Straight Until Proven Gay (kissing doesn’t count) • Chapter 14 • 4.4K (Patreon)

< Chapter 13

———————

It’s the morning after the movie night disaster.

He barely slept, unable to think straight, kind of hoped for Jimin to come to his room, but he never did. Jeongguk heard him leave around midnight and that was it.

Taehyung had knocked on his door right after, but he didn’t open, couldn’t handle it, just pretended to be asleep.

Now there’s no way to avoid it though. He’s making breakfast in the same kitchen he defiled a few hours ago when Taehyung comes up to him.

“Jeonggukie?”

Panic spread through his body instantly. He sees Taehyung from the corner of his eye but he doesn’t dare to make eye contact.

“I’m so sorry for yesterday. On the couch- with Hoseok, I mean-“

“It’s fine.”

He says, tries to leave it at that.

As long as he focuses on making breakfast, he can avoid this whole thing. Sadly, Taehyung doesn’t make it easier, steps even closer.

“I thought you were making snacks cause you were taking so long, and Jimin said he had to take a call so..”

He stops scrambling the eggs for a second.

Did Jimin say that?

“O-oh, well- I mean, I’ve seen worse.”

That one time he walked in on Jimin blowing Taehyung, he’ll never forget.

“I’m sorry though, you seemed really upset.”

Jeongguk bites on his tongue, ears burning up because that was not the reason he was upset. But he can’t really say it’s because Jimin was jerking him off right about where Taehyung is standing.

So he just shakes his head.

“Honestly, I just didn’t want to interrupt.”

He turns off the gas, hands a little sweaty.

“Still, I’m sorry. It was careless, I ruined the whole evening. Everything was awkward after that.”

Jeongguk gnaws on his lower lip, and he can’t help but ask.

“Was.. Jimin okay?”

He’s been thinking about it all night. Because he left Jimin hanging, and then Jimin probably had to sit out the rest of the movie next to them.

“Jimin? He didn’t see, he came back after his call.”

Ah, is that what Jimin told them? What a liar.

He contemplates if he should say something, doesn’t know if it would be better to stay out of it, but something about it doesn’t sit right with him.

“Right.. but, shouldn’t you, I don’t know, shouldn’t you be more careful around him?”

Taehyung blinks.

“What? Jimin’s fine, he’s told me many times he doesn’t care about me and Hoseok.”

Fuck, what a big fat liar. Jimin is so confrontational towards him, why is he such a coward when it comes to Taehyung?

“Don’t you think that’s a bit naive? I mean, he might not care that you’re together but that doesn’t mean he wants to see you get it on on the couch.”

Taehyung seems taken aback, eyes a little wider.

“But I- we weren’t doing anything yet- when Jimin got up for the call, we were just, I don’t know, like, cuddling? Hoseok might have been caressing my thigh but that’s it.”

Ah, honestly, Taehyung has no idea that Jimin is still not over him. That Jimin called him Tae when he was black-out drunk. That Jimin walked away from the couch because he couldn’t bear seeing them like that.

And it’s not his place to say it, so he can merely try to hint.

“Well, regardless of what you were doing. What if he came back from the call and saw? You should consider that he has feelings too.”

Was that too harsh?

Taehyung seems to think so, eyebrows furrowing.

“I know he has feelings, but honestly, we’ve talked about it before and Jimin isn’t jealous at all. I mean, I agree that it was stupid to- to get it on on the couch, but Hoseok kept insisting, so..”

Jeongguk pokes his tongue in his cheek, can’t believe Jimin managed to fool Taehyung like this.

“I get it but, just because he says he isn’t jealous doesn’t mean he wants to see you and Hoseok get all touchy.”

There’s a short silence, Taehyung scans over his face.

“Since when do you care so much about Jimin?”

Oh. Fuck.

His eyes widen, and he just averts his gaze, grabs their plates.

“I don’t. I’m just saying.”

He brings the plates over to the dining table, heartbeat picking up.

“No, this is uncharacteristic for you. Why are you being so protective over him?”

“I’m not being protective I’m just trying to let you think from his perspective-“

“Exactly, but you’ve never done that before. You used to bash him every chance you got, what changed?”

There’s a lump in his throat as he looks at Taehyung across the dining table.

He doesn’t know if it’s something about his expression, but Taehyung seems to read him like an open book, lips parting in shock.

“Are you- are you dating?”

“No.”

“But you have feelings for him.”

His ears ring, he doesn’t know how to have this conversation. He just shakes his head, a voiceless “no” leaving his lips.

“But there’s- there’s something going on between you two. Isn’t there?”

Taehyung asks, looking at him for any type of confirmation.

