion.”

“Oh shit, we’ve got challenges now?” I managed with a laugh, still catching my breath. “I’m not sure I can handle anything more taxing than rolling out of bed after that.”

“You’re right! Actually, we don’t truly have to get out of bed,” Elysia suggested like it was the best idea she heard all year. “We can relax as long as we want, so long as we deal with the portal threat tonight, yes?”

My answer was the growling of my stomach, however.

Portia bounced out of bed immediately. “Master requires sustenance! I shall prepare breakfast!”

The words “breakfast” and “Portia” in the same thought triggered my survival instincts. “W-Wait—”

But she was already gone, probably heading toward my kitchen. Elysia patted my chest sympathetically. “I suppose we’d better supervise this time. We can’t have her destroying your kitchen twice in as many days, now, can we?”

Elysia left first, and I flopped back against the pillows and had one of those moments where you step outside yourself and wonder: How the hell did I get here?

But then my phone buzzed on the nightstand, dragging me back to reality. The screen lit up with what I’d been dreading: news alerts about last night’s mall incident. Basically, “mysterious disturbance” was the media’s polite way of saying that a monster from another dimension invaded small town Wisconsin and no one knows why.

I scrolled through notifications about strange lights, property damage, and officials being “unable to comment at this time.” Good. The skeleton cleanup crew had earned their nonexistent paychecks.

Then I saw it: a missed call that I quickly deduced had to be Sheriff Miller when I looked the number up. It was made at 6 AM, too. The man never slept. Well, I wasn’t going to call back. He could dial me again if it was so important.

For now, it was time to face the music—or at least the breakfast. I dragged myself from horizontal to vertical and followed the sounds of what I hoped wouldn’t be another culinary catastrophe. What I found in my kitchen was so adorable it almost hurt. Elysia was standing behind Portia, guiding her hands through the complex process of egg-cracking.

“Gently,” Elysia coached. “The shells aren’t meant to be part of the meal.”

“But they do add texture!” Portia protested with her tail wagging behind her back.

“That’s not the kind of texture we’re looking for, however.”

I leaned against the doorframe. This felt right. These women fit into my heart like puzzle pieces, even if our combined picture looked completely unhinged.

“Josh!” Portia’s whole being lit up when she spotted me. “I’m learning to make eggs!”

“I can see that. So far so good. I didn’t realize Elysia could cook.”

She chuckled. “Oh, I can’t. But I’ve watched my cooks enough to know this much.” She giggled whimsically as though conjuring up a faraway memory for the first time in ages. “When I was a little girl, barely forty years old, my father’s chefs used to have to chase me out of the kitchen.”

I joined them in the kitchen and we ended up working together. The result was a simple but very edible breakfast. Our happy little domestic bubble lasted exactly until I opened my mouth again.

“So,” I began, swishing my coffee. “We need to talk about what happened yesterday.”

The temperature in the room figuratively dropped. Even Portia’s tail stopped wagging.

“The portals follow you,” Elysia stated. Not asked. Stated. She’d clearly been thinking about it, and she was as sure of it as I was now.

“Yeah. Which means wherever I go, interdimensional monsters come along.” I took a long drink, hoping the coffee would provide answers. It didn’t, of course. “Sheriff Miller is already suspicious. Those skeletons might have cleaned up the mess, but people notice when their local mall gets a surprise monster delivery.”

Portia’s ears drooped. “What does this mean for us?”

“It means we need to lay low. Stay home, and avoid public places where spontaneous portal generation might cause a scene.” I looked between them, trying to gauge their reactions. “I know it’s not ideal—”

“It’s perfect!” Portia bounced back instantly. “More time alone with Master!”

Elysia scoffed. “I think I’ve amply established that I detest leaving the comfort of our domicile if it means I won’t be carried in your arms.”

Leave it to these girls to find the silver lining in self-imposed house arrest.

I sighed, but couldn’t hide a smile. “Actually, this could work well. We can focus on training and preparing for when Juniper arrives.”

“Oh! Yes. I miss Juniper already,” Portia said, pouting as her tail sank between her legs.

“Right, about that,” I continued. “What exactly should I expect from her?”

The look they exchanged was hard to read.

“Juniper is...” Elysia paused, apparently trying to find diplomatic vocabulary. “Serious.”

“She’s a bit like you, Master,” Portia supplied.

“Okay, but what IS she?” I interrupted the adjective game. “Another elf? Dog-girl? What’s her species?”

“Oh no,” Elysia laughed in a way that didn’t reassure me at all. “Juniper is a bit complicated to describe in familiar terms to a human of Earthrealm.”

“With certain unique traits,” Portia added, giggling like she knew a secret I didn’t.

“What kind of traits?”

They did that look thing again. I was starting to hate that look thing.

“You’ll see, my champion,” Elysia said in a quiet, cautious tone somewhat unlike her. “The important thing is that she’s our party’s strategist and a master of arcane knowledge. If anyone can figure out why the portals follow you and what to do about it, it’s Juniper.”

Welp, that had to be good enough for now. “Great. So we hunker down and wait for her?”

“Yes. And hope your human sheriff doesn’t poke around and cause too much trouble in the meantime,” Portia added.

We migrated to the living room where Elysia immediately claimed the couch and started browsing streaming services. Portia fidgeted nearby, shaking with anticipation for some reason. I soon found out why.

“Master,” she said in a tone that was too cute not to make me suspicious. “Since we’re staying home today... perhaps you could fulfill your promise?”

I arched an eyebrow at her. “Which promise would that be?”

The dog-girl dropped to all fours with grace. Her eyes went huge and glossy all of a sudden. “You said you would administer discipline for my failures yesterday! I’ve been dreading what cruel punishment my heartless master might devise…” Her wagging tail completely undermined her words.

As she bent over, her borrowed shorts stretched taut across her rear, showing off an ass so perfect it would make Instagram influencers privately reflect. The gods of her world had blessed her with a rump that was both athletic and tantalizingly soft-looking, with an impeccable heart shape. Her tan skin had a peach-like quality, flawless and smooth, and she wiggled it slightly from side to side as if begging for attention.

From the couch, Elysia’s eye roll looked dangerous for her sockets. “She’s been obsessing about that constantly since we rose this morning.” Her eyes narrowed as they flicked between me and Portia’s prominently displayed booty. “I fail to comprehend why my champion should waste his valuable attention on such a display when he has a willing elven princess at his disposal.”

“Did you say since this morning? How absurd!” Portia protested as she arched her back to further emphasize her assets. “I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday!”

Elysia’s expression darkened as she watched me watching Portia. She shifted her position on the couch to better display her own lithe form, crossing her legs in a way that drew attention to her delicate ankles and smooth thighs. “Are you quite finished gawking at the canine, Josh? I was rather hoping we might enjoy some quality time together of our own.” Her pointed ears twitched.

I sighed, but honestly? There was something weirdly endearing about both their dedication to claiming my attention. “I did promise Portia, and it seems like she isn’t about to let this go. Elysia, let her have this one. I’ll spoil you more later.”

The elven princess’s eyebrows raised together as she appeared to ponder what that might entail. “Very well, champion. Proceed with the discipline.”

“Yes! Thank you, Master!” She visibly shook with excitement, the weird girl.

I led her to the couch and sat down, patting my lap. “Come here.”

Portia draped herself across my thighs with the eagerness of someone receiving a gift rather than punishment, positioning her perfectly rounded ass high in the air. I gently pulled down her shorts to reveal a pair of lacy black panties that barely hid anything.

“These look good on you,” I observed, tracing the waistband with my finger.

“I ordered them along with the other clothes,” she admitted breathlessly.

From her watchful position in the armchair, Elysia made a small sound of interest despite her attempt to appear bored.

I hooked my fingers under Portia’s panties’ elastic and slowly pulled them down, revealing her bare bottom’s full glory. Her tan line-graced skin formed two perfect hemispheres with subtle dimples at the lower back framing them like nature’s own artwork. After appreciating the view, I gently massaged the exposed flesh.

Portia’s breath caught. “Aren’t you going to punish your disobedient hound, Master?”

I paused. Something in her eager tone made me need to establish clarity before proceeding. “Portia, understand this. No matter how rough I get, it doesn’t mean I’m actually upset with you. This isn’t real punishment.”

“I won’t be fooled,” she quipped with a nervous laugh. “Your apparent mercy is but a thin veil over your—”

“No,” I interrupted, making my voice gentler but firm. “Just this once, before we go down this road, I need to be sure you understand that I’m not cruel. I care about you and your happiness as long as you’re in my life. This is play, not punishment.”

My sincerity seemed to catch both women by surprise. Elysia’s eyes widened. Portia twisted to look up at me with her amber-gold eyes looking suddenly so honest and vulnerable.

“I... I understand,” she said softly, without the theatrical tone for once. “I know you’re kind. That’s part of why...” She swallowed. “Please, I need this. I need your firm hand.”

“Let’s agree on a safe word first,” I said as I playfully palmed and squeezed her nubile flesh. “If you say this word, I stop immediately. Any ideas?”

She blinked, then furrowed her brow, considering it as her tail swayed elegantly. “Hmmm. How about, ‘frappuccino’?”

“Frappuccino it is,” I grinned. I started with a light tap, barely making a sound. Portia wiggled impatiently as a result, so I delivered a real smack next, one that would sting her ass nice and good.