All he can do is just stare at his best friend, guilt eating him from the inside. Is this gonna be the last time he talks to Taehyung?

Is he going to have to move out?

He looks at the table, can’t handle the weight of those warm, dark brown eyes on him.

“Hey, don’t- don’t cry. I’m not angry, but please don’t lie to me. I just want to know if something is going on.”

There’s a softness in Taehyung’s voice, and despite how fucking terrifying it is, Jeongguk manages to look up.

“We’re not- we’re not dating. Honestly, we’re not even close..” He trails off, heartbeat picking up, because this is the worst part. “But- but we..”

“You’ve had sex?”

Taehyung asks, dropping that bomb.

It feels like he’s flatlining, he can’t breathe, no matter how deep he inhales. Sweat breaks out on his skin, and he can’t seem to calm down, his vision gets a little blurry, as if he’s looked at the sun for too long.

“Calm down, please, I’m not angry.” Taehyung rushes over to him, puts a hand on his chest. “Breathe with me, you’re having a panic attack.”

Taehyung breathes in deeply, and Jeongguk tries to follow his lead.

“Hold it.”

Jeongguk holds his breath, watches Taehyung count down on his fingers.

“Breathe out.”

He breathes out, feels his vision slowly turn back to normal.

They repeat it a few more times, until he feels somewhat like himself again.

Taehyung cradles his face then, concerned.

“I’ve told you last time right? That I was too harsh on you, and that I’m sorry for shutting you out. I’m not going to be like that this time, I just don’t want to be kept in the dark.”

A sense of relief washes over him. Taehyung slowly takes his hands off his face.

“I mean, you don’t have to share details, just don’t lie to me.”

Jeongguk swallows, bites on his lower lip and nods. But he’s got no idea where to even begin, how to get the words past his lips.

Taehyung notices, helps him along.

“So, you’re not dating?”

“No.”

He shakes his head.

“And you don’t have feelings for him.”

“Not like that. I mean; I don’t hate him, but I’m not in love with him.”

Taehyung nods slowly.

“But you’ve had sex..”

Fuck, even this time around it makes Jeongguk’s breath hitch.

“Not- not like- you know-“

“Not all the way?”

“Yeah.”

All the way.

What an eloquent way to put it. Somehow, even though he’s only done other stuff with Jimin, it feels way more intense than any sex he’s ever had with a girl.

“It was just- sort of, accidental.”

“So you.. did it once?”

Taehyung asks.

On one side, he wants to lie and say yes. But Taehyung is being the bigger person here, and he can’t let him down.

“Twice, but, fuck. I know it sounds like a shit excuse but it just happened, we didn’t meet up for it behind your back, it was just- like- the heat of the moment.”

He feels like such a dick, but at least he’s being honest.

And though Taehyung’s face falls, he doesn’t yell at him, doesn’t run away, he just nods a few times.

“I get it, I think. I mean, Jimin can be persuasive.”

Persuasive isn’t the right word. There is something completely irresistible about him.

“I’m sorry. I know he’s your ex, and you can be mad at me-”

“No, I mean, yeah it kind of sucks that Jimin is my ex, but, I don’t own him, and if you like him-“

“I don’t like him, not like that.”

Jeongguk assures.

Taehyung raises a brow.

“So, what? is it like, friends with benefits then?”

“No.” He shakes his head frantically. “It only happened cause I haven’t been seeing anyone after Jae. And Jimin is always around- so it’s- it was circumstantial.”

Taehyung looks at him, analyses his face.

“I don’t believe that.”

“Wh-why not? I’m telling you-“

“I know you.” Taehyung puts his hands in his pockets. “You wouldn’t fuck a guy- let alone a guy you hate- just because you can’t get a girl.”

Fuck, this is going the wrong way.

“I- I did. I would.”

“No, you wouldn’t. you’ve never been one for casual sex, you hate open relationships, you can’t even grasp the idea of having multiple sex partners. The fact that you’ve slept with Jimin twice, and how you talked about him just now. You might not realise it, but you have feelings for him.”

Jeongguk is on the brink of having another panic attack, feels his body heat up, can’t get a fucking word out.

Is it true?

Taehyung does know him really well, and he’s heard this thing before. Hoseok told him, and his therapist told him, even Jimin told him.

But it doesn’t make sense, because Jimin is always mean, he makes him feel bad, and can be so extremely harsh. Plus, he doesn’t know much about Jimin at all.

It’s true that he’s acted kinder ever since Jimin’s mother passed, but isn’t that a logical thing to do? He’s not some heartless bastard. He would have done the same thing if it was Taehyung, or Hoseok.

“I don’t have feelings for him. Not like that.”

“But you’ve said yourself you haven’t been with anyone else since Jae, no one but Jimin. You could have just taken home any girl, you could have dated Yu-jun, but you kissed Jimin that night instead.”

Jeongguk takes a step back, something twisting and turning inside of him. He needs to get out of here.

“No- no. It’s just cause I haven’t gone out- I haven’t been around any girls ever since. If I went out tonight, I’d take home a girl gladly, believe me.”

Taehyung studies him, then sighs after a few seconds.

“Fine, let’s not argue about this.”

Jeongguk feels the lump in his throat slowly go away, and he just nods.

Taehyung just stands there; hands in his pockets, looking at the floor. He’s definitely not happy; which is his right, Jeongguk knows he fucked up big time.

“Are you angry at me?”

He asks, tone a little softer.

Taehyung shakes his head.

“No. I’m glad you told me. I don’t like it when you keep secrets when I’m supposed to be your best friend.”

“But..?”

It takes Taehyung a few seconds, but then he sighs.

“Look, I mean, Jimin and I broke up. But, I don’t know? even though it’s none of my business what you two do, I just feel left out? It sounds stupid, I know, but I guess it just bothers me that I didn’t notice something was going on.”

Well; it would have been a miracle if he did notice. Jeongguk didn’t even notice until the moment he had Jimin’s cock in the back of his throat, he doubts it was very visible from the outside.

“I’m sorry, I know I should have told you earlier but I was afraid you were going to shut me out for good.”

He says.

Taehyung nods slowly, then shrugs.

“I mean, I cant blame you, I was really harsh last time, when you two kissed.”

“Yeah but I needed it, if it weren’t for that talk, I would have never gone to therapy.”

Even though therapy is annoying.

Taehyung’s gaze softens a bit, and then he nods once more.

“Okay, from now on, no matter what happens, don’t keep me in the dark.”

Taehyung puts up his pinky, and Jeongguk feels relieved as he hooks his own around it.

“I promise.”

———————

As good as that talk with Taehyung went, is how bad his next talk with Hoseok goes.

He’s barely made it inside the changing rooms when he gets pulled aside.

“Jeongguk what the fuck happened in the kitchen? I had to distract Tae from whatever you two were doing.”

Jeongguk’s defences go up, and he looks around the room just to clear the area of Jimin. He takes Hoseok even further to the corner to be sure, glares at him.

“Sorry, but, it was more like the other way around. You were getting it on right next to Jimin, don’t you think that’s insensitive?”

Hoseok’s eyebrows raise.

“Getting it on? We were cuddling.”

“So? You think Jimin wants to see his ex cuddle up to his new boyfriend? Or whatever label you two put on it?”

“Jeongguk. Jimin’s had foursomes with Taehyung, I doubt seeing us cuddle is really a dealbreaker.”

Ugh, fuck, he wishes that were true. But apparently he’s the only one aware of Jimin’s blatant jealousy.

“Sex is different than romantic gestures. I’m just saying you should be more considerate.”

Hoseok frowns, checks the room once more, then looks at him.

“Why are you suddenly all protective over Jimin?”

Fuck, this question again.

“What- what does it matter? It’s not about that.”

He deflects, cheeks burning up.

Hoseok opens his mouth, about to say something, but then his eyes land on someone, and Jeongguk doesn’t have to look to know who it is.

His heartbeat skyrockets, and he swallows as he follows the line of Hoseok’s vision, bleach blonde hair the first thing he sees.

This day is just one walking confrontation.

“We’ll talk later.”

Hoseok says, then makes his way towards the volleyball court.

Jeongguk just stands there, trembling like a leaf. Jimin seems unaware of his presence, just gets changed like their other teammates, on that bench that-

Shut up.

He’s got to say something.

Fuck, it’s so embarrassing, but he can’t just ignore Jimin. He left him standing in the kitchen after all that; the least he can do is apologise.

Jimin’s eyes land on his own, but there’s no usual mean smirk or wink or any type of comment. He just continues to get dressed, unbothered.

Jeongguk feels like a dog with his tail between his legs when he approaches.

“Jimin.”

Jimin looks at him, blinks a few times.

“What?”

Man, he’s good at the poker face thing.

“I.. I uh..” He rubs the back of his neck, looks around just to be sure no one’s listening in. “Sorry for yesterday.”

A second or two pass, then Jimin’s eyebrow quirks up once, and he shakes his head.

“It’s fine. We’re square now.”

He turns to pull up his knee pads, like that’s the end of the conversation. Jeongguk just looks at it, lost in the motion.