“Oh!” she gasped, her tail immediately starting to wag. “More, please!”

Encouraged, I established a rhythm, alternating cheeks and gradually increasing force.

“By the Silver-Bark Tree,” Elysia breathed huskily on the sofa as she watched. “This makes for more interesting viewing than I imagined.”

“Yes!” Portia cried out as a particularly solid smack landed. Her back arched, pressing her ass higher. “Oh gods, yes! Watch my shame unfold, my princess! Watch this lewd bitch writhe!”

I could feel her squirming against my lap, her body responding to each impact with increasingly intense reactions. The pinkness of her skin deepened to a rosy hue that looked striking alongside her tan complexion and the spots where tan lines appeared. I paused occasionally to massage the warmed flesh, which only made her whimper and beg for more.

“Please don’t stop,” she panted. “I’ve been so bad, I need more correction!”

From her seat on the couch, Elysia watched with clear, undisguised fascination. If she’d been jealous before, that seemed more or less forgotten at this point. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as her slender fingers gripped the armrest beside her tight.

I delivered a series of rapid spanks until my palm stung almost as much as Portia’s rear must have. She writhed across my lap while her moans grew louder and more desperate. Her thighs trembled, and I noticed wetness glistening along her virginal slit.

“Oh Master!” she cried out. “I’m—I can’t—”

Her entire body tensed then shuddered violently as she climaxed with a wild wail. The intensity and suddenness of her orgasm surprised me—and so did the warm wetness suddenly soaking my pants where her pussy pressed against my thigh.

As the aftershocks subsided, Portia went limp across my lap, breathing hard. When she finally regained enough composure to realize what had happened, she twisted to look at me with wide, mortified eyes.

“Oh no! I’ve made such a mess!” she gasped, staring at the dark patch on my pants. “I’m so sorry, Master! I suppose this means I require further punishment for my lack of control. Perhaps something even more humiliating? Oh, how I fear you, but I shall defy your cruelty all the same! Pah-tooey!” That weirdly performative rebellious tone had returned once again, apparently.

“I think that’s enough punishment for one day,” I said, helping her to sit up. Her legs wobbled as she stood, and she winced slightly when her tender bottom made contact with the cushion beside me.

“That was...” Elysia began, then cleared her throat when her voice came out huskier than intended. “...educational. Perhaps I should point out my many transgressions from now on.”

After that, we settled onto the sofa for movies, with Elysia selecting some Japanese fantasy epic that turned them both into film critics all of a sudden.

“That primitive firearm is akin to the slop used by dwarves,” Elysia critiqued with authority. “As if that would kill a god of the forest!”

“Why are the weird little forest spirits so tiny?” Portia also had complained. “And mute? Every forest spirit I know talks nonstop!”

At hour two in the film, Portia stretched and made her shirt ride up, revealing her stomach and a glimpse of the underside of her breasts. For a fleeting moment, I could just barely see the bottoms of the silver rings attached to her nipples. I caught myself staring and quickly looked away, only to find Elysia watching me with narrowed eyes.

Elysia draped herself across my lap and traced her slender fingers on the back of my hand like she was writing words over and over again. Meanwhile, Portia molded herself to my other side and sandwiched my arm between her breasts. Each time Elysia’s touch grew more intimate, Portia would press herself against me in new ways or let her shirt hike up further until her bare tits pushed fully against my body. Before long, their hands wandered across me like dueling masseuses.

“Sir Josh worked very hard these last few days,” Elysia noted in a sugary voice. “I think it’s fair to say he needs a massage.”

“Oh yes!” Portia clapped. “A full body massage sounds just right for our fated mate—to thank him for his love and his discipline.”

Before I could protest, as if I fucking would, they had me shirtless on the living room floor, arranged on the blanket that had previously hung over the back of the couch. They returned with massage oils I definitely didn’t remember buying.

“Where did those even come from?”

“We added more than lacy panties to that last delivery when you weren’t looking,” Elysia giggled. “A princess of Elfhaven is always prepared.”

“Arf!” Portia agreed, failing to make words at all, maybe because of her overflowing levels of excitement.

Portia responded by spreading warm oil with surprising skill. She worked on a spot that had stored years of stress, making knots I didn’t know I had surrender immediately.

“We treat him so poorly,” Portia whimpered. “I cannot even recall the last time his seed was sucked lovingly from his body!”

I could.

But Elysia nodded sagely as she worked on my lower back. “They say it’s crucial to do so regularly.”

Man, they really knew how to rile me up. Their touches gradually shifted from therapeutic to flagrantly horny. If it started out medical enough to pass muster, it had quickly turned into something that would make a massage therapist lose her license.

“Turn over,” Elysia commanded huskily.

When I complied, I discovered they had already stripped and applied oil to each other. Their skin shone with glossy lubricant—mainly their breasts.

“Sweet Lord Pappy Johnson,” I muttered weakly at the sight.

“Now for Master’s naughty front,” Portia announced with a mischievous grin.

The oil turned everything slick as they abandoned all pretense of normal massage techniques and used their entire bodies as massage tools.

“You’re both going to be the death of me,” I groaned as they found spots I didn’t know needed finding.

Elysia teased with her blue eyes locked on mine as her mouth reached my lips. “What a way for our handsome champion to go, though.” Portia continued her dedicated exploration while I felt her silver rings drag against my skin and her hands wander lower. Both women pressed their groins into my sides and ground against me, spreading their slick feminine fluids across my body.

“What did I do to deserve this?” I muttered aloud, unable to believe the scenario playing out.

“A virginal heroine’s champion of course deserves to be thoroughly worshipped,” Elysia whispered against my lips. Her hands possessively claimed my chest while she shot a warning glance at Portia, who tried to edge into her territory with her boobs.

Portia responded by pressing her entire body against my side with new degrees of pressure. Her pussy left a damp trail along my thigh as she let out a reedy moan. “My master knows which heroine tends to his needs most lovingly,” she countered with a wink.

“Love? Please—as if a dog could love like an elf,” Elysia huffed indignantly.

“Oh? And how many times have you debased yourself to service him, princess?” Portia asked in a falsely innocent tone. “Have you even sucked his cock once?”

A dramatic blush colored her cheeks. “It hasn’t occurred yet—but I would in a heartbeat!”

“So do it,” Portia said in a devious tone I’d never heard from her.

“Pardon yourself, girl? What did you say to me?!” the Princess asked indignantly.

“Suck. his. fat. cock. Do it.” Portia grabbed my member by the base and held it firm, nodding to it without breaking her gaze on Elysia’s eyes.

Elysia bit her lip. “I’ll have you know I would love to suck his cock. It just hasn’t come up yet, and I imagined the first time might be more… private.”

“We’re party members, Your Highness,” Portia said with fake sweetness as she started stroking my shaft. “There are no people in the cosmos with a closer bond than us. Surely you aren’t too bashful to pray at the temple of our shared mate’s manhood, are you?”

“Certainly not, I assure you!” Elysia huffed. “Just watch me, then!”

I shook my head and started to offer a meek protest. “Ladies—that’s not really needed. You’ve both done enough and—”

“Shhhh, Master,” Portia said, pressing an index finger to my lips. “Let it happen.”

So I did. I watched as Princess Elysia crawled down my body and confidently placed herself between my legs. Her lips hovered over my cockhead for a few seconds, not out of hesitation, but out of a desire to drag it out for my benefit—to make me want her more. Well, it worked.

“That’s it, Your Royal Highness,” Portia said as Elysia’s lips parted over my tip. “Take him inside your mouth. This is a lesson Juniper knew you’d have to learn.”

“Sounds like I’m going to like Juniper,” I muttered.

“Mmm,” the Princess moaned as her head started bobbing, and I could tell that whatever Portia was talking about, she agreed.

Portia ground her sex into my leg as Elysia throated me. “Yes,” she groaned. “Suck his cock. In Elfhaven, you were a regal princess, but in this house, in this party, you are the fated mate and party-bride to this man. Don’t forget it, Princess. We live to fight by his side and cum by his cock. We live to serve him and be serviced in turn by him.”

Her words were clearly having an effect on the normally haughty princess, who started forcing herself deeper and deeper, using her tongue more and more aggressively by the second. My hips bucked on their own, and I could no longer watch. I had to lie back and stare at the ceiling as the sensations grew too strong.

“Yes, Princess,” she went on, “Though you were a spoiled girl back home, you know things are different here. In his lap. In his arms. Our world has different rules. So suck him down. Deeper. Deeper!” She grabbed Elysia’s nape and forced me all the way down her throat till she was choking.

“Whoa!” I shouted—but Elysia held up a hand to calm me, like she knew this was a necessary step on her journey. After a moment, Portia started guiding her manually, forcing me all the way down her throat with every fresh bob.

I wasn’t going to last for much longer like this. I let out a groan. “Ladies,” I muttered. “Lights out. I’m about to blow.”

Elysia wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled herself all the way down as I blasted in her throat, choking, gagging, eyes streaming with tears the entire time as Portia massaged her scalp.

“Good princess,” she cooed as the last twitch of my cock emptied the final drop of seed into her mouth. “I’m so proud of you.”

Elysia finally pulled herself free of my dick and opened her mouth, showing off her pearly prize, then swallowed it down. “I will not be beaten by a dog,” she said. “I am the more giving and caring lover.”