“What do you mean square?”

When Jimin finishes tying his shoes he looks at him. He’s a little smaller when he’s not wearing his boots, Jeongguk notices how he has to look down just a little more than normal.

“See my gesture in the kitchen as a thank you..”

Jimin steps closer, even though their teammates are still in the room, and Jeongguk freezes up. His heartbeat thumps against his chest, he tries to count the beats to calm down.

Jimin’s eyes track down over his face, until they find his lips. Then he brings his hand up, brushes right over where his lip split when Sungho hit him.

Jeongguk gasps, blood rushes to his cheeks, lips tingling where Jimin touches.

“For this.”

Jimin says softly, takes his hand back.

A combination of embarrassment and- and something runs through Jeongguk’s veins as he quickly shakes his head.

“This- this is from practice.”

He stresses.

Jimin has a knowing look in his eyes, and a small smile spreads on his lips. it’s a soft, genuine smile that Jeongguk has never witnessed before.

“Of course it is.” He says, grabbing his water bottle, nodding his head towards the door. “See you on the court Jeon.”

Jeongguk can’t breathe properly, let alone move as he watches Jimin walk away. When the door closes, he full on panics, runs his hands through his hair and grabs the strands.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

Why is he being so kind?

And why does Jimin smiling have such an effect on him?

Since when do you care so much about Jimin?

Taehyung’s voice echoes in his mind.

And then Hoseok just minutes ago, with the: Why are you suddenly all protective over Jimin?

Shit.

He needs to see Hye-sung.

———————

“You know you don’t have to give me details, right?”

“You need to know what’s up to know how to help me right?”

Hye-sung just stares at him, cup of coffee in her hand. She then looks down at her notebook and purses her lips, as if she’s trying to hide a smile.

“I don’t think I needed to know that he winked at you before you came. Or how soft his hands feel against your skin.”

Right. Maybe he did give a little too much detail. Jeongguk rubs the back of his head, shifts on the couch.

“Well, I need to get it out of my system. Otherwise he just keeps haunting me in my mind.”

“And why is that?”

“I think he might be a demon.”

Hye-sung snorts. Drinks from her coffee as she nods. Jeongguk likes to think she has fun during their sessions. They’ve had a fairly informal style of talking from the get-go.

“Were you raised religious?”

“Well.. yeah I was, but I don’t think it has to do with that, I mean my best friend is gay and I don’t care, so..”

“Then what about Blondie makes him a demon?”

Right, blondie. The name had slipped at some point and now Hye-sung keeps using it.

What is it about Jimin?

“Sometimes he’s just.. mean?”

“How is he mean?”

Jeongguk pokes his tongue in his cheek, looks up at the ceiling.

“He says mean things. Like, he knows about my mom and still asks questions just to see me react. He mentions my ex when he touches me, belittles me every chance he gets. Basically everything to get on my nerves.”

He sighs, that knowing small smile suddenly flashes in his mind.

“A-and then suddenly he plays all nice, smiling and saying thank you and stuff. Completely out of character.”

When he makes eye contact with Hye-sung, her eyes are a little wider.

“Does he usually act like this? say.. with any of his friends?”

Something about her tone makes Jeongguk’s leg start bouncing up and down.

She’s going there. Jeongguk doesn’t want it to go there. But the longer he looks at her the more he knows what she’s thinking.

He shifts in his seat, looks out of the window, down at the floor.

“He’s.. that’s just- he doesn’t like me.”

His tongue feels like lead in his mouth. He can barely think about it. It seems to be exactly what Hye-sung thinks, because she just stares at him, gives him nothing.

“He doesn’t. Like, he’s aware that I’m straight-“

“You just read me a paragraph about how good he is at handjobs.”

“He likes sex. He doesn’t like me.“

Hye-sung carefully puts her coffee down, sits back and crosses her arms.

“Okay, let’s pretend I believe that for a moment. What if, and get this, what if he likes you?”

Jeongguk pokes his tongue in his cheek, looks away as he tries to push the feeling of excitement deep deep down.

“That would be a waste of time for him.”

“Right.. because he clearly isn’t getting anything out of this.”

Hye-sung says, tilting her head, giving Jeongguk a look that he can only describe as motherly. And since he isn’t in the mood to continue this conversation..

“Every session you feel more and more like a mother to me.”

Hye-sung rolls her eyes, disappointed he’s cutting off right when she’s trying to get somewhere.

“No, really, you better watch out or I’ll bring adoption papers-“

“Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk just flashes her a smile, stands up nonchalantly, walks towards the door.

“See you next time then, have your pen ready to sign.”

“We have 30 minutes left, you sit your ass back down.”

Hye-sung says, snapping once with her fingers, making Jeongguk groan as he returns to the couch.

———————

He should have never gotten therapy.

Now he’s overanalysing every interaction he has with Jimin.

The way Jimin glances at him from the opposite side of the court, that smirk on his lips.

That’s not- that’s not because Jimin likes him. If anything, Jimin keeps having his loud mouth and says things like: “Watch it Jeon.” When he hits the ball out of the court.

When they make eye contact it lingers. Jimin’s sharp eyes on him like a hawk, sends a shiver down his spine. And he keeps asking himself: is that because Jimin likes him?

Is that why Jimin keeps doing things like that? Isn’t that just his personality? Is Hye-sung just playing mind tricks on him, to make him confess something?

Whatever it is, his mind is all over the place. Whether he plays with or against Jimin during practice, all the little things Jimin does and says, he analyses them over and over. It drives him insane.

It doesn’t make any sense, isn’t Jimin still pining after Taehyung?

That handjob was only because Jimin was annoyed that Hoseok and Taehyung were getting it on next to him.

Besides, Jimin is the one saying things like: just because you sucked my dick doesn’t mean we’re together.

Yeah.

There’s no way Jimin likes him.

It’s just as he said to Hye-sung: Jimin likes sex. He doesn’t like him.

Satisfied with that, he walks into the changing rooms. Naturally, his eyes land on the bench, cheeks burning up a little as he reminisces.

He knows it’s gay. Can’t really fight Hye-sung on that. It’s gay to suck someone’s dick. He knows it, yet when he tries to call himself anything other than straight, his stomach turns.

It doesn’t help that when Jimin walks into the changing rooms he immediately tenses up. Always on edge around him.

He keeps side-eyeing Jimin as he takes off his clothes, wondering if he’d grant him a look. But Jimin doesn’t seem to care, probably skipping the showers and going straight home as usual.

It takes Jeongguk two seconds to realise he feels disappointed, and then he quickly grabs his body wash and towel, trying to forget about it. Ah, Hye-sung really. What has she done to him? Whoever said therapy was a good idea?

One more glance at Jimin and he’s caught red-handed. Sharp eyes on his own, then they run down over his body, slowly back up, one eyebrow quirking up as if impressed.

Fuck.

Jeongguk feels like a teenager, excited to get noticed.

“What are you waiting for?”

Jimin asks then, nodding his head at the showers. Jeongguk only then notices all their teammates have already hit the showers, he’s the only one standing here.

“Right, just- looking for something.”

He lies, rummaging through his bag as though there’s something still in there. He feels Jimin’s eyes on him, and nerves eat him alive, he’s so bad at acting.

As if Jimin can smell it on him, instead of letting him be, he just keeps standing there, watches his every move, clearly entertained.

Demon.

Jeongguk swallows, pretends he’s disappointed that he can’t find what he’s looking for, puts his bag down on the bench. Then he awkwardly turns towards Jimin, to check if he’s buying the act.

He’s not. Jimin has his arms crossed, a barely concealed knowing smile on his lips as he waits for Jeongguk’s next move.

Shit.

“Are- are you not coming?”

Jeongguk asks, trying to fill the painful silence between them. Jimin doesn’t care, lets the silence last a little longer, just to rub it in. Then he tilts his head, a strand of bleach blonde hair falling prettily over his brow bone.

“Do you want me to?”

Fuck.

“No.”

He says, though his voice comes out an octave higher than normal. instead of waiting for Jimin to make it worse he does the sane thing for once and just walks away.

Under the shower he realises he needs to have a Jimin detox before he goes insane.

———————

Turns out it’s really not that weird that he needs a Jimin detox, because Jimin is literally everywhere he goes. At volley, at home, in the gym, in the club, at the tattoo parlour. Even at his therapist, Jimin is at the center of every topic.

And when he sees Jimin, he has all these thoughts and feelings that make him uncomfortable. He thinks about that handjob, about how easily he gave in. About how disappointed he felt when Jimin wouldn’t shower.

He needs to get laid. It’s been months since he’s been with a woman, with Jae. He needs to just have fun again, needs to have a girl for the night to make him realise he’s still the same.

If he lets Jimin touch him and play around with him, of course he’s gonna think about it every time. Because Jimin is willing, accessible, easy. Yeah, it’s because it’s so easy, that’s the only reason he gives in.

It’s time to stop playing around and have a good time with a girl. No distractions. No awkward dating. Just dancing, making out, and getting laid. That’s what he needs right now.

He’ll prove everyone wrong, and everything will finally go back to normal.

———————

Chapter 15 >