“At this moment, that seems fair to say,” I sighed with a drunken tone to my voice.

“For now,” Portia conceded as her eyebrows did the worm.

By the time they declared the massage complete, we were all thoroughly relaxed and thoroughly in need of cleaning. The living room smelled more like a porn set than a spa visit.

“Shower time,” I declared, attempting to stand on wobbling legs. “Solo shower time.”

“Not together?” Portia suggested with faux innocence. She turned and bent over to adjust a towel, presenting her perfectly round—and red—backside once more. “I suppose my cruel master should take this opportunity to force his poor servant to scrub his back against her will, and then do to her what he just did to the regal Princess! How terrible! I spit at the possibilities! Pah-tooey!”

“Haven’t you two had enough?” I asked hoarsely, too used to the unnecessary spitting to bother challenging it anymore.

“Could we ever?” Portia asked incredulously. “Our acts of service for the day are far from done! Our appetites have only just been teased awake, Master!”

Elysia stepped between us and effectively blocked my view of Portia. She squeezed me tightly and fluttered her lashes against my shoulder—butterfly kisses, I think they’re called. “I believe,” she began with a tone that brooked no argument, “that since I was the one who triggered your release, I should be the one to assist you in the shower today, Sir Josh. After all, a princess’s touch is far superior to that of a common bitch.”

That didn’t go over well.

Chapter 12

Yesterday had been bliss. After the massage and the shower, we passed out on my bed until it was almost dinner time. None of us felt like cooking, nor would I have trusted Elysia or Portia to even if they did, so I ordered pizza from the only place that delivered this far out of town—Pizza Dude.

When the doorbell rang, I opened it to find an unwelcomely familiar face. It was the delivery girl I’d hooked up with a month or so back. She was really pretty, a half-Korean, I think, who modeled her makeup on K-Pop stars and pulled it off really well, if a bit cheaply. Her long black hair was pulled into a greasy ponytail, though, and her Pizza Dude uniform was rumpled and ill-fitting for her frame. I couldn’t remember her name. Tangerine? No, that definitely didn’t sound right. 

I cleared my throat and tried to remain calm. “Damn, I’m surprised your boss let you deliver out here again,” I said, reaching for my wallet. “Wasn’t there a harassment incident that had him freaked out for you?”

She shrugged, blowing a bubble with her gum. “Hey fuckface. Yeah, well, the other guy, like, called in sick or whatever, so it’s like, you know. Someone has to do it.” Her dark eyes flicked past me, narrowing as she noticed Elysia lurking in the doorway behind me. “Oh. You’ve got… someone else already, I see.”

Elysia stepped forward imperiously, wearing my ballcap with her ears thankfully tucked underneath. Her eyes took in the pizza girl with the most flagrantly hostile look imaginable, making me blanch in fear of what she was about to say. “Is this the whore who spoiled Josh’s purity before my arrival?” she asked plainly.

The pizza girl barked out a frankly brutal laugh. “Bitch, please. This asshole hasn’t been pure for a fucking while.” She handed me the pizza box, but kept her eyes locked on Elysia. “You can do better than this prick, chica. Just saying. He might be a great lay, and he might be willing to flash some cash to impress you, but he’s the type that doesn’t call back when he’s done with you. Be warned.”

“I assure you, your warning runs counter to my experience,” Elysia replied smugly, crossing her arms. “He spoils me with attention. Why, if I tried to leave him, he would chase me to the farthest reaches of the Earth.”

I blinked. “I might not go that far. I dunno.”

“Whatever,” the pizza girl muttered, rolling her eyes as she loudly chewed her gum and pocketed the cash I’d handed her. As she turned to leave, she smirked at me over her shoulder. “At least you’re still a great tipper, fuckface.” Then she winked at Elysia. “Enjoy him while he lets you, bitch. He’ll toss you out like yesterday’s trash soon enough.”

I closed the door quickly before Elysia could respond and make things worse, and only then did Portia pop her head from around the corner. That encounter made things awkward with the girls for an hour or two, but after demolishing the pizza and watching TV until midnight, we suited up for the nightly monster hunt—a land drake that put up more of a fight than I'd expected. Then, of course, we dragged ourselves to a bath and to bed.

This morning, however, I woke up with a start as my brain desperately tried to remember what oxygen felt like. Not because of some mystical paralysis or monster venom, but because I had approximately 230 pounds of interdimensional female distributed across my body. Elysia had claimed my chest as her personal pillow, golden hair splayed across me again, one pointed ear poking out from beneath the strands. Her soft breath tickled my collarbone with each exhalation.

Portia had wrapped herself around my right side. Her tail occasionally twitched against my leg as she dreamed doggy dreams that had her arms and legs twitching like she was trying to run.

The clock on my nightstand read 5:47 AM. Ungodly early by any reasonable standard, but my body had apparently decided sleep was for losers.

I tried to shift just enough to restore blood flow to my arm. Both women responded by tightening their grips simultaneously. Elysia made a small noise of protest in her sleep as she burrowed deeper into my chest.

No escape, then. At least not without waking them, which wouldn’t end well. So if I couldn’t move without triggering a chain reaction of morning activities that would leave me a dried up shell of a man, maybe I could at least use this time productively.

Meditation.

Elysia had shown me how to connect to what she called the System’s passive field—that place where XP flowed like a cosmic river of leveling goodness. I closed my eyes, trying to remember her instructions. Breathe deep. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Focus on the energy flowing through your body.

At first, nothing happened except I got slightly light-headed from the deliberate breathing. Then, gradually, warmth began to spread through my limbs. A tingling at the base of my skull felt almost drug-induced. The sensation was stronger than last time, more immediate maybe, a bit like diving into a pool.

Time stretched out. I lost track of minutes, maybe hours, as the energy built inside me. It was like charging a battery, but the battery was me. My awareness expanded outward to encompass the weight of the women draped across me, the sound of their breathing, and the early morning birds beginning their chorus outside.

Then something shifted. It was a subtle click in my mind, I guess, for lack of a better way to describe it. The warmth intensified and rushed through me in a wave that likely would have made me gasp if I wasn’t so deep in meditation.

A notification appeared in my mind’s eye: 

XP Gained! LEVEL UP! Level 17 achieved. 

You have one new skill point and one new attribute point. Would you like to allocate them now? YES / NO

“Yes,” I thought, careful not to actually say it out loud.

The display changed, splitting into two sections: 

ALLOCATE YOUR SKILL POINT: 

Return Blade (Thrown weapons return to your hand automatically)

Flame Edge (Temporarily imbue your weapon with fire damage)

ALLOCATE YOUR ATTRIBUTE POINT: 

• Strength: 18

• Dexterity: 15

• Constitution: 15

• Intelligence: 10

• Wisdom: 10

• Charisma: 9

Granted both abilities seemed badass, but Return Blade was a no-brainer. I’d been thinking about ranged options for a while now, and it only got more serious when that behemoth almost made me into a human pancake. Being able to throw my sword and have it boomerang back would give me attack options beyond my ol’ faithful “charge in and try not to die terribly.”

“Return Blade,” I decided mentally.

Skill acquired: Return Blade. 

You can now throw your weapon and recall it to your hand automatically. Range based on Strength and Dexterity. Damage based on Strength. Accuracy based on Dexterity.

For my attribute point, I hesitated. Strength had been my go-to lately, though I did just cheat on it with Constitution, but maybe it was time to branch out. With this new throwing ability, Dexterity made the most sense.

“Dexterity,” I chose.

Attribute increased: Dexterity (Now 16) 

Congratulations on reaching Level 17! New skill and attribute points have been allocated.

The notification faded, but the warmth lingered, settling into my muscles comfortably. I felt sharper somehow. More aware of every inch of my body.

Elysia stirred against my chest. Her eyelashes fluttered against my skin. I froze, hoping she’d drift back to sleep. No such luck.

“Mmm, you’re radiating power,” she murmured, and her accent sounded thicker with sleepiness. “You’ve been meditating without me.”

“Had to do something while you two used me as a body pillow,” I whispered back, trying not to wake Portia.

Too late. One golden eye popped open, followed by the other. Portia’s tail immediately went from occasional twitch to full-on wag, thumping against my leg with enough force to potentially bruise.

“Master is awake!” she declared with way too much enthusiasm for this hour. “And he smells a little different.” She actually sniffed me with her nose pressed against my shoulder. “You’ve leveled up!”

“Guilty as charged,” I admitted. “Figured I’d multitask since I was pinned down anyway.”

“That’s my clever champion,” Elysia approved as she stretched like a cat in a sunbeam. The movement pulled the thin sheet erotically against the outline of her perfect body. “What boon did the System grant you?”

“Return Blade,” I said. “I can throw weapons and have them come back to me now.”

Portia’s eyes widened with excitement. “Oh! That’s a rare one!” She sat up. The sheet fell away to reveal she’d decided clothing was optional last night. “Can you demonstrate? Please, Master?”

“Later,” I promised, trying to keep my eyes on her face and not the rest of her. “I’d need something to throw, and all my weapons are downstairs.”

“I could fetch one for you,” she offered, already half out of bed.

I caught her wrist gently. “How about after breakfast? I’m starving.”

Elysia was also participating in the naked morning enthusiasm competition, I realized as she draped herself across my chest again. That more or less created an effective barrier between me and any potential escape routes. “Surely you’re not in such a rush,” she purred while tracing distinct patterns on my collarbone with one delicate finger. “We’ve only just awakened.”

I recognized that tone. That was the  one that meant I wasn’t going anywhere for at least an hour. Although that hour would undoubtedly be enjoyable, we really did have practical matters to address.

“The sooner we start the day,” I reasoned, “the sooner we can figure out this portal situation. The sooner we do that, the sooner we can guiltlessly return to this kind of thing.” I gestured at her sexy but very short body.

Portia tilted her head, considering this logic. “He has a point, Princess.”

Elysia made a sound somewhere between a huff and a groan. “Fine. But I demand compensation for this cruel abandonment.”

“Breakfast in bed?” I offered.

Her eyes lit up. “Acceptable.”

“And belly rubs?” Portia added hopefully.

“After breakfast,” I agreed while somehow managing to extract myself from their collective grip. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and headed for the door. “Stay put. Food coming up.”

As I made my way downstairs, I heard them settling back into bed, already whispering and giggling about something. Probably plotting new ways to delay the day’s productivity. I couldn’t really blame them—what was the rush, after all? Apparently, we had twenty years before the big bad showed up.

In the kitchen, I worked the French press and pulled out waffle ingredients once the coffee was made. Real waffles today, not the frozen kind—well, sort of real. I wasn’t going to make the mix from scratch. At the very least, it would be a more deserving meal for my girls than freezer-burned toaster waffles.

I was mid-pour on the batter when my phone rang. The caller ID made my stomach drop faster than Portia’s panties at the phrase “bad dog”.

Sheriff Miller.

I debated letting it go to voicemail again, but that strategy clearly wasn’t working. Might as well face the music. I wiped my hands on a dish towel and picked it up.

“Morning, Sheriff,” I answered. I was doing my very best to sound like someone who hadn’t been indirectly responsible for a monster attack at the local mall.

“Mr. Becker.” His voice was professional but had an edge. “I’ve been trying to reach you.”

“Sorry about that. Been busy around the house.”

“I imagine so.” Then there was a pause after that which went on longer than it should have. “You know, I think we should have a proper conversation about what happened at Single Pine.”

I measured my words carefully. “Not sure I’m following you, Sheriff.”

“Cut the crap, Becker.” His tone hardened. “I’ve got skeletons cleaning up purple goo in my jurisdiction, monsters appearing out of thin air, and you showing up like you knew exactly what was happening. So here’s my question: would you like to talk about this with me, or should I involve people with bigger badges and a lower tolerance for bullshit?”

I sighed, closing my eyes briefly. “Tell you what, Sheriff. If it becomes a problem, we’ll talk.”

“Seems like it became a problem when I had monsters walking my streets,” he countered, voice falsely calm.

“That was just a fluke,” I insisted. “Growing pains. It won’t happen again.”

“Growing pains.” He repeated the words flatly. “Care to elaborate on that?”

“Not particularly.”

Another weighted silence. I could practically hear him counting to ten.

“Mr. Becker, I’m trying to be reasonable here. Whatever’s going on, it’s affecting my town. My people. If you’ve got some kind of handle on this situation, I need to know.”

“I understand your concern,” I said, and I genuinely meant it. “But trust me when I say that incident was an anomaly. I’ve got things under control now.”

“Do you?” He didn’t sound convinced. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like the opposite of ‘under control.’”

“It’s handled,” I insisted. “Won’t happen again.”

“See that it doesn’t.” His tone was severe. “Because next time, I won’t be calling first.”

The line went dead. I stared at my phone for a moment, debating whether that had gone better or worse than expected. On the one hand, he hadn’t shown up with a SWAT team. On the other, he clearly wasn’t buying my “nothing to see here” routine.

I turned back to the waffles and mechanically poured batter while my mind raced. Based on everything that had happened, I was starting to form a theory. There seemed to be some kind of lag or pattern to the portal appearances. Something was locking onto my location at a specific time every day, finding an open space nearby, and that’s where the portals would open. Since I was usually at home, the field next to my house was the usual target.

But when we’d spent most of the day in town with the girls, I must have been there during that magic hour when whatever mysterious entity or process pinpoints my location and assigns a portal destination. It wasn’t immediate—there had been hours between our mall visit and the portal opening.

Of course, this was all just me making assumptions. I didn’t have actual confirmation on anything yet. I didn’t even know 100% for sure that the portals did follow me, but given recent events, it seemed pretty fucking likely.

If I was right, that meant we could potentially predict and control where portals would open by managing my location during that critical window. We just needed to figure out what that window was.

The waffle iron beeped, jolting me from my thoughts. I opened it to find a perfectly golden waffle staring back at me. At least something was going right today.

I prepared a tray with waffles, whipped cream, and blueberry syrup. Coffee black as ol’ Lazarus for me, a honey-laden café au lait for Elysia, and orange juice for Portia.

“Breakfast is ready!” I called up the stairs while balancing the tray carefully. “Do you still want breakfast in bed or—”

I heard the thunder of approaching footsteps—well, one set of thundering footsteps, which was Portia, and one set of dainty, slow steps that made walking sound painfully laborious.

They came stumbling downstairs in states of undress that would have given the sheriff a heart attack if he’d chosen that moment for a surprise visit. Portia wore one of my t-shirts and nothing else, while Elysia had wrapped herself in what appeared to be just a sheet, toga-style. Her hair was a glorious mess, too, as she hadn’t bothered to braid it or brush it since last night.

Portia made a beeline for the food with her nose twitching appreciatively at the aroma of fresh waffles. “Master has made morning delicacies!” she exclaimed, eyeing the whipped cream with particular interest. 

Elysia, meanwhile, completely ignored the food. Instead, she wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face against my chest. Her eyes remained firmly closed as she yawned. “Too early,” she mumbled, despite it being well past 8 AM now.

“Food’s getting cold,” I prompted gently as I tried to move her toward a chair.

She made a shrill whining sound that made me chuckle. With determination, she clung even tighter to me. She was obviously more interested in using me as a vertical bed than in eating breakfast.

I watched over the elf’s head as Portia rediscovered the magic of whipped cream for the first time since her frappuccino. She swiped a finger through the fluffy white mountain topping her waffles and licked it with an expression of pure bliss, her eyes crossing as she let out a silly giggle. Then, as if remembering something, she started to pull up the hem of her t-shirt.

I knew exactly what was coming next. Without even looking directly at her, I reached over and gave her exposed bottom a hard swat. “There. Lesson learned. No touching the whipped cream with your fingers.”

The effect of the innocent spank was immediate and frankly off-putting. Portia let out a sound that definitely didn’t belong at the breakfast table, that’s for sure. Her tail wagged so hard afterward that it threatened to topple her chair as she stood beside it. “Thank you, Master,” she breathed as her eyes glazed over.

Elysia’s head jerked up, suddenly wide awake. “What just happened?” she demanded, looking between us with narrowed eyes.

“Nothing special,” I explained while gently disentangling myself from her grip. “Now eat before it gets cold.”

Portia had already recovered and was already on the culinary attack, stabbing her waffles with a fork like they wronged her in a previous life. Elysia stood there for a moment, probably deciding whether to make an issue of it, when her stomach growled loudly enough to spur her to action as well.

Her cheeks flushed pink as she sat down. “I suppose it is indeed time to sate our appetites,” she conceded, taking her seat slowly.

She took one bite of waffle and her facial expression transformed. “Magnificent,” she declared, gesturing with her fork at Portia. “You see? I told you he was an exceptional cook. The balance of sweetness and texture is sublime.”

“Thanks, but they came from a plastic bag, kinda,” I admitted, taking a seat with my own plate. “Just add water and pour into the waffle iron.”

Elysia looked genuinely offended. “You dare suggest these delicacies are... common? Mass-produced? I refuse to believe it.”

“Believe it, Princess. The real magic is in the toppings.”

She sniffed, taking another bite. “Topping me is what I expected you’d be attempting by this time of day, but alas. Well, regardless of the origins of these things, they’re exquisite.”

We ate in silence for a few minutes. I was grateful for the momentary peace—who knew when we’d next be interrupted by interdimensional crises or law enforcement inquiries?

“So,” I said once we’d demolished most of the waffles, “I was thinking we should train today. Test out this new ability.”

Portia’s ears perked up instantly. “Yes! Training! Honing combat skills and powers granted by the System is an excellent way to level up slowly but surely. Practicing makes meditation more effective, too.”

Elysia’s enthusiasm was considerably more understated. She made a noncommittal noise and reached for her coffee. “I suppose observing your progress would be appropriate every now and then.”

“You don’t have to participate if you don’t want to,” I assured her.

“Of course I don’t,” she agreed readily. “My power is efficiently allocated for moments requiring devastating impact, not mundane practice sessions.”

To translate, she was lazy and had no interest in exerting herself unless absolutely necessary. At least she was consistent.

After breakfast, the girls disappeared upstairs to change. I cleaned up the kitchen and grabbed my sword from where it leaned by the back door. The weight of it felt different now, somehow—maybe more balanced? Lighter? It functioned like an extension of my arm rather than just a weapon. Was that the new skill and point in Dexterity already influencing my perception?

Portia bounded down the stairs in what appeared to be an attempt to assemble a workout outfit. It was a tank top that barely contained her prodigious bust and undersized shorts she stole from Elysia. They were so short on her that they made me question whether standing near her would be safe at all for Josh: The Dick. She’d tied her hair back in a short ponytail, too, but her dog ears were still standing proud.

Elysia followed at a more sluggish pace, wearing more casual clothes that she deemed acceptable outerwear. They weren’t that. They were essentially just another set of skimpy pajamas.

I threw on a tank top and a jacket and we headed out to the open field where the portals usually appeared, far enough from the house that we wouldn’t break anything important if the training got too wild.

“First things first,” Portia announced, suddenly all business. “We need to establish a proper Adventuring Party with you in it.”

I blinked. “A what now?”

“An Adventuring Party,” she repeated. “It’s the System concept for which the Hero’s Party is named. When in a Party, our attacks won’t damage each other if an accidental friendly fire situation occurs, and we will share XP evenly, rather than having the one who dealt most of the damage take it all.”

“Sort of,” Elysia contested lightly. “Sir Josh will still claim more XP than either of us, Portia—since he is lower in level.”

“Really?” I asked. “This party system is a real thing?”

The Princess had already found a patch of grass and settled onto it like she was at a picnic. “Of course. Portia and I have an established Party with Juniper, but you aren’t in it.”

“Why didn’t you mention this before?” I couldn’t keep the incredulity from my voice. “Seems like kind of an important detail.”

Elysia waved a dismissive hand. “I wouldn’t have thought to invite you to the Party because I was never the one who handled such administrative nonsense back in our world. That was always Juniper’s responsibility. It occurred to me once or twice, I suppose, but it seemed like such a hassle to figure out.”

“And I assumed the Princess had already added you,” Portia apologized, casting some annoyed side-eye at her friend. “I only realized that she hadn’t after last night. Let me fix that right away.”

She closed her eyes, clearly accessing some menu I couldn’t see. Her face scrunched up in concentration as she navigated whatever interface the System provided her.

“It’s not the most intuitive design,” she muttered while making little swiping motions in the air. “Ah! There we go.”

A blue notification appeared in my vision: PARTY INVITE! Portia Moonfang has invited you to join an Adventuring Party: “The Hero’s Party” Accept? YES / NO

“Yes,” I said out loud this time.

A warm sensation spread through me, different from leveling up, but I couldn’t quite say just how. After some fiddling, I could suddenly sense Portia and Elysia’s presence on a new level, beyond mere line of sight. It was a bit like knowing where your limbs are without looking at them, if I had to put it to words.

PARTY JOINED! Congratulations! You are now a member of “The Hero’s Party” Current Members: Elysia Silverleaf, Portia Moonfang, Juniper Bloodberry, Josh Becker

“This is... weird,” I admitted, trying to get used to the new awareness. “But cool.”

“Now you’ll see our health indicators,” Portia explained, pointing to nothing I could see so far. “And if either of us is in danger during combat, you’ll know immediately.”

Sure enough, when I focused, I could make out faint red bars floating above both women, presumably representing their remaining health. Elysia’s was full, while Portia’s showed just a tiny sliver missing.

“What happened to you?” I asked Portia, gesturing toward her bar.

She grinned sheepishly. “Stubbed my toe on a rock coming outside with you. It’ll regenerate.”

“So now that we’re an official Party,” I said, testing the weight of my sword, “let’s see what this new skill can do.”

“Yes! Show me what you gained!” Portia bounced on her toes, clearly excited to see the demonstration.

I took a deep breath and focused on the new ability I could feel within me—Return Blade. I gripped my sword, trying to visualize the motion in my mind before attempting it.

“Here goes nothing,” I muttered, and threw the sword like a giant, lethal frisbee.

The blade spun through the air, slicing an arc that would have been impossible without the System’s influence. It traveled about thirty yards before I instinctively reached out my hand, calling it back.

The sword responded immediately, reversing its trajectory and spinning back toward me. I caught it by the handle with surprising ease, like I’d been practicing the move for years.

“Holy shit,” I breathed, genuinely impressed with myself. “It actually worked.”

Portia was practically bursting with glee, bouncing up and down in a really distracting way. “Try again! Aim for that tree!”

I took aim at a distant oak and let the sword fly. This time it traveled even farther, striking the trunk with a solid thunk before returning to my outstretched hand like a loyal pet.

“That is so damn cool,” I laughed as I enjoyed the rush of discovering a new ability. “Think of the combat applications.”

Portia was staring at the sword with an expression I hadn’t seen before—something beyond excitement, almost... a primal need. Her eyes followed the blade as I swished it in her face. Her body tensed, ready to spring.

Then she dropped to all fours. “Throw it again,” she urged, her voice gone husky.

“Um, okay,” I grunted. Needless to say, I was slightly confused by her sudden intensity, but also curious. I hurled the sword once more, sending it in a wide arc across the field.

Before it could return, Portia launched herself after it, moving with astonishing speed on all fours. She leaped into the air at the perfect moment, catching the blade carefully between her teeth as it spun.

I froze, feeling my heart in my throat, certain I was about to witness a horrific accident. But the Party system must have been working—the sharp edge didn’t seem to affect her at all. She landed gracefully, trotting back toward me with the sword in her mouth, tail wagging proudly.

“Portia, what the hell?” I asked as she reached me, still carrying my weapon like a prize stick. “That could have been dangerous!”

She made a muffled sound around the blade, offering it to me with shining eyes. When I reached for it, however, she growled playfully and pulled back.

“Give it,” I said, as I glowered at her, trying to pull it back. “Come on, give it!”

She held out for another moment, then relinquished the sword with a happy whine. As soon as it left her mouth, her expression shifted from canine joy to mortified realization.

“Oh!” Her hands flew to her cheeks, which had turned bright red. “I don’t... I mean, I didn’t...”

“Do you want to be spanked for your rebelliousness?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes! I mean, no! I mean...” She took a deep breath. “It was instinctual. I saw the object flying and part of me just... reacted.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “No discipline needed, honestly. It was actually kind of impressive.” I raised the sword again. “Let me practice using this ability more. I want it to feel natural.”

Her tail immediately resumed wagging at tornado speeds. “You mean...?”

“Yeah, we can play fetch for a bit. It’s actually good training for both of us.”

She didn’t need to be told twice. She dropped back to all fours with her amber-gold eyes locked on my sword with laser focus.

For the next twenty minutes, we developed an unusual but effective training routine. I would throw the sword in increasingly complex patterns, practicing my control and recall, while Portia would intercept it mid-flight, sometimes bringing it back, sometimes making me chase her for it. Her speed and agility were astonishing. They were also skills that would definitely be useful in actual combat.

I was getting better with each throw, learning to curve the blade’s path and even bounce it off multiple targets before recalling it. The skill was more versatile than I’d initially thought, like a cooler, deadlier version of Captain America’s shield.

We were so engrossed in our training game that neither of us noticed Elysia had fallen asleep in her patch of grass until she suddenly sat bolt upright, blinking in confusion.

Her gaze fell on us—me with my arm extended, recalling my sword from midair where Portia had just released it after another successful catch. For a moment, she just stared, processing the scene before her.

“What,” she asked in a severe tone, “the actual hell is going on here?”

Chapter 13

Explaining that we’d fallen into an impromptu game of fetch took a bit longer than I think any of us would have anticipated. Part of that was owed to the fact that I quickly started justifying it by going into how effective it was proving as a training activity, but the real culprit for overcomplication was Portia.

“Master forced me to play with him like his personal pet,” she declared, fanning her face as fake tears started lining the corners of her eyelids. “If I didn’t do as he requested, he said he’d strip me down to nothing and use my tight little pussy to satisfy his sadistic urges, rutting me like a beast as he brutalized my decadently contoured bottom.”

Elysia raised a single questioning brow at me and scanned me from head to toe. “Is this true?”

“What in your history with her would move you to believe anything she said?” I asked genuinely.

We made our way back toward the house when it was still a bit before noon. The rush from our training session continued to course through my bloodstream while Elysia kicked her feet as I carried her and Portia bounded around us with her apparently endless battery of energy.

“Did you see the way Master moved?” she gushed, skipping circles around us as I walked. “The way he threw his blade through the air! Whoosh! And then recalled it right back to his hand! Arf! Simply magnificent! Magnificent and breedable!”

“I certainly did see,” Elysia replied from her cozy position cradled in my arms. She had dramatically collapsed after watching us train for only thirty minutes, declaring herself too exhausted to possibly walk another step with an evil look  in her eye as she held her arms up to me expectantly. She continued to fire smug looks at Portia while nuzzling closer against my chest for the duration of the short trip back. “His technique already surpasses warriors I’ve seen with decades more training. Your natural talent is extraordinary, my handsome champion.”

“I’ll take it, thanks,” I said while adjusting her slight weight. My enhanced strength made carrying her practically effortless, though she constantly shifted into new positions that required me to readjust my grip. I couldn’t shake the feeling she was doing it on purpose, like she was trying to make me move to draw attention to me carrying her just to continuously gloat to a certain canine companion.

She traced a finger along my jawline. “I merely speak the truth. Even the finest warriors in my father’s guard would envy your progress.”

“The System helps him learn faster than normal humans could,” Portia added, giving her a dirty look as the princess nuzzled my chest.

Elysia scoffed. “The System chooses only those already worthy of its power. It amplifies what already exists within. A hero is a hero, and our man is a hero.” She pressed her lips near my ear. “You were already exceptional long before we arrived, my darling champion. The System merely recognizes what the rest of us can plainly see.”

“The warriors we knew weren’t as sexy either,” Portia added with a flirtatious grin that prominently displayed her canines. She darted in closer to place a wet, glancing lick on the back of my neck. It was way better than her peeing on my foot, I figured, and I was more or less at the point where I just accepted these shenanigans as normal and fine.

The house was the only thing in front of us soon enough. We left the lights on inside and the door locked—I’d kept the porch light on since before my magical girlfriends ever showed up. Lately, my worry portfolio had impressively diversified. Currently my anxieties were dominated by suspicious sheriffs and the looming threat of waking up tomorrow with yet another demihuman hotty claiming interdimensional dibs on my increasingly spoiled dong.

“Home sweet home,” I sighed as we reached the back door. “Take off your boots before we get in the kitchen, please.”

Portia bounded ahead to open the door, but Elysia made no move to get down from my arms. Once we got inside, I set her down. 

“Wow, alright then,” she huffed as her feet touched the floor. “I hadn’t been informed that you hate me and my happiness.”

“Shaddup, pointy-ear Barbie,” I muttered. 

She immediately undid her loose, chunky braid and removed a jacket with dramatic grunts of effort that filled the entire foyer. “This constrictive metal cage is practically fusing with my perfect, nubile skin,” she complained, struggling with a clasp. “I’m positively drowning in sweat.”

“You barely moved, and it’s September,” I pointed out while taking off my own jacket.

She flipped her long golden hair over her shoulder. “A princess exerts herself in other ways—such as by being exceedingly graceful and beautiful at all times, and knowing that her elegance is constantly being viewed and appreciated. It’s immense pressure,” she informed me with a cute little huff and puff through her nostrils punctuating the statement. “Our bodies are more refined, more responsive to atmospheric conditions. The slightest change in temperature affects us profoundly.”

“If I may translate, the princess means to say she is insufferably dramatic,” Portia whispered, already down to her own undergarments. The fact that she didn’t even wear armor and instead had a shawl, a skirt, and a shirt as her main ensemble, yet she still chose to strip, was something I thought about addressing—but her tits were too good for me to complain.

Elysia shot her a sharp glare but notably didn’t dispute the translation. Soon we were all down to our underwear. The fact that we were all so unfazed by stripping down in front of each other after such a short time was something that I was sure every other man I knew would want to fund scientific studies about.

“A bath would be heavenly right now,” I suggested, eyeing the dirt on my skin accumulated from our outdoor training session. “Nothing better than washing away the morning’s hard work, I say.”

“The tub won’t fit three of us comfortably,” Portia said with a pout that transformed her entire face. “Elysia can just use her magic.”

“I for one absolutely refuse to bathe without Sir Josh present to watch and aid me,” Elysia added while studying her nails. “The entire purpose would be lost.”

I suppressed a sigh. Their steadfast refusal to clean up without me had become an established pattern—one my inner neat freak found concerning, even while other parts of me celebrated the arrangement. 

Yeah, they could and ultimately did use Elysia’s elf magic to refresh themselves as I strode toward them. Their way was effective enough in terms of smell and, er, taste—but a part of me trusted baths more than lazy waifu magic.

“Later, then,” I conceded, stretching my shoulders. “Let’s at least relax somewhere comfortable.”

We migrated to the living room where I clicked on the TV before settling onto the couch. I set the volume fairly low, as I wasn’t actually serious about watching anything at the moment. Predictably, the women immediately claimed their positions on either side of my body, arranging themselves possessively close.

Elysia curled against my left side with her head on my shoulder and one leg draped across mine, her silken, golden hair spreading over my chest. Portia nestled against my right side with her head in my lap, tail thumping against the cushions in a steady rhythm of contentment. I experimented a little—every time I gave her head a little scratch, the tail accelerated. Thump thump thump thump. She even started panting with her tongue out, and that’s about when I stopped.

A morning talk show played on screen. The hosts were discussing celebrity gossip or something inane and boring like that. Normally, around this time, I’d probably fall asleep on the couch—at least pre-Elysia-and-Portia me would.

These days things were different. Today my mind kept circling back to questions that had accumulated since these two women plopped into my life. I picked up the remote and lowered the volume even further to background-noise levels. Both girls looked up at me with wide eyes, probably hoping I’d whip my dick out or something.

“I’ve been thinking,” I began. “I know so little about where you two came from. About your world. About this whole ‘Black Lazarus’ situation. To be honest, I’m not even that curious, but I kind of feel like I should ask, you know what I mean?”

Elysia kissed my arm secretively and tried to pass it off as wiping a tickle off her nose. “What specifically would you like to know?”

“Whatever. What exactly is the ‘Hero’s Party’? Who is Black Lazarus? Why are you here, really?” I glanced between my girls, fighting back an affectionate smile. “Who are you two, beyond my fated mates?”

They exchanged one of those looks I was beginning to grow accustomed to—silent communication between people who shared history I wasn’t yet part of. I understood it. I didn’t like it, but I understood it.

“I suppose you deserve to know,” Elysia said while shifting more upright, deliberately pressing her breasts against my arm as she moved. “Particularly if you’re to be our champion.”

“And the man to fertilize our wombs someday,” Portia added with a naughty grin, earning a sharp glance from Elysia and a flick on her nose. “Ouch! It’s true!”

“Wait, what?” I sputtered, nearly choking on air.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Elysia snapped before composing herself. “First things first.”

I nodded, feeling my heart rate accelerate. “Sure. Dial it back for a second. The beginning is the best place to start,” I suggested.

The princess looked to her companion for help, but Portia was still rubbing her nose. Elysia took a deep breath, then spoke. “The Hero’s Party is the title given to blessed heroes who must travel through time and space to stop Black Lazarus from severing our world’s link to the rest of the cosmos.”

“Why would anyone want to do that?” I asked, leaning forward slightly. “That sounds dumb as shit.”

“Because he’s a megalomaniacal tyrant who wishes to rule our world in isolation,” she replied with venom I’d never heard come from her beautiful lips before. “A madman convinced that disconnection equals power.”

“And he’s not cute at all,” Portia interjected, wrinkling her nose. 

Elysia rolled her eyes. “True, Black Lazarus is as ugly within as without. But what you need to understand is that our world, Antheria, is what scholars call a Prime World.”

“A what now?” I asked, as Portia’s hand began wandering up my thigh with deliberate intent. I swatted it, which was a mistake, because it caused her to let out a horny moan.

“Focus, please,” I murmured to her.

“I apologize, Master,” she whimpered while putting her hand directly on my penis. “I will continue where Elysia left off, if it will make you happy. A Prime World is a crucial point in the multiverse, like a load-bearing pillar inside an ancient temple. If our world gets severed from the cosmic web, all other realms connected to it through the multiversal stack will eventually collapse, crumbling into nothingness.”

“She’s actually correct,” Elysia said, sounding genuinely surprised. She watched Portia’s hand squeeze my groin with furrowed brows for a moment, maybe deciding just how to respond. She ultimately started tracing patterns on my chest with one delicate finger.

“That’s... an enormous responsibility,” I managed, attempting to maintain focus while their hands continued their ministrations. “So what motivates this guy? Why does he have such a hard-on for multiversal destruction?”

“Because he can’t get hard-ons any other way,” Portia snickered with a grin that showed all her canines. “Much unlike my wicked Master.”

“Must you be so crude?” Elysia sighed, but her cheeks were coloring too. “Black Lazarus was once my father’s court magus, born Lazarin Vex. He was brilliant—perhaps the most talented mage in thousands of years. But brilliance without morality inevitably mutates into something deadly.”

“Also, he asked Elysia out but she rejected him,” Portia added. “She’s rejected everyone but you, Master.”

“That is NOT why he turned evil,” Elysia snapped, for some reason hugging me tighter as if that was her best defense.

“Ladies,” I interrupted, “can we stay focused? The multiverse is at stake, remember?”

“Yes, Master, but… in twenty years,” Portia pouted, batting her eyelashes at me.

Elysia cleared her throat. “As I was saying, Lazarin discovered ancient texts describing the multiverse and Antheria’s place within it. While others saw our position as a sacred responsibility, Lazarin saw nothing but vulnerability—a weakness that needed elimination.”

“He became obsessed with the idea that other realms were parasites feeding off Antheria’s power,” she continued. “He developed rituals to sever these connections, claiming it would make our world invincible and eternal. He presented it as a protective measure.”

“But that wasn’t the whole truth,” Portia added. Her ears flattened against her head, brows furrowing seriously. She closed her eyes like she was trying to remember a vital detail before continuing. In the end she just jiggled my balls in her palm a little.

“No,” Elysia agreed, seeing this and grabbing my hand. “The severance would indeed grant immense power—to whoever controlled the ritual. Lazarin didn’t want to protect our world. He wanted to rule it with a power no one could challenge. He manipulated everyone with lies of preservation while planning domination.” By the time she finished that, my hand was inside her bra, grabbing a naked elf titty. I was as confused about this development as I was aroused.

“So how did you two get involved?” I asked, gently guiding Portia’s hand back to a more neutral position and reclaiming my own hand from Elysia’s top. “I’m guessing this isn’t standard royal duty.”

A soft smile touched down on Elysia’s perfect pink lips, but it faded almost immediately. “Hardly. When Lazarin’s true intentions became clear, my father moved to stop him. But Lazarin came prepared for resistance.” Her voice faltered. “He... he killed my father and much of the royal court in one night of fire and blood. The palace burned while he laughed.”

I instinctively pulled her closer, feeling her tremble slightly against me. “I’m so sorry, Elysia.”

She nodded and pressed herself against me. “I escaped only because of my handmaiden’s sacrifice. She pushed me through a servant’s passage moments before the flames consumed her. I fled the capital, uncertain what to do next. That’s when the Prophet found me.”

“Prophet?” I asked, keeping my arm protectively around her shoulders. Meanwhile, Portia greedily grabbed my other arm and threw it around hers. This was so confusing.

“Seer Morvain,” Portia supplied as she reached out and squeezed Elysia’s hand. At least they could put aside competing for my attention long enough to console each other. The dog-girl went on. “An ancient mystic who lived in the Crystalline Caves beneath the Silverspike Mountains. She had foreseen Lazarin’s betrayal and the rise of Black Lazarus, as he now calls himself.”

“She told me I was chosen to lead the maidens of the Hero’s Party,” Elysia continued, her voice growing firmer at the memory, “to stop Black Lazarus and save the multiverse. It sounded completely absurd at first. I was a princess trained mainly in court etiquette and only basic combat, not a savior with otherworldly powers.”

“But the Seer was never wrong,” Portia added with reverence. “Not once in seven centuries had her visions failed to take shape. She instructed Elysia to find her companions by going on a quest to the other two great kingdoms of Antheria. That’s where I entered the picture.”

I looked at the dog-girl with renewed interest, taking in her features with a fresh eye. “And your story? How did our princess find you in the midst of such chaos?”

Portia’s tail thumped against the couch. “I was a healer in the Moon Mother’s temple in the Canid Kingdom. My people have long maintained alliances with elves, though rarely intermixing socially or romantically. When Elysia sought the blessing of the Moon Mother, I was chosen to accompany her.”

“Because of your healing abilities?” I asked, genuinely curious about their past.

“Perhaps,” she nodded, her ears perking up. “But I also possess my tracking skills and combat training. Moon Mother acolytes aren’t just healers—we fight too. We’re quite formidable when properly motivated. As for why me, and not some other priestess from the Canid Kingdom, I can only speculate, but the chrono crystal reacted to me, which meant it was likely that I was the fated maiden.”

“THankfully she was also the only one willing to follow my orders without constant questioning,” Elysia added with a smirk.

“I’m a good girl,” Portia grinned. The statement somehow sounded simultaneously innocent and horny in a way that made Josh 2: Cock of the Walk stir in his gloomy cotton chamber.

“And Juniper?” I prompted, curious about the missing third member who continued to be mentioned without detail. “What’s her story?”

“We found her in the Blasted Lands,” Elysia explained, adjusting herself to get more comfortable against me. “Like Morvain, she also has the powers of farseeing and prophecy, but to a more limited degree. She wasn’t exactly a princess, but she was of higher station in her lands—educated, with recognized talent. My crystal reacted to her immediately, so it was easy to determine she was meant to join us.”

“You’ll like her,” Portia said with a mischievous glint in her eye that made me immediately tighten my glutes. “She’s... different.”

“Different how?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

“You’ll see,” they answered in unison.

Portia continued, “Together we trained under Seer Morvain, learning to fight together, using each other’s strengths and living with each other’s weaknesses. That’s when we received the System and received confirmation from the Heavens that we are indeed the true, fated Hero’s Party.”

“So if you had to train under Seer Morvain,” I wondered aloud, “why did I get the System without even trying?”

The two of them looked at each other briefly, then shrugged in unison. “We knew only that we would find you eventually, and that you would have the System too. We weren’t told why or how or even when,” Portia said, her tail swishing thoughtfully as her hand continued to play with my junk.

“Suffice it to say, neither of us expected to find you so easily,” Elysia added, stroking my arm with gentle motions. The way she caressed me made it clear she harbored no disappointment about that particular development, and I really was grateful for that.

“And why is it that Elysia never leveled up her Constitution?” I asked. “Since it’s so low, shouldn’t raising it be her main priority?”

Elysia frowned instantly, making me regret my question a little, but I had to know. “Maidens of the Hero’s Party aren’t like you, Sir Josh,” the princess explained. “Our skills have capped maximums. Though it is… a little low… four is my maximum for Constitution.”

Ouch. That really sucked.

Anyway, that line of questioning had reached a dead end, so I pushed forward. “And when you finally confronted Black Lazarus?” I asked, sensing we were approaching the crucial part of their tale.

Elysia’s face fell. “We failed, of course. We were destined to fail without you, but it was a necessary step in our journey that forced him out of our domain. We possessed strength, but not enough. Not yet. He’d already completed significant portions of the ritual, enough to tear open a portal to Earth. I followed him through the rift alone, while Seer Morvain and Juniper worked to reopen the portal so that Portia and Juniper could follow me using their chrono crystals to pinpoint my location.”

“If you went through the same portal as Black Lazarus, why did you get here so early?” I wondered aloud, furrowing my brow. “You said Black Lazarus won’t make his move for twenty years. Why send you here now?”

“That remains a frustrating mystery,” Elysia admitted, tapping her finger thoughtfully against her lips. “Though I suspect it involves you directly.”

“Me? What would I have to do with interdimensional timing errors?”

“You’re a portal beacon,” Portia explained, sitting up straighter with excitement causing her ears to perk forward. “Your presence clearly attracts dimensional energy, creating weak points between worlds. It’s an extraordinary phenomenon—I’ve never encountered a gift like it in all my studies.”

“Some gift,” I muttered, running a hand through my hair. “More like a giant ‘kick me’ sign if you ask me.”

“Perhaps,” Elysia acknowledged with a small, knowing smile. “But it led us directly to you. That peculiar quality is precisely why destiny guided us into your arms. The universe has plans for you, my champion. I suspect we were always meant to find you here, and that living the next twenty years as your bedmates and party members will make us the team we need to be in order to win”

“Destiny, huh?” I raised an eyebrow skeptically as my penis jerked under Portia’s hand like a prize-winning bass shot with a taser. “That’s a pretty convenient explanation.”

“The threads of fate rarely weave by accident,” she replied in a solemn tone, letting her eyes flutter closed. She took in a deep breath, then let it out. “You were meant to be our final party member, our husband—the male who will help us do our part to breed the next generation of heroes.”

“I’m sorry, what now?” I nearly choked on air for the second time that evening.

Portia giggled at my reaction. Elysia, however, maintained her composure. She seemed very determined to make sure I knew that they were one hundred percent serious about that little tidbit.

“The cycle continues through the eons,” Elysia explained with matter-of-fact precision. “Each Hero’s Party produces offspring to become the rulers of their prospective territories someday. A thousand years from now, our children’s children’s children wherever and whoever they are will be called upon as we were.”

“Meaning,” Portia said, “that Elysia, Juniper, and I are extremely distant cousins, having descended from another party like this one some hundreds of years back. Seer Morvain had to vet us using the chrono crystals—this aspect is what determines our ability to unlock the System at all.”

Elysia nodded simply, pressing her cheek against my shoulder. 

“So I’m... what exactly? A magically appointed sperm donor?” My voice couldn’t possibly hide the incredulity bubbling up.

Elysia’s nose wrinkled in distaste. “Such a vulgar way to phrase it. You’re our champion, our mate, the one who completes our power—the one Portia, Juniper, and I were always destined to love and cherish. The... breeding aspect simply forms part of the larger purpose.”

“A very fun part,” Portia added with a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows that set her ears bouncing.

I tried to wrap my head around this bombshell in a conversation full of bombshells. On one hand, discovering I’d been selected by mysterious forces for reproductive purposes definitely ranked high on the “what the fuck” scale. On the other hand... looking at the two impossibly beautiful women beside me, it wasn’t exactly the worst destiny a man could have thrust upon him.

Heh heh. Thrust.

“That’s... quite the revelation,” I finally managed after gathering my thoughts.

“I hope this won’t change how you feel about us,” Portia said while shifting closer. She finally abandoned my positively turgid erection as her hand found mine. Her eyes—between amber and gold—flitted across my face, searching my expression for signs of how I felt.

“No,” I said honestly, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “This is all a surprise, of course—but...” I looked between them, these impossible women who had crashed into my life like sexy little trucks, tearing apart my concept of a peaceful life and everything I thought I knew about it. “I’m too deeply involved to back out now, even if I wanted to. And I don’t, to be clear.”

Their faces brightened like I’d just promised them both a lifetime supply of chocolate-covered orgasms. I almost laughed when their shoulders visibly dropped from ear-level back to their neutral position. But Elysia’s expression shifted to something more predatory, then, and I knew I was in trouble—horny trouble. 

A hunger entered the girls’ eyes that made my breath catch. Elysia purred while sliding her slender hand along my thigh, “Speaking of being in deep, I think we’ve had enough serious conversation for one morning, don’t you?”

Portia caught on immediately, and her tail began to wag with increasing severity until it became a golden-brown blur that whooshed the air throughout the room around us. “Much too serious,” she agreed in a rasp. Her fingers traced intricate patterns on my chest that sent a buzz coursing through my nerves. “We should engage in... team-building activities.”

“You two are insatiable,” I noted, though my tone made it clear this observation contained zero complaints.

“We’ve barely begun to demonstrate our appetites for your bliss,” Elysia murmured, her warm lips brushing against my ear and sending shivers down my spine. “Consider this advanced training for your role as the sire of my babies.”

“And my puppies.” That made me blink, but I was too horny to examine it too hard.

Their hands moved hungrily over me, slipping beneath what little clothing remained between them and my increasingly responsive body. The television droned long-forgotten in the background as they exchanged knowing looks that implied plans—plans clearly discussed between themselves during moments I hadn’t been present for.

“Our champion deserves a proper reward for his valor in training today,” Elysia cooed breathily as her nimble fingers worked deftly at my boxers.

“Mmm, yes,” Portia agreed. “I agree.” Her tail was going fucking crazy at this point, and her ears folded back submissively. “A hero’s reward is in order.”

Before I could formulate any coherent response, they had relieved me of my last piece of clothing. They gasped when they saw my cock spring upward, like it was the first time either of them took in the sight of it. 

“Such an eager boy,” Elysia observed with a satisfied smirk, as her own undergarments joined mine on the floor. The sight of her naked body never failed to take my breath away—perfect porcelain skin, amazing busty-petite curves, and those weirdly sexy pointed ears.

The dog-girl was next. Portia shed her minimal coverings with a flourish, revealing the soft, tan physique that contrasted so beautifully with Elysia’s paler complexion. The tan lines were still present, making my mouth water as bronzed skin gave way to pale flesh, and that to pale, pink, pierced nipples. The silver rings piercing those nipples caught the light coming in through the window, drawing my gaze like magnets.

“We’ve been discussing new ways to help you feel adored,” Portia admitted as a blush pinkened her cheeks. “In considerable detail.”

“Discussing?” I managed. My voice sounded hoarser than I intended. I cleared my throat, noticing just how dry it’d gone all of a sudden. Gee. Wonder why.

“Naturally,” Elysia replied with a dainty shrug. “It is well within Portia’s submissive nature to want to dote on you—and it is within my nature to not want to let her have your pleasure all to herself.”

I watched breathlessly as Elysia positioned herself on the couch. Portia eased in behind me, her hands sliding up my back, her breasts pressing against me as she kissed a line between my shoulder blades. I felt her silver nipple rings tickle my skin.

“Now,” Elysia announced, “we demonstrate our party coordination.”

Elysia knelt on the ground before me, which already had my eyes bugging out before anything happened. Her golden hair cascaded around her shoulders, and her icy blue eyes now looked molten with lust. Portia joined her quickly enough.

“Watch,” Elysia commanded, sounding like a regal princess even on her knees.

They began with kisses along my thighs which more or less confirmed my suspicions about where this was headed—or so I thought. Their movements synchronized like they’d rehearsed this performance, but I knew that probably wasn’t the case. They were just equally eager. 

Portia’s lips and tongue came in hot, sloppy, and heavy. Compare that to Elysia, who was slower, more graceful, her eyes rolled back rather than focusing on my gaze. Each teasing kiss drew closer to my cock, which was standing at full attention between them.

“I believe our champion is ready for us,” Portia giggled, sending her hot breath washing over my skin.

“Patience is a virtue he must learn,” Elysia replied. She was talking a big game, but I could see from the lust in her eyes that she was just as eager for the next step as I was.

Just when I thought they couldn’t torture me any further, they exchanged a narrow-eyed glance and shifted positions. Elysia reclined the sofa, which I didn’t even realize she knew how to do, while Portia stroked my shaft, waiting for something.

Next thing I knew, they moved to kneel on either side of me, then scooted forward until both were directly in front of my cock, facing each other.

“Do you know what we’re going to do?” Elysia asked, her voice dropping to a husky register that made my brain vibrate in my skull.

“No, but I’m extremely invested in finding out,” I confessed.

Portia giggled again. “We’re going to sandwich your cock between our wet, juicy little pussies,” she whispered. The bluntness of it caught me off-guard. “To show our adoration for you, Master.”

My cock actually twitched at her words, and both women’s eyes darkened at the sight, fixing on it with purpose.

“As she said,” Elysia confirmed, somehow maintaining her air of royal dignity while discussing the sexual double-team maneuver. “We will pleasure you between our quims so that your cock can familiarize itself with its future homes.”

“We really shouldn’t let you penetrate us until Juniper is here,” Portia explained, licking her lips and looking down at the collection of genitalia about to mingle. “But we can get very, very close.” 

“Very, very close” sounded great to me. They shifted closer, their legs overlapping slightly. Elysia’s pale, perfect, bald pussy was already glistening with arousal, a sight that never failed to make my mouth water. Beside it, Portia’s was equally enticing—slightly darker in coloration, with a faint tuft of golden-brown hair, but every bit as enjoyable-looking.

With deliberate care, they pressed together, their outer lips kissing each other as they created a channel between them. Then, with agonizing slowness, they lowered this warm, wet vice onto my cock.

“Holy fucking shit,” I groaned as my length was enveloped in their combined heat. The sensation was unlike anything I’d ever experienced—two different textures, temperatures, and pressures working in perfect harmony.

“Swear if you must, darling Champion,” Elysia murmured in a breathless tone. “It’s all for you.”

“Nyah!” the dog-girl moaned at the friction. “All for my sweet, handsome—cruel, evil Master,” Portia whimpered.

They began to move together, sliding up and down my shaft in a perfectly synchronized rhythm. The visual was almost too much—my cock being swallowed between the luxurious folds of their pussies, their wetness mingling together, dripping down—soaking me. Their breasts swayed in time with their gyrating hips, and Portia’s pierced nipples in particular caught the light in a way that made my eyes go dry from staring wide-eyed.

“Does our mate approve?” Portia panted as her amber eyes went half-lidded with pleasure. Her tail was wagging so fast it was almost distracting—but nothing could really distract me from this.

“Fuck yes,” I managed, my hands gripping the couch cushions to keep from grabbing them both. “This is... incredible.”

Elysia’s composure was cracking from the bliss she also felt. Her hair had grown messy and fallen across her face, and her breathing was becoming ragged. “The friction is... quite a fair deal more effective than I anticipated,” she admitted, a tremor in her voice as their bodies slid against each other with my cock sandwiched between them.

I couldn’t help myself any longer. I reached out, one hand finding Portia’s breast, the other tangling in Elysia’s hair. I tugged gently on one of Portia’s nipple rings, causing her to let out a yelp of pleasure, while simultaneously pulling Elysia forward until our lips met in a searing kiss.

The dual stimulation seemed to inflame them further. Their pace increased, the wet sounds of their movements filling the room along with their moans and my own grunts of pleasure. I could feel them both getting closer—Portia’s tail now thrashing wildly, Elysia’s thighs trembling from all the effort.

“I’m getting there,” I warned, my hips starting to buck upward on their own.

“Don’t you dare hold back,” Elysia commanded breathlessly. “Cover us both. Show us how you feel about us.”

“Yes, please!” Portia whimpered, her body quivering. “I want to feel it, Master!”

Those words, combined with the sight and sensation of their perfect bodies pleasuring me together, sent me hurtling over the edge. My cock pulsed violently between them, shooting thick ropes of cum that painted their stomachs, breasts, and the undersides of their chins as they continued to slide against me through my orgasm.

The visual of my release decorating their bodies triggered something primal in both of them. Portia came with a howl, her entire body shaking like she’d stuck her tail in an electrical socket. Elysia followed a moment later. Her orgasm seemed more controlled but no less intense as a series of gasps and shudders made her pointed ears quiver like leaves in a breeze.

They collapsed against each other, panting and trembling, their bodies glistening with sweat and my release. I starfished against the couch, utterly spent. To say my heart was racing would be a disgusting insult to the institution of language.

They climbed on top of me, Portia immediately nuzzling against my neck while Elysia arranged herself along my other side. The smell of sweat was strong, but it was the good kind of sweat, mingling with the lingering aroma of Elysia’s post purification magic scent.

“I think,” I said once I’d recovered enough breath to speak, “that bath is looking like a better idea now.”

Elysia made a purr of approval. “Indeed. I believe we’re all sufficiently motivated for proper bathing activities now.”

“Race you to the shower!” Portia exclaimed, already springing up with inexhaustible energy. “We’ll have to take turns in the tub since it’s too small for all three of us, but I call first spot with Master!”

“You most certainly will not,” Elysia countered, somehow finding the energy to chase after her. “Royal privilege grants me priority! I am the First Maiden of this party, don’t forget!”

They disappeared upstairs, leaving me momentarily alone on the couch. I couldn’t help but stare off into space for a minute just to reflect and do a quick little gratitude ritual in my head. 

The sounds of running water and playful splashing drifted down from the bathroom soon enough, along with voices begging for me to join them. I decided that despite the portals, the sheriff, and an impending multiversal crisis twenty years in the future, I wouldn’t trade this bizarre new reality for anything. Not even for double my lottery winnings, which is saying something because that would be fuck-you money squared.

Some destinies, it turned out, were worth embracing.

Quite literally